Dating on the internet has never been easy, but Tinder's simplified rating system has left something to be desired. From just a quick glance at someone's photo, age and basic profile information, you're forced to make a snap judgment on your shared compatibility. Just because you swipe right doesn't always mean you're going to find the man or woman of your dreams. There are a lot of creeps, weirdos and dummies out there to sift through.
Once in a while, however, Tinder has the capability for becoming a genuine source of amusement. Women especially are subject to some pretty ridiculous pickup lines that are straight-up awful. While some choose to ignore said NSFW Tinder messages, others use it as an opportunity for some pretty great comebacks. From bad puns to emoji-only communications, we've picked out some of the most hilarious Tinder exchanges out there that are guaranteed to make you LOL.
15 Whale at least she's honest
Where do guys get these lines from? Seriously. This guy is comparing his wang to a sea slug and that's supposed to turn girls on? Has he even seen a sea slug before? First of all, they don't have shells; those are sea snails. Secondly, most of them have bumps and weird wavy parts that would look like a bad STD case on a person. Gross. You're not sliding anywhere with that image in her head, bro.
This girl has serious chill, though. She came up with the best series of marine life-related puns ever seen on the internet. We’re totally using her “cut through the blubber” line from now on. Even the guy is impressed at her ability to come up with something that clever on the spot. How can he be mad at a rejection like that? Anytime someone uses humor to diffuse a potentially awkward situation—especially on Tinder—it's always a win.
14 Kim Jong-Nope
Short and to the point, this Tinder exchange demonstrates what happens when you try to meet in person too quickly. At least the guy didn’t say something overly sexual in an attempt to score points for brashness. Nope. Instead, he tried to bring freedom into the conversation and appear witty. While it makes for a funny exchange, it’s a bit of a loaded question considering what the majority of the world thinks about the current US administration’s policies.
She could have responded with just about any country to throw this guy off, but instead opted for the most oppressed country she could think of—North Korea. They’re about as far off from America’s freedoms as you can get. If he was holding onto any amount of hope regarding her level of interest, it all instantly evaporated when she responded with that. Women aren’t exactly regarded as equals there so from the sound of it, she’d rather spend her time doing household chores than going on a date with him. Ouch.
13 Swiping right was a bad choice
Basically, this Tinder exchange sums up the majority of interactions on the app. As soon as a guy matches with a girl, he's already thinking of ways to get her to bang him. Most of the ways involve really stupid pickup lines, insults, or blatant solicitations for sex. Oftentimes they’re just copied and pasted from one girl to the next. They probably work about 20 percent of the time, and that’s being generous.
Meanwhile, once a girl gets a guy's first message, she's already regretting her decision to swipe right in the first place. Half the time she uses Tinder while drunk so she's not exactly choosing potential mates wisely. Plus, since most guys are just looking for a quick lay, their introductions aren't exactly inspiring confidence in her. Then there are those gems that are the stuff of Tinder nightmares, which just make us all want to delete the app. Online dating sucks.
12 Engineer yourself a new pickup line
This Tinder exchange just goes to show that women are more creative than men. While the guy thought he was smooth by throwing it out there that he's studying to be a doctor, his pickup line could use some work. How exactly would being a doctor help this girl get pregnant any better than a person of some other profession? Is he implying that she has fertility problems and needs artificial insemination or something? How unsexy of him.
On the other hand, the girl takes things to another level. She throws out her equally impressive future career while simultaneously coming up with a much more creative use for it in the conversation. Basically, she could MacGyver TF out of random stuff and his balls would be toast in a second. Although she’s rejecting him, she’s doing so with intelligence and class something the guy could learn a lot from. Guess he’s met his match because she wins!
11 Keep your poems to yourself
Why do guys always think that their lame a** poems will somehow come off as cute? If the original "Roses are red" rhyme is god-awful corny, their version is not likely to contribute much. Plus 99 percent of the time, the poem is about having a girl sit on their face, which just loses its appeal from constant overuse. What if she isn’t into that? What if she’s self-conscious about her weight and is afraid she’ll suffocate him? Guys need to think with their heads, not their d***s.
At least the girl who his poem was intended for has a good sense of humor. She could not have answered at all, but her poem is an infinitely better response than nothing at all. She’s taking everything he said to her and turning it back around on him. Plus she’s playing the game right along with him and letting him know that his attempt was a failure without being too mean. Gold stars all around.
10 Emoji innuendo
How perfect that these two decided to communicate solely using emojis. Our society has reverted back to a visual language over words. Emojis are the new hieroglyphics. They’re symbols that express more than words can sometimes and do so in a shorter, more concise way than spelling it all out in a sentence would. While they’re obviously not as reliable than just using words, they usually get the job done anyway.
We can all see exactly what the guy has on his mind. He's all about those phallic objects and using hand gestures to simulate sexy time. But, the girl he's messaging isn't having it. She'd much rather have junk food than his D. At the very thought of doing it with this Tinder bro, she'd also rather have a bullet to the head than experience what that would be like. He’s going to need a lot more than an eggplant and a banana to woo her. Use your words, bro.
9 He's on a journey to rejection town
How did this guy not get it after her first response? He didn’t even flinch when she said she’s living in a lonely world. Wouldn’t that normally be a red flag? But this guy’s like, “oh she’s not from here; she’s from a small town. That’s cool.” She's quoting lyrics from Journey's "Don't Stop Believin',” dude! Even if he wasn’t alive when it originally hit the airwaves, Glee’s version was all over the place for the longest time. Come on!
Even now, it's constantly on the radio, especially during those '80s weekends that adult contemporary and classic rock stations love to have. Plus someone almost always does it during karaoke. Does he live under a rock or something? Hopefully, he at least suspected she was trolling him after that last line. It's a bit of an awkward response to why she's in Chicago, don’t you think? Maybe he knew what she was doing all along and just wanted to see how committed she was to it. Now that would be hilarious.
8 Do you like to live dangerously?
Girls have been known to give guys a fake number or wrong number, which can get embarrassing for the unsuspecting guy. However, this girl took things to another level on Tinder. After the guy fed her a pickup line about needing her number, she obliged but added a bit of danger to it by throwing him her father's number as well. It's now up to him to risk her father's wrath or get lucky and find her on the other end of the phone call.
If he's a gambling man, he'll probably go through with it, but there's no guarantee this girl is even telling the truth. Maybe neither of those numbers are hers at all. But, if one of them is hers, she'll find out his level of interest by what he decides to do. It takes a brave man to risk talking to the dad of a girl you’re trying to bone. She really got him good.
7 Boom, roasted
Some Tinder pickup lines are so bad, you just can't help but laugh. Like, do guys even realize how they sound? There's no way this line works on anyone; it's just too stupid. First of all, it doesn't even make sense. The FBI doesn't give a damn about some dude's penis. Plus the way he's worded it makes it sound like his thing is a person. It’s like asking if some stranger can hide out in your basement for a few days because he’s on the run. And she’s supposed to get turned on by that?
Maybe there are some women out there with that particular fantasy, but for the most part, it just seems kinda pathetic. Vaginas are not for hiding things in. At least the girl on the receiving end of the message has a sense of humor about it. She threw it right back at him with an insult to boot.
6 Guess she's not an Archer fan
We're going to go ahead and guess this girl's name is Lana even though it's blurred out. She didn't say, "that's not my name," so it's safe to say that she was actually responding to it. Nevertheless, the guy was probably just excited that her name was Lana because he could use an Archer quote on her. What guy doesn't love quoting that show? Sterling Archer is the man-child poster child for Tinder bros.
It’s obvious that the girl in question doesn’t watch the FXX show so she wasn’t privy to the joke. She probably got excited that the guy was using her name so many times only to get totally confused when he said “danger zone.” To the uninformed, it might come off a bit creepy, like stranger danger. Not exactly the first impression you want to give off in a Tinder exchange. Still, there wouldn’t have been an issue if she had just been an Archer fan to begin with.
5 Can you not?
Here's an example of one of the more cringeworthy Tinder exchanges. There are two different things going on in this message. For one, the guy doesn't seem to have very good grammar so he's not exactly making a good first impression just on the composition of his sentences alone. Secondly, his joke sounds like something an old man would use on young girls. Seriously though, who says "cans" anymore? It sounds straight from the 1940s.
Can you blame this girl for reacting the way she did? You can almost hear her eyes rolling in response. She could have come back at him with something really mean if she wanted to. His line was just that awful. Comparing breasts to aluminum cans? Really? Are you sure you’re not looking for a robot, buddy? Women are a lot softer than aluminum. It’s pretty obvious this guy has never even seen a pair of t***.
4 Straight and to the point
If you need proof that guys are only ever really thinking about one thing, may we present this particular Tinder exchange? Two matched people are having an ordinary, everyday conversation—small talk, if you will—until the guy decides to say exactly what he's thinking. Granted it seems that some time may have passed since the first part of the conversation had occurred—since there was a time stamp right after it—but that's what makes it even weirder. After a short break in the conversation, he just straight up asks her for a picture of her nether regions. There was no easing into it, no flirting or pickup lines involved. It was just completely blunt. He’s obviously no nonsense and prefers not to play games, which is refreshing, but come on. Obviously, the girl was taken aback as well, especially since he was so specific about what part of her he wanted a picture of. Apparently “Nudes?” doesn’t cover it anymore.
3 Winning Weiner
Everything's a game to some men, including picking up women. They're always keeping score of whether their charm works or falls flat. It's never really about getting to know someone at first. Instead, it's more of a cat and mouse chase. Even when the girl in this Tinder exchange only admitted to smiling at the pickup line, the guy took that as a win. It's like chipping away at a piece of ice until it's formed into a sculpture—something pretty to look at.
You have to admit, it is a hilariously corny line. It has you thinking about both hot dogs and boners; a win-win situation. There’s no doubt he probably picked it up from some website. Someone sits around and thinks up all these gems so other guys don’t have to. Most of them aren’t smart or creative enough to come up with them on their own. This one in particular probably works the best in New York City though since there are a lot of hot dog stands. No one can resist a New York street vendor hot dog after all.
2 Third Grade Logic
This is definitely one of the weirder Tinder exchanges we've seen. Why in the world would some guy want to sit in a girl's third-grade desk? Sounds like some messed up pedophilia s***. Not only that, but this guy is willing to undergo huge amounts of pain just to make it happen. He clearly has issues and possibly some BDSM leanings judging by his acceptance of suffering.
Whether or not the girl actually skipped third grade is irrelevant; she deflected his comments well. Unfortunately, the creep factor runs deep in this guy and he finds a way to turn her response into a positive. Hey, at least he’s a glass-half-full kind of guy. Even though he makes himself look bad by saying he got held back in third grade, he tries to appear cute by pointing out their similarities. Unfortunately, talking about elementary school won’t score you any points when you’re a grown a** man.
1 I might be
Props to this girl for pointing out how strange this guy's comments were. We get that he's trying to say that she won't be able to walk after they get down, but did he have to go there with the wheelchair part? What if someone in her family is in a wheelchair? It's a little insensitive to use a disability in a pickup line, don’t you think?
But that second part, though. Why is he asking her if she likes pumpkin spice lattes? Was he going to take her out for one after they were done getting freaky? Was he about to call her basic? Who knows, but she certainly went to town trying to figure it out for herself. Her guess is just as relevant as ours. Apparently, he doesn’t even know where he was going with all that either, judging from his response. Ten bucks says he got her number, though.