We could list a million for why humanity might be doomed. Sure, there are good people who still exist in this world. But some things are just terrible, and we have to wonder how humanity has even made it this far. Then, there are those people who might not be terrible but who make us worried that humans are truly a lost cause.
All of this ability to reason and logic, and we still make these foolish mistakes! Not to mention those people who just do things to mess with our heads so that we can’t even imagine what the future holds. We have been looking for humanity and discovered that perhaps it is lost forever….nowhere to be found. Does that sound melodramatic? Read on and decide.
15. Dancing hot dog nightmares
The dancing hot dog on Snapchat has a certain charm. We think that the little character is adorable. But someone took it too far. They placd the dancing hot dog on top of cooked hot dogs and added the caption “Dancing on the graves of the deceased.” Talk about a macabre sense of humor! This hot dog was essentially having a party on its dead relatives. Our minds are not only blown but traumatized as well.
While the person who did this is indeed clever, it also shows that humanity has reached a point of no return. Nothing is off limits when we think that it would be funny. Now the dancing hot dog would need to seek therapy if it were an artificial intelligence instead of a rendered animation. We humans, on the other hand, are culpable for our crimes.
14. What toasted cheese sandwich atrocity is this
Okay, this is NOT how to make grilled cheese sandwiches. Repeat: This is NOT how to make a grilled cheese sandwich. We think that this even qualifies as an atrocity against cheese sandwiches altogether. Did this person turn a regular toaster on its side to prevent the melted cheese from sticking to the sides?
While that’s a clever trick, we have to question the entire action. It would be better to toast the bread first and melt the cheese on the bread in a microwave like the rest of us do it. Humanity should not go down like this. Because we deserve to be so much better than we are, that’s why. And we understand that making the perfect grilled cheese sandwich in a pan is even harder, but humanity needs to reach the point that we do not need to do THIS.
13. Dear lord, people are monsters
We think that the pull tab is a brilliant invention. Can openers can be so annoying, and we risk cutting ourselves if we open the can incorrectly. But with a pull tab, we can just pull the lid and off it comes! But this person might be proof that humanity is indeed lost and nowhere to be found. Instead of using the pull tab like any sane human would do, they used a can opener.
That’s why we suspect that this person might be a monster. Who else would do such a thing? The pull tab is there to make our lives easier. We do not need to fight with can openers any longer and can focus on important things like education and health care. But if humans neglect to use something like the pull tab on their canned food, maybe we have no hope for the future after all. It is such a shame, too. Humans have so much potential.
12. How to avoid everyone
Look, there are plenty of people whom we would never like to see again. But would any of us pretend to be blind for decades just to avoid small talk with people we don’t like? Probably not. This woman went to great lengths to not have to say “hello” to people. She acted as if she were blind and fooled her family, friends and the world for 28 years. That would be such an exhaustive ruse to keep up, but she was very determined to avoid small talk. We don’t know if we should say “same,” or if humanity is at a total loss by this point. The internet exists so that we can avoid talking to people. There is no need to pretend to be blind to do this. And she would have missed out on life by pretending to have a disability that she does not. Lying that much also has to be exhausting.
11. The wrong way to name children
While Olivia is such a lovely name, it seems so wrong to saddle an innocent child with this particular combination and for this reason. Their daughter might very well grow to dislike them when she discovers that she was named after a restaurant that no one goes to much anymore. (We like endless salad and bread sticks, though. Don’t hate.) Sometimes parents try to be clever, but this borders into cruel for their child. School will be hard enough without adding that she will be teased for being named after Olive Garden.
Naming one’s child can also be a tough task, but parents should consider the consequences of particular names. We like unique names as much as anyone, but we would never name our child Apple Pecan Salad just because it’s one of our favorite side dishes.
10. The Will Smith paradox
As hard as it is to believe, there are some people who are not able to separate concepts in their minds or use logic and reasoning. We don’t know how these people are able to function in society. And this girl failed to realize that the reason the “dude from Fresh Prince” and Will Smith looked alike is that they are the same freaking person at different ages.
All it would have taken was a quick Google search along the lines of “Who was the dude from Fresh Prince?” to discover this. But instead she took the question to Twitter because she thought she had stumbled upon a brilliant thought. Ignorance can be intoxicating for some people, and that is why humanity might be too far gone. We can’t seem to move ahead because we can’t think critically and lack discernment.
9. “When is July Fourth”
Not only is Nini a ridiculous person, but her friend Jaiden is just as bad. Could this be a fault of our educational system or the increasing devaluation of education in general? Have we hit rock bottom? No one needs to be a rocket scientist to figure out the the Fourth of July would be on July 4. We have to wonder where Nini got the idea that it would fall on July 15 or July 16. The reasoning behind that eludes us to the point of almost driving us batty. It’s so basic and should be common sense, but NOOOOO. Common sense, as they say, is not always so common. Sometimes common sense is nowhere to be found. Sometimes common sense has given up on humanity. Perhaps we will be able to find hope in humanity again. One of these days….sigh.
8. Spamming the dorm room
SPAM canned meat used to be the thing to heat decades ago, but we soon learned that the processed meat is so salted and fattening that it should not be consumed. It’s also kind of gross. But broke college students might need it for sustenance because it is not very expensive and tastes like meat for the most part. Dorm rooms do not come equipped with their own kitchens in many cases, and this guy probably did not want to go to the shared kitchen if there was one. He wanted to cook his SPAM in the dorm. But how would he do that? He set up a makeshift grill and set hand sanitizer on fire. This is not the safest or the smartest thing to do. The plan might work, though. He’s also very high and not thinking clearly.
7. When documented historical facts are still “debatable”
How does one make it to high school or college not knowing that the R.M.S. Titanic was an actual ocean liner that sank in 1912 after hitting an iceberg? The film about it took some creative license with the history, but it still relied heavily on documented historical facts. When we don’t know about the past or understand the present in context of the past, we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes.
And this guy seems to live in an oblivious bubble of ignorance. Well, it is not a blissful place to be all the time. It might even put humanity at great risk to always be ignorant of historical events and what they mean. We can enjoy our entertainment, of course, but we should also be aware of any historical references contained within it. Or, at least, we should open a book once in a while.
6. Watched pots never boil
Maybe this is clever, or maybe it’s not. It does show our immense reliance on technology. And boiling water should be the easiest thing we can do. He did not want to miss whatever show he was watching, so he set up his devices so that he could use FaceTime to watch the pot as it boiled. What does this mean for the future of humanity? We can’t even boil water without having to watch TV or use our smartphones. It means we just can’t do anything for ourselves anymore. And yes, this is still a clever idea, but it doesn’t change the fact that we have reached ridiculous heights as humans that this is even something we need to do. Thanks to DVR, we can pause our shows. Or we can check on the water during commercials. There were so many other options. But who knows? Maybe this clever trick will lead him to surprisingly great things in the future.
5. Never heard of potato cat
Okay, Marissa clearly took the expression “you are what you eat” a little too far. She wanted to know if feeding her cat a potato would make it turn into a mythical creature called the Potato Cat. First of all, if they aren’t under 13 years old, we have to worry about their basic intelligence. We have never even heard of something called a Potato Cat, and it must be something that only children could think up. But if she’s in high school, or worse, college, then her family has some explaining to do. Cats do not morph into Potato Cats from eating potatoes. We certainly hope that she doesn’t keep performing these experiments on her poor kitty, too. Some foods are dangerous for cats. Anyway, Yahoo! Answers tends to be a great resource when looking for proof that humanity is likely to be doomed.
4. Don’t attempt this while driving
One of the things we hate about leaving the house is having to wear actual pants. It can be so annoying to put on such a restricting clothing item. But society expects us to wear pants, or an acceptable equivalent, whenever we go out in public. And perhaps it was indeed a very hot day for this person. Pants would be uncomfortable if the temperatures were 80 degrees or higher.
But people should NOT be removing their pants while they are driving. That is not only unsafe, it is beyond ridiculous. It could result in an accident in which the driver would be caught with their pants down. How would one even explain that, assuming one survived the crash? It would be extremely awkward. So, in addition to not applying makeup or texting while driving, we should avoid taking off our clothes as well.
3. Mac and cheese abomination
This was a total joke, and these girls were not serious about using macaroni and cheese for their bath bombs. Even so, it could have started something that sends humanity into a cheesy death spiral. A bath of cheesy fizz makes us want to vomit. Oh, wait, yep, there it goes. Cheese is meant to be eaten, not worn. The consistency of cheese sauce on our skin would be too much. We just cannot handle this at all. It’s possible to go too far. We could argue that this might be one of those times. Of course, maybe people like bathing in cheese sauce. Perhaps this even started a horrible cheesy trend that we wish did not exist. Cheese does not belong in the bathtub. Let’s just leave it at that for now. (And cleaning up that mess would not have been fun.)
2. A sad day in the neighborhood
Jenny asked a question on Yahoo! Answers about how to ask a question on Yahoo! Answers. Um, okayyyy. She does not seem to realize that she had already answered her question by the very act of asking the question through the forum. How can anyone be that ridiculously clueless? Jenny makes us worry about the future of humanity. No one should be that misinformed. Humanity could very well be lost and nowhere to be found when there are people out there who ask ridiculous questions like this Jenny. But we aren’t sure what can be done to save humanity from this fate. Go to the library, get some book recommendations, or take some free classes. Education might be the only thing that saves us!
1. A crime spree not worth the pain
People can do weird things when they are drunk, and this guy probably committed the strangest crime of all. He crashed into a spa and found their Hot Pockets stash. Maybe he knew that the Hot Pockets were there and thought it would be a good idea once he got drunk. Maybe it was just a pleasant discovery for him after he had rammed though the spa walls.
But the hangover and stomachache from this crime spree would not have been worth it. He may have also suffered minor injuries from the car crash. And now he would be spending time in jail for property damage and theft. Sure, people have committed worse crimes. This crime has the benefit of being hilarious and a tad pathetic as far as crimes go. But it is definitive proof that humanity is going down a dangerous road. We only hope that we can be found in the future.
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