15 Reddit Roasts That Are Such Savage Burns, They're Still Smoldering

Sometimes, when the clouds of stupidity and over-confidence swirl together in the skies of their mind, creating a crap storm of trouble, the people of Reddit will ask their fellows to mock them. It's never pretty. The comments that ensue can be downright horrible. But, hey, when you ask to be roasted, you expect to get your money's worth. And, man, do the savages of that site deliver.

If you came to this post looking for some chill from Reddit, you're gonna be disappointed. But if you want to witness some pure, unbridled savagery, scroll down and check out these 15 Reddit roasts that are such savage burns, they're still smoldering. Oh, and grab a few ice packs, would you please? These people are gonna need them.

15 She's a ruatnec

Via: cheezburger.com

Reddit users are forever zeroing in on the weirdest, yet most accurate insults imaginable. Look at this girl. Would you ever think to compare her to not a centaur, but the opposite of a centaur, where the horse part is the torso and the legs are human? A ruatnec, if you will? Because we for sure as heck never would have.

Ironically, the best thing about Reddit roasts is that they make fun of you like you've never been made fun of before, but when people who didn't participate in the roast come along and read the comments, they look at your picture and say to themselves, "Meh. They're not that bad." In an ironic twist of fate, Reddit roasts can actually make you seem more attractive! Well...usually.

14 Reddit just murdered what little self-confidence he had

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So you've finally come to terms with the shape of your head. After years of being mocked by your peers, both in school and at home, you've decided to just be confident with the way you look. It takes some real guts not only to accept, but also to be confident with your flaws. Good for you!

We just hope you don't make the mistake that this kid made, and immediately take that shaky sense of self-confidence over to Reddit to ask the people there to roast you. Because even if you've finally gotten to a point where you're feeling good about yourself, once they're through with you, you won't be feeling that great anymore. Trust this guy, if you don't want to take our word on that.

13 A few corrective procedures and this one could be a two

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This girl's not so bad, you know? If we get her some "how to fully open your eyes so you don't look stoned all of the time" lessons, her appearance will be improved dramatically. We're big believers in being happy with yourself exactly the way that you are, but a few simple cosmetic procedures wouldn't go amiss. In fact, we'll just pick one at random. Oh, how about...extensive orthodonture? Yeah, let's go with that. A few corrective adjustments never hurt anyone.

Show her how to open her eyes all of the way, align her snaggleteeth and nothing will be able to stop this girl. In the meantime, she'd better expect to hear a lot of horrified screams wherever she goes. Although, we imagine she's used to it by now.

12 Answer: yes

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Some people think to themselves, "Hey, maybe if I wear a hat, people will think I'm confident!" Unfortunately, some people are wrong. This poor guy. We guess he thought his flat cap would be enough of a shield to protect him from the onslaught of criticism from Reddit. Look at him, he even brought his fancy hipster jacket and everything. Geez, who's he trying to be, Patrick Stump? You're not a member of Fall Out Boy, dude. Cut the angsty teen spiel. That only works on women if you're in a band.

To answer this Reddit user's question, yes. Even if this guy were the last man on Earth, women would still hit him with the classic, "I already have a boyfriend". Can't even say we'd blame them.

11 "Anime"be asking Reddit to roast her wasn't such a good idea

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This girl's gonna need an ice pack and some aloe vera gel after getting burned this badly. "Trailer Moon"? That comment cut right down to the bone. We'll have to take off our jacket and turn off the space heat if this level of no chill continues. Which is great, because it's pretty cold in our apartment. These roasts are so energy efficient, all we have to do is read a few savage comments, and we're warmed right up! This is gonna save us so much money on our electric bill. Thanks Reddit!

The lesson here is don't ask Reddit to roast you until you're well done unless you're mentally prepped for the brutality. If you know can't handle it, don't even kid yourself into thinking you can.

10 We didn't know Carrot Top had a brother

Via: collegehumor.com

Reading these Reddit roasts is like falling down a set of stairs—you scream in pain every time you hit another step. Is it just us, or does it seem like the savagery of these roasts is progressing at a rapid rate? Each roast is worse than the last, and we don't know how to cope with it other than to say, "Ow! Ouch! Ooh, that's gotta hurt!" with every slaying we witness.

But as difficult a time as we're having dealing with these insults, imagine how much tougher it must be for the people they were meant for. Do you think this guy expected to receive that comment when he asked Reddit to roast him? Of course not! When you ask to be roasted, you expect insults, not the truth.

9 Should've just stayed on Tumblr

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Oh, honey, you should have just stayed on Tumblr. You didn't have to come here to Reddit and get roasted like this. Why? Tell us, why did you do this to yourself? You should have known no good would come of this. Wouldn't you rather just stick to your fandom blogs and your character ships? Surely that would have been better than venturing into uncharted territory to have your butt handed to you on a silver plate.

Ah, you can't help some people. Sometimes you just have to let others make their own mistakes, even if you know what they're doing is going to cause them a lot of pain. Everyone deserves the right to screw up, even if it's hurts us bystanders to have to watch.

8 A face that was made to be covered up

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Again with the strangely accurate insults! Reddit, how is it that you manage to hit the nail on the head every single time?! This guy does look like a ski mask model, and we're not just saying that because he's got a face for radio. We mean when someone goes into a bank, robs it, runs back to their beat up old clunker of a car and pulls off their mask to inspect their bags of money with dollar signs on them, his is the face you most expect to see.

Not sure what this guy did before he quit his job, but we have a feeling his ski mask career is gonna take him to the top. Once he covers up his face, there'll be no stopping him.

7 Well, she asked for it

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Reddit roasts exist for the sole purpose of knocking people off of their pedestals. It's all about taking people down a few notches. Feel like you're on top of the world? Not for long, and not if Reddit's savage users have anything to say about it! Reddit roasts aren't for the faint of heart. It takes some real moxie to make it through all of the brutal comments you'll see if you ask those people to mock you. But in the end, you'll come out stronger than ever before! Maybe. Actually, we're not sure.

'Course, Reddit roasts aren't just great for telling strangers how awful they are. They also give commentors a chance to sharpen their wit, making their sarcastic slaying reflexes super savage for the real world.

6 Shaggy's life has been turned upside down

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After things got a little too chaotic on the Mystery Gang's last case, the cast of Scooby-Doo were forced to enter the witness protection program. We guess all of the pot that he had smoked over the years affected Shaggy's brain after all, since he thinks growing his hair out is a good enough disguise to prevent his old foes from hunting him down. Stay away from drugs, kids.

He was aiming for cool bass player in a band, but all he got was bearded lady at the freak show. Tough break, kid. Well, that's what happens when you have the delicately tapered chin of a woman and you highlight it with a crappy little beard—Reddit flocks to you in droves to roast you for it.

5 The hipster vegan—even her eyes say, "I'm better than you"

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Some people have a look, and the look can mean lots of different things. One person's look might immediately suggest to you that they have several people chained to pole in their basement, while another person's look might convince you that they're secretly a furry. This girl's particular look says, as this Reddit roaster so aptly pointed out, that she runs a vegan lifestyle blog.

We've just got a hunch that this girl is a farmer's market dwelling hipster. We can feel it in our gut. Something about her haircut, her glasses and her subtle "I'm so much better than you" expression just oozes diehard vegan. Ah, it's cool though. The world needs vegans! We mean, how else would we get rid of all of that nasty kale?

4 Checkmate, Reddit user. Checkmate

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Honestly, out of all of the insults that we imagined the Reddit roasters would throw at these two kids, this is the nicest one they could've received.

The good news is, these two are still young. They're just teenagers, so they've still got plenty of time to shed their ugly duckling exteriors to become magnificent swans. Don't worry you guys. You may be mocked for being major nerds today, but in the not-too-distant future, the people who make fun of you now will be working for your billion-dollar tech company. Sure you're at rock bottom, but the only way to go is up. There's still time for you to turn everything around—which is more than we can say for some of the people in this lineup.

3 Reddit just gave them what they asked for

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These girls are so brave to hop onto Reddit and tell that big bunch of savages to roast them. To put themselves in a position where they know they're going to be mocked ruthlessly at the hands of people who neither know nor care how their words might affect them. Wow. So much confidence. We're impressed.

'Course, we mean, they had it coming. Look at 'em! Couple of dopes like that, thinking they're invincible 'cause they're young. We suppose they thought they could just waltz onto Reddit, tell the users to roast the crap out of them and make it out of there unscathed. Well, what do you think now, huh, ladies? Doesn't feel too good, does it? That'll teach you to ask people to mock you.

2 Get him an ice pack, 'cause he's been burned bad

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The important thing to remember about Reddit roasts is that nobody is immune. You could tell Reddit to roast someone who's universally heralded for being gorgeous, like Angelina Jolie or Channing Tatum, and they would still be able to come up with some of the cruelest insults you've ever witnessed. Reddit roasts are more about seeing who can be the most savage than they are truly making fun of someone.

That said...this guy should have known what sort of burns waited for him when he posted this picture of himself. Come on, brother. Blue hair? Caterpillars for eyebrows? You didn't exactly make your mockers' job too difficult. Next time, maybe you should try to look less stereotypically make-fun-able, just to give your Reddit roasters more of a challenge.

1 See? This is what duck face does to people.

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Dang it all to heck, duck face! Would you just die already? Nobody likes you. Nobody ever liked you. You deserve all of Reddit's savage comments for the things that you've done to the internet. When we think back on all of the horrible selfies we've seen with girls making duck faces, why it turns our stomachs. You ought to pay for the things you've forced us all to go through.

Some of the savagings in these pictures have gone overboard, but that's the nature of the roast, you know? To blow things out of proportion, to find the line and leap over it like a puddle in the sidewalk. You could argue this commenter went a little too far, but frankly, we don't think they went far enough.

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