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15 Posts That Prove 'The Sims' Is DEFINITELY Not For Kids

For about 17 years now, The Sims has gifted people complete power — even if they don't really deserve that kind of control. Everyone from nihilistic teens to socially averse adults—and all the players in between—gets their own kingdom, suburbs, or circus next to a fire pit that’s also run by cruel dinosaurs. It's pretty much a unique world where anything can happen, and rules or laws don't always apply. Every factor and choice within The Sims is just begging for the world to get so messed up, whether it’s from hilarious glitches or demented choices on the part of the player. Basically, these are worlds that might somehow be even stranger than our own, except that it’s a world that we, in fact, created. So yea, maybe us players need a little help. Here are 15 times Sims fans on Tumblr were completely inappropriate. 

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15 The Weirdest Response

You know how in real life sometimes a baby dismisses you so it can focus on growing into an adult? Or in general how you’re supposed to leave babies alone to do their own 'baby' thing? And how all babies talk! I mean, how else would they communicate with us? It wouldn't be through cries or physical symbols, would it? All the babies I know holler, scream, and cry when they’re upset; this baby, on the other hand, said how he feels and proposed a solution all without ruining anyone’s cross-national flight. This baby deserves a standing ovation and I bet they totally understand the significance of a bunch of people smashing their hands together as something positive and congratulatory. This baby is mature and they just get it.

14 The Worst Reaction

It honestly must be difficult growing up today as a kid, where kids are sharing their parents' attention with a totally non-adorable iPhone or laptop. I know I’d be so jealous of those electronics, and grow up with an inferiority complex to Smartphones if my parents had them when I was little. And when the time came for me to get a Smartphone, I'd have fun playing on it, but I'd probably forget about the existence of mankind for a while. Or maybe I wouldn't even notice at all, who knows? Anyway, that won’t be an issue for this baby who’s on fire because...well, because they’re on fire — and their mom doesn’t seem to care at all! The uncanniness of something that looks like a human but doesn’t behave like one at the most important moments is why The Sims is so popular and hilarious.

13 The Half-Table Man

In fairytales, a centaur is half man and half horse. Similarly, a man that’s half of a bald overdressed hockey player and half a buffet table is a… character in The Sims? That’s the only word for it in this language or any language. Well, maybe not Simlish, but that’s a whole other issue. The Sims has such complex and dynamic relationships between the Sims themselves and the objects around them. This image isn't the first time there was a glitch that made this man into a buffet table. This man could also very well become a window if he wanted to. My question, however, is when is it enough? Will there ever be a time when Sims don't have a random outburst and become "one" with their furniture?

12 This Horrifying Image

Okay, getting confused for a zombie is probably the worst case scenario after a beautiful day making pies or picking berries (and getting greedy and being sloppy about it). Blood thirsty zombies are just not the first things we think of when we see two people with (presumably) blood-smeared faces going at it. If “weird day at the pie farm” is your first thought, then… I guess you play a lot of Sims. Also, a pie farm? What even is that? I don't think that's a thing, and if you assume messy eaters are just blood-thirsty beings then you have some probs. Then again. it's the Sims, so anything is possible. “In love zombies that can’t fight their own true nature” could quite possibly be the title to this screen grab. 

11 This Awful Stroll

Child abuse has never seemed as whimsical as it is in The Sims. Let me go for a nice long walk off a very short pier with my baby, who will stay buckled up and most likely survive this strange glitch. Sure, I’ll wear my retro swimsuit, but this whole thing will still look super suicidal. What’s the rest of your day look like? Seeing if you can fly at the Grand Canyon with your baby snug in its chest-mounted baby sling? Also, apparently gravity still exists underwater in The Sims, since that stroller is just wheeling along the surface of the ocean without floating up. Or it’s such a heavy stroller. A heavy duty submarine-style stroller would be something you can buy in The Sims for exactly this occasion.

10 When A Horse Broke Out Of The Mirror

Hi there, Mirror Horse! You’re looking well! How’s life inside the mirror? How's the wife and kids doing, well? I'm guessing everything is reversed in Mirror Horse Land, but is otherwise good? Does leaving Mirror Horse Land force you to scream like you’re giving birth? Because it sure looks it. Look, if you’re concerned as to how a horse got inside a mirror or why its chest protrudes so far out from its legs… I just can’t help you there. All we can do is bear witness to each other’s existences, and that this horse lived inside a mirror for however long. It was ready for a change of scenery, to say the least. He’s ready to be a living room horse or maybe even a kitchen horse. He was just a big fish in a small mirror.

9 This Overachiever

I hate when someone can’t even relax at the beach. If you can't let it all go when your toes are in the sand, then where can you relax? These kinds of people swear they’ll turn off their phones and not do any paperwork, but the next thing you know, they’re immersed in even more work and it’s unbelievable that they somehow brought the office right down into the water. Now, in the real world, our laptops are nowhere near water-proof. But maybe electronics can fight off water in Sim land. This dude is lucky he wasn't electrocuted. I know he's a Sim and all, but maybe it would be better for everyone if he just dried off, grabbed his laptop, and went back to dry land. That way he can work, relax, and tan without getting hurt, 

8 Keep Calm And Stay On Fire

Fire just isn’t that big of a deal in the world of The Sims and us dumb mortals need to understand that. Sure, fire is one of nature’s most destructive forces, and it can demolish entire cities in no time at all, but that’s no reason to freak out. I'm sure you can put out the fire on your butt without being a huge drama queen. Why does being so dramatic and being on fire have to go on hand? If you’re drowning, are you going to make it all about you or just calmly walk into the ocean like it’s a totally mundane part of your morning routine? Your answer to that really determines whether you’re a human being, a Sim, or a crazy out-of-control human being who has no fear of death.

7 The Baby-Flavored Cake!

Okay, if finding a baby in a cake is really all that upsetting to you, just consider that during Mardi Gras, whoever finds a baby in their slice of King Cake has to throw the Mardi Gras party the following year. Fine, the baby in that case is a tiny plastic toy, and this baby is… well, it’s a pretty realistic looking Sim. Okay, maybe the baby in the King Cake and this baby are nothing alike, and this is the weirdest birthday party ever, but at least the kid's young enough that they won't even remember what the hell happened. That is, if this Sim made it out of this cake alive. Whatever, you’re right — something went terribly wrong and none of us have any idea as to what step that was, and now we’re just so off track.

Sims, you're *kewl* simulated people and all, but keep your children out of baked goods. 

6 Ungrateful Kevin

If you’re unfamiliar with Kevin, he’s a generic young boy in the Sims and everyone on the Internet hates him. Also, Kevin seems to live alone, despite the fact that he’s a young boy. If Kevin waters his garden, everyone hates him because what child is that responsible? If Kevin ignores a fleet of teddy bears so he can go to the bathroom… I mean, that’s pretty weird. That’s enough reason to hate someone. At least accept a bribe of life-size toys, Kevin. You don’t have to go to the bathroom bad enough to be so rude. Look, if real adults with actual power can accept bribes (illegally), you can suck it up and take a bribe, too, Kevin. Don’t act like you’re too good for corruption.

5 This Unspeakable Sight

It’s a sign of a really amazing computer game that it can conjure monstrous sights that can truly not be described with words. This could be the true face of God or the devil or simply the worst fever dream ever. How did the computer engineer who wrote the code for this character even pitch it? “Our players need the option to create avatars that are not only humans and animals, but also a bug-eyed praying mantis, that somehow possesses the chinless-ness of a plucked turkey. And that’s why my idea would be a great addition to the Sims universe.” And then, just like that, they all go back to work — thinking about what the f**k was just pitched (and that it's probably going to be picked up). 

4 When The Grim Reaper Was More Rude Than Terrifying

First off, Grim Reaper, no one is going to stay terrified of you if you’re just kind of a jerk. You really need to plan out your appearances so that it’s a big deal when you roll through. Your appearance can't just feel like "oh look, it’s the bringer of death. I wonder what he’s going to pick off a child’s plate before they’re done eating it?" Be choosy, don’t just take any job that comes your way. You're better than this. Also, that’s the classiest children’s birthday party I've ever seen. Is that grilled salmon? Seriously? How is this kid so much cooler than the Grim Reaper? And is the Grim Reaper about to dump all that beautifully grilled salmon in the pool? Wow Grim Reaper, I never thought I’d say this to you, but this is really below you.

3 Sleep Flying Is The Sim's Version Of Sleepwalking

I’m less interested in what this floaty girl is dreaming about. I'd also be more into the backstory of why her sister is so not interested in this flying person. Is this a nightly occurrence? Does this girl just hate taking the stairs and is so spell casted that she floats instead? That is pretty annoying. I wouldn’t enable that kind of behavior with more attention either. Then again, a floating woman is still a big deal, even in the Sims world. Is the view from your home just so gorgeous that nothing else is a big deal in comparison? Are you truly that egotistical? And please, call a doctor. This floating girl’s feet are at the most nauseating angle. Oh my gosh, wait...is floating girl waving at us? Hi, floating girl! Wow, floating girl isn’t bougie at all-she’s just like us!

2 This Girl Is Having The Weirdest Affair

I love folklore and marine animals as much as the next real or fake human does, but please join us all in the present moment. Your fellow Sim is asking to spend the remaining hours of his fake life with you and that’s also worth your attention, lady. What’s weird is that this girl is so stunned and excited (almost like someone’s proposing to her…), but she’s too stunned about the Loch Ness Monster? Did she remember something really cool the Loch Ness Monster said or something? Is she going to marry the Loch Ness Monster and that’s why Nessie is on her mind? That’s so romantic- don’t marry this schmuck! Marry the ageless sea monster that only some claimed to have seen (and fewer have fallen in love with)!

1 A Weirdly Realistic Choice

What’s great is that nearly two decades of computer programming and an amazing evolution in graphics has led to a demented and endless array of choices, like taking "an angry poop." I mean, while that option sounds....needed for some, what are my other options? “Take an excited poop”? That sounds like I was so excited about something that I pooped my pants — and that does not sound like a good situation to be in. Honestly, this is the most grounded and realistic Sim feature there is. Whether you know it yet or not, taking “an angry poop” is also an option in real life as well. It’s totally worth it. Try and stay angry after a great poop. You just can’t, unless you’re in a lawless computer game world.

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