Not every day is going to be a good day. That's just not how it works. Besides, if every day were a good day, you would never be able to appreciate it. You have to have bad days to help you see that you've actually got it really good. But, even so, there's just no denying that some people have more good days than others. The more good days you have, the luckier you are. The more bad days you have, the unluckier you are.
Life is a crap shoot. You never know which type of luck you're going to get, and you certainly don't have any control over it. All you can really do is cross your fingers and pray you don't end up like these 15 people who have the worst luck ever.
15 An unhealthy dose of nature
You never want to get poison ivy. But, if you have to make contact with the dreaded leaves of three, there are two places that you must avoid at all costs: your hinter regions and your eyes. This is a family site, so we can't show you the pictures of the unfortunate people who used poison ivy as toilet paper. Still, we had to illustrate to you the dangers of this plant somehow, so here's a picture of one unlucky girl who made the mistake of drying her eyes with that itchy vine.
So, like, how? Did this girl break a mirror, and now she's been cursed with thirteen years of accidentally using poison ivy leaves as tissues? Did she spill some salt or walk under a ladder? 'Cause this seems like excessively bad luck to us.
14 A room with a view
Oh, this is nice! Unconventional, maybe, but nice. Whichever group of people scores this room is going to get closer. A lot closer. The family that stays in this room is going to become real familiar with each others' bathroom habits. Is Mom constipated after eating that entire block of cheese? Will Dad ever stop farting after indulging in way too much bean dip? And is there any way to convince Brother to close the curtain while performing mediocre shower karaoke? The answers to these questions, and more, will be revealed when you book a stay at Worst Luck Ever Motel.
This vacation will be a journey of interpersonal discovery. When you book this room, you stop being... whatever it is you are, and you will become an explorer. Isn't that exciting?
Parenting is hard AF. Kids are always coming up with new ways to make life difficult for their moms and dads. Their job is to create chaos, and, dayum, are they good at it. Parents are seasoned professionals, though. While dealing with a screaming child would be difficult for others, a toddler with a temper tantrum is just a fact of life for moms and dads.
Cleaning up spilled food, picking up toys and changing soiled sheets are things that happen every day for parents. They're constantly doing things for their kids that anybody else would turn their noses up at. But, even as tough as parents are, there are still some things that make them cringe. A bowel movement in a backpack is one of those things. The parents of this kid have the worst luck ever.
12 Bad luck bride
We found an interview with this woman, which was conducted by a local news station. Here's what it said:
"When he asked me, 'who's your daddy?' I never in a million years thought that he was being serious," said Carlotta Dixon of Badluckville on Friday night, when she met with our reporter at the Lonely Hearts bar. Dixon, 45, hooked up with her now ex-husband via a family ancestry site, which she mistook for a dating site. That's where she met and fell in love with her own father. It was only after the I do's that the two realized they had the same jaw and the same allergic reaction to shellfish. A quick DNA test revealed that not only were the two husband and wife, they were also father and daughter. The two quickly filed for divorce, and Carlotta is thrilled that she has finally found her long lost Daddy. Although, she is currently seeking a new daddy—if ya know what we mean."
11 The butt crack of Don
Ginger once heard her uncle talk about how he hated having to wake up at the butt crack of dawn. Ginger hated it, too. But, to her, the phrase had an entirely different meaning. See, sometimes when she went on a bike ride with her father, Don, she would fall asleep. Then, inevitably, she would wake up at the butt crack of Don.
When Ginger came home crying after an evening bike ride with her dad, that's when her parents knew something had to be done. They quickly donated all of Dad's too small women's yoga pants and replaced them with drawstring sweatpants. Since then, Ginger has been doing much better. The family also founded the Association for Skin Seclusion, or ASS, which helps families everywhere determine which type of pants is for them.
10 Butt sucker
Of all of the flavors, we think the butt-flavored sucker is the worst. Don't misunderstand us, though. The taste is dead on. You can taste the ass. In fact, these suckers are the closest you'll find to the real thing. It's a bad flavor, like we said. You'll be brushing your teeth for hours just to try to get rid of it. However, the flavor is quite subtle. It's just a kiss of ass. Which could be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on whether or not you're an ass kisser.
Ironically, this is the only type of lollipop that Ginger from the previous image has ever tasted. Which is why we've started a petition to ban all butt-flavored lollipops. That may seem dramatic, but this is our ass ditch effort.
9 Mug status: single
This is what happens when you publicize your relationships. The minute you start talking about how much you love your boyfriend/sibling/mug on social media, the foundation starts to crumble. Before you know it, your boyfriend is breaking up with you, your sibling is stealing your favorite sweater and you're tripping on a slick spot in the kitchen and dropping your mug onto the hard tile floor.
This image clearly helps to illustrate our point. As you can see, this girl's love affair with her new mug only began to falter once she had posted about it on her Facebook page. Had she refrained from changing her mug status from "single" to "in a mug-lationship," it's highly probable that she would be sipping hot cocoa from her new mug right now, instead of mourning the loss.
8 Crime doesn't pay
What is the world coming to when you can't even turn yourself in to collect the reward money without getting arrested? Tcha. This is unbelievable. We're just as surprised that this guy was arrested as he is. And it's not like he was trying to commit more crimes. He was just trying to do the right thing! Well, we guess the old adage is right. Crime really doesn't pay.
It's been confirmed. Life is tough when you're a moron. Apparently, if you're a moron, then you also have rotten luck. And, we can't speak with any authority on this, but we have a feeling that bad luck is definitely not something you want to have if you're going to prison. If we have any advice for this guy, it's this: don't drop the soap.
No, no, no! You've got it all wrong, balls! You're not supposed to be the ones who dodge. Other people are supposed to dodge when we try to pelt them with you. Do you understand? Your role in the game dodgeball is much less active. You're not supposed to avoid being hit; people are supposed to avoid being hit by you. Does that make sense? Look, if you would just get out of that tree, we could explain things to you more clearly. Besides, we're running out of balls.
This isn't "lost your house playing slots in Vegas" type bad luck, but this is still pretty unlucky. Especially since tomorrow is a free day in gym, and these kids aren't going to have any basketballs to play with. Hmmm. Maybe the janitor has a ladder.
6 Punked by pimples
You may have a huge zit on your face, and it might even be on the day when you have to go down to the DMV to get your driver's license picture taken, but your bad luck just doesn't measure up to this kid's. We mean, his acne literally wrote "ARSE" in big, blistery letters across his forehead. You can't get much worse than that. And, to add insult to injury, he's in high school, so it's a million times worse. Bless his heart.
Is it wrong that we've been laughing at this for three days? Like, we feel really bad for this kid. We suffered through our fair share of taunts and torments because of our complexion back when we were in school. But this? This poor kid just got punked by pimples.
5 Why people think cats are evil
Listen up, cats. You want to know why you've developed a reputation for being pure evil? Here it is. This is why. It's because, when presented with two separate and perfectly clean litter boxes, you choose, instead, to go right in between them. And then, you guys use the whole "oh, we don't have opposable thumbs" excuse, and guess who gets to pick up the sh*t? That's right. Us. We love you, cats. But you can be real jerks sometimes.
That's some kind of bad luck, huh? Yeah. That's a shame. But it does offer us the perfect opportunity to pitch our new idea: cat diapers! Think about it. We'll launch a line of feline diapers, marketed toward cat ladies. What do you think? Want to get in on this? We'll split the profits.
4 We found him!
Yes, hi. Is this Crime Stoppers? Hey, if you guys aren't too busy arresting the criminal who turned himself in for the reward money, we thought that you might be interested to know that we think we found that rapist that was on the loose. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's correct. And he's on the evening news, even as we speak. Turn to channel 7. See? That's him, isn't it? Okay, great. So when can we pick up our thousand dollar reward? What do you mean that's not the guy?! Of course it's the guy! Didn't you see the police sketch?
Oh. Sorry, folks. It's come to our attention that this news anchor is not the rapist who is on the loose. He's just a regular guy working a regular job and inadvertently resembling a rapist. That's bad luck.
When you trip over a crack in the sidewalk and spill your freshly opened bag of Doritos all over the pavement, you need to take that as a sign to do some soul searching. We don't want to believe that we live in a world where fate would punish people for no reason whatsoever. So we're assuming that this poor guy must have done something wrong somewhere along the line.
Maybe he forgot to tip the pizza guy once. Or maybe he broke his mom's Ming Dynasty era vase, tried to Gorilla Glue the pieces back together, was unsuccessful and buried the mess in his backyard. We don't know what he's done, but he needs to make it right before fate dumps all of his chips in the middle of the road.
2 Car gymnastics
"We have breaking news on highway 51. It appears that a spontaneous three car gymnastics session has broken out in the passing lane. Fred Dickerson is live at the scene. What's going on there, Fred?"
"Hey, Brock. What you're seeing here is a spur of the moment vehicular tumbling display. We've spoken to the drivers, and while they declined to be interviewed on television, they did tell us that they were not harmed. They say their vehicles seemed to sense that they each knew acrobatics and, without warning, they all lost control. Before they knew it, the front and rear vehicles were spotting the middle one in an impressive handstand. We don't know if this will cause the manufacturers to issue a recall, but we do know one thing. These people have really bad luck."
1 Gravity is a merciless mofo
This is why it pays to know how to pick a lock with a bobby pin. Sure, sure. Everyone thinks that's a stupid talent. They think it's dumb and useless and borderline creepy. But you know what? Whatevs! We don't care what you think because, when everyone gets their lanyard caught in their front door, we're going to be the only ones who don't have to call a locksmith to come let us back inside. So suck on that.
Gravity, you b*tch. Why are you doing this to this person? Is it because they once said that you're only a theory? You do know they were joking, right? Gaw, you have such thin skin. You're like an open wound. Well, toughen up, ya pansy, because locking someone out of their apartment is just mean. Nobody deserves luck this bad.