Without a doubt, Snape is one of our favorite characters from the Harry Potter series. Which is saying a lot, because HP gave us some amazing characters. There's the main three, of course. But then we have awesome teachers like Lupin and McGonagall. And kick-butt parents like Molly Weasley and Sirius Black. Neville Longbottom is clearly a crowd pleaser. And we all have a soft spot for Dobby (RIP). But Snape is still one of the best.
For the longest time, we just thought Snape was a crabby old teacher who was jealous of Harry's popularity and natural talent. But then we realized he was carrying a deep secret. And underneath his rough exterior was a heart of pure gold. He was fiercely loyal. He was a man in love. Snape was a hero! But he was also full of sass and wit. He had some of the best lines and delivered them fiercely. And whatever lines he didn't have, the Internet gladly filled in the blanks. Here are 15 of our favorite sassy Snape moments:
15 On Wednesdays, We Wear Pink
Get it together, Umbridge! It's a Monday. Do we wear pink on Mondays? Or course not! Pink is for Wednesdays and Wednesdays only. Why else do would all the teachers hate her? Was it because she ousted their headmaster and tried to fire half the staff? Sure, that was part of it. Was it because she created awful school rules that made all the students despise her? Well, that probably didn't help. Was it because she were a cruel, awful, and power-hungry person? Definitely a factor. But the big reason why no one warmed up to Umbridge was because she could not get on board with the dress code. Dark colors are the way to go at Hogwarts. Everyone loves their moody black robes and fancy hats. It is not a place to rock bright colors. And it definitely isn't a place to wear pink on the wrong day.
14 I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt
Snape definitely had his own distinctive flare. He had style. No one else was rocking the greasy black look as well as Snape. It really takes some guts to rock head to toe black. Seriously, only his face and hands were ever exposed. We can't even imagine Snape in a t-shirt or shorts. We would die. And then he adds shoulder length greasy black hair with a strong middle part to his all black look. It honestly just looks like a bad wig. But Snape sticks to it. He could've gone for a haircut or conjured up some shampoo, at the very least. But no, Snape was sticking to his look. We also love his black robes that swayed behind him. It was like he always had his own wind machine blowing for him. He's basically the Beyoncé of Hogwarts. We bow to his sexiness.
We love how Snape could drag out a word and give it a hundred new meanings we didn't even realize the word had. And he kept such a good poker face. He always looks just a little bit agitated. But he was never one to express shock or happiness. Just slight agitation, all of the time. Which makes sense, seeing as he was dealing with teenage students for most of the day. We would also be pretty on edge. Plus, he was busy holding onto his deep love for Lily, trying to protect her son while also holding onto his hate for Harry's dad, James, playing double agent for Dumbledore, trying to figure out the horcruxes and fighting for his dream teaching position. A fact that Dolores Umbridge was just too happy to try and rub his face in. But Snape can't be thrown that easily. He answered Umbridge with the perfect amount of sass.
12 To The Left, To The Left
"To the left, to the left. Everything you own in the box to the left." We're telling you, Snape is 100% the Beyoncé of Hogwarts. Look at that sass! Look at how he wants his haters heading to the left. Snape doesn't have to use words, he can just shake his head and we know exactly what he wants. This is a whole new level of sass we're not sure that we're ready for. We can just picture Snape having to choose teams for dodgeball. He'd just stand there right in the middle. He'd stare someone down slowly, not saying a single word. The person starts to sweat and squirm. And then all of a sudden, Snape would throw his head to the left or the right and they would know which team they were joining. It would be the most dramatic picking of dodgeball teams ever.
11 Turn My Swag On
In the first movie, Harry and his friends were convinced that Snape was the evil one. They were sure he was working to bring Voldemort back and steal the philosopher's stone. But it was actually Quirrell behind the whole thing. But Snape didn't do himself any favors. He certainly acted the part of the evil guy. Remember when the troll broke into the castle to serve as a distraction so Quirrell could head to the third floor and try to get past Fluffy? But Snape was onto him. He followed Quirrell and got a little torn up in the process. Or so we thought. But what if it wasn't a limp? What if Snape wasn't hurt? What if he just walks with more swagger than little Miss Hermione Granger is used to? Bet we never thought of it like this. Snape isn't going to turn his swag off just to make himself look less incriminating. So what if people think he's evil? At least he is getting swag points.
10 Gurl, Please
Snape can say so much with so little. He just needs one word. Or in this case, just a look. With one slight cock of the head - he is saying so much. He is definitely judging everyone. And they know they're doing something stupid if Snape is bothering to hit them with his judgement face. It automatically makes them question all of their life decisions. Actually, it might be helpful to have Snape around to hit us with this look when we're doing something sketchy. Like when we grab our phone at 2:00 in the morning and start scrolling through our contacts looking for someone to text. Snape hits us with this look and we drop our phone right away. "You're right, Snape. I don't need to text Brandon, that loser I hooked up with last summer, to see 'what up?'" Nothing good would come of that. Thank you for judging me, Snape.
9 He Was Just Jealous
So, Voldemort's story goes a little something like this. He decided to take out his right hand man, Severus Snape, at the final hour because he believed Snape to be the true ruler of the Elder Wand. And in order for Voldemort to become the wand's rightful ruler and control all of its power, he had to destroy the previous ruler. Of course, Voldy was wrong. Even a simple boy like Harry had it figured out. Harry, who dropped out of high school, knew that Snape wasn't the true ruler of the wand and that they don't actually have to kill the ruler, just to overpower them. So why didn't Voldemort know that? Or did he? What if Voldemort did know that but was just looking for an excuse to kill Snape? And now we know why! He wanted to kill Snape because he was jealous. Snape had everything Voldemort wanted - luscious locks and a full nose.
8 I Said MOVE!
"I said, move b**h. Get out the way. Get out the way. Get out the way!" Snape doesn't have time for people getting in his way. He has important things to do, important places to be, and important people to see. Especially by book seven, when Snape was busy working deep undercover and being headmaster of an entire school. We can't even imagine how much work that must be. Plus, the only person who knew Snape was a double agent is now dead. That is a lot to deal with. So, Snape certainly does not have time for people or something as silly as a gate getting in his way. He won't be knocking on doors or waiting patiently after he rings a doorbell. Snape is coming and going as he pleases because he is a busy man. So if anyone sees him coming towards them with his hair and robes waving wildly in the wind, they better know they need to get out the way.
7 Go Ahead And Look
Take a look. Seriously, look around! Does anyone see all the f***s floating around? Neither do we. That's because there are none. Snape doesn't have time for that. He seriously could not care less about whatever trivial thing we're dealing with. Coaching Malfoy to win in a silly student duel - not something Snape cares about. Making sure Malfoy follows all of the rules of the duel and doesn't cheat? Really not something Snape cares about. He is busy dealing with so many other things. Teaching is not his entire life. So he really can't get wrapped up in the silly school kid problems. Malfoy and Potter don't like each other? That doesn't seem like it needs to be Snape's problem. He is a grown man who is secretly working as a double agent with the Dark Lord. He can't bother himself with silly student drama.
6 Fake, I Say!
Fake, we tell you! Lucius is a liar and that s**t is fake! Poor Snape. He was just trying to make a friend. It must be lonely for a double agent. No one in the Order of the Phoenix really trusted him because they thought he was secretly bad. And none of Voldemort's army wanted to hang with him because they thought he was secretly good. It was really only Dumbledore who understood Snape. But then he went and died on us. So Snape had no one. He shows up to a Dark Lord meeting one day and thinks he'll try small talk with Lucius Malfoy. They have a lot in common: they both have long locks and could talk about Draco. So Snape starts in hoping to get Malfoy's conditioning secret. Clearly his hair is looking great. It always looks so silky and soft. Whereas Snape's looks a little greasy at times. But would the man give up the spell? Nope! Friendship over.
5 Mic Drop
Or maybe it should be 'wand drop'? Whatever the drop, Snape sure knows how to make an exit. This guy is all about the flare. If Snape is leaving, we're going to know about it. He doesn't just sneak off or make a quiet exit. He is making a grand exit and grabbing our attention. But for Snape, his version of a grand exit doesn't involve a bunch of fireworks or loud talking. He isn't Lockhart, after all. His version is a lot more subtle. He doesn't need all the dramatics. Because Snape has more sass and flare in his little pinky than most people do in their whole body. So he doesn't have to resort to a bunch of fancy tricks to get our attention. He already has our attention because he is Severus mother-effing Snape. And when he wants to leave a room, our eyes will be glued to him.
4 Wrong Movie, Diggory
C'mon, Robert Pattinson, get it together. Harry Potter is a different movie than Twilight. Figure it out. And yes, both of these movies were based off fiction novels that delved into the mystical world. Both had werewolves and other mythical creatures. Pattinson got to be both a vampire and a wizard. It was all very exciting stuff. But they were not the same movie. Just because Pattinson was the lead in Twilight and had a bunch of crazed fans dying to be his Bella Swan, does not mean he gets to bring all of his Twilight talk to Harry Potter. A Twilight vampire is not the same as a Harry Potter vampire. There will be no sparkling in the sun in Harry Potter. There won't be long drawn out declarations of true love. There won't be ridiculous love triangles that consume the plot lines of three books. Harry Potter has it together. Get out of here with all that sparkle nonsense.
3 That Pause Though
Snape was a brilliant speaker. Seriously, he was a world class orator. When he spoke, we listened. He was the kind of guy who could whisper all of his lines and we would move our chair closer just to hear. He commanded the room when he spoke. And he knew it. So Snape wasn't afraid to really make people work for it. We all wanted to know what he was going to say next. And we knew we would have to wait for it. Snape will not be rushed. He's not the type to repeat himself or hurry it up. He will take exactly as long as he would like. And each one of his pauses is for a purpose. It makes us think. When he delivered this line, we better believe that Harry and his friends were already feeling super guilty before Snape even got to the end of his sentence. They could feel his judgment.
Snape always knew when it was time to get his whole body into it. He was well known for his movements. He always walked swiftly with his robes flying around behind him. Even the way Snape pulled up his sleeves had a certain finesse about it. He always knew exactly what movements to make. He was a master of the physicality. So when Snape would say his body was ready, then gosh darn it, it was ready. Unfortunately, here it looks like Snape's body may have been ready to die. It was pretty cruel of Voldemort to leave Snape's death up to Nagini, his snake. That way, Snape had to suffer and feel pain in a slow death. Why didn't Voldemort just Avada Kedavra his a**? It would have been a lot faster and a lot nicer for someone he considered a friend. Plus, if Voldemort was really worried about Snape ruling the Elder Wand and needing to overpower him himself, one would think he'd want to do the killing himself.
1 Yes, Snape. Yes, You Are
We love self-love and positivity. Snape, is worth it. He is so worth it. We love that he knows his worth, too. And yes, his hair is definitely part of his worth. He was born to do a L'Oréal commercial. We're so sad that Voldemort took him from this world before he had a chance to honor his true calling. He would've been a hit. Maybe he would've met a hot hair model and finally been able to get over Lily. Or maybe all the hair modelling would give him a break from chasing after the Defence Against the Dark Arts teaching job that no one wanted to give him. Hair commercials were his calling! We're so sad he missed it. But maybe he inspired a young wizard in his potions class to grow his own hair and become the model he never got to be.