Alright, I have to confess: I thought this list would be much more fun to make. It kinda went from me hoping to write about *scary* cakes, to me ending up writing about freaking terrifying cakes that should probably never have existed to begin with. I don't know why all these people thought these cakes were good ideas, but I bet once they saw them, they regretted the whole thing. And just a warning for all of you that get easily scared or grossed out, this probably isn't the fun "ugly baby shower cake fails" list you expect – this one is an actually the horrifying "I will haunt your dreams until they turn into nightmares" kind of list. Now that you've been warned, proceed at your own risk.
Here are 15 baby shower cakes that make scary zombies, ghosts and co. seem like actual babies.
15 This baby that's probably singing "I'm blue da ba dee da ba die".
Uhm, first of all, who on Earth would want a baby shower cake to look like this? Who would want any cake to look like this? Second of all, why the heck is that baby blue? I've never actually seen someone give birth, but I really hope the baby doesn't come out BLUE?? But, color aside, the cake is actually pretty well done, if you manage to look past all of the creepiness (I absolutely understand if you can't). I mean it looks pretty realistic, the baby does look like a real baby (which probably only makes this whole thing even more disturbing), so I have to give props to the cake artist. Well done, my friend, but next time, please do a flower or a castle or something that will notes up my sleeping schedule.
14 This actual nightmare cake.
IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A ZOMBIE BABY? I don't even know anymore. I used love cake, but now I'm not sure how I feel about it anymore. I can get past the fake blood and and the fact that the baby is literally breaking free from the mother's stomach, but what freaks me out is that the baby looks like she belongs in a horror movie. You guys, it even has dark circles around its eyes! I honestly don't understand who thought that this wold be fun. It definitely makes me lose my appetite, become extremely paranoid, never trust kids ever again and mostly, not want to get pregnant. I genuinely hope that the baby shower was fun, regardless of the fact that its guests will never be the same again.
13 Warning: this cake is disturbing.
Up until now I didn't even think about the fact that these cakes eventually get cut, and that takes this whole disturbing baby shower cake experience to a whole new horrifying level. I mean those are freaking baby shaped cakes that WILL GET CUT INTO PIECES and eaten!! How do people not think that this is disturbing? I'm kinda having regrets about making this list now (for someone who can't handle scary movies very well, this is extremely horrifying), but also, I can't stop looking for more images – I just need to see how far people take this whole nightmare. I guess, now that I think about it, it's just a cake, it shouldn't matter that much what it's shaped like. I'm clearly just one of those people who get scared and grossed out easily.
12 This mother who's about to give brith.
As someone who has never given birth, I am terrified of the whole thing... and this cake isn't helping the case either. Plus, how the heck is this any good for the soon-to-be mom? It's like basically telling her "Look, this will be you soon. You'll go through so much pain the vessels in your eyes might pop, but hey, who cares? Let's all just have a piece of this horrifying cake." Well, unless the mom is into all that creepy stuff and actually likes this, I think she might need to reevaluate her relationships, because stressing out a pregnant woman is definitely not a good thing. Either way, I definitely won't close an eye tonight. I'll just stay up thinking about that line from Mean Girls, when the coach says: "Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die!"
11 This terrible use of an actual baby doll head.
It took me a solid minute to figure out what the hell is happening here, but then it hit me. The cake is a freakin' baby coming out of her momma's freakin' vajayjay, and I have SO MANY regrets about figuring all of that out. Yup, that pink icing and slimy red jello thing are exactly what you think they are, and that baby has just seen the light of the day for the first time. Well, at least the baby seems very happy about it all (even though it's almost completely covered in that red slimy mess). Honestly, guys, if you're ready to exit out of this list now, I won't be mad because it does only get worse. But it's also weirdly addicting to stare at what people actually make for baby showers. Like, it's terrifying, but also hard to look away.
10 This creepy baby doll head peeking out.
Yup, another cake of the same kind. The baby is only peeking out this time, but that doesn't make the whole thing any less creepy. Also, the baby doll's head has a lazy eye and it just makes the whole situation worse. At least it seems really happy again? Also, I wonder if these people organizing the baby showers make these cakes themselves, or do they go into a bakery and specifically describe exactly what they want their cake to look like? Like, do you just go in and say, "I want a baby shower cake of a baby birth and I want the mom to have visible pubic hair – but not too much. Definitely make it have a bikini wax".
9 This happy little fella.
OK, if you look past the fact that the cake is actually supposed to be a woman's vagina, the baby kinda looks cute and happy. Like, I'm not that mad about this one. I'd definitely try a piece (clearly, I'm a sucker for strawberries). I guess the less realistic these cakes look and the less they're covered in red slimy things, the more OK with them I am. Or, maybe I'm just less horrified by all of these birthing cakes the more I look at them? Well, either way, I'd definitely eat a slice of this one, and I'd make damn sure to get a piece with those strawberries.
8 And this one!
Shoutout to this cake's creator for definitely ruining chocolate sprinkles for me. Now all I'll ever think of when I see them is that someone used them to create pubes on a cake. And also that circle of chocolate sprinkles on the side of the cake aren't a mistake either – it's exactly what you think it is. So I think we can all say our goodbyes to chocolate sprinkles. They've added so much joy into our lives, but now the time has come to part our ways, unfortunately. Sprinkles aside, this seems to be quite the popular baby shower cake design – I came across so many similar ones while researching for this post! I guess the classic 'baby peeking out' cake is a baby shower cake trend.
7 This bloody mess.
There's definitely such a thing as too much strawberry sauce, and I think we're actually looking at it right now (I mean, come on, you know it's too much when it's leaking on the sides). Other than that, I really like the sleek cake design, and how clean it all looks (that is, if you look past the fake strawberry blood). How do cake artists manage to make the icing so smooth and perfect? Look at how flawless that white icing is! Hopefully, Haddie won't have nightmares when she grows up and sees what cake they served at her mom's baby shower. Well, at least it probably tasted delicious.
6 This actual belly nightmare.
I'm not really sure if this is supposed to be a C-section (as I've never actually seen one and judge me all you want, but I don't want to Google images of it because I might pass out and I really need to finish writing this article), but that's kinda what I imagine it to look like — scary as hell. Like, they cut your actual stomach to take the baby out, and I don't care how brave you are, that does not sound like a fun time! So I don't see how this cake would be appealing to anyone, but I guess we're all different. Well, unless we all don't end up being able to fall asleep tonight – in that case, we are more similar than I thought.
5 This horrifying thing.
At this point, I'm not even sure anymore if this is supposed to be a baby shower cake, or a horrifying Halloween party cake. I mean, that baby looks like what actual nightmares are made of. Don't believe me? Look at its eyes! They are freakin white – completely white!?! Still don't believe me? Just look at its nails; it has black nails! Also, the mom's skin color looks suspiciously green, but that could just be the filter, so I guess we'll just let it slide as a baby shower cake. Maybe one made for a horror-loving mother. Anyways, we're slowly getting towards the end of this list, and it's about to get even creepier. Feel free to exit at any time – you've been warned.
4 This terrifying newborn cake.
If you thought that this would finally be a cute newborn cake, you thought wrong. There's absolutely nothing cute about this one. I mean, I appreciate the cake artist's talent – it does look really realistic and the colors and shading are perfect... but the damn kid looks TERRIFYING. I mean, look at its face (but don't look at it for too long), it looks annoyed, and pissed off – it's as if it's about to throw a curse on your whole family for generations. It almost looks creepily old. And can you imagine cutting into this cake, or eating a piece of it? How terrifying does that sound?! If any of my friends are reading this list, you better not have a cake like this for my baby shower.
3 These two, because everyone knows two is better than one.
Except, not always... and definitely not here. As if one of these weren't horrifying enough, there are two different baby shower cakes to make sure you don't sleep two nights in a row. We've got the classic peeking baby cake plus the classic peeking baby with the full mom body as well. And again, the chocolate sprinkles have come to their worst possible use. And so have those baby doll heads – I don't know why I didn't realize how creepy it is that these cakes have actual baby doll heads used as a part of the design. Like, someone actually bought a baby doll and took off its head and used it for a cake. I'll just let that sink in for a minute.
2 OK, this one is definitely too realistic.
I don't know what's worse, the creepy ones or the super realistic ones. This one looks too real... props to the cake artist, but HELL NO. Can we all just agree that these cakes need to be stopped? I'm all for scary things and horror movies, but please leave that for Halloween, and not for a damn baby shower cake OMG!!! If I were a soon-to-be mom, I would 100% pass out if someone brought this cake to my baby shower. Apparently, it wasn't bad enough that it all looks so real... no, they decided to make it worse by depicting the baby as actually breaking through the mom's stomach while kicking out its feet through the vag as well. NOPE, NOPE and NOPE.
1 And lastly, this thumbs up.
I might have even thought that this one was funny, had I not seen all those terrifying ones before. A baby sticking its hand out to the world for the first time, and giving us a big old thumbs up is actually a sweet idea... but it cannot erase all the horrifying images I currently have in my head. I guess I purposely left this one for the last to kinda help you recover (if you even made it this far down the list... I don't blame anyone if they exited after pretty much the first one), but now, the more I look at it, the more creepy it is. It definitely qualifies as nightmares material.
Words of wisdom: Go Google some puppy images to help you forget about this mess of a list I made.