If we told you how often we have no idea what's going on, you would, uh. Hm. Well, of course you would... oh okay, so we don't know what would happen. But, you know what? We think that just further supports our argument that we have no idea what's going on. It's funny. When we were kids, we thought we would have it all figured out by now. Ha ha ha! Nope! Not even close. Sigh. Young us was so naive and innocent. What went wrong?
We often don't know what to make of things, but it's all good because as it turns out, most people don't know what to make of things. Get ready to look and LOL at these 15 people who have no idea what's going on.
15 Can you not?
Who among the three people and one animal in this picture has the least idea of what's going on? The guy in the background obviously doesn't know what to make of this scene, and the passenger sitting next to this chihuahua photographer is equally perplexed. The dog, poor thing, looks less surprised that this is happening, and more resigned to it. We get the feeling these weird ass photo shoots are a regular occurrence for that poor pup.
No, clearly the person with the least idea of what's going on is the pet photographer herself. She has no earthly idea where she is or what she's doing or, well, anything, really. She's completely senile, and if we were the lady sitting next to her, we'd find a seat somewhere else.
14 Your thighs are in your arms, right?
We bet this woman had real trouble singing along with "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" in elementary school. "No, no, no, Kathleen. Those aren't your shoulders, those are your shins. And those aren't your toes, those are your earlobes. For Pete's sake, Kathleen, we've been over this a million times. Get it together, already."
So you use this Thigh Master on your arms, and it tones your legs? Are you sure? We mean, we're desperate, at this point. We're halfway into summer, and we're still trying to hunt down that elusive summer body. If you're absolutely certain that using this thigh master on our arms will get us toned, trim legs like Carrie Underwood's, we're willing to give it a shot. It's just a little counter-intuitive, is all.
13 They don't beat around the bush
"If you're looking for a crappy apartment, Crapi Apartment Complex is the place for you, because crappy is literally in our name (even though it isn't spelled the same way). Our rooms absolutely suck and have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Each model comes with one too-small bedroom, featuring dirty carpet that has the smell built right in, for your convenience. Also for your convenience is the broken dishwasher, the toilet that doesn't flush properly then overflows when you try to flush it again, and our award-winning non-soundproof walls, which are made from 100 percent tissue paper, so you can hear everything your neighbors are doing, whether you want to or not. If you'd like to go over budget and get less than you paid for, Crapi is the place for you."
12 Food is the star of any show
The day that this video was recorded was also the day that this wedding cameraman learned never to go to a job on an empty stomach. First, he started focusing on the ham, then he got fixated on the finger sandwiches and chocolate dipped strawberries. Eventually, he panned over to the wedding cake, and if you listen really hard, you can hear what sounds like him drooling in the background. The rest of this video is just food porn.
This newly married couple may not have been too happy that their camera guy made their wedding video solely about the food, but the truth is, nobody gives AF about the love that two people may or may not share. All anybody really cares about is the love between themselves and snacks.
11 We don't think this trend will catch on
"Put this shirt on the mannequin," Darryl's new boss told him. "Duuuuuhhhh, okay," Darryl replied, because he is a blundering, overly-literal moron capable of screwing up even the most menial of tasks. Anyway, that's the story of how this shirt got put on that mannequin so incorrectly. It's not a very interesting story. There are no aliens or wizards or friendly magical creatures that befriend lonely children. But that's it.
Wouldn't it take more effort to use pins to stick that shirt to the mannequin than to unfold it and put it on the right way? How is that tie staying up there? If the person who did this doesn't know what's going on here, we guess we can't expect to know what's going on here, either.
10 The Great Mustache Escape (in theaters summer 2018)
"He's a renegade bit of facial hair who doesn't play by the rules. He refuses to be confined to one man's upper lip, and he's just not going to take it anymore. With the help of a guy who has no idea what's going on, this misplaced mustache is making his grand exit—if time, gravity and the fashion police don't stop him, first. Next summer, don't miss The Great Mustache Escape. It's the film that nobody will ever be talking about."
Sheesh. Well, we were going to pitch that idea to a bunch of movie executives next week, but after reviewing it, we're having second thoughts. This mustache escape story sounds even lamer than the story of how that folded shirt got stuck on that mannequin.
9 Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong
Well. That's not good. We know we said that we usually have no idea what's going on, but whoever designed this sign has even less of an idea of what's going on. They make us look like we're so aware of what's going on, we've achieved reality awareness nirvana.
Can you imagine how bad it would be if the person who owned this store went around telling people about it, trying to drum up some business? "Hey, there. I see you got kids. They're probably gonna need clothes, huh? Well, come to my place. It's called J.F.K., it stands for Just F Kids. Bring 'em on down, and we'll... hey, where are you going? Why are you running? No, don't call the police! What are you doing?!"
8 Moo is our favorite animal
Ah, yes. The moo. So majestic. So noble. Truly, there is no other creature in nature as splendidly beautiful as this feral moo, still wild and free, untouched by the domesticating hands of man, even after millions of years. A genuine rarity.
The moo is our favorite animal. Yeah, yeah. We hear ya. "But dogs are so adorable! And cats are so cute! And birds are so cheerful! How can you possibly say the moo is your favorite animal?" Hey, look hypothetical person. We don't bully you based on your personal favorites. Besides, this is our article. You do not get to waltz in here and criticize us because we love moos, and—wait a minute. That's a chicken. Chickens don't even say "moo;" that's cows. What's going on?
7 For whiter nips, use Crest White Strips
Sorry to tell you this, but you will not get high by rubbing toothpaste all over your nipples. However, you will get whiter nipples, and if you use a toothpaste with fluoride, you may also reduce your chances of developing cavities. Take it from us, nipple cavities are not fun. But even worse than nipple cavities is nipple gingivitis. Yikes.
We think that's enough talk of nipples for one day, so let's talk about something else, like how little of an idea this guy has of what's actually going on. Kids? Don't do drugs, mmkay? Before you know it, you'll be making a fool of yourself and rubbing dental products all over your body because your dealer got thrown in the slammer last week and you need your fix.
6 Passing that drug test will be the last thing they ever do
Dammit all, kids! What the heck did we just say about doing drugs? Uh, oh yeah, that's right. DON'T. Gaw lee, we didn't think it could get any worse than rubbing toothpaste on your nipples to get high, but as it turns out, there is a rock bottom that is even lower than that dismal existence, and it involves drinking bleach.
So you were reckless and stupid and you did the dope, or the Mary Jane, or whatever the kids are doing these days. But are you satisfied with one bad decision? No. Because you're an asshat who has no idea what's going on. One bad decision isn't enough for you. You need a string of bad decisions, and the next bad decision in line is guzzling Clorox.
5 Good save
And that, ladies and gents, is what you call a good save. This person could have displayed their disappointment in their "Pokémon" cake. But they didn't do that. They realized that, yes, while it was their birthday, and while they should've gotten exactly what they wanted to celebrate, they are a year older. A year wiser and more mature.
They've realized that we're all only human. That we make mistakes. That we very rarely have any clue as to what is actually going on, and that sometimes we need to be cut a little slack. So we applaud them, and their smooth as butter save. Although, TBH, we might just be kissing up to them because we're hoping they'll share a slice of their "Pigachu" cake with us.
4 Time to find a new spa
Hey. Those aren't cucumber slices. Those are sweet gherkin pickles. Man, what a rip off. Here we were, thinking we were going to have ourselves a nice spa day, when all we're really going to have is a snack. Not that we're bitter about having a snack, mind you, but pickles are, like, the worst snack. You eat one, and ten seconds later, you're even hungrier than you were before. There had better be sandwiches in the massage room, that's all we have to say.
Actually, those might not even be pickles. They kind of look like zucchini. It really doesn't matter either way, though, because the person who's wearing this "rejuvenating" mask doesn't know what the heck is going on anyway. Well, at least her skin will look fresher.
3 You better stand upwind of this team
Well, it could be that the person who designed these T-shirts had no idea what they were doing. Or it could be that they knew exactly what they were doing, and we should all be very scared of their team of experienced Super Sh*tters? What if the Super Sh*tters had Taco Bell before the game? What if they're really gassy? What if they redefine the home run (if you catch our drift)?
The good news, for us anyway, is that we don't like sports, so we don't have to worry about the Super Sh*tters, and whether or not they make good on the promise that their name implies. But we feel bad for the plumbers who have to clean up the mess they leave behind.
2 He waters his lawn when it rains, too
When you wash your car in the rain, it's doubly effective, so you can actually go longer in between washes. Mm-hm. It's true. The same principle applies to deodorant. If you apply antiperspirant after you take a shower, you don't have to bathe again for a week—a month, if you use roll-on and spray deodorant.
Okay, so you may not want to take personal hygiene tips from us, but at least we know better than to wash our car in the rain. Dude. What the heck are you doing? You don't have to wash your car, nature is doing that for you. And if you really need to clean your back windshield, why not wait until the storm lets up? We just. We don't understand.
1 Pin The Stickers On The Manager—the new party game by Mattel
If you ever host a shindig and things start to drag to the point where not even booze can help, bring this puppy out of the game cupboard. We guaran-dang-tee you that dull and drab get-together will turn into the party of the year. This game never fails to spice things up.
This game's a lot of fun, but you have to find a manager. This can lead to a series of significant problems. For instance, if the manager refuses to come to your house, you must then kidnap them, blindfold them and force them to participate. And then, once you let them go again, they're just going to make a beeline for the police, and you'll end up in jail. Look, never mind. Forget we said anything. You should just play Twister, instead.