The Internet sure has a way of constantly shattering all of our favorite childhood memories. Seriously, it completely vaporizes them. Turns them into dust. Or, should I say, it Avengers: Infinity Wars' them.... (What? Too soon?)
Anyway, I know I'm contributing to the demoralization of things that filled our earliest moments on this planet with love and light by creating this list, but people must know that I didn't make these Sesame Street memes. I simply put them together for our viewing pleasure. I also must add that though readers are bound to feel wonderfully uncomfortable when viewing them, they aren't nearly the worst ones out there. Just when we think something can't get more offensive, perverted, or generally disgusting, the Internet is happy to prove us wrong.
Rest assured though, these memes are sure to warp our view of all our favorite puppet/muppet characters from our childhood. All the adorable little characters who were there for us when few actually were. Yep, that includes Elmo, Big-Bird, The Count, and every other character that taught us the ABCs, 123s, and everything else our parents were too busy to tell us about themselves.
Without further ado, here are 15 completely corrupted Sesame Street memes...
15 Mandatory Veganism
There's something everyone should know about The Cookie Monster; it's that he's a very good guy. Yes, as we all know too well, he has a crippling addiction to cookies. But can we honestly say that any of us are any different? I literally got up at three this morning to get a peanut butter and chocolate chip from the pantry. I actually couldn't sleep since I was dreaming about cookies and couldn't get them out of my head. (Yes, I have cravings like a pregnant woman. Don't hold it against me.)
yoCookie Monster suffers from something even more severe than I do. And that's why he trespassed on Nabisco's property. I had to find some cookies to satisfy and quell his cravings and his withdrawal. Of course, Cookie was caught. And he was harshly sentenced to a life of mandatory veganism. And though that doesn't necessarily mean he won't be able to eat cookies again, it absolutely means that he won't be able to eat GOOD cookies again. My apologies to vegans who may have some other baking down okay, but nothing beats butter and milk chocolate in a good cookie. Nothing.
The main thing I want every reader to come away with after reading this crazy thing that happened to Cookie is that some people don't get fair sentencing. Because of where Cookie grew up, his fur color, and his religion (Cookianisty), the judges gave him a harsher punishment than they did to Big Bird after he squashed that little girl.
14 249 CM Why
I suppose we're all wondering why the title of this entry is "249 CM why"? Well, for that we're going to have to listen to the 13 tapes that Grover left with his pal with a nice red Mustang.
Each tape will shed light on the darkness that dwelled within Grover's life before it tragically came to an end. Each tape will inform us of the personal torture he endured every single day of his life. Each tape will show us how much pain he was in. Each tape will bring us to a new emotional understanding of how we interact with people. And most of all, each tape will make us realize that Big Bird is one big jerk. I guarantee that by listening to these tapes, one will be more emotionally damaged than after viewing the first season of Netflix's smash-hit, 13 Reasons Why.
And, as for the second season of that show, well, I don't know. I haven't finished it yet. But so far it's not so great. So, um... moving on...
I realize that I haven't answered the question about why this entry is titled "249 CM why," but for that, we're just going to have to keep reading.(Okay, side note, that's literally how the writers of 13 Reasons Why keep us engaged with the show. Kind of manipulative, right? But I won't do that to our readers any longer...)
The answer to the question of the title is that Google says that Big Bird is 294 CM tall. And Big Bird brutally bullied Grover... So... yeah... There's that...
13 A Prank Gone Wrong
Not everything Big Bird did to people or his muppet friends was bad. He did have some nice qualities. But rest assured, he wasn't nearly as good as you thought he was as a child. I know you all have your suspicions of Elmo, and you were right to believe them, but Big Bird has mostly gone under the radar. But I aim to expose him for who he truly is: one bad MF.
But this particular instance wasn't exactly his fault. Or, at the very least, it wasn't intentional.
To understand what happened in this photo, you have to go back to the time that comedian and late night talk show host, Jimmy Fallon, visited Sesame Street. He and Big Bird were hanging out backstage together shooting the breeze. They were munching at the crafts services table and having a laugh. Soon they realized that a little girl was getting her photo taken on the set. So they rushed out to photobomb her. The only problem was, Big Bird launched himself a little too far in the air and came down on the little girl.
I'm sorry to say that this little girl is no longer with us because this big yellow bird squashed her. (Also: please note the sarcasm in my voice — this did not really happen.)
12 Destroying A Valuable Lesson
For as long as I can remember, Sesame Street was pretty good about having a broad representation of people on their shows. Now, I'm sure I'm missing a bit of history that some angry person is bound to comment about. But to my recollection, there has always been people of many different colors and cultures explored on the show. Heck, the show even had two gay characters. I mean, maybe people don't like to think of Bert and Ernie as in a loving relationship, but c'mon... they totally are.
Anyway, Sesame Street does tend to show kids many different cultures and colors on their show, which is a great thing. But since the show is targeting children, some topics are a little inapt to delve into at this stage in their lives. So, I can't imagine Gordon could properly explain the horrific history (and present) of African Americans to Elmo. But I'm glad that he tried. I just wasn't a fan when Elmo decided it was okay to appropriate black culture and start using derogatory language afterward. I didn't think that it sent the right message to young kids who may be watching. So, I'm afraid you're going to have to deal with the fact that Elmo totally said something completely offensive and inappropriate to poor Gordon here. (At least in the meme world.)
11 Snitches Get Stitches
If there's one thing you should know about Sesame Street it's that there's a dark underbelly to the Street at night. Yes, there's a criminal underworld. There are brothels, drug dens, and all sorts of illegal activities taking place right under the nose of the producers. The only way it is kept up is by keeping the silence. And those who want their secrets kept quiet are really invested because not only are they enjoying the dark underbelly of their neighborhood, but they are also making a ton of cash from it.
The Muppets, on the other hand, are a pretty pure group. They are good citizens. They may have some arrogant folk among them (ahem... ahem... Miss Piggy), but other than that, they are stand-up people.
So, when Kermit visited Sesame Street after hours and found out what really went down, he couldn't help himself but tell the producers the truth. Unfortunately for him, Grover had to deal with that. But don't blame Grover, he had a very difficult life. He was just doing what he had to do to survive.
You may have recently seen Kermit The Frog on the season finale of American Idol singing with eventual Idol winner, Maddie Poppe, but I can tell you that wasn't without an incredible amount of facial reconstructive surgery.
10 Irresponsible Bert
I guess all Sesame Street fans didn't know that Bert has an incredible drinking problem, did they? Well, that's okay. He hides it pretty well. I'm not even sure that Ernie knows the truth of the matter. But he's too busy in the bath with his rubber ducky to notice that Bert is downing that plastic bottle of cheap drink in the other room.
I feel bad for Bert. He can't completely explore his true emotional feelings with his roommate. Instead, he has to bury his problems at the bottom of a bottle of Polar Ice. Yes, he doesn't even get shnockered off of the expensive stuff. He lives on Sesame Street, he doesn't have the budget to support a classier version of this vice.
Bert got away with his drinking problem for years. But that all came to an end when he hopped into his car after downing a 2/6. Ironically, he had just been with a couple little kids at a MADD meeting before he put his keys in his Prius.
Though most of us common folk remain in the dark about the severity of Bert's problems, he now has a permanent record. The police have kept pretty quiet about the whole event but Bert forever has the visible scar of his addiction. it just so happens to look like a Schwinn with training wheels.
9 Bringing Back British Imperialism
As most of you know, Britain recently celebrated the royal wedding, where that veteran, Ron Weasley-looking prince and that B-List American actress got hitched. For some reason, everyone was all excited about it. And if you watched the E! Network's coverage of the wedding, you would have thought that the Messiah was returning. Those anchors shrieked like a bunch of annoying school girls anytime anyone slightly moved their head to the left. Honestly, it was all such a colossal waste of time. But that's kind of like what the Monarchy is nowadays. It's a tourist attraction at best and increases the economy of the country. But other than that, they do nothing. They hold no power like they used to have.
Of course, in the olden days, they held a remarkable amount of authority of the world. As amazing as Britain is, the fact is that they took over multiple countries and basically enslaved their citizens. In some cases, they improved upon the economies and "encouraged" democracy in the region... well... democracy mixed with a monarchy, democracies, but in other cases, they were absolute monsters.
And that's the foul truth. History, unfortunately, is not black and white. It's usually a mix of gray.
Though Bert and Ernie weren't into bringing back a brutal British iron-fist to Egypt when they visited, they did want to whitewash their history books like the British Empire did to many countries including their own. It wasn't out of any malicious reason. They just wanted Sesame Street to be as popular there as it is over here.
8 The Incarcerated Father
Okay, so according to the New York Daily News, this is ACTUALLY REAL. Yes, I can't even make up a story about this entry. Apparently in 2013, Sesame Street introduced the first-ever character to have a parent locked away in jail. Well, that is, if they don't count Elmo's serial-slaying mother. But, we're not gonna talk about that.
This is actually a character that exists on Sesame Street. I think that this is pretty important when it comes to reaching out to children who are growing up without an important parental figure in their lives due to the mistakes of that parent. Not only are they tackling the important issues of inclusion, they are also educating those kids. They are telling them that it's okay to feel sad about their situations and how vital it is that they are open and honest about the way they feel with those they trust.
Additionally, Sesame Street is briding an important gap between kids with missing parents and those who are lucky enough to have both still in their lives. All of this is preaching the importance of empathy and understanding. These are the lessons that Sesame Street should be teaching...
So, what's so corrupted about this post, you ask? Well, can someone tell me why the heck a producer thought it was okay to make the skin color of the kid with an incarcerated father brown?
7 Muppets Experiment
You may think that Bert and Ernie are the only two LGBTQ characters on Sesame Street, but you'd be wrong. That's mostly because everyone on the planet is on a spectrum when it comes to being attracted to another person. So, there are very few people who can legitimately say that they are 100% straight. (Yes, that includes you, Straight Dave from Bruno.)
Kermit the Frog and Grover both identify as straight males, but after speaking with them in private, I determined that they were both kinda curious about experimenting.
What I told them is what I tell everyone, that experimenting is totally natural and kind of necessary when understanding what makes all completely aware of your inner desires. I should probably mention that I told Kermit and Grover this individually, and therefore they were pretty surprised when they ran into each other at the bathhouse that I got my friend to recommend.
Of course, at the moment, the two pretended not to know one another and went their separate ways, even though they were both absolutely certain their disguises were horrible. This run-in made their next day on Sesame Street very, very awkward indeed. But at least they both understood who they could go and experiment safely with.
6 That Rag Smell
When looking back on the relationship between roommates, Bert and Ernie, I feel somewhat saddened to know that they couldn't explore their desires for one another. I've already spoken about how Bert copped with the issue. He turned to booze to lessen the pain he felt inside. The pain of being a closeted puppet was just too much to handle without some liquid happiness. Well, I hate to say this, but Ernie also turned to some liquid help. No, Ernie wasn't and isn't a lush. But he does admire Bill Cosby, which is 100% worse.
What I'm telling you is, Ernie had to put Bert under in order to explore his wants and needs. I know, it's scary to hear that one of your childhood heroes turned out to be such a strange human being. But I did tell you that this article would push your emotional boundaries. Ernie didn't do anything bad to Bert when he was unconscious, he just watched him, but the sheer act of knocking someone out should be bad enough.
I think it's also important to understand why Ernie did this to Bert. It doesn't excuse the abhorrent behavior in any shape or fashion, but it may help us find a way to stop heinous activity such as this from ever happening again.
Ernie grew up in a place the told him to repress his true feelings. He was shamed, beaten, bullied, and brain-washed into thinking that what he felt was unnatural. When he got to Sesame Street, an open and liberal place, he didn't know how to put his past behind him.
5 The Letter He Wants
Wow, I just noticed that this article is absolutely full of homoerotic undertones. I suppose that's not as much my fault as it is the hidden reality of Sesame Street. The truth is, most of the characters are, in fact, gay or have strong gay tendencies. And that's more than okay. I just wish they would come out and admit it when they feel comfortable about doing so instead of hiding behind other addictions such as counting, cookies, and rubber duckies.
I know it's all up to the individual, but Sesame Street would have some pretty rad pride parades if all of the characters just came out of the closet and embraced who they truly are.
Come to think of it, there's a huge lack of female characters on Sesame Street. I seem to remember a little pink girl of some sort. But all of the most famous Sesame Street characters are men. Or, at least, they sound a lot like men. The Muppets are also overrun by males, but it does have Miss Piggy leading the pack.
As for the true nature of Cookie Monster's personal desires, well, you'd have to ask him yourself. All I can say is that as soon as he was banned from eating cookies that aren't vegan, he started having other cravings that only a certain something could give him.
You probably didn't know that Bert did three tours in Vietnam. Yes, he is a veteran. And even if you didn't agree with the Vietnam War, which most people didn't for good reason, you have to respect that this man put himself in harm's way for what he thought was the good of his country and the free world. This bravery didn't come without some severe consequences. Bert now suffers from intense PTSD which comes out in the form of godawful, barbaric, outbursts. These outbursts aren't cutthroat to others, but they are to inanimate objects and even to Bert himself.
Ernie is a bit a practical joker, I don't know if you're aware. He sort of has this sadistic element to his sense of humor as well. This makes him a great guest at a dinner party because he always has hilarious stories to share with the table. But if you're the butt of his jokes, it can be a real pain the backside. Well, poor Bert was indeed the butt of many of Ernie's pranks. The most chilling of which involved triggering Bert's Vietnam flashbacks so he'd go on a mad tear on Sesame Street and kick down all of the houses. That proved to be somewhat easy for Bert since most of the homes are only a panel of wood with a couple of stands that keep them upright and separate them from the rest of the soundstage.
3 The Hat Made Out Of A Puppet
Which absolutely insane producer approved this bit for air? How did it get past the censors? I'm sure this moment scared a ton of young kids for life. After all, this is a Hollywood actor, Hank Azaria, wearing the decapitated head of one of their favorite characters. Then, on top of this brutal act, Hank Azaria culturally appropriates The Cookie Monster. Yeah, it's really that bad.
Now, I must say that I've always loved Hank Azaria. He is an outstanding actor and has starred in such film and television hits as The Bird Cage, Brockmire, Friends, Night at the Museum, Ray Donovan, and has been a mainstay on The Simpsons since the very beginning. But, having said, that, I'm quite angry at him for brutalizing The Cookie Monster like this.
Him doing that has forever scared all of the other characters on Sesame Street. Snuffleupagus has been admitted to a psychiatric ward. Both The Count and Oscar The Grouch are in group therapy, and I won't even tell you about what happened to Elmo after this.
Because the producers let this on television for all the world to see, we are forever vulnerable to one of the darkest moments in Sesame Street history.
2 Tricycle Drive By
I told you about the dark underbelly of the Sesame Street world, but I didn't tell you that it doesn't just expose itself at night. There have been a few specific times that the wild, debaucherous elements of the Sesame Street underworld have come out to play in the day. Most of these moments have been orchestrated by the most unpleasant, malicious, hateful, angry, brutal puppet to ever cross the Street: Elmo.
Oh yeah, Elmo is one bad MF. Trust me, folks. I've had many encounters with Elmo and none have ever been pleasant. He is nowhere near as pleasant as you may believe.
Elmo spends most of his daylight hours on Sesame Street subtly brainwashing kids into his gang. Kids love spending time with Elmo, and honestly, he's good with them. But that ability allows him to hook his furry little paws into them and convince them that they would be better off entering a life of crime.
Elmo loves having kids in his gang because nobody suspects them. This allows them to pull off all sorts of illegal activities without being caught. But since kids have such a strict bedtime, he usually has to work with them in the day.
The photo above depicts a time where Elmo needed revenge on Oscar The Grouch for exposing his dogfighting ring to the police. He and his little minions took out Oscar and left his body in the trash for all to see.
1 That Guy At The Party
Big Bird isn't just a nasty bully who accidentally squashed a girl during a failed photobombing stunt with Jimmy Fallon, he's also that annoying guy at every party. Yep, Big Bird is a conspiracy theorist. He's not the type who believes just one or two mainstream conspiracy theories, such as the truth behind JFK assassination, he believes them all. He gives legitimacy to the ones that have absolutely no basis in reality at all. Yes, he's the Alex Jones of Sesame Street.
Though Big Bird makes some good points about questioning the legitimacy of all media outlets, as well as the importance of learning who funds each news broadcast/site/paper to better understand what the personal biases may be, he does ruin his credibility when explaining some of his beliefs. And though he's more than entitled to believe completely disproven information such as the Earth is flat, chemtrails are a thing, and vaccines cause Autism, it doesn't mean that we all want to hear them. But if you go to a party where Big Bird is a guest, you won't have much of a choice. He quickly gets drunk and spews all of his crazy beliefs whether you want to hear them or not.
The most annoying part of this is actually how hypocritical Big Bird is.
He rants about the horrors of handouts, the rich, and capitalism, but then proceeds to drive off in his mother's BMW after downing a full case of beer.
I'm sorry to ruin all of your precious childhood memories but sooner or later you were going to hear about the nasty underbelly of the Sesame Street world sooner or later.