Now, in this modern, tech-tastic age, you might think that practical jokes are a thing of the past. There’s an antiquated, "Dennis the Menace" in the sixties feel to the term, and society has evolved a little since stealthily putting a Whoopee cushion on someone’s seat was considered the height of wit and daring.
These days things are a little different. Practical jokes are now called pranks, and they’re much more dastardly and evil than what came before them. They’re also infinitely more sharable, thanks to social media. Pair that with the trend for Twitter burns, feuds, and snarky put-downs, and you’ve got enough fuel for a list of one thousand people who are just too cruel for this world. For the sake of all of our time, though, here’s a rundown of 15 of them.
16 Wait, That’s Not An Outlet!
As I say, society has come a long way since that classic Dennis the Menace “Tastes like wood… and paint” prank (if anyone still remembers that was even a thing — it could just be me). Anyway, though, life in 2017 is super, super different to life even a decade or two ago.
The first thing to note about life today is that our technology is our lifeblood. In an era where losing a WiFi signal or a brief power-cut is the end of the mother freakin’ world, you cannot do this kind of thing. Posting outlet stickers around an airport and recording the ensuing mayhem and despair? You’re going to be reincarnated as the shower drain in your average gym locker room for this one, my friend. This is just cruel.
15 Nice Hand-y Work
Some Twitter accounts exist simply to document people’s cruelest, darkest, most hilariously devious ideas. This one account is named Waste His Time 2016, which tells you just about all you need to know about its intentions. Yep, it revolves around cataloguing the most fiendish ways women can think of to screw with men.
Playing on their desire to come back to your place for… coffee, and throwing in a way of dealing with that damn fire alarm that needs a change in batteries is brilliantly savage in the new age. Hey, sometimes those alarms are high up and we're not tall enough to change the batteries ourselves...You’re not going anywhere with those hands, guy, unless you fancy building me a shelving unit as well. Now this is what Twitter’s 140 character limit was made for. It’s clever, it’s terrible, so what’s not to like?
14 Does That Sound Like A Fair Deal?
Speaking of Twitter, the social media platform is such a popular place to vent, hate, and bitch about all of your ills. It's such a juicy platform that even Jimmy Kimmel got in on the act. One popular segment on his show has seen him drafting in celebrities, coercing them into reading out the cruelest tweets about themselves for our own amusement. Because, after all, becoming dancing monkeys of sadness to amuse us normals is what fame is all about.
In this instance, we see popular fish-in-a-barrel for snark, Justin Bieber, looking dismayed as he reads aloud @Meemoza1’s classic roast. Now this is something nobody wants to be on the receiving end of. It’s always complimentary to be mentioned in the same sentence as 2pac, but maybe not so much if you’re being exchanged 1-for-1 for him.
13 Dad, WTF?
As Grandpa Simpson once told his famous son, "It was your mother's job to name you, and love you and such. I was mainly in it for the spanking."
As we all know, men can find it much more difficult to express their feelings and discuss emotions over a Lifetime TV rom-com than women. This isn’t always the case, of course, far from it, but it’s a general rule of thumb. Even so, I can’t help but think that this dad could’ve been a little more sensitive here. As hilarious—and presumably fake—as this is, damn it, dad. Don’t go full wrecking ball on our emotions like that.
Granted, this conversation had me laughing out loud at first, to straight up rolling on the floor laughing when the son says "DAD WTF???" I couldn't have said it better myself.
12 Mom, WTF?
With all of that said, though, let’s not pretend that all moms are super sensitive saints either. Damn it, mom. You’re supposed to be the good one int family. How could you?
In any long-term relationship, there’ll be all kinds of issues to overcome. If this is your husband/wife/life partner, that’s a huge commitment right there. It means weathering all kinds of horrors and being able to say, screw all of that, we’re still here.
It also means in-laws. Traditionally, if snarky old comedians and outdated joke books from 1974 are anything to go by, in-laws throw up all kinds of additional issues. That’s what we’re referring to with this one, and it’s also a neat little bait and switch. Did you think mom was just having trouble with her Internet acronyms? Nope, it’s much darker than that.
11 Pranking Mom And Dad With Snapchat's 'Old Person' Lens
With parents like those, you can see why children are often so keen to prank dear old ma and pa right back. Sadly for the older generation, they have an Achilles heel which is easy to pray on: their legendary lack of tech savvy.
Many of us are used to serving as our parents’ personal tech support, so it’s no surprise that the finer points of Instagram filters and Snapchat lenses can be totally lost on them. (I smell an opportunity for a cheap joke.)
When Snapchat released its ‘Old Person’ lens, there was a spate of cheeky kids trying to use it to give mom or dad a coronary. Blissfully unaware of the magic of Photoshop and such, many parents totally fell for this trick. Somehow.
10 When Nathan Fielder Broke A Thousand Hearts For Fun
Damn it, Nathan Fielder. I may actually quite like your Comedy Central show Nathan For You, but that doesn’t mean you can pull this kind of crap. You’re playing with forces beyond your ken here, my friend.
In the tech-heavy world of 2017, relationships have it hard. Social media is everywhere. At all times, everyone knows where we are, who we’re with, what we’re doing… this habit of ‘checking in’ on Facebook and Snapchatting all the tiny minutiae of our lives can be a dangerous thing.
Stop playing with fire here, Fielder. We’ve all heard the stories of cowardly ex's who broke up with their partners via text. We might have even been on the receiving end of it. So stop opening the huge damn can of worms that is people’s insecurities. Brilliantly devious as this is.
9 A Nickel-Smack For Nickelback
Granted, this isn’t actually the Foo Fighters’ Dave Grohl talking smack here. It's just one of those innumerable celebrity parody accounts. So this one isn’t on Dave. Shame on you, though, "Not-Dave," for burning the innocent minds of your followers.
There’s a lot of Nickelback snark going around at the moment. People point and mock, like the mocking mocksters of mock that they are. "LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAAAAAPH," they say, and make the usual three-chord-wonder jokes.
Now, that’s all a matter of taste, and nobody’s judging anyone here. Some people think that M&Ms are all the same, while others understand that the red ones are the best. I’m Team Red for life, but that doesn’t mean I can’t entirely respect and allow others’ right to be wrong. And the same goes for when people claim to be fans of Nickelback.
8 Kitty, Stop Playing In The Microwave
You’ve really got to wonder who comes up with this stuff. There’s got to be some kind of inspiration here, and I really don’t want to know what it is. All I can think of is the mean kid from Toy Story (who liked melting the toy soldiers), all grown up and looking for bigger, living things to make suffer horribly.
Still, there is a disclaimer here, and I can’t quite stress it enough: no cats were microwaved in the making of this image. It’s a super mean, super twisted joke, and you’ve got to respect that. With the great volume of pranks, gags, and other stuff being shoved through the Internet-pipe every day, you’ve got to do something a bit special to stand out from the crowd.
7 When Your Roommate Makes You Crap Yourself
Goddamn roommates! It’s not all Rachel, Monica, Joey, and Chandler happy "fun times." These people can be enormous, hilarious a-holes.
Now, I’m a bit of a horror movie buff. The Babadook is one of my recent favorites, and the whole Slenderman craze a while back was right up my alley. You know what, though? I wouldn’t want to find either of those supernatural douchebags lurking around my apartment in the morning. When you’re shuffling about, groggy, barely awake, and stumbling across the landing desperate for your morning pee, this is… just a nope. It’s a real devious masterstroke, granted, but it’s all kinds of uncool. At the same time, though, you’ve got to admire the effort and ingenuity that’s gone into this one. It’s one of those things that’s completely hilarious as long as it’s not happening to you.
6 Real Smooth
Mom. We’ve talked about this already. I taught you how to use Snapchat out of the goodness of my heart. You can’t just pull this sort of thing. Damn it, mom.
We’ve already mentioned some of the relationship pressures that can befall us here in this super-connected age of ours. There’s pressure, jealousy, a person's every move being shared on social media… Earlier generations didn’t have to deal with any of this business.
Then again, there are some things that’ll never change. When it comes to dating, the main one is that our parents will always be pains in our asses. "How’s your love life? Who, that guy, seriously? When are you going to get a boyfriend/girlfriend? Where’s that grandchild I always wanted?" And then there are burns like the snap above. A shot to the jugular so vicious, it could have been filmed in The Serengeti and narrated by David Attenborough.
5 The Amount Of Effs I Give
The tech-tastic world of 2017 is great and all, but the whole social media sharing-thing we’ve got going on these days poses its own problems. Sure, connectivity and communication is a powerful tool, but it’s easily abused. It’s great that anyone can share anything, but as a result, everyone is sharing everything.
Everyone’s got a Facebook friend (or a couple hundred) who shares all the tiny day-to-day minutiae of their lives. How do we deal with these people? Ignore them? Block their updates? Feign interest? Or do we take the really cruel route, and send them snarky responses until they get the message? This guy seems to have decided on the latter. There’s even a little math trick involved, so you’ve got to appreciate the extra mile here.
4 Gordon Ramsay’s Food Reviews
Harry Potter’s own JK Rowling may be the queen of Twitter burns, but the king is definitely Gordon Ramsay. The British cook is notorious for, like the author, not taking any screwing around and whupping an a*s or two when the situation calls for it. On his Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, he meets hapless chefs from across the UK and doles out snark, justice, and a whole lot of swearing wherever he goes.
All of this translates perfectly to Twitter, where his brief and powerful insult-pellets can be dispensed just as easily. Wannabe chefs will tweet their own culinary creations to Ramsay for him to rate, and the results of which generally… well, look like the tweet above. At this point, it’s become an odd kind of badge of honor to have been cruelly insulted by the master himself.
3 Water, Water Everywhere
Now, this is not okay. It will never be okay. You can’t just adorably write "love you daddy" at the end of the note and make this seem okay. Two kisses are not enough to expunge the wrathful fury this has left on daddy’s heart.
The ironic thing here is, where children are concerned, it’s difficult to intentionally make a bigger mess than you when you’re unintentionally making a mess. As all the parents among us know, children are tiny tornados of mess and destruction. They don’t mean to do it, they just do. It’s a by-product of their very existence. None of which changes the fact that this is a devious little slice of brilliance. Someone’s got a little super-villain in the making on their hands, that’s for darn sure.
2 The Woes Of The Voice Activated Toaster
As I say, offices don’t tend to be the most super fun places in the world. Your own office may be different, of course, but often they’re a tedious, shiny, white land of identical little cubicles and outdated PCs. They’re like school classrooms, only a little more grown up because everyone’s got beards and/or pantyhose on.
To alleviate the desire to cry yourself to sleep over that Excel spreadsheet, then, you’ve got to take every opportunity you can to have a little fun. As with a couple we’ve seen elsewhere on this list, the beauty here lies in the simplicity. It all sounds innocent enough, but the more you think about it, the worst it gets. Besides, what kind of monster would screw with everybody’s precious break room toaster?