We left things at the end of the mid-season finale in December and we've got ants in our pants. We need something to happen. We all hate Neegan with a fiery passion and we are still bummed about Glenn. Seriously, what is the point even? The mid-season finale ended with 2 more characters killed off (when will it stop!?). Granted, they were secondary characters. We said bye to Olivia and Spencer and didn't really feel anything. Is this show starting to suck our souls out? Rosita's single bullet caught Neegan's attention and he took Eugeune (NOOOOOO!!!!) to be his new ammo-maker. Daryl escaped (YASS!!!) and a possible new character is in the mix (houseboat guy). And so we sat through the holidays and a freezing cold January to find out what would happen next.
Here are 15 things that came to mind while watching the mid-season premiere.
15 WTF Gabriel!? WE BELIEVED IN YOU
Is Gabriel running away? Are you freaking kidding! He's raiding the pantry and taking EVERYTHING? Can we just say? We knew this would happen. And he's doing this after that intense speech he gave to Spencer!? Oh right. Spencer. Who got eviscerated and died a horrible death right after that little pep talk. We can see why that might affect someone. But can we just say, this sucks. We were starting to like Gabriel. He was redeeming himself. But maybe once a little shit, always a little shit. And those are the kindest words we have for that little rat. Scurry away Gabriel and enjoy the time you've got left. We reckon it won't be long because a walker is bound to get you. BYE FELICIA.
14 Shut Up Gregory
Really tho? You still haven't learned people's names? Margaret? NOPE. It's MAGGIE. We get it now. This guy is not great. We're not supposed to like him. Can the writers stop it with this? We don't need a million reminders about how shitty this guy is. We're pretty solid on that at this point. He couldn't care less about learning people's names because they mean zilch to him. He's out to save his own skin. This is crystal clear. He's also the most cowardly coward that exists. Again, no need to remind us. He's so transparent it's ridiculous. There's no complexity in this character at all. Shallow, selfish and forgetful AF. We really thought he'd never last. We're surprised he's still around. He's probably going to do something much worse later this season.
Oh boy it's nice to see Daryl with his posse again. We cringed every time we had to see him basically tortured in Neegan's compound. Not cool. We don't enjoy seeing Daryl beat down. He's the one who's supposed to save everyone else. If he's a prisoner, everyone else is screwed. For a while, we worried that he'd be the next big death on the show. We're glad he's okay and back to normal. Not a single person thought he'd actually get brainwashed enough to serve Neegan, right? Frankly, that's a terrible strategy that Neegan's got going. He's bound to get his throat slit by one of his men any day now. And it's a good thing too because Carl or Rosita super failed at that.
12 Go Team!!!!
Awwww! We love that the Hilltop people are so ready to team up and fight the good fight. But we also realize and notice that they're not exactly fighting material. They're all going to get killed, aren't they? Good lord. Can we not? These poor people don't even know what they're getting into, let's be honest. They're going to get their heads bashed in and we don't even care about them. We never will. There's just not enough time for us to give a crap. Sorry Hilltop buddies. You're all gonna die and we're all going to forget about you by the end of the season. Maybe one of you will really stand out though and you just might get to stick around. We'd love it if everyone got to live! Happy times!
11 Tara's Mighty Quiet
Seriously Tara? Did you not just hear what Rick said about needing more people? We get that you perhaps had a traumatic experience and have maybe repressed that whole episode (because it was super boring and had terribly written dialogue). But did you really forget about happening upon that group of all-women survivors? Maybe you're trying to keep your promise about not mentioning anything. We'd say that's probably void after they tried to kill you anyways. Maybe you think they're too dangerous to go back and visit? Maybe let the group be the judge. They're a whole group of people who might be able to join in on the fight. Kind of worth discussing the issue, at least. TELL THEM. NOW IS THE TIME. JUST DO IT.
10 The Kingdom Is Literally The Best
Do you hear that beautiful music? Oh look it's Morgan! Everyone is so happy! Everything is so green! How this place is not totally f*ked by now is a miracle. It's clearly paradise. We bet those tomatoes are delicious, especially after having to eat expired canned goods for a while. Holy crap, the tiger! Still so cool. Still batshit crazy. Ezekiel has a freaking tiger. We're not quite sure how Jesus just forgot about that. And Rick's face when meeting Ezekiel? Totally priceless. We're surprised he didn't just start laughing like Carol. We almost can't help giggling at Rick Grimes of Alexandria. We are a bit bummed about Ezekiel's response to Rick and his group. We were really not expecting him to say he didn't want to up against Neegan. YOU HAVE A TIGER, DUDE.
9 Morgan, Full Of Good Ideas
We think his no-kill policy is a bit extreme. You're in a world where killing is kind of a thing. It's a part of life at this point, especially when it's a matter of survival. We admire Morgan, but sometimes you have to make difficult choices. Still, his idea about capturing Neegan isn't the worst idea we've heard. But that plan wouldn't be easy to pull off. Neegan is constantly surrounded and never alone. It would likely still result in people getting killed. Also, if you capture Neegan you'd better be ready to kill him, or we'll do it for you. He talks WAY too much. We hope you learned your lesson Morgan, sometimes killing the enemy is the best option. You can't always expect people to change, especially a psychopath and Neegan is definitely full psychopath.
8 WHY IS NEEGAN ON THE RADIO?
Are you kidding!? Why does this guy keep getting to spew his word vomit? It's very frustrating and unfair. We'll admit, it's obviously a good thing that he's broadcasting willy nilly. Rick's group gets the FYI about what Neegan's clan is up to, but honestly, we'd rather be in the dark. If we have to hear him blather on for another full episode we're going to snap. He's a total psychopath and it's not even interesting anymore. It's tiresome. We get it, he's completely devoid of the capacity to feel any kind of empathy towards his fellow man. Oh, wait. Apparently, he likes Carl? Carl tries to kill him and he decides he wants to befriend him? Time for a family dinner of spaghetti! No thanks. Can someone actually aim properly at this guy next time?
7 Same. Tara. Same
We'd walk away from the explosives too. We prefer to be far away from anything that can blow up. Like, far, far away. Seriously, can we opt out of this little explosive stealing activity? It looks mighty dangerous. And how the f*ck does Rosita know anything about explosives. When are we going to get her backstory? We assume she was once in the military but that's just a guess. Was she also part of a bomb-defusing squad? She's super comfy with that dynamite. She's ordering everyone around like this is totally her wheelhouse. It's cool, we're glad someone knows how to deal with this stuff, but we really want to know how she knows all this stuff. Did she just pick it up from Abraham? Or was she a prolific at googling stuff when things were normal. And PLZ BE CAREFUL SASHA. Can you maybe lightly put those down?
6 THAT WAS SO COOL
The whole slicing walkers trick? That was awesome and super cool to watch. The verdict is out on whether that's physically possible, but who cares! That was badass. And we got an explosion to finish it off. Can we see that again? We want an instant replay. That was one of the coolest things we've seen in quite a few episodes. Dare we say, in a whole season? It's a refreshing change from the whole humans killing humans and being terrible to each other. We're getting a little tired of that TBH. We get it, the real horror comes from humans being awful to one another. Well, we miss the good ole' scary zombies sometimes. We also LOVE Rick and Michonne kicking ass together. It's hella cute. #relationshipgoals
5 Ezekiel Clearly Has The Hots For Carol
It's the end of the world dude. Just go talk to her. Bring her some tiger meat. Just kidding! I mean really, though, he could not be more obvious about his little crush. He's asking about her like a teenager in high school. She clearly wants to be left alone at the moment, but no one can live without social contact forever. Maybe give her some space for now. She'll come around. We really can't imagine she'll stand back and do nothing if there's some epic war between the saviors and everyone else. Or maybe she will. Sometimes it's hard to read her. Whatever. We totally ship these two. Carol and Ezekiel. We want a romance to start budding please because we love Richonne but we need more love in the air.
4 TBH We All Know Gabriel Was Always A Shithead
lol gabriel was just reading his bible and now he's stealing all the food. what a great priest #twd— chandler riggs (@chandlerriggs) February 13, 2017
I mean really tho. Is Rick forgetting that Gabriel used to be a super big coward who locked a bunch of people out of a goddamn church? Rick, you have a terrible memory for these things. Everyone is all "Gabriel is one of us!". But there's gotta be some part of everyone who knew him before that's thinking "yeah that dude definitely took all our food and left us to die of hunger". We find out he might have a plan because he scribbled in a notebook. He wrote the word "Boat". A big part of us still thinks something shady is going on at this point. We're highly suspicious.
3 Rosita. You Mad Bro?
We get it. She's upset because the world is crumbling around her. Her lover dumped her during the apocalypse. That's some cold hard shit right there. Then he screwed another woman. Then he got smashed to bits by the enemy. That's pretty brutal. Then Rosita tried to kill Neegan and failed miserably. She technically got Olivia killed and got Eugene taken away. No doubt she blames herself for all of it and it must feel extremely frustrating to have all that anger pent up and not be able to take it out on the person who really deserves it (A.K.A. Neegan). We really hope Rosita gets her revenge. If anybody gets to kill Neegan, we're kind of rooting for it to be her. But she needs to take it down a notch with everyone else around her, especially Sasha.
2 There's Three Minutes Left!?
We didn't see enough of Maggie and we didn't see enough of Daryl. That scene where the gate/door closes in front of Daryl. We can all agree that guy looks better the dirtier he gets, right? We really hope that we'll get to see him next episode. It feels like we don't get enough of anybody in these episodes. And really, we don't need more Enid. K thanks. Maggie must be pregnant AF by now. Can we just get that over with? Because right now she's definitely not following the doctor's orders. She's supposed to be on bed rest and she's all over the place. She really shouldn't be climbing anything, let alone stairs. And stress can't be good for her either, right? SIT DOWN MAGGIE. DOCTOR'S ORDERS! We don't need another woman to die during childbirth for the love of god!!!!!
1 WAT!? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!?
WAT!? Who are these people!? Rick is smiling. Okay, maybe everything is going to be okay. Is this Gabriel's plan? Has he been sneakily befriending a whole new crew of people? We got a small glimpse of someone at the boat when Aaron and Rick were there last time. We thought it was one random person just sneaking around. Apparently, it's a whole group of people!? How did Gabriel find them? How did he know about the boat? What is going on!? We seriously hate these cliffhanger episodes. Our minds can't deal. We're used to binge watching Netflix. This is torture. But, Rick is smiling. He knows something we don't. Or something we haven't figured out yet. These people are going to join the good fight. Or.... IT'S A TRAP!