Some days make you leap for joy. Other days, meh, not so much. It's weird. One minute, you're on top of the world and everything is going your way. The grocery store accepted that expired coupon, you found ten bucks on the ground, that top you wanted was on sale. You go to bed thinking about how lucky you are. But, when the alarm goes off the next day, it all starts going downhill.
We get that sh*t happens. But just because we know it happens doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Some days, life throws you a real curve ball. The only way to cope with it at that point is to pour a glass of wine and remember some people have it way worse. So grab that bottle of Merlot and check out these 15 people who should have just stayed home.
15 Water bottled at E. coli spring
"Tired of work? Need a sick day? Want some time to kick back, relax and marathon watch your favorite shows between bouts of vomiting and severe diarrhea? Then E. coli water is the beverage for you! At E. coli brand bottled water, we offer a one bottle guarantee. If you don't get a bacterial infection after drinking one bottle of our water, we'll refund your entire purchase—and we'll even write you a fake doctor's note for a free sick day!"
E. coli water was shut down less than a month after it hit shelves. It's not because they went bankrupt. In fact, their business plan was ideal. But people just weren't that into buying bottles of water that made them sick. Which is too bad, 'cause E. coli water sounds like such a great idea.
14 The dangers of paintball guns graphically portrayed
This picture is very funny, yes, that's true. But it's also highly educational. We can learn a lot from this image. Namely, that you should never let your kids have a paintball gun shootout in the backseat on your way to soccer practice. You have no idea how hard it is to get acrylic paint out of the interior of a vehicle. And trust us when we say you definitely don't want to find out.
Does insurance cover spontaneous paintball gun showdowns? That's the kind of thing you should probably ask before you pick a plan. You never know when your children are going to use their paint firearms to turn your car to sh*t. Oh, well. At least it's a nice neutral color, now. That will help boost resale value. Wait... that's for houses, not cars.
13 Myth: skydiving is completely safe
"Dude, don't be a pansy! Nothing bad is going to happen to you when we go skydiving. We'll gear up, get on the plane, fly over a wide, open field, and we'll drop. Trust me, everything is going to be alright. I've done this a million times, and I have never had a problem. You worry too much!"
That's what Darren's friend, Phil, told him a week before his parachute got caught on a street light, pushing him dangerously close to power and/or phone lines. But, it wasn't all Phil's fault. When the two amigos reached the tarmac, they were informed that the person who would be flying them was still learning how to pilot a plane. Instead of flying over a deserted field, he flew above a crowded parking lot and, well, you know what happened after that.
12 Timmy Turnstile
Meetings? Deadlines? A wife and children to feed? Whoa, it sounds like you're stressing out a whole lot over things that hardly matter, Mr. Bob Business. You could use some help. No, we're not talking about an assistant. We're talking about a wake up call. You need someone to show you how to take life as it comes. You need someone to show you how to lighten up a little. To show you how to deal with stress in a healthy fashion.
That's where this turnstile comes in. This isn't just any ordinary turnstile. This is Timmy Turnstile, the lovable subway baffle gate who wants to teach you how to ease up and relax! Here, we see Timmy trapping a businessman's bag, and helping the man slow down and enjoy life. Thanks, Timmy!
11 Adios, subcompact
What's that? You're having a bad day because the fast food place forgot to put extra pickles on your cheeseburger? Oh, no! Why, you poor, poor thing, you! How awful. That is so discouraging. We can see how fewer pickles on an obesity sandwich would ruin your entire day. It's just too bad that we can't offer up any sympathy. We already gave it all to this woman, who is also having a bad day. Her car is currently sinking in a giant puddle. Yeah, it's pretty bad. But it's nowhere near as terrible as getting fewer pickles than you asked for. That's absolutely nightmarish.
We're not saying you don't have bad days. But doing something dumb in front of your crush or getting spit on by a camel at the zoo are both way better than having your car drown.
10 Well, that didn't work out
We don't know who was professing their love to who, but apparently, things didn't go as planned. Someone's love, which is symbolized here by these balloons, has been shoved in the trash. This makes us so sad. Fortunately for us, we're in the perfect relationship. We asked our Netflix account to share a pizza and a bottle of wine with us a few months back, and he didn't say no. Guess we have a boyfriend, now.
Netflix is great. He's so romantic and sensitive. Plus, he actually listens to us, because he always knows which shows we want to watch. We can't say for certain, because we don't have all the facts, but judging by this picture, we think the person who tossed those balloons away would have been better off staying at home with Netflix.
9 They didn't think this one through
Looks like two of the stooges are going to be standing in this pool for quite awhile. The other one is probably out there somewhere with his parachute stuck on a streetlamp. These guys are in for a long afternoon. A hot few hours with no sunscreen, no cell phones and no means of getting out of there without undoing some of their hard work. Oh, well. It's not all bad. At least they bought the fast drying paint, which only takes six hours to dry, instead of the regular paint, which takes twelve hours.
Six hours isn't a very long time. Hell, that's not even enough time to watch all three Lord of the Rings movies! Yeah, standing in this pool under the blazing sun for a quarter of the day won't be so bad.
8 Leopardy Jeopardy!
You know the game show, Jeopardy!, right? Well, about ten years ago they test ran a new show called, Leopardy Jeopardy!, where, if contestants got the answer wrong on a Daily Double or a Final Jeopardy question, they had to wrestle with a wild leopard. They filmed several episodes of the big cat game show, but they never released the tapes. Probably because they were too violent to be aired on afternoon TV.
They really landed in hot water when it turned out that the guy in the picture above got a correct answer on a question, but Alex Trebek ruled against him. The guy sued the show for $10 million, and now he lives in a mansion in Maui, where he drives hot babes in bikinis around in his Hummer and brags about his leopard attack scars.
7 The little car that can't even
This is what happens when your car gives up. This little vehicle was like, "That's it! That's enough! I've had my fair share of gettin' an goin'. I'm not doing it anymore. If you want to drive to work and meet with your friends, you're going to have to find some other car to take you. I need a break—and, no, I was not making a car pun! I was talking about a vacation! I'm taking a two month break, and then, and only then, will you be able to shift gears. I've had enough, at this point. I'm done. I can't even."
Personally, we don't like it when our cars sass us back. We won't stand for that level of defiance. We would have sold this ungrateful vehicle in a heartbeat.
6 The price of break dancing
"Wow, man! Look at that! You are such a great break dancer. Gosh, I sure am lucky to belong to a coordinated and graceful guy like you. I am so fortunate that I was the backpack that you picked up from Walmart. You're incredible, dude. Sick moves. Absolutely sick. Uh! Whoops! Looks like ya nailed me right in the strap, there. Yep, I'm sliding across the freshly buffed floor of the subway station, headed straight for the unforgiving wheels of the train. But not to worry! I'll be fine! Unless, of course, I get wedged between the wheels and the tracks, in which case, I will then be shredded to pieces. Still, chin up! There's no sense in being a pessimist about this! The sun will come out tomorrow! And, there's still time! Someone could swoop in at any moment to save—nope, never mind. I'm a goner."
LOL, nope! Bye, Felicia! We are not even trying to go to a friend's party where a dart might end up lodged into our skin. Call us crazy, but that isn't exactly our idea of fun. This is bad. You want to know how we know it's bad? It's because if you threw a dart in the middle of a crowded sidewalk, and it landed in a complete stranger's lower leg, you would find your ass in jail. You'd probably also find your bank account emptied, because there's no way you could throw a dart into someone without paying an arm and a leg in settlement fees.
See, this hearkens back to our point that Netflix is the ultimate friend/significant other. Do you really think that a streaming service is going to injure you? Of course not! At least, not physically.
4 You (don't) got this!
"Sure, my cement truck can clear that drive-through!" said this driver, whose cement truck most certainly could not clear that drive-through. Oh, man. That's one hell of a screw up. We sure are glad we're not the ones who effed up this badly. This makes getting a C on a math test and forgetting to pay your electric bill look like a cake walk followed by a stroll in the park.
So, why did this happen? Is it because this person is bad at math, and they couldn't figure out how tall their truck was? Is it because they have poor depth perception? Did he not have rear or side view mirrors? Or is he just a bad driver? A fail this big must have been caused by multiple issues.
3 A product that really delivers
"We have tried many products, looking for the perfect step freshener. The search is finally over. Thanks to Fresh Step, our steps are sufficiently fresh! With the simple to use break away box, we were able to freshen every step in the house in less than an hour. This is far and away the best step freshener we have ever used, and we will be buying again as soon as our steps grow stagnant. There's still a slight problem with the cat's though, because they keep crapping all over the carpet. Nothing will wake you up faster than stepping on a cat turd first thing in the morning when you're going downstairs to get your coffee, LOL! But, over all, Fresh Step gets the job done."— a real review left by a real Fresh Step customer.
2 Excavators love to swim
In the vast wilderness of Texas, during the heat of the summer, the elusive and mighty excavator can be found, cooling off in ponds, streams, lakes and rivers. Solitary creatures who are not prone to socializing, the excavator is a loner at heart, and only seeks out the company of other excavators during mating season. Excavators spend most of their time moving dirt and gravel to build new roads, and digging up backyards to expose broken sewer lines. They are friendly toward humans and seem to enjoy helping them.
Excavators do not tolerate heat very well. When the temperatures rise, these animals gracefully descend into any body of water they can find. It's in the water that the excavator comes to life, displaying its majestic splendor for everyone to see.
1 NOT THE SANDWICHES
We don't blame this guy. He's just doing what any one of us would do in his position. We mean, what kind of heartless, unfeeling scoundrel could order a super long party sub from the local Subway, and not Instagram it? We're not monsters! No, no. He did what he had to do. It was gravity that messed this up. That's right. You heard us. We're looking at you, gravity, you sandwich-hating bastard.
We don't blame this guy for his sandwich selfie. Nor do we blame him for frantically eating the salvageable parts off of the ground. Bless his sandwich starved heart. Hopefully, the Subway gave him a $5 off coupon for his next super sized party sub. And next time, he should probably get a couple of guys to help him carry it. That's too much deliciousness to waste.