In a world of rompers and selfie sticks, we’ve all seen crazy commercials and incredible gag gifts. But what about when products aren’t just gag gifts and real products people actually want? Is bacon-shaped Band-Aids or bacon flavored lip balm a good gift or a gag gift? In reality you can get bacon-flavored anything, it’s a really common theme. Because bacon is awesome. Then we have the oddest umbrellas from Japan for your dog, or your entire family to all fit under. Or glow-in-the-dark toilet paper. Or Twitter toilet paper!
But with all these crazy products, believe it or not, it gets crazier! From Hairy Stockings to Nothing, check out these fifteen most ridiculous products money can buy! Hey, you might find something to add to your wish list. Or at least something to add to someone else’s.
15 Hairy Stockings
There are many reasons to buy hairy stockings, but only one reason they were created. To ward off unwanted attention. These stockings were made to make your legs look really hairy and make you appear unattractive. They are literally called “Anti-Pervert Stockings”.
On the other hand, they may also be used for those who want a more natural look. Want to break the trends and own up to your true form? Get used to your natural legs with these tights that make it look like you haven’t shave…ever. It doesn’t matter the intent, these stockings can be whatever the user wants them to be. Is it a new, feminist trend? Is it an anti-perv accessory? Or is it actually made for guys who feel the need to be hairier? All of the above, in my opinion. If you want hairy legs, you wear them!
14 Better Marriage Blanket
What is the hardest part about sleeping in the same bed as someone? Sharing the covers? Getting pushed off the edge every ten minutes? Snoring? Maybe, but there is one thing that is never mentioned…and with good reason. Flatulence. But with the Better Marriage Blanket, that is taken care of. It is literally advertised to save your marriage. This isn’t a joke it’s real. This blanket absorbs the…flatulence of your partner, allowing you a better night’s sleep and a better marriage.
This is made with the same technology as Shreddies, the flatulence filtering undies. But we all know that in a long-term relationship, things can get pretty comfortable, so how much is this really needed? I don’t know, but it could just save the right relationship if purchased at the right time. But if given as an anniversary gift, things could take an ironic turn for the worst.
13 Measuring Tape Belt
Who doesn’t want to know their waist measurements at all times? Yeah…this is sad. Yet the perfect dieting tool. This tape measure belt by Ecal is a lifesaver. No more denying the fact that your waste size is growing. It will stare you in the face all day long. However, if you are on a diet, this belt is a fantastic motivator! Although I can see dieters wearing their pants higher and higher, trying to reach the smallest part of their waist.
Look! I started out this month at a size 40 and now I’m down to 38! Um…no, I didn’t just move the belt up. I just felt like wearing a dress with the belt in the center. It’s pretty much at the same spot as before. Anyway, this won’t look too awkward till people get the idea to use it on their bust or hips.
12 Ostrich Pillow
If you’re an avid napper than needs to sleep in the middle of work or on the bus, but like the lights low and a comfy, constricting pillow, then the ostrich pillow is for you! Just look at it! Doesn’t it make you sleepy already? However, it is not recommended for the claustrophobic. Though it claims to be ergonomic, breathable, and extremely comfortable.
It has a nose and mouth hole as well as a place for your hands to stay cozy or for your head to rest on. This is a must have for…well, it’s not a must have for anyone, actually, but it’s a great addition to your collection of unique travel items. Plus, it’s an inconspicuous way to sleep on the job. Totally undercover.
11 Goldfish Walker
Everyone’s always taking their dogs on walks, but everyone neglects one animal who likely would love to go on walks with their lovely owners. I mean, so what if their memory literally only lasts a few minutes. They deserve the love and attention of any dog.
Someone knew this as a fact and created the Goldfish Walker. It lets you easily take your goldfish out without the bowl sloshing around or looking like a weirdo carrying a fishbowl everywhere you go. It’s also a great way to take your goldfish to “take your pet to work day”. It can sit up in the car and you can roll it on in to work. Just take the elevator rather than the stairs. You know, they still aren’t dogs.
10 Liberation Napkin
In Japan, opening your mouth wide while eating in public is considered rude. It is also considered attractive for women to have a smaller mouth, called an “ochobo” mouth. So a fast food chain created a wonderful device.
Freshness Burger is a popular burger joint in Japan. They also became more popular when they realized that their best burger wasn’t selling as good as it should. When evaluated, statistics showed that women weren’t eating it. Why? Well, it was just too messy. So, to up the sales and allow women to enjoy the greasy goodness, they created a napkin made especially for the burger. This napkin had the face of a woman on it that would hide the real women eating the messy burger behind it. Mind officially blown.
9 Pillow Talk
This device was created for long distance relationships. The more you think about it, the creepier and more intimate it gets. It isn’t actually a pillow that does the work, but a wristband that picks up your heartbeat and sends it to your loved one’s pillow in real time. So you can listen to their heartbeat and they can listen to yours.
This technology is developed by Little Riot and it’s actually so new that it’s only available for pre-order right now. This could be super innovative, or a really big flop. Either way, it is unique, makes sense, and is really strange. It could be the answer to long distance relationships…or the end of them. “I wish your heart would stop beating! It’s keeping me up all night”.
8 Metal Detecting Sandals
Metal detecting sandals may be the answer to all of your awkward childhood dreams. They detect metal while you walk! So you can find buried treasure, ancient artifacts, and…beer cans. It is made by placing a copper coil into the right sandal and a battery pack that straps to your calf.
It can detect metals from as far as two feet away! Two metric feet, not two human feet, like the ones in your sandal. Every kid wants a metal detector to find cool things on the beach, but you don’t want to look lame walking around with one. Plus, your parents say you don’t “need” a metal detector. But you know what you do need? Sandals! Just don’t’ wear them with socks…please. We’re all mature adults here that know what we’re doing with our lives.
7 DVD Rewinder
Did you know that once upon a time there was a DVD rewinder? No way! You could rewind your DVDs in seconds without the hassle of…whatever else you used to rewind it or else pay rewind fees at the video store. Wait…what? Think about that for a second…a DVD Rewinder. What has this world come to. The worst part is, it was discontinued in 2009, I believe, or as the website suggests. Guess they weren’t selling well. That or they wanted it to be a rare and limited edition item. Well, it sure is rare!
They claim that it also rewinds Playstation and Xbox games…ugh. Rewinding a game! That’s great for when you make a mistake and need to go back! Yes! This company was so innovative that they literally won “top eCommerce solution company” in 2000.
6 Electro Smile
Is this child abuse or parenting? This device forces children to smile in pictures by electrocuting their face muscles, forcing them to contract.
This device is known as Electro Smile. It kind of looks like a Saw torture technique but it’s really just a way to get your misbehaving kids to smile. Is your kid always pouting or throwing fits during picture day. Well, this is the solution! The guarantee is that the kid will keep smiling after the device is taken off so the contraption won’t mess your photos up like that child’s frown was doing before.
There’s only one side effect, your child may develop a slight, most likely temporary twitch. But that’s a small price to pay for a device that gives you pictures fake happiness. With adjustable settings you can control the smile and intensity of the shock.
Okay, I’m just going to say it: Please do not buy this item.
5 Privacy Scarf
Have strange internet habits? Confidential work? Or just like a little privacy? To each their own. Well, the privacy scarf lets you work on the computer, your tablet, or laptop without being disturbed or anyone seeing what you’re up to.
The Privacy Scarf may have never picked up as it was designed by a graduate student. It may seem sketchy, but sometimes you really just do want some privacy. People looking over your shoulder in public are the creepy thing. Okay, so this may seem weird and it’s not likely on the market yet…but hey, it could be soon. It’s like sunglasses for your device. I wonder if they will create ones for your smart phone? That would actually sell if they could make them less conspicuous.
4 Baby Mop
Tired of cleaning the floor yourself? Well, here’s a loophole that allows you to enforce child labor without repercussions. It’s a Baby Mop romper that kind of looks like it was washed in a bowl of mac n’ cheese.
The creators of Baby Mop give five reasons why you should buy it. One is to teach your baby a strong work effort. Two is that your baby will learn to not drop food on the floor if they have to clean it up. Three is that your baby will burn a lot of calories and sleep better. Four is that you won’t have to clean. Then five is that you will save tons of money on cleaning products!
You really can’t argue with any of those points now, can you?
What do you get when you throw a pair of gloves and a pair of underwear in the dryer? A pair of underwear and one glove. Because somehow dryers eat gloves. But that’s not the point. The point is that you can buy underwear for your hands. They come on the form or fingerless gloves called Handerpants. They’re advertised as being great for Jazz Hands! But there are also minor effects that they are great for. Such as the prevention of chafing and absorption of sweat. They are even made to distract your enemies when in combat. You can wear them under your gloves to keep them fresh or to shake hands with unsavory people. They fit most hands, are breathable, and non-toxic. Yes, not toxic underwear, lifesaver.
2 Potty Putter
The days of taking your phone to the bathroom are over! Now we have your very own gold game to take to the pot.
This is great for golfers who just want a moment alone at the end of the day. They can sit on their throne, do their business, and putt away! It’s called the Potty Putter and it’s available on Amazon! It’s great for the house where you have kids running around who refuse to go the bathroom. Or the office where you just need a little break. But beware, wherever you put the putt, the bathroom will never be vacant again! You won’t be able to stop anyone from practicing their skills twenty-four seven! This is the best inventions since internet…well, maybe not the best.
Is it hard finding the perfect gift for something who has everything and wants nothing? Well, the struggle has ended. You can now buy nothing without feeling guilty. Get the Gift of Nothing today. It’s perfect. You’ve heard the saying, “nothing is better than chocolate” or “nothing is better than a new video game or phone”. Well, now you can buy the only thing better than those…nothing! After all, they are the one that said “nothing is better than a trip to Hawaii.”
Open the box and you’ll be surprised by nothing! There is literally nothing in this package. It’s a plastic container with nothing inside. It may be a practical joke, but it’s a darn good one. I mean, there are so many puns, it’s truly punbelievable!