Our horoscopes and the roles they play in our daily lives have long been debated. While some of them can be extremely vague and clearly tactically so, you never go too long without finding one that hasn’t made you go “hmm” just a little bit. The horoscopes we know and love originated in newspapers and tween magazines and told us things like who we are most compatible with and what the next month has in store for us. But now, with the explosion of the Internet and websites like Tumblr, there’s nothing stopping people all over the world from creating horoscope description threads that compare people to anything from TV show characters to taco sauce flavors. With each more ridiculous than the last, check out these hilarious but surprisingly accurate horoscope description threads.
16 The Signs As Crazy Conspiracy Theories
There are a lot of different conspiracy theories in this world. And when we say a lot, we mean a lot. In fact, just about everything that happens in this world (normal or otherwise), has some sort of crazy, out-of-this-world conspiracy to go along with it. To put things into perspective, there are multiple conspiracy theories out there that claim that humans landing on the moon never happened. Someone can’t even die nowadays without some sort of convoluted plot spiraling out of control behind it. Also, for whatever reason, not one—but two—different horoscope signs seem to believe that there are humans among us that are not humans at all... they're somehow lizards. The only horoscope sign that seems mildly sane, according to these horoscope descriptions, is Capricorn.
15 The Signs And Why They’re Going To Hell
Whether or not you personally believe in the existence of Hell and its surrounding religious ties, we think we can all admit that none of us are perfect. We all have quirks and we all have pet peeves that affect how we interact with the people around us. Whether or not you believe acting on those quirks and pet peeves earns you a one-way ticket to the fiery depths of Hell means nothing when it comes to the immature ways we can often deal with others who annoy us. For example, maybe you’re a Capricorn who likes to step on snails for satisfaction, or maybe you’re a Gemini who just can’t keep their hands off an adorable little pup. Everything aside, no one sign is more innocent than another.
14 The Signs As Max Or Sarah
This horoscope thread was inspired by and based entirely on what is perhaps the funniest kayaking incident that has ever been caught on camera. After watching the short clip, you’ll quickly realize how different Max and Sarah are. Max, the star of the viral video, takes a tumble out of his kayak and has a hilarious meltdown that is caught on camera by Sarah, his loyal yet agile friend who managed to catch the whole fiasco on camera. While he is hysterical to watch, Max is clearly not as fit for this aquatic activity as Sarah is. Plain and simple, you are either a “Sarah” or a “Max” but either way it’s a win because everything about this video, including both of the people in it, is incredible.
13 The Signs As 'Pokémon Go' Players
In just the first few days of its release in July of 2016, the iconic Pokémon Go game for smartphones sent the entire world into a frenzy. The game received a lot of positive feedback from critics, but as more people downloaded the game, people became more and more skeptical of the game for a number of reasons. Since the game is a location-based augmented reality game (meaning the game interacts with your real-life surroundings), people were required to get off of their butts in order to participate. For many, this was a positive experience, like for those who lived near a lot of Pokéstops like the Libra in the horoscope list above. But for some, like the Aquarius in our horoscope list, it caused more trouble than it was worth. Being location-based prompted players to trespass in a number of ways and even had people walking into the middle of the street while they were focused on catching them all.
12 The Signs When There’s A Math Assignment Due
So, this horoscope description thread might be a little less ridiculous than the rest of those on this list. But we had to include this one because it was just so darn accurate and we can’t think of one person that this doesn’t apply to. We’d like to think that each of you have had a math assignment—or any kind of assignment, really—due once in your life. We all know that assignments are a lot easier to do when you have people to do them with. This is especially so because, let’s face It, math is probably one of the more difficult subjects in school for a lot of people. So, depending on your horoscope sign, you may be one of those people who’s ahead of the game or one of those people who forgot there was an assignment altogether.
11 The Signs When Making A New Password
With the Internet ever-expanding, it is becoming increasingly more difficult to keep up with all of the accounts we have on the dozens of websites that we use on a daily basis. Not only is it difficult to keep up with our accounts and usernames, it’s even harder to keep track of our passwords. This is mostly because nowadays, each website has different criteria for passwords – some need capital letters, others need numbers and special characters – you just can’t simplify your life by using the same password for every account. So, to keep up with this nonsense, each sign needs a strategy to picking yet another new password for a website that, let’s face the facts, you’re probably going to use three or four times and then forget about.
10 The Signs As Drunk Girls Get Surprised By Puppies
I think we can all agree that among the best things this world has to offer, like tacos and cancelled classes, there are puppies – lots and lots of puppies. To demonstrate that, BuzzFeed got a bunch of their staff drunk and then surprised them with a horde of adorableness in the form of small puppies. The video that they captured of the happy-tear-jerking event features a number of different reactions from the drunk girls that were blessed enough to be chosen to participate. Each of these vastly different reactions is demonstrated in the astrology thread above – each star sign is paired with the reaction that they would likely exhibit if they were ever lucky enough to find themselves in that situation. Some people swear, some people cry, but who doesn’t love a puppy? Especially when they’re full of drunk emotions?
9 The Signs As 'Cards Against Humanity' Cards
Cards Against Humanity, a beautifully inappropriate card game, was released about six years ago. The game, which is tailored towards the adult party scene, is like a funky off-beat version of Mad-Lib where players compete to make the best fill-in-the-blank statement by finishing the judge’s card with their cards. Though, what typically happens is it turns into a competition of who can make the funniest or raunchiest combination. It takes a certain type of person to put down an especially inappropriate card to take the awkwardness and offensiveness to the next level. Some people, like the Aries in the horoscope thread above, go for the perverted angle with mention of high-tech sex toys, while others stick to innocence; like the Pisces, in an attempt to just crack a few smiles.
8 The Perfect Recipe For Each Sign
As much as we all want to believe it, we’re not all made of sugar, spice, and everything nice. Some of us are too sweet, as per the box of Funfetti cupcake mix in a Gemini. Some of us are too spicy like an Aquarius, which consists of one can of emotional swerve, one season of Ancient Aliens, and one whole jalapeño. Yikes. There are even some people out there who are extremely salty, like a Cancer who opts to slash tires and consume nothing but black coffee rather than solving his/her problems like an actual adult. The point of this horoscope description post is to prove that we are all made of something different; no two star signs need the same exact recipe to keep them ticking.
7 The Signs As Cats
Did you guys really think we could make a list like this and not include something about cats? Cats are secretive, methodical, selfish professional jerks. And yet, they pretty much rule the online world without even knowing (or caring at all). They may terrorize us by pushing things (like glasses of water and other breakables) off the table on purpose and take naps that leave millions of little cat hairs behind on all of our clean laundry. But when you put all of that aside, they’re very smart animals. And though their nature is reminiscent of that one friend in your friend group that is just plain rude, they can also be pretty awesome sometimes. Their fur (if they have it) is normally soft, cuddly, and dare I say it, cute sometimes. They also get stupid things like mini Santa Clause hats stuck on their head and we get to playfully terrorize them back for once. What kind of cat are you?
6 Signs As Creed Bratton Quotes
These lovely quotes come from none other than Creed Bratton, one of the more obscure but still equally riotous fictional characters from the hit show The Office. The fictional Creed Bratton, not to be confused with the real actor named Creed Bratton who portrays the fictional character Creed Bratton, claims to be nearly 100 years old in the series but never fails to surprise us with his witty one-liners. Just a few of those witty one-liners can be found above, each representing a horoscope sign that is meant to reflect your personality. Creed Bratton may be old but with his strange references to his parents and apparent party lifestyle outside of the office, I think we can all admit that we all have a little bit of Creed in all of us.
5 The Signs As Vine Quotes
We’ll preface this by acknowledging that Vine (as a convenient phone app) is not only now dead but it was somewhat of a niche app to begin with. With that being said, this thread may seem monumentally less ridiculous than it would to someone who followed Vine punctiliously. For those of you who were just not into Vine when it was in its glory days, you should definitely brush up on some of the best videos on Vine.com. For those of you who caught this trend at the right time when it was peaking as a phone app, you’ll find a lot of old favorites within these horoscope sign descriptions. If you’re not familiar with the one under your star sign, we highly suggest Googling it, because this thread is a bit multifaceted in the way that the personalities of the people behind these quotes might actually give you some true insight.
4 The Signs As The Two People In This Weird Text Conversation
One can only guess what kind of nonsense prompted this text conversation. It could’ve conspired between a loving couple whose relationship is based in the humor that clearly emits from this conversation. Or, it could’ve simply been a silly conversation between a couple of friends who had a bit too much to drink or who experimented with a little greenery. Either way, let’s pretend for a minute that we live in a goofy binary world where there are just two types of people: the people that believe your right side of your body can have clothes on it while the left side is naked somehow. Then there's the people who go along with this nonsense to make the other people feel sane. In this world, you are one or the other so choose wisely.
3 The Signs While Using Their Planners
Ah, good ol’ planners. Schools all over the country adopted the concept of a free planner per student many, many decades ago as a way to keep students organized and on top of their studies. However, it quickly turned into a way to freely express yourself in front of your peers. Some people used it meticulously to not only keep track of their assignments but to take notes in class. Some people used it so much that they had to run to the store to buy a new one with their own money. Then, there are some people that don’t use it at all because organization is hard and an adult person’s game. Either way, this person on Tumblr theorizes that your horoscope sign has something to do with how and when you use your planner. It seems like a bit of a stretch but hey, they could be onto something!
2 The Signs As Mariah Carey's Iconic Shade
Though it may seem that Mariah Carey has slipped (somewhat) off the grid a bit, it’s hard to forget someone who is constantly throwing shade at her peers. The mega-star, who has won countless awards for her singing and has more money from her stardom than most of us can even fathom, seems to take enjoyment out of belittling those around her. Mainly in the form of not acknowledging someone’s existence or by straight up discrediting another singer’s talents entirely. She may seem a little cold-hearted, but it’s safe to say that everyone can relate to not liking one of their peers at some point or another. While Mariah chooses from a whole spectrum of reactions to these people, the astrology thread above gives you the low-down on how your star sign throws shade like Miss Carey herself.