Remember the first time you went to McDonald's and ordered the world-renowned red carton of fries, awaiting that overflowing box of golden and delicious plump potato wedges, only to be vastly disappointed by the soggy, skinny sticks you actually got? It's an unfortunate experience experience we have all had to endure, as our expectations were shattered by the reality of false hopes and deceitful advertisements. How McDonald's is still able to pass off those measly matchsticks as French fries, none the less continue to stand by the assertion that they came from actual potatoes, is beyond us.
But Ronald, the Hamburglar, and the rest of the golden arch gang aren't the only ones playing tricks on our tummies. Turns out nearly every chef, baker, and food maker is guilty of producing products that appear vastly different from their advertised appearances. From frozen entrées to fast food, hapless hungry customers are being depressed on the daily by what they think they're buying versus what they're actually buying. It's disgusting, and in more ways than one. Here are fifteen examples of edibles with advertisements that offer something significantly superior to the actual product being delivered. Prepare for some serious disappointment.
15 Burger King Chili Cheese Grilled Dog
The claim? According to Burger King, “the Chili Cheese Grilled Dog is a flame-grilled beef hot dog made with 100% beef topped with warm chili, cheddar cheese, and served on a fluffy baked bun."
The reality? Chili and cheese and charbroiled American beef, what could be better? How about anything. No seriously, anything at all. This BK hot dog looks disgusting—a soggy, sad excuse for something edible. A fluffy baked bun? Not here. And a flame grilled beef dog? Where? Hiding somewhere under that sludge calling itself chili? We are not impressed. According to the company's motto, we are supposed to "have it our way." Sorry BK, but our way doesn't include anything remotely close to this pathetic chili pup. Now we know why they call you the BURGER king—probably a good idea to stick with the burgers.
14 KFC's Nacho Box
The claim? According to KFC, the Nacho Box is a combination of "crunchy corn chips, tangy salsa, and tasty Popcorn Chicken topped off with shredded cheese."
The reality? This looks like something we'd expect to see offered at a public school cafeteria, on a Thursday. Monday had chicken nuggets on the menu and Tuesday was tacos, so by Thursday the "chef" (lunch lady) lost all incentive and just made a mash-up of Monday's leftovers on top of Tuesday's crumbled taco shells. Except we're not in high school anymore, and this isn't lunch offered gratis on the government's dime. No, we actually payed for this nacho nightmare. Granted, we only paid two measly dollars, but that's two hundred hard-earned cents out of our American pockets too much (Take that, Mr. Snyder! I was paying attention in arithmetic after all!).
13 Hostess Milky Way Brownie
The claim? According to Hostess, the Milky Way Brownie is a “one-of-a-kind, indulgent brownie that combines decadent Hostess brownies and the silky smoothness of Milky Way candy bars."
The reality? One of a kind, indeed, if by one of a kind the folks at Hostess mean literally one less than kind tiny morsel of Milky Way on top of a paltry and pathetic excuse for a pastry. Where are all those beautiful bits of chocolate and crumbly cookie clusters that appear in the advertisement? Where is the gooey, sticky, caramel coating dripping down the sides? Certainly not on this picture. The sad reality of this snack bar is galaxies away from what the company claims it should be. Shame on you, Hostess! This looks more like a cracker than a cake. We had such high hopes, coming from the makers of our beloved Ding Dings and Ho Hos.
12 McDonald’s Twister Fries
The claim? These mysterious fries seem to be a cult item on the McDonald's menu. We searched high and low for a description straight from Mr. McDonald himself to no avail. It seems this swerve-y, curvy side dish is a mystery, and in more ways than one. Like why are they called twister fries when there isn't a single twist in sight? Currently, this salty side dish is only available the Philippines, being "tested out" on a limited run for three weeks overseas. Judging by the size and overall sag of this less-than-impressive serving, we'd say this is one test the old farmer definitely failed. It's basic geometry, Mr. McD, not rocket science. Curly fries have to be curly. We don't care how they taste—okay, that's a lie but still—the whole point of ordering them is their sassy, spiraling shape. Before you even contemplate introducing them in the States, you'd better straighten out all the design kinks, or not.
11 Jack In The Box Teriyaki Bowl
The claim? According to Jack himself, the Chicken Teriyaki Bowl is a delicious dinner bowl "filled with steamed rice, chicken, carrots, broccoli, and—you guessed it—teriyaki sauce." Supposedly, "it's criminal to not enjoy every last bite. Seriously, smile. The police are watching."
The reality? Criminal is right! Except we aren't the perpetrators in this petty crime here, Jack is! This Asian-inspired atrocity is an act of outright American disgrace and should be punished by a court of law. No broccoli, no carrots, two strips of chicken and a splash of sauce? Jack, how could you! You do belong in a box, a four by four cell with steel-enforced bars and an elderly bunk mate that bears a striking similarity to Mr. Manson. Hmm, he seems to know a lot about cults and keeps singing "Helter Skelter." Could it be coincidence? Or karma? We vote for the latter.
10 Lean Cuisine Vegetable Egg Roll
The claim? According to Stouffer's, the parent company of Lean Cuisine, their healthier take on this Chinese favorite features a "vegetable egg roll filled with a seasoned blend of cabbage, carrots, celery and onions. Accompanied by an oriental sauce with orange and ginger accents, and a side of long grain rice with vegetables."
The reality? Chinese food isn't exactly synonymous with health food, so when Lean Cuisine attempted to give the regional fare lighter, leaner facelift, our hopes weren't high. That, and the universal fact that frozen diet dinners don't typically illicit rave reviews (if you can swallow it, it's one of the better of the bunch), lowered our expectations even further. But Lean Cuisine's take on this Asian appetizer is an abomination. Egg rolls should be crispy, not soggy. And that seasoned blend of vegetables looks more like compost clippings. We didn't expect much from you, Lean Cuisine, and not much is exactly what we got.
9 Popsicle's SpongeBob SquarePants Bar
The claim? According to the peeps at Popsicle, this sweet treat is "a fruit punch and cotton candy flavored frozen confection with gum balls and artificial flavor."
The reality? Okay, so it's basically sugar and water and a whole long list of chemicals and colored dyes. The taste isn't the reason we chase down the friendly neighborhood ice cream truck day in and day out, it's the design. And anyways, the description doesn't make any astounding, earth-shattering or maybe rather sea-shattering) claims about the greatness of this little goodie either. But come on, it's a popsicle intended to entice kids, not scare the living daylights out of them. Yet this sad excuse for a SpongeBob clone looks like the stuff nightmares and horror flicks. We're not sure whether to eat it, beat it, or perform a full on exorcism on it. Well, it is one way to keep children from ever wanting sugar again.
8 McDonald’s Sausage Burrito
The claim? According to McDonald’s, their Sausage Burrito will “spice up your morning with peppers, onions, fluffy scrambled offs, sausage and melty cheese all wrapped in a soft tortilla."
The reality? A zesty morning wrap that will spice up my a.m., huh? That's a pretty strong statement, Micky D. And by the looks of this bland burrito, there isn't a single spice in sight. In fact, it doesn't appear as if there's much of anything inside that flimsy flour tortilla. Where's the rice, the sausage, the peppers, the onion? There appears to be some hints of cheddar cheese along the edge, but that's about it. Did we order a kid's quesadilla by mistake? We could have sworn we signed up for a spicy wake up call this morning but this sad sandwich is anything but. Sorry Ron, but this idea for toasty and tasty "treat" fell flat. Best to just stick to the McMuffin.
7 Pizza Hut’s Hershey's Toasted S'mores Cookie
The claim? According to Pizza Hut, their “latest exclusive dessert offering in partnership with Hershey’s” is an 8-inch “innovative, delicious dessert” that “features the Ultimate Hershey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie topped with toasted mini marshmallows, chunks of Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Bar and graham cracker pieces, all for just $6.99."
The reality? Six dollars and ninety-nine cents is seven dollars too much to pay for this hot mess of marshmallow mush. And speaking of the price, $6.99 is a hefty price tag when it comes to fast food, especially when it's an extra rather than an entrée, so the expectation is set pretty high. The advertisement clearly displays a full layer of mini marshmallows atop a gooey baked deep-dish chocolate dessert. Yet, a few scattered spots of marshmallow are all we get. There's no visible graham cracker crumbs, either. We're betting the Boy Scouts could have served up a superior s'mores dish any day.
6 Burger King’s Extra Long Philly Cheeseburger
The claim? According to the King, BK's Extra Long Phillips Cheeseburger is a cross between a traditional cheeseburger and a good old-fashioned Philly Cheesesteak sandwich, featuring two beef patties topped with a slice of American cheese, a slathering of “smooth, mild and creamy cheesy sauce," a pile of griddle-fried onions sandwiched in "a freshly toasted hoagie style bun.
The reality? Is it a sub? Is it a burger? Is it even edible? Judging by the looks of it, the answer is probably not. And if it is even technically considered edible, who would want to eat this anyways? The two rings of yellow onions look like they are more flimsy than fried, and where is this smooth, creamy, melty cheese sauce? Probably with the rest of the onions that should have been included in this entrée. It's no wonder this item was a big Philly fail.
5 Ben & Jerry’s Karamel Sutra Core
The claim? According to Ben & Jerry themselves, the Karamel Sutra Core, which joined the famed Core Concoctions collection in 2002, is a "sultry blend" with a "velvety core of soft caramel encircled by chocolate & caramel ice creams with fudge chips...made for pint-tunnelers everywhere."
The reality? Ben & Jerry’s have a cult ice cream following, especially when it comes to their “core” collection. And for the most part, we definitely dig the brand's diverse and highly delectable ice cream assortments. But this frozen treat is more like a pint of frozen deceit. Where is this delicious velvety core? The whole reason we buy the core collection delights is for that rich decadent strip of sweet goodness in the middle. Yet judging by the looks of it, the center of this soft serve is suffering from some serious dessertile dysfunction.
4 Taco Bell's Nacho Bell Grande
The claim? According to Taco Bell, the Nacho Bell Grande is "a large platter of crisp, freshly prepared daily tortilla chips covered with hearty beans, seasoned beef, warm nacho cheese sauce, diced ripe tomatoes, and reduced-fat sour cream."
The reality? Beans and beef and cheese and tomato and sour cream all slathered on top of homemade tortilla chips sounds muy delicioso! But cheap, cheese whiz substitutes and canned refried beans atop last Tuesday's broken taco shells is more like it. The advertisement makes this nacho feast look like the perfect platter to feed a family of four, yet the actual dish is more a meal a five-year-old would be able to finish. If, of course, five year olds enjoyed eating food that looked like human excrement and defection. Never have nachos been so unappetizing. Gross, gross, gross.
3 McDonald's Premium McWrap Chicken & Ranch
The claim? According to McDonald's, their Premium McWrap Chicken & Ranch (Buttermilk Crispy) consists of "A tasty combination of crispy chicken breast filet, with two half slices of tomato, cucumber slices, spring greens, shredded lettuce and cheddar jack cheese, all drizzled with seasoned rice vinegar and buttermilk ranch sauce wrapped just for you."
The reality? Aww, McDonald's! You wrapped this up just for us?! You shouldn't have! No, seriously...you really, really shouldn't have. This wrap is definitely a wrap, but what exactly it's wrapped around is vastly unclear. No tomato, no lettuce, no cucumber, no chicken. It looks like a store-bought tortilla tucked inside a cute little green and gold box. Maybe this is why it's touted as one of their lighter options—you can't get much lighter than air.
2 Taco Bell's Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Taco Supreme
The claim? According to los hombres at Taco Bell, the Doritos Locos Taco Supreme is "a Taco Supreme made with premium seasoned beef, crisp lettuce, diced juicy red ripe tomatoes, real cheddar cheese and topped with cool reduced-fat sour cream, in a shell made from Nacho Cheese Doritos Chips." They say "it's one of the most iconic inventions in the history of tacos, or possibly food for that matter" and that it's the stuff of dreams.
The reality? Of all the claims and assertions, of all the descriptions and detailed explanations, Taco Bell's Doritos Locos Taco Supreme takes the cake for most extreme. Okay, takes the enchilada for most extreme. Either way, this dish's reality is a definite disappointment. And how could it not be? The "most iconic invention" ever in terms of food? Come on! We all know deep-fried Twinkies hold that claim to fame. And where's the all those little cubes of juicy, red-ripe tomatoes?
1 Burger King's Bacon Double Cheeseburger
The claim? According to Burger King, the Bacon Double Cheeseburger features "two signature flame-grilled beef patties topped with smoked bacon and a single layer of melted American cheese, crinkle cut pickles, yellow mustard, and ketchup on a toasted sesame seed bun."
The reality? This burger is one sad, sloppy mess. The advertisement makes it look near perfect—those signature square patties neatly nestled beneath crispy, crunchy bacon with just so soft melted cheese and a bun that has been baked to sheer perfect. Compare that with what you actually get and you’re in for a big surprise. Greasy, goopy cheese, burnt bacon, and patties that are anything but perfectly square. At least there’s no shortage of food here, even if all of it seems to have melted and crumbled into one big giant pile of slop. But like they say, it all goes to the same place anyways…right?