Where do I even start with social media? It’s an awesome force, and no corner of the Internet is free from its influence. Don’t listen to Queen, it’s not fat-bottomed girls who make the rockin’ world go around. It’s likes, retweets, and followers that seem to keep us afloat.
It’s a popularity contest, first and foremost. Everyone wants their posts to get as much attention as possible — for validation’s sake, of course. The trouble with that sort of attitude, though, is that people also need to like what they see. If they don’t, you’re staring down both barrels of the public failure shotgun. Their responses turn out to be just as public as the original post was. Here are 15 social media posts that got anything but the response that the poster was hoping for.
15. When Your Dad Pipes Up
Most sons and daughters have played tech support for their parents at some point in their lives. It’s the Circle of Life: Ma and Pa teach us how to use spoons, toilets, and such, so we show them how to set up an email address and shop online on their iPhones. It’s only fair.
The sad fact is, teaching our elders how these things work is generally going to come back and bite us on the butt at some point. As we’ve all seen, parents can be horrifying when left to roam free on social media. They’re either sending one thousand unsolicited updates about their new baby every day, or they’re pulling this sort of thing. Whatever Justin was expecting, friends, I can be darn certain that it wasn’t that. Thanks, dad.
14. Tesco Mobile Snark
As we all know, the whole ‘keyboard warrior’ thing is a common sight on the Internet. It’s easy to talk smack when you’re safe behind your monitor or mobile screen; nobody sees your Winnie the Pooh nightlight or your comfort blanket. You’ve got a tough username like @EliteNoobStomper7819, so who’d dare question you?
As such, you might think you’re free to talk all the trash you like about Tesco as a mobile carrier, and will be celebrated for your wit. Sadly for this guy, Tesco was in a sassy mood, and he was the one who got burned. A lot of company Twitter accounts are content just pushing their products, and it’s good to see one that bites back and has a little fun every now and then.
13. When You Go All TMI And Sorely Regret It
Picture a professor, standing in front of her new Social Media 101 class. For the first assignment of the year, she shows this Facebook post on the screen and asks, “now, class, where did this guy go wrong?” The real question here is what didn’t this dude do…
Rookie mistake there, ex-boyfriend. People do have a tendency to get a little too into the whole Twitter/Facebook/Instagram/Myspace (remember when Myspace was a thing) thing, and share every aspect of their lives. Granted some things are just TMI.
Just look at this shamble of a Facebook status. Not only did the girlfriend’s father lay down the law like only a girlfriend’s father can, the whole relationship was doomed. All in the space of about two hours, too, which is probably some sort of record. Nice going there, champ.
12. When You Need To Know How To Pick Up Chicks
Internet anonymity can be a super useful thing. If you have an embarrassing medical problem, say, or some other issue you don’t want to tell your friends or your mama about, why not ask the Internet? Anonymous posters can’t be judged, after all. So, ask away, friend.
On that note, nobody really wants to admit that they’re having trouble in the romance department. When you need advice on how to pick up chicks, you’ll have to just bust out a username and hope forum users have some wisdom to offer.
Well, this person should have known better. The web is notorious for its trollish sense of humor, after all, and you can’t really expect to get a serious answer. Still, that’s the cutest little chick I’ve ever seen, though, so kudos for that.
11. When Justin’s Proposal Goes A Little Awry
Well, um… that’s a bit of a downer. Damn it, Justin!
All too often these days, Facebook is the place to hear everyone’s news: Births, proposals, marriages, pregnancies, new relationships, usually you hear it there first. The same, sadly, is true of the sadder times in life. News of deaths and break-ups will often be broken here first, too (particularly where celebrities are involved).
The best and worst of the human experience, served up every day on Facebook. Sometimes, you can’t even tell which is which.
In this disastrous incident, things went south at the speed of sound. Justin’s happy new fiancée (or so she thought), Sarah, wasn’t thrilled with a proposal over text, but there it was. I suppose it wasn’t a problem after all, as she didn’t really get one…
10. When Ryan Reynolds Freaks You Out
I’m not sure what it is, but some people just get Twitter. They’re tweet artists. They’re dope on the floor and they’re magic on the mic. They can do things with that teeny character limit that the rest of us mere mortals could only dream of. Needless to say, Ryan Reynolds is one of those people.
If you’ve seen him in action in Deadpool or The Hitman’s Bodyguard, or read his tweets, you’ll know that he’s not a man to take seriously. He’s certainly not a man to ask a question regarding… well, anything really. When you present him with the old classic “how many somethings or other does it take to change a lightbulb,” you’d expect some kind of snarky joke. But this? This was beyond the pale, Ryan.
9. When The Haters Don’t Appreciate Your Latest Selfie
In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a beautiful young man born to the River God, Cephissus, and a Nymph. The guy was so freaking perfect that he fell in love with himself. His death came about after an enemy tricked him into looking at his own darn gorgeous reflection in a pool of water. Unable to look away from his perfect self, he withered away and died.
The term narcissist, of course, is derived from him, and this same spirit lives on in all of the selfie addicts we see on the web today. These perfect people will wither in the same way, if they don’t get enough likes and admiring comments on their photos. This hilariously snarky response, though, really wasn’t what this young woman had in mind.
8. When There’s Too Much YouTube On YouTube
Now, for a moment there, I almost thought I was following where this person was going with this. This was a train of thought I was so darn close to hopping onto and riding the rails. There are some YouTube users who will make a playlist of a popular video series by someone else, credit the original creator, and upload that same video themselves. Maybe that’s the sort of thing this rant is addressing?
Once again, however, all this poster wanted was a little reassurance. The peace of mind that comes with knowing you aren’t the only one. Sadly, it wasn’t to be. Instead, a whole bucket of sarcasm followed. What’s the only thing worse than somebody making fun of your screw-ups? Everybody else getting on the bandwagon, too.
7. When The Science Drops So Hard And Fast It Makes Your Head Spin
The Internet is a pernickety place indeed. You can make the most harmless and minuscule of spelling errors, and somebody’s going to land on you like a sumo wrestler over it. That’s just the way things are. Can we let a cheery motivational message go by, simply appreciating it in the spirit in which it was meant? No, no we can’t. Because it’s wrong. Here on the web, wrong-ness is never tolerated. Here on the web, you can be an Insta-expert on any subject you care to mention. Hence Jon, steaming in here like a man possessed, ready to kick butt and take names with his knowledge of all things sperm-y. The original point was meant rhetorically, I’m sure, but Jon doesn’t have time to screw around with rhetorics.
6. When The Principal Isn’t In The Mood For Your Crap-ola
Now, I understand — I really do. I had quite a love/hate relationship with school myself, in that I hated going and loved coming home. I can totally empathize with the feelings in that Facebook status. Being awoken by your alarm on a Monday morning, remembering that it’s double math first, and wondering how convincingly you can fake your own death, is something I understand.
Back in my days, there was no social media. Most importantly, there was no Facebook that I could have added my principal to. We all have crappy days, and we all need to have a darn good vent at times. The key to that, quite clearly, is to remember that there’s a time and place to do so. David was expecting high fives and agreement from his friends, and got only “PRINCIPAL OWNAGEEE!”
5. PETA’s Anti-Bacon Stance
Now, this one was always going to end in tears. It’s a real divisive one. On the one hand, People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals champion a cause that so many of us can get behind. On the other hand, though, bacon is a cause that so many of us take super seriously as well. I mean, how can they not? It’s bacon.
So what happened when PETA tweeted out ‘Present your best argument for eating bacon?’ Absolute snarky pandemonium, that’s what. This was meant as a good-natured, philosophical sort of question, but it was quite a minefield for PETA to wander into. With hindsight, they probably should have realized that people will defend their bacon-eating rights to the death. The tweet caused quite a fracas, generally of pro-bacon sentiment; my favorite response being this one above.
4. The Bohemian Rhapsody Of Modern Life
Steady there, friend. We all know the Internet’s tendency to go from 0-100 pretty instantly, but let’s grab our chill pills (I left mine somewhere in 1996, when that phrase was last used) for a minute here.
Any fan of classic rock (which is the best kind, naturally), or the generally music-savvy, will tell you that these are simply lyrics from Queen’s iconic Bohemian Rhapsody. Lots of social media users employ song lyrics in their posts, whether because they empathize with the words or they’re just really into a particular song at that moment. Watch out for others happening by who may not get the reference, though, because sometimes they’ll miss the point entirely. When this happens, they may as well engage their holier-than-thou Internet mode and go nuts.
3. When Mike The Cat Just Isn’t That Into You
As pet owners will know, dogs and cats are very different beasts. Your average dog really isn’t fussy about who they’ll play with, who they’ll show affection to. As long as the human’s down—and will offer them a treat or two—they’re anyone’s. I once visited friends who own an adorable little Yorkshire Terrier; I petted it once and it wouldn’t leave me alone for four hours. Once you’ve shown you’re willing, you’re caught in its trap.
Cats—on the flipside of the coin—are much pickier. They’re much less fickle. They won’t have their heads turned by any old person who sends them a copy-and-paste generic message. Hell no. Nice try, Ashley, but you’ll have to try harder to get yourself that coffee with Mike. He’s a classy guy, and he needs to be wooed.
2. When The Sun Falls Out Of Orbit
Come on now, people. What have we already said about science-ing it up where science doesn’t belong? This is clearly just an elaborate, snarky joke about typical players of first-person shooting video games. Halo players hate Call of Duty players, Call of Duty players hate Halo players, we know how this stuff goes. The gamers among us have heard it all before.
The setup’s simple: which of the two evils would you prefer? Both demographics are kind of notorious in their own special ways. The howling, swearing 12-year-old, is one of the biggest stereotypes in gaming. You just pick one answer or the other — that’s all they’re really asking for here.
1. Those Oregon Trail References
Whenever I see a pop culture reference slipped in where it doesn’t belong, it makes my whole day a little brighter somehow. The nerdier and more obscure the reference, the happier I am.
Now, granted, The Oregon Trail isn’t the most obscure of references. It may be ancient in the video game world, but it lives on in popular culture today (thanks primarily to the you died of dysentery meme). I’m not sure quite what Jason Cirillo expected to hear back from JetBlue airways, but it sure wasn’t this.
The airline is referencing the sad lack of storage space you had in the game, which allowed you to carry only 200 pounds of buffalo meat back to camp at a time. No wonder the poor guy’s numbers dwindled so quickly.
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