Having funny parents is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, you can always count on hearing some knee slappers from your folks anytime you're sitting at the dinner table or when you're over at their house raiding the fridge.
On the other hand, having funny parents means that at all times you run the risk of being savagely roasted by either of them.
For many of us, this can make Thanksgiving and really all other holidays a total nightmare. But, the good news is, there is no burn like a burn dealt out by your parents, so we figured now would be a good time to take a moment and reflect on fifteen of the most savage parent burns we have seen this holiday season.
15 Reynolds Got Jokes
Everybody knows that Ryan Reynolds is one of the most hilariously irreverent leading men in Hollywood. His role as Deadpool established him as a god of comic book adaptations and the swiftly approaching sequel is already being teased online to zillions of buzzing fanatics all over the world.
His other credits include Van Wilder, Green Lantern, and countless others. But, who would have thought that his funniest role would actually be as a father?
Don’t get us wrong, the way that he looks at Blake Lively when they’re on the red carpet together really does suggest that there’s a lot of love there that extends into their home life. But, wow, if this isn’t one of the most incredible dad burns of all time, then we don’t know what it is.
14 Reynolds Got Jokes Pt. Two
And just like all other box office hits, there’s got to be a sequel. It’s just the rule in Hollywood. In the case of this particular tweet, we couldn’t be happier he chose to greenlight a second installment.
Parenthood is difficult, and Ryan Reynolds knows that. Given his razor sharp wit, and often sarcastic sense of humor, you know he’s not going to sit there and pretend that raising a child is all sunshine and rainbows all the time.
Instead, he’s going to retain the mantle as one of the wittiest guys in the movie biz and dish out the dad burns like they’re going out of style.
Bravo, Ryan Reynolds. If only they gave out Academy Awards for roasts as savage as this one.
13 Look What You Made Me Do
Taylor Swift is a fairly divisive person in the music industry. Some people revere her for her seemingly squeaky clean exterior, and others say she’s just a wolf parading around in sheep’s clothing.
Whatever the case may be, she’s become one of the most influential, young songstresses to ever pick up a guitar and we have nothing but respect for that. However, some of her prepubescent fans run the risk of being roasted if they’re caught running around town feeling like they’re 22.
Now, this particular dad may not be totally familiar with Swifty's catalog, but he sure is able to capture the spirit of the artist in the title that he did come up with.
Who knows, maybe Taylor will see this and make this her next big hit! Just make sure dad gets a writing credit, T.
12 Early Bird Gets the Burn
It’s not every day you see a mom burn as savage as this one, and it’s even more rare you see one as ruthless as this get dished out so early in the morning. Dang, mom, maybe wait a couple hours before you dig the claws in.
Clearly, mama bear was on a bit of a hot streak that morning when she decided that just after sunrise was the prime time to strike.
You have to give her some props though, she absolutely killed it with this burn. Something about the smiley face and the “xoxo” are just so devilish and delectable. It just goes to show you that great comedy often relies on simplicity.
You don’t need a big gesture, just go right for the kill.
11 Boom, Roasted
When it comes to jokes, dads often have just the right amount of wit (or lack thereof) to really deliver a savage punchline. We don’t know what it is about their genetic makeup, but they really are superheroes when it comes to sick burns.
Take this dad, for example. His poor son was just expressing his longing for his lady love when all of a sudden the hammer was dropped.
There’s something about this particular burn that is just absolutely genius. Pops wasted no time and got straight to the roasting and we absolutely love it.
What’s even better is that this status update was public, meaning that all of his son’s friends were in virtual ear shot for the lashing. This one may take a little while to walk off, kid.
10 We Will Talk About This Later, Young Lady
When you were a kid, there was nothing worse than having your cell phone taken away from you. It was your connection to the outside world and the most convenient way to coordinate a night of sneaking out with your best friends to play kick the can or whatever it is that kids do these days.
So, naturally, when you acted up, your parents saw to it that your cell phone privileges were the first to go. And of the many parents who employed this particular brand of punishment, the daddio in this image took it one step further to really rub it in.
You have to hand it to him though, he really did illustrate exactly why it was his daughter was being punished. Let’s just hope she learned her lesson.
9 Dad Don't Negotiate
There are many things that you can count on dads to do. They teach you how to change your oil, they show you how to ride a bike, and they tell you toughen up and handle your business when life gets you down.
However, the one thing that dads don’t do is negotiate with terrorists, as exemplified by this aptly named tweeter, @Playing_Dad.
We would all be lying if we said we didn’t throw the occasional tantrum when we were younger. Hell, some young people continue to pitch fits well into their adult lives. But, if we all had a dad like this one to show us that this kind of behavior gets us nowhere, there may be some more well-adjusted millennials out there today.
8 College Fund? More Like Wine Fund
When it comes to wine, moms don’t mess around. They need a glass of the sweet stuff from time to time when they’ve had enough of the kids and need a moment to unwind. And the mom pictured above is the perfect example of that.
It’s not just moms though; we all need an outlet of our own to blow off steam sometimes. This is why after seeing her son choose to slam himself into a wall repeatedly, this mama thought that maybe the college fund she’s been dumping money into over the years might be better spent on her favorite blend of old grapes.
Obviously, she tweeted this in jest, but out of all the mom burns out there, this one definitely stings a bit more than the others.
7 Let's Just Buy a Boat Instead
We can’t all be winners. Life would be boring if everybody crushed it every time. This is why it’s so important that we have kids like the one mentioned in this tweet – to stand apart from the rest and make the occasional mistake.
Clearly, this kiddo didn’t win the game of hide and seek, but they sure as heck did their best! So, we can at least give him or her or otherwise some kudos for that. But, the real MVP here is the dad that dished out this absolutely savage burn.
It had to be tough being this papa on the playground that had to say, “yeah, that one’s mine...the one hiding behind the chainlink fence.” But, like any great dad, he took it in stride, and managed to make a pretty good joke about it. Way to go, pops.
6 Sometimes, The Second Time's The Charm
Everyone loves a beautiful, brand new baby, just like everyone loves an adorable, little puppy. The cuteness is just undeniable, and that’s probably why so many parents these days choose to go round two, three, and so on with the children in their families.
For many kids, having a sibling is really great. They have a constant companion, someone a little bit older than themselves to look up to, and frankly a scapegoat to blame when mom and dad come storming into the room screaming about who was making all that racket.
And that’s why this perfectly placed comment is such a ruthless burn. This mama and or papa were definitely out for blood with this epic roasting and for that we couldn’t be more thankful.
5 Hug a Millennial Today
Whether or not our parents are willing to admit it, the job market just isn't what it used to be these days. Long-term, career-type jobs have been rampantly replaced with unpaid internships, and graduates fresh out of college are struggling more than ever to lock down a solid gig even with their four year degree in hand.
But, as sad as it is out there for young people on the job hunt, the parents of said young people are quick to twist the knife in the interest of comedy.
Like this dad, for instance, who wasted no time gloating about the job opportunities he had when he was a kid. Listen, pops, we know you had to walk uphill to and from school with no shoes on in the snow. You don’t have to rub it in that most college grads are still working part-time at a coffee shop in order to make rent.
4 Dad's Back At It Again With the Sick Burns
Dad jokes are some of the best jokes around. But, they’re often hilarious because of how utterly stupid, nonsensical, and punny they are. This dad joke is, unfortunately for the recipient, not one of those kinds of dad jokes.
What’s funny is that the joke made in his direction was way more of a dad joke than his absolutely savage retort. And it's for this reason we thought this would be an excellent addition to our list of other parental roastings.
You have to hand it to papa bear, he was pretty quick on his feet with this one. And the best part is, you can tell, like most fathers, he didn’t pull any punches. He went straight for the kill and we couldn’t be happier about that.
3 Dad's Getting Coal in His Stocking This Year
As a parent, there comes a time when you have to decide how you’re going to break it to your kids that it’s been you (and not the weird chimney sweep in red pajamas) who has been dropping freshly wrapped presents under the tree all these years.
However, until then, what many parents do is use holiday figures like Santa and the Elf on the Shelf to encourage good behavior throughout the Christmas season. Which is more or less what this particular dad was trying to do when he saw a downed Dancer playing the role of roadkill on the side of the road.
Sure, his interpretation is a bit more grisly than most, but he is at least illustrating the point well that you have to be good around Christmas time to get the maximum amount of presents.
2 Papa's Ruthless
Going away to college is one of the most exciting times in a person’s life. It offers the opportunity to start fresh and really reinvent the person that you were during your formative years, all the while gaining the ever important formal education.
But, what many people don’t know is that it can be a really exciting time for parents as well. In other words, with the kids out of the house, mamas and papas everywhere can finally kick back and enjoy some alone time and rekindle the romance that brought them together in the first place.
This dad was clearly excited for his kiddo to leave the nest, which is probably why he felt compelled to send a reminder that he’s doing just fine without them.
There are some dad burns out there that are just too ruthless for words. They cut too deep, they sting too much, and they lay waste too all jokes before and all jokes after them.
This is one of those jokes.
So, it’s hard to really capture in writing what has already been so profoundly dished out by this fatherly deliverer of savage roasts. Which is why we thought it best to let number one on this list to stand on its own and send chills down the spine of every son and daughter out there with hilarious parents.
This one’s for you, guys. Hopefully it won’t take a lifetime to walk this one off. And if it does, well, maybe you can find some ointment for this...BURN.