Showers are one of my favourite places. We've got hot water running over us, drowning everything else out and it's the perfect place to make a comeback for a conversation that we flopped in. For other people, it seems like a place where they connect two parts of the universe that most of us never consciously knew were related. Sometimes it's not that poetic, though.
Really, sometimes there are just thoughts that we have that should go dyown the drain. Like, thanks brain, I really needed to realize that the water I'm using to shower was pee at one point. Eugh, shower ruined.
Nevertheless, here are 15 shower thoughts that are going to have us mentally reeling, be it because they're incredibly insightful or simply incomprehensible. We might want to take a seat for this one. And some time to reevaluate our lives!
15 Food for thought
I feel this, dude. Cold and spicy don't normally go together, but weirdly enough it makes sense here. I don't think I want it to make sense. Let me just say this right now: I really don't like mint. I don't like candy canes and most gum because of its mint flavoring. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the smell, but that kind of taste only belongs in toothpaste and mouthwash. The taste of cold, burning cleanliness.
Spicy stuff is more my thing. I love mapo tofu and fire noodles (or at least I think I do, I always conveniently forget how much fire noodles actually hurt my tongue when I go shopping for food). So for someone to even suggest that mint is related to spicy, I am literally offended. I didn't need to have this revelation! I guess spicy and minty are both burning sensations but I swear that one is better than the other! I'll admit that I've probably made more of an effort to like spicy stuff, but mint flavoring being associated with oral hygiene products (ie. stuff we're not supposed to eat) probably hasn't helped.
Anyway, this is one shower thought that needed to have been washed away in the shower. Do I still like spicy things? Yes. Will I be giving mint a second chance? Absolutely not.
14 Insurance is a headache
Let me preface this by saying that I've never actually seen any of the Cars movies. Nothing against them but I don't think kid me really bought into talking cars. Talking animals were more my jam.
Anyway, these kinds of movies personify normally inanimate objects. For the sake of simplicity, they also don't really show us the more mundane and complicated sides of being human/human-like. I think that's a good one on that part. I don't really want to think of what washroom a car would use. Would a car even need a washroom? Let's not continue this train of thought.
I just have so many questions here. If an anthropomorphic car passes away, does it just turn into a normal car? Can an anthropomorphic car even pass away? Who would the life insurance even pay? Can Lightning McQueen have kids?
Okay let's say that he has car insurance instead. If his engine is broken then isn't that like the equivalent of a heart being damaged? Like can we just take it out and switch it for a new one? Do cars feel pain? Oh my god, I think I'm more confused now. I never thought I'd be thinking so much about Lightning McQueen. I have more questions than I do answers at this point. Ugh!
13 Simple is best
Now this is the kind of shower thought that I can get behind. Nothing too world breaking and nothing that breaks your mind completely. Or at least until I start overthinking things. How do we define a cup exactly? And is a cup holder still really a cup holder if it can hold other things like bottles? Shouldn't a cup holder really just be a 'holder' because you can basically put anything you want in one? I guess the intended purpose is to hold cups.
But now I'm wondering if there are really enough situations that we face in day to day life where something to hold our cups is paramount.
Not complaining, though, because I know that there are weirder things that have existed. Like who thought that we needed an accessory to cover cat butts? At that point, why not just get your cat some pants. If anything, that accessory is drawing more attention to its butt. I think I just need to take a step back for a second, here. As much as I'd love to spend the rest of my life in an endless loop of cup holder triggered thought, I think it's for the best we move on here.
12 Why are you like this?
English can be an amazing language. It has anything from beautiful flowery words to words that start to not sound like words anymore if you repeat them for too long. Seriously, have you tried? There's also a great probability of any single word having multiple meanings in the English language. So to see a sentence like this that has a double meaning makes me scream inside.
Like, if my brain had hands, it would be holding itself after reading this tweet. I know that the word "old" can mean two things, but it feels so wrong in this sentence. If I had to describe this feeling, it would be like when you touch a starfish. You expect them to be soft and squishy but they're actually very hard. That disconnect is pretty similar to how I feel about this tweet.
To be fair, though, I've been acting like a grandma for a number of years now. Complaining about a bad back and everything under the sun, sprouting white hairs and developing a preference for easy-to-eat foods. So take that, shower thoughts! Even though the old me was physically younger, I've been in the same place mentally for a while now!
11 Stop and smell the roses
This is actually a really good point. Why do flowers smell good to us if we don't eat (most) kinds of them? There's a couple of explanations for that, I guess. If the trait of thinking that flowers smell good didn't hurt a human's lifespan, it probably wasn't weeded out in the process of evolution. That is if I remembered introductory university biology correctly (I'm not known for having a good memory). Maybe it's too much work to get rid of something rather than to keep it.
Anyhow, I'm not here to give you a lesson in biology!
A more fun theory is that flowers are secretly and slowly exerting mind control over the human race with their pleasant scents. I'm not really sure how that's panning out for them, but they've certainly got their foot (root?) in the door. We willingly bring them into our houses to raise them. Maybe in a few million years they'll be able to communicate complex thoughts through smell to us mere humans. Regardless, I'm not one for sniffing flowers. I have allergies and no flower on this Earth will smell good enough for a runny nose and itchy eyes to be worth it.
10 Teleportation exists... for dogs
I think this depends on how smart we think dogs are. We've seen dogs be incredibly amazing and show great levels of intelligence. Think of service dogs or dogs that have rescued their families from burning buildings. On the other hand, we've also seen them be... less than smart. You know how sometimes you pretend to throw a ball and you watch your dog run off into the distance.
Two things here. A) you're mean! B) you can kind of measure the intelligence of your dog by seeing how far a distance they go before they realize you still have the ball. Either way, dogs probably don't really have teleportation as a part of their 'vocabulary'. I like to think at worst dogs think elevators are spooky magical boxes that take you to different places and at best they might understand elevators like they do cars. It's simply a method of fast transportation.
Or maybe they're completely and utterly unconcerned with the actual concept of an elevator and whatever it is that spooks some dogs about elevators is something else (ie. the unfamiliarity). But until we build a translating device that works between dogs and humans, we're never going to know!
9 Have I even done anything worthwhile yet?
This thought makes me feel dizzy. Like you're standing on the edge of a cliff staring into the void kind of dizzy. It put me on the spot and forced me to think about all the things that I've ever done in my life. Unsurprisingly, I can't really think of anything particularly of note. A lot of things I remember are extraordinarily unremarkable. I'll give you an example When I was a kid, I went on a field trip to a local park with my school. I remember that there was a tire swing that everyone went on and it apparently swung around too fast and made all the kids want to throw up.
I didn't go on that tire swing for whatever reason.
But dumb me decided that it was a good idea to run around the trees where the ground was all bumpy and uneven. Naturally, I tripped over a tree root and promptly cut my knee open. I still have that scar today! My point here was that this is a common kind of memory, one that pretty much everyone in the world has. You'd think that I would remember something with more of an impact but I guess I've just had a low impact life so far. This reddit post makes me wonder if I'm okay with being like every other person or if I want to be distinguished by something, anything at all. It's kind of giving me an existential crisis, though and I'm not about that noise. Next!
8 We have a really highbrow thought here
...I mean, he's not wrong. A mustache and an eyebrow are pretty similar in shape and they're both little patches of hair that only grow in a certain spot. It's just weird to compare them in this way. I'd be a little concerned if your eyebrows were as thick as your mustache, though. Well for guys anyway. Caterpillar brows are a really...particular look that I'm not sure works on a lot of people.
Back to the point. Why, again, did this need to be brought to my attention? This is going to trigger a bunch of other weird thoughts about human faces. Like are nostrils just miniature toothless mouths now? Does it really matter what we call the different parts of our face? If I could transplant a mustache onto where an eyebrow normally sits, does it become an eyebrow?
I'm not really sure why I'm bothered by this revelation but maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm learning by writing this post that I don't particularly enjoy unorthodox descriptions/renaming of things. I would like to see just one thought here that doesn't give me a headache or end up in a spiral of ever generating questions.
7 Macaroni and GEEZ
Actually though, is this person okay? I've never had macaroni but I've heard many a testimony from those around me that it is in fact, very very good. I'm not sure if it's good until the point of wanting to sob macaroni out of your eyes in an never ending loop happiness induced macaroni tear shedding marathon. Like I'm pretty sure that would dehydrate you pretty fast. Ew, that gave me the thought of macaroni that's been cooked with tears. Gross! Your body temperature isn't even high enough to boil water so it'd just be slightly dampened macaroni falling out of your eyes.
And that would HURT if it broke off somehow on the way out.
And then that would make you cry even more macaroni, because of how much it hurts. How hungry was this dude that he even conceived this kind of thought? Or like, how much does this guy love macaroni? I love pepperoni pizza but that doesn't mean I want it falling out of my eyes like confetti. At least pepperoni pizza wouldn't break off into pointy pieces that could stab my eye! Maybe this person should have eaten something before they got in the shower. Just a suggestion!
6 My mind is a little clogged
Oh no, no, no. I did NOT need the mental image of some guy doing the chest compression motions into a toilet bowl, sloshing around the water all over the floor. Even worse is dunking one's head in to give that toilet kiss of life. Yeah, toilet water is supposedly "clean," but not if something's clogging the toilet up! While this thought might be true, it's also really, really gross! No one wants to think of their mouth going anywhere near a toilet! I'm using a lot of exclamation points and I need to calm down a little.
The comments sections on that post seems to be fairing a little better at turning this idea into a more palatable one so to speak. One user likened using a plunger to the Heimlich maneuver. I'll take that over doing CPR to a toilet any day.
I guess it's weird when the shower thought is actually about something in the washroom, I've never particularly enjoyed those types of shower thoughts. Maybe it's because I have an overactive imagination? Anyhow, I think I need a little mind bleach to clear that mental image from my head. I recommend cute animals for that purpose.
5 Respect your elders
Disclaimer: I'm technically an adult but I'm still getting the hang of the whole adulting thing. Taxes and looking like you know what you're doing is hard, okay? But I feel where this post is coming from. Like take this example: you're working retail and some lady sporting a soccer mom hair do comes in and wants to return an item, something like a sweatshirt. No problem lady, can I see the receipt? From here, it can go one of a few ways: she has the receipt, hooray! But she bought this shirt a year ago. Or, she doesn't have the receipt and demands a refund anyway.
Or if you're very lucky, they bought this within the 30 day return window and didn't wreck the item.
But it's more likely that they don't have the receipt or are trying to returning it outside the return window. And when you try to tell them (very politely) that you're sorry and can't return it for them, they tell you that they will not be disrespected. Then they promptly starting screaming and the whole situation goes down the drain. I get it's upsetting when you want to return something and can't, but that's how life is you know? The cashier doesn't control the policy so you really shouldn't be feeling angry at them. Respect is mutual, if you're not giving it, you're not getting it!
4 Petty revenge is the best revenge
This one made me laugh. And also kind of sad at the same time. I'm sorry, tree, that you were cut down to make a paper product. I hope it wasn't toilet paper or the next point is moot. I'm also glad in exchange for it's life, it got to get back at us by a paper cut. Seems like a fair enough exchange. Something small and just annoying enough that we notice it every time we do something mundane, like washing our hands. Is it me or do paper cuts take a really long time to heal for what they are?
I'd expect them to take a week at most to heal because they're so minor but I always notice them hanging around for weeks.That's some really petty revenge, trees. High school kids could really learn something here. (Kidding). Revenge is bad, kids!
I guess when we recycle, we're perpetuating multiple revenges from various trees. That sounds pretty edgy and maybe goth/punk kids can spearhead a larger recycling movement. 'Recycle and help trees get their revenge!' I wonder if there's currently enough paper in the world that we could use recycling and never have to chop down another tree. That's a campaign I can get behind.
3 Blame them, not me
Man, I feel a little called out right now. Or is that just my brain feeling that way? This reminds me of when people cop out of having to back their advice by saying "it's just my opinion though, I might be wrong." I get it, no one wants to feel like they sabotaged a friend. But it still feels at least a little wrong. I'll admit it, I do this sometimes. To be fair, if you're asking me for advice, your options aren't looking very good to begin with.
Despite this, it's kind of cute how a lot of people would think that their own brain would attach sentience to other organs.
Even though your brain should technically know that it's the only part of your body that's capable of thinking... Does that mean that our brains are lonely and long for other organ companions? I guess the closest they could get to having a friend is having us befriend other people who have brains that are also lonely. Am I my brain or am I something else? This is getting too weird. Anyway, nice try, brain. You still have to take responsibility for whatever weird feelings we get!
2 I have just met you and I love you!
I just have one correction for this post: it takes me about 2 seconds to decide that I love a dog. Probably less. Spoiler alert: I love all dogs. Dogs don't lie and you can know their personality within a few moments of having met one. With people, it's a little different. Getting to know people takes months, at the very least. People aren't as open and unfortunately lie about things for whatever reasons.
So excuse me if I'm over here playing with your dog while you stand awkward to side watching us. I'm sure I'll come to love you too, just maybe in 4 months! If not, it's okay. I'll still be best friends with your dog, whether you like it or not.
What this post is telling me is it's okay to feel differently about different things based on circumstance. Just because you have a lower standard for loving dogs doesn't mean that you have to have that same, low standard for loving people. Or maybe I'm just trying to tack on life lessons onto vaguely related posts. But listen, if anything or anyone is to give us life lessons, dogs aren't such a bad way to relay them.
1 Procrastinating until the end
This tweet is literally calling me out. To be fair, I deserve it. I tend to work on most of my assignments late into the night, far too close to when they are due. In my defense, though, things seem infinitely more interesting when you have other things to be doing. Do I want to learn about the history of dirt when I have a paper due the next day? You bet! My desk sure could use some reorganization even when I have a final the next day! Now that I've been called out, am I going to change my habits?
Probably not in the long run but I'll make an effort for at least a couple of days.
Kind of like how you make a New Year's Resolution and give up by the second week of January because you got lazy and fell back into your old routine. But there's also another way I like to think about procrastination: maximizing relaxation time and minimizing work time. Side-effects: stress and premature greying of hairs. At least this particular shower thought didn't give me an existential crisis. Sometimes it just nice to think about a profound thought, nod in agreement and move on.