A roast is an event where a person is subjected to jokes at their own expense. There are two main components to a roast. There is the roastee, who is the one getting roasted, or made fun of, if you will. And then there is the dais, which are the group of people who are the ones doing the roasting. Being roasted is supposed to be considered an honor. It is not something you request, it’s something that is given to you; sort of like an award. The most important thing to remember about roasts is that no matter how bad the insult may be, the best roasts are always done out of love, never out of hate. Having said that, thanks to the wonderful people on Reddit and Twitter, roasting is no longer based on honor and more a savage spectacle. So without much further ado, here are 15 of the most savage roasts on the Internet.
15 First Date
Quick! Somebody call an ambulance because these two lovebirds are suffering from a third degree burn! Whenever you go out on a special occasion with your date, you want to make sure that you are looking your best (i.e. no broken bones). Nevertheless, the “Verified Roastee,” ACuriousGrizzlyBear, hit these two crazy kids with a “Neither of you could do better." Please try to contain your laughter. If that wasn’t bad enough, these two were also hit with a “neither of them could do worse.” A bit harsh perhaps, but if you really think about it, the fact that neither of these two can do better or worse, then maybe they are actually perfect for each other. These two are a match made in heaven and that’s kind of beautiful.
14 The Fast and The Furious.
If there were ever a roast that perfectly matched the roastee, then this ladies and gentleman, would be it. I can’t help but wonder how these Redditors come up with such funny comments. Some of these people need to quit their day jobs and become comedy writers, but I digress. This guy’s look just screams Fast and Furious, which actually makes me question if the person who wrote this roast is a close friend of his. If I had to guess, I’d say that this guy is more of The Fast and The Furious or a 2 Fast 2 Furious kind of guy. We’re not so sure about The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift, but I have been wrong in the past. Hopefully Universal Pictures keeps churning out more Fast and The Furious movies or this guy is going to break some more Redbox machines.
13 Sweater Guy
You’re probably asking yourselves, “what’s so strange about this next picture?” What is there to roast about this next guy? What’s so weird about a guy wearing a wife beater on top of a sweater? I mean, yeah, it’s a little strange, but we’ve seen weirder. Wait a minute, that sweater doesn’t seem right. Could it be that that sweater is no sweater at all, but instead this gentleman’s own body hair? Now that I think about, this roast is pretty damn savage. Not to mention, really cold. Well, the good news is that this guy won’t have to worry about it being cold, thanks to that lustrous coat of hair. Also, I have always found it a little odd that the hairiest guys are the ones who are always losing hair on their heads.
12 Amish Paradise
Something about this next guy makes me think of “Weird Al" Yankovic’s "Amish Paradise". Do you remember how that goes? “I've churned butter once or twice, living in an Amish paradise.” But I digress… It seems that I wasn't the only one who thought this, because when this guy asked on Twitter, “What does it look like I do for a living?”, he got some pretty savage responses. I have to disagree with @EllyH_Ariel in that it doesn’t look like he turns into a werewolf on a full moon because this guy is pretty much already at full werewolf stage already. However, that Amish beard really doesn’t help with the whole “churning butter” stereotype. Let’s just hope for this guy’s sake that they finally make that live action Trolls movie.
11 Fight Club
The key to a great roast is details. Trust me when I say that comedy is always in the details and this next roast is a perfect example. This roast is just so savage that I feel like I need to take a shower after reading it. I think it’s safe to say that we all know these type of girls. I don’t know if it’s the beanies or the angry expressions, but I can definitely see these girls setting up a fight at a train station. And, of course, these two would film it on their phone vertically (which is so annoying). Do us all a favor and film the damn fight horizontally. And if you don’t think their phone screens aren't cracked, you are out of your mind! You ladies have just been roasted.
10 Audio Cassettes
For those of you who may think that this roast isn’t that bad, trust us, no girl ever wants to hear someone make fun of their hair. And it just so turns out, that this next roast is pretty damn savage when it comes to the follicle impaired. For some of the younger readers who may not know, audio cassettes are little tapes that we used to listen to songs on before we had CDs. CDs are those disks we used to listen to songs on before we had iPods. And iPods are those devices we used to listen to songs on before iPhones. Now that I caught you up, I hate to admit it, but this girl’s hair definitely looks like the tape that was ripped out of an audio cassette. Don’t believe me? Just Google it.
9 Marilyn Monroe
You know what the worst part about this next roast is? I actually know these girls. Not these exact girls, but the ones who are always posting Marilyn Monroe quotes on Facebook. Seriously though, enough already with the Marilyn Monroe quotes. I get it; you’re edgy and you’re a big fans of hers. Nevertheless, you’re probably posting quotes that aren’t actually attributed to her. Remember this quote, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”? That quote has been pretty much posted everywhere alongside a picture of Marilyn Monroe. Well, it turns out that Marilyn never even said it. Come to think of it, if people stopped posting Marilyn Monroe quotes, we never would have gotten this savage roast.
8 The Gang’s All Here
The great thing about roasts is that they don’t have to be about one person. Like the old saying goes, "the more the merrier." And this next roast is no different. It seems that the whole squad was roasted when Reddit user superguyguy absolutely destroyed these guys. If getting laid results in the punishment of having to leave this group, it’s pretty safe to say that these guys don’t have anything to worry about. I'm sure they all are going to be amongst one another for a very long time. I'm kidding, of course. For all I know, these guys could be the biggest studs of their school. Though I do have to admit, I was a little skeptical of the two guys in the blue and green sweaters.
7 Can Opener
What's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth Hurty! I know, it’s a terrible joke but it seemed very fitting for this next savage roast. I hate to admit it, but I have to agree with Reddit user, Muchachi. on this one. This kid definitely looks like he opens cans with his teeth. Look, this kid clearly knew what he was in for when he smiled and showed his teeth like that when he asked the Internet to roast him. Nevertheless, I probably shouldn’t be too hard on him; he has feelings, too. I'm sure that he’s been to the dentist so many times that he knows the drill…(ba-dum-tssss.) His favorite game to play is probably tooth or dare. I could go on forever with these tooth puns.
6 Held Back
Judging by this guy’s face, facial hair, and overall look of defeated-ness, it’s hard to believe that he is actually in high school, but I can assure you he is. Just look around. There is a lunch tray, cafeteria tables, and if that’s not enough evidence, there is a sign on the back wall that says “Homecoming.” As much as he may look it, I'm also going to go ahead and assume that this guy really isn’t 29, because otherwise, this wouldn’t really be a roast so much as just stating a fact. Why does this guy look so much older? Who knows. It certainly can’t be hormones in the food, because if you look around at the rest of the cafeteria, there isn’t so much as peach fuzz on the other guy’s faces. Look on the bright side, he’s probably the most popular kid in school since he never gets carded.
“What do I look like I do for a living?” Who could have ever thought that those 10 little words could cause so much commotion? I think it’s pretty safe to say that if you have the nerve to post a picture of yourself with that question on Twitter, than you have a very good idea of what’s about to come your way. While this next girl had no fear when she posted hers, I'm certain she had no comeback when this Twitter user savagely roasted her. For those who may not know, Venom, is Spider-Man’s nemesis. Venom also wears gold chains, a pink shirt, and goes by the Twitter handle @sherlycurly_. Wait a minute, that’s not right... I actually confused the people in these two pictures. They just looked a lot alike. I apologize.
Joey Fatone really has come a long way since his N*SYNC days. He was once part of one of the biggest musical groups in the world, but has since faded into obscurity. While you may think that the person you are looking at in the picture is Joey Fatone, after careful examination and intense investigation, I can confirm that it is indeed NOT Joey Fatone. Instead, it’s just someone who is eerily identical. I'm actually not sure which is worse: that this guy happens to look like Joey Fatone or that he would actively try to impersonate him. Also, why does this roaster assume that Joey Fatone would be able to gain access to a school bus? Joey Fatone has no pull or jurisdiction there. However, that doesn’t take away from the savageness of this.
3 Shock And Awe
This next savage roast is a two-for. This guy was roasted online and from the look of him, he was roasted when he was apparently electrocuted. Just look at the expression on this guy’s face. If that isn’t the look of general shock, I don’t know what is. It kind of looks like he just saw the Ark of the Covenant. I guess the first question I have is, does this guy always make this face when he is getting his picture taken? Or is this just the face he made in response to seeing a camera for the first time? Is it weird that I can’t stop looking him in the eyes? It’s as if he is staring right into my soul. Damn, now I’m making the same face, too. Send help!
2 Dude Looks Like A Lady
First things first. I'm sorry to say, but this next roast is really starting to bother me. Why do people think it’s funny to say this guy looks like a girl? Just because this guy has long flowing hair, porcelain skin, soft features, rosy cheeks, pouty lips, perfectly groomed eyebrows, and long curly eyelashes does not mean that you can just make a stupid joke that he looks like a girl. Well, come to think of it… He does have a certain aura about him. Who knows, maybe if he did get rid of the beard, he would look a lot more like a woman... Okay, I take back what I said earlier. This roast is actually really funny and pretty damn savage. I'm guessing that a haircut is in order.
Check out the future Shark Tank contestants in all of their glory. These next two guys look like they are ready to put their newest product on Kickstarter in order to help make their dream become a reality. I don’t know about you, but these guys just scream ‘white privilege.’ I'm not sure if it’s because of the ASU t-shirt or just the vibe their giving off, but that’s my takeaway. Also, I can’t help but wonder why the guy in the grey shirt is not looking at the camera. What interesting thing could possibly be going on off camera that would make this guy look so stoic and creepy? I just hope that the crowd funding for their new line of male tampons gets the capital it needs. Because I'm actually very curious about it.