All of our friends seem to be finding their significant others on dating apps these days, but every time we log on, our inboxes are filled with nothing but requests for nudes or a kinky one night stand. We've gotten used to simply deleting those messages and moving on, but some pick-up lines just can't be erased from our minds and have us running to lock the front door. Be careful swiping right these days...the search for a soulmate might just put Tinder users on the path to some absolutely horrifying encounters.
15 Aw, he's already planning ahead
When you made a Tinder account, you probably hoped you'd find a man you can settle down and have kids with someday. This guy is ready to skip the dating and go straight to the baby making! Is that supposed to be sweet? This guy sounds more like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory than the soulmate this poor Tinder user was hoping for when she swiped right. Before he even tried to get to know her, he wanted to know about her family history—in particular, whether or not her father is balding. God forbid he try to start a relationship with someone who has a "genetic predisposition for baldness" in the family!
14 Okay, what is this guy implying?!
This Tinder user actually started his first conversation with his new match on the right track. Instead of asking for sex, he opened with a compliment, and even threw in an emoji. Nice! However, things quickly took a turn for the worst when he told her she'd probably need a wheel chair once he's done with her. Even though she likely knew he was trying to make a joke about giving it to her real good, she acted disturbed and frightened, and asked whether or not he was threatening to break her legs. That is the perfect and only acceptable response to that sort of crude come-on, especially when it comes from a guy who tried acting sweet mere seconds earlier.
13 Where was this line going to go if she had responded?
We'll always be upset that this girl didn't give her Tinder match a chance to complete his riddle, because it could have gone so many exciting ways! Would forced cannibalism result in him eating her arm? Her leg? Who knows! Okay, but really, what on Earth was this guy expecting when his first message was about cannibalism? A fast, flirty reply? Please. She made the right move and completely ignored him for a whole week, but he clearly didn't appreciate her complete unwillingness to go along with his question. Instead of trying again with a different (and less creepy) icebreaker, he came back to shut her down by telling her that she had an empty heart. You showed her, Tinder stud.
12 Adrian will probably never trust a dating app again
Try putting yourself in Adrian's shoes here. He discovered that a hot girl he could be interested in was nearby, swiped right, got all excited when she matched with him, and spent hours trying to think of the perfect way to start up a conversation with her. After finally settling on the classic, "Let's bang" opener, he learned that the girl he wanted to sleep with was actually his mother. She created a fake account to see whether or not her son treats women with respect, and after finding out that he doesn't, she told him to expect a talk when she gets home. Adrian might never talk to another girl online or through text again, in fear that he's actually talking to his mother. Honestly, it's probably for the best that he opened with something crude, because who knows how long his mom would have carried on a catfish conversation to test her son?!
11 This is some 'Game of Thrones' level stuff
Sleeping with your family members is all the rage these days. We'll never forget Sebastian Valmont and Kathryn Merteuil's step-sibling flirtation in Cruel Intentions, and the Lannisters are always reminding us that it's totally cool to mess around with family on Game of Thrones. Keith is clearly the type of guy who jump on trends while they're hot, and has taken to messing around with his Grandma...we guess? In his first exchange with this new Tinder match, Keith informed the nice, unassuming girl that she reminds him of his elderly lover. He most likely meant it to be a joke and a compliment, but—can you imagine?—it scared her away. Oh well, he's got plenty of family members to keep his bed warm, so it's no big loss!
10 Hey, you said on your profile that you liked '50 Shades of Grey'
Plenty of Tinder users are fans of the 50 Shades of Grey book and film series, but if you aren't into BDSM stuff in real life, you probably also aren't interested in being confronted with E.L. James' fictional world on Tinder. Never mind waiting to see if she's interested in his proposal; this guy went straight to negotiations. This girl was given two choices by her (very intense) Tinder match: delete him or become his sex slave. If she wants to be with him, she has to have sex with him and send him one nude photo every day. Oh, and forget names, because he shall only be referred to as "Master." Somehow, this stuff sounded a lot sexier and less terrifying coming from Christian Grey. They really need to include a "Don't try this at home" warning on those books!
9 This guy has some really specific fetishes
Fans of Dexter have often voiced the opinion that the murderous protagonist of the serial killer series was attractive, so Tarik figured that meant he could be open about his love for sexy killers as well. He broke the ice with his new match by telling her that she looks like a serial killer, and when she seemed a bit turned off by the statement, he clarified that he meant it as a compliment. No no, let him explain—She looks like the serial killer version of Emma Watson, which is totally hot. Um, thanks? Instead of going the serial killer route next time, Tarik, maybe just tell her she reminds you of your favorite Harry Potter character, Hermione, and leave it at that. You might come off a bit less creepy.
8 He would do anything for love. Even that
We all know those iconic Meat Loaf lyrics, "I would do anything for love...but I won't do that." Well, that song doesn't apply to Brandon, because he doesn't have any limitations whatsoever on what he'd do for love. During his very first encounter with this Tinder match, he let her know that nothing could keep him from caressing her legs (while wearing gloves), not even a pool of HIV infested needles! Erm, OK. He oh-so-romantically acknowledged his would-be soulmate's beauty and said that while he's sure millions of guys vie for her affections, he'd sacrifice his life just for a chance to add his name to the list and have a slight shot to be with her. Chivalry clearly isn't dead!
7 This is how you get murdered
The only people who typically repeat names three times are disappointed parents and serial killers. This guy started the first conversation with his match off by creepily saying Laura's name three times, and then made things infinitely worse by asking her if she's down to take a midnight trip to the middle of the woods. That sort of message would fit perfectly at the start of an online dating horror movie. Sure, nature can be beautiful, and there's something poetic about the privacy of the woods at night, but if Laura goes into the heart of the woods at midnight with Liam, we can pretty much guarantee that she won't ever be seen again.
6 What a disgusting way to die
When Tinder was first launched, people at least pretended to be interested in having a conversation with their match before asking, "Hey, want to have sex?" Those days are long gone, and most dudes ask for intercourse in their very first message. Jack apparently didn't want to be like every other guy and open this conversation with a request for sex—he switched things up by instead outright stating that he intends on meeting up with this match and covering her in his semen. To the point that she drowns. This line can't possibly have ever worked for anyone in the history of online dating, but Jack threw caution to the wind and put his end goal out there. If you've ever dreamed of literally filling your nostrils with someone else's semen, Jack is likely still single and waiting for you!
5 Jake might just get some creativity points for this one
When this Tinder user messaged her handsome new crush Jake, she was optimistic that he wouldn't be like every other guy and immediately ask for sex. She was right, but Jake's terrifying response probably made her want to go back to the days where boys would start conversations by asking for sex before asking for your name. His ultra-specific fantasy scenario is hilarious and creepy AF, all at the same time. Like, who comes up with something like that?! And was it really a joke or is dressing dates up like avocados and spanking them an actual fetish of Jake's?! We will sadly never know for sure, and the best we can do is hope that sometime in the past few years since he sent this message, Jake has found his naughty avocado.
4 Great way to change the subject
This is pretty much everyone's Tinder nightmare. Moments after matching up with the mustacheod bad boy that caught your eye, you learn that he just got out of prison. OK, you think, maybe it was a wrongful conviction or, like, a tax thing. Not an automatic deal-breaker. We give this former criminal credit for being upfront and honest about his time in jail, but can't help but laugh at his continued persistence when his match completely ignored him. Two whole months after his first confession, he tries again. Again, we give him props for trying to go in a different direction this time, but still no dice. Nice try, dude. In the future, maybe you should start with the animal question first and work your way up to the whole prison discussion.
3 For a second, he seemed like an intellectual
Even if you're not into nerdy dudes, you probably wouldn't mind having an actual intellectual conversation with a guy on Tinder. This girl likely thought she hit the jackpot when her match started things off by asking her if she's up-to-date with what's happening in the science world. Score! But Zach immediately made her regret her optimism once he revealed his lack of actual investment in the scientific arts. We thought "Uranus" jokes were solely the humor territory middle schoolers, but it looks like they're back and Tinder perverts are ready to try to seduce you with them! This message makes "Let's bang" sound romantic and charming in comparison.
2 We don't want to kink-shame, but...
Everyone has their fetishes and fantasies, and we totally respect that. While some people are into great curves or toned muscles, others are into feet or melted candle wax. To each their own! We wish we could just accept this guy's kink and move on, but we're completely traumatized. And we're guessing his match is, too. (We can't imagine how he first discovered that he was into that sort of thing, and we're really not in a hurry to explore deeper). The screenshot is made even funnier and more disturbing by Tinder's "why haven't you said hello?" text box filler. Um, who would say hello after seeing a message like that?! "Sit on my face" has become one of the dating app's most popular pick-up lines, but this takes inappropriate opening lines to a whole new and messy level.
1 Here's hoping your GYNO doesn't consent to that
Years of experience on Tinder (and, probably, every other dating app on the market) helped Chad realize that the best way to initiate a conversation with a woman is to both try to learn something new about her and to compliment her. He fulfilled both requirements by asking his match a personal question—a very personal question, but hey, asking her gynecologist's name is a start—and, we guess, trying to compliment her with that second half. Talk about seduction! Whoever Chad was messaging should probably just exchange numbers with him and delete the app for good, because she just won't find a wordsmith quite like Chad on Tinder these days. Romance is long gone, so we hear...so this really might be the best message you can hope to get.