15 Times Cersei Lanister Truly Was Queen B

Warning: This post contains spoilers for Game of Thrones Seasons 1-6

Oh, Cersei Lannister… Most GoT fans either love the powerful matriarch of house Lannister or hate her. For all intents and purposes, she is pretty despicable. I mean, right off the bat (in episode one) after an innocent Bran caught a glimpse of her getting it on with her twin brother Jaime in a tower, she made it pretty clear that the boy had to die if they wanted to keep their little secret safe. After Jaime pushed him out the window in an act of love”, Cersei didn’t bat an eye and, knowing those two, probably just resumed business as usual if you know what I mean. And the list of heinous acts just goes on from there. Regardless of all that, I actually adore Cersei. While it’s clear that her moral compass is completely out of whack, the things she does require a substantial amount of lady-balls. Here is a list of the worst (or best – depending on how you look at it) moments of The Wicked Witch of Westeros.

15 That time she ordered that food be given to the dogs instead of the poor

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When Margaery Tyrell came along, she seemed to bring out what little goodness Joffrey had in him. Given his borderline sociopathic tendencies and Cersei being, well, Cersei, it is no wonder that the people of King’s Landing were excited to welcome a new benevolent queen. At their wedding, Margaery declared that all of the leftovers from their wedding feast would be given to the poor. But Cersei would be having none of that. She interrupted Grand Maester Pycell creeping on a servant girl and orders him to tell the kitchen that the leftovers were to be given to kennels. When Pycell dared to remind Cersei of Queen Margaery’s orders, Cersei told him that the dogs will either be eating leftovers or they would be eating him for dinner.

14 That time she celebrated Sansa's "womanhood" by telling her to start making babies with her psycho son

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After having a nightmare, Sansa wakes to find blood on her sheets. Realizing what this means, she understandably freaks out and with the help of Shay, they try to cover up the mess. Unfortunately, another servant girl walks in and takes in the scene and scurries off to tell Cersei. Shay then threatens to kill her if she talks (typical argument ender in Game of Thrones). But when she returns, she finds Sansa with the hound who then notifies Cersei. After a brief chat about the birds and the bees, Cersei basically tells Sansa to get her babymaker to work with Joffrey. Cersei isn’t stupid. She knows that Joffrey is a monster (I mean, she created him, right?) but tells Sansa that she’ll just have to deal gives her this pearl of wisdom, “Love is weakness. Love no one but your children. On that front, a woman has no choice.” Isn’t that sweet?

13 That time she reminded Littlefinger of his place

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If there is one thing that Cersei is good at, it’s putting people in their place real quick. Like that time, she and Littlefinger were talking and he thought it would be a good idea to hint at the fact that he knew about her and Jaime, “When boys and girls live in the same home, awkward situations can arise. Sometimes, I've heard, even brothers and sisters develop certain affections. And when those affections become common knowledge, well that is an awkward situation indeed, especially in a prominent family. Prominent families often forget a simple truth I found. Knowledge is power” Cersei answers that by ordering her guards to cut his throat. They seize him and press a knife to his throat. But then she waved her hand and tells them that she changed her mind and to let him go. She then tells Littlefinger that, “Power is power” and drops the mic and saunters off.

12 That time she reminded Robert who really wears the pants

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We all know that when it comes to her family, Cersei can get extra fierce. Even though she and Tyrion have a rather tense relationship, she is still pretty pissed when she finds out that Catelyn Stark has kidnaped her brother. And Hell hath no fury than a pissed off Cersei. After Ned Stark wakes up after having a spear thrown through his leg (by Jaime’s orders), he finds King Robert and Cersei by his bedside. As we’ve established, Cersei is mad and goes off on Ned. Robert tells her to pipe down and she says, “I took you for a king” which doesn’t go over well with old Robert. She then basically calls him a little bitch by saying, “I should wear the armor and you the gown” and Robert slaps her. A total dick move but unfortunately domestic violence isn’t exactly frowned on in Westeros.

11 That time she told Tyrion that he would be marrying Sansa

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Throughout the entire series, poor Sansa has been through a lot. After it was declared that she had “traitor’s blood” and wasn’t fit to marry Joffrey, it was decided that Margaery would take her place as queen. But Cersei would not let her little dove fly away home to Winterfell since she was pretty much the last heir. Instead, Cersei and Tywin concocted a plan to marry Sansa to Tyrion instead. Given her relationship with Tyrion, Cersei relished in the fact that Tyrion found that forcing Sansa to marry him would be cruel and told him that, “it was more than he deserved”. But old Tywin flipped the script right back on her when he decided to solidify their alliance with the Tyrell’s by having Cersei marry Loras.

10 That time she bitch slapped her son

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You do not want to belittle Cersei. If you question her worth, she will make sure that you suffer for it. When Joffrey’s claim to the Iron Throne is questioned, Joffrey becomes a wee bit paranoid. Robert had a wandering eye and had the bad habit of knocking up some of the whores whom with he had relations. When he brought this up to his mother by asking, “if he fucked other women when he grew tired of you.” And when he began to say, “how many bastards does he have running-” Cersei did the only rational thing which was to strike him with a powerful bitch slap. Now, I don’t endorse mothers slapping their children, but I think we can all agree that being the contemptuous little shit he was, Joffrey had that coming.

9 That time she shamed Septa Unella

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You remember Septa Unella, right? The one that “shamed” her during her stay in the prison? The one that suggested that Cersei be forced to cut off all of her gorgeous hair and walk naked through the streets of King’s Landing while people screamed horrible things and threw food at her? Yeah, things didn’t end well for her… After destroying everything Septa Unella loved (the sept, the High Sparrow etc.), Cersei began her own version of “shaming” Septa Unella. Starting with getting wine poured on her face and struggling to breathe, Cersei happily delivered the news that she was going to ensure that she endure a slow, painful death. She then led the zombified Mountain into the room to continue the “shaming” and walked away to the sound of the Septa’s screams with a smile on her face.

8 That time she accused Tyrion of killing Joffrey

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Tyrion was always quick to put Joffrey in his place with a quick slap. Tyrion always resented the way that he treated Sansa and how Joffrey took every opportunity to humiliate him. He knew just how much of a vile creature Joffrey was and wasn’t exactly subtle about his feelings towards Joffrey. So unfortunately, when Joffrey was murdered, he had a pretty big target on his back. It didn’t help that Sansa had fled the city after it happened. A frantic Cersei was very quick to put him behind bars and demand that he be executed. She never shared many tender moments with Tyrion and even blamed him for killing their own mother during childbirth, but ordering to kill her own brother was a bit extreme.

7 That time she beat the shit out of Tyrion's whore

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The torrid love affair between Tyrion and a whore named Shae was brought to a heart-breaking halt in season 4 when he strangled her after catching her in his father’s bed. But let’s rewind back to when Tyrion and Shae had their secret love affair. After finding out that Tyrion was in love with a whore, Cersei wanted to hurt him by hurting her. Unfortunately, that plan backfired when Cersei mistakenly captured Ros instead of Shae. While Ros was a whore of Tyrion’s for a while back in Winterfell, she wasn’t the whore Cersei was looking for. But Tyrion played along and made it seem as though she was to avoid Shae actually being hurt. Classic case of being the wrong whore in the wrong place at the wrong time.

6 That time she drank her way through a war

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If there is one thing that we can be sure that Cersei loves other than Jaime and revenge, it is her glass of wine. It seems to be an extension of her hand throughout the entire series. When Stannis invaded King’s Landing, Cersei stayed with the women and children inside the castle and drank lots and lots of wine. I mean, I get it. When a girl is stressed, a glass of wine can sometimes help take the edge off (or put an edge on, depending on the situation). Like Cersei said, “an unhappy wife is the wine merchant’s best friend.” I’m sure the “unhappy wife” part could be changed to “a queen trapped inside a castle while a war if fought outside”.

5 That time she threatened to kill Margaery in her sleep

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From the get go, Cersei wasn’t a big fan of Margaery Tyrell. Perhaps she could sense the deception behind Margaery’s sweet smile that seemed to have everyone else fooled. Cersei referred to her as, “the wicked little bitch from High Garden”. I think that it bothered her that she could see part of herself in Margaery. After news got out that it was planned that Cersei would marry Margaery’s brother, Loras, Margaery cozied up to Cersei and told her that they would be sisters. To which Cersei coolly replied, “if you ever call me sister again, I will have you strangled in your sleep.” The only time Cersei showed her anything close to kindness was when Joffrey died and Cersei offered that she marry Tommen instead. Definitely a step up.

4 That time she paid Margaery a visit in her cell

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When Loras was put on trial for having “unnatural relations” (c’mon, can’t everyone just have the same viewpoint as Oberyn?!), Margaery was called to the stand. Obviously, she defended her brother and assured everyone that he straight as a whistle. But then, an old flame of Loras’ took the stand and confirmed that they had done the big dirty together and that Margaery had witnessed it. So, the brother and sister pair were thrown in jail for lying about their “crimes”. Now, jail doesn’t usually look good on anyone, but it really doesn’t look good on Margaery. And Cersei fucking loved it. She would take every opportunity to visit Margaery and rub it in her face, even bringing her a bowl of stew which Margaery quickly threw back at her.

3 That time she told Sansa what a woman's best weapon is

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Sexuality has always played a big role in Game of Thrones. That’s one of things I love about Westeros; unlike our Western civilization, the majority of the people there are so unabashedly open about their sexuality and are not afraid to embrace it. But Cersei knows that sex isn’t only for pleasure. It can serve many other purposes. It can also serve as a weapon. While cooped up in the castle during the war with Stannis, Cersei shared this little pearl of wisdom with Sansa by telling her, “Tears aren’t a woman’s only weapon. The best one’s between your legs.” I don’t know whether you could call her a true feminist since she seems to always struggle with the fact that she was born a woman, but she certainly knows how to use her femininity to suit her own needs.

2 That time she burned down the Great Sept

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The season 6 finale was arguably the most intense yet. So much happened in those 47 minutes. Knowing that she wouldn’t stand a chance facing her trial, Cersei just said, “fuck this” and burned the whole thing down by rigging the Great Sept of Baelor with Wildfire (the explosive green fire). She watched the whole thing burn from the comfort of her home (with a glass of wine in her hand, obviously), no doubt delighting in the fact that the High Sparrow and Margaery were being blown to bits right before her eyes. The only flaw in her plan was the fact that Tommen was completely in love with his wife Margaery and, after learning of her messy fate, stepped out of the tower and dropped to his death.

1 That time she chose violence

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One of the most memorable lines of the entire 6th season was spoken by Cersei after Lancel Lannister tried to make her do something that she didn’t want to do. When the High Septon commanded her to face trial, the Sparrows were sent to collect Cersei is she did go by her own volition. When she makes it clear that she is not leaving the Red Keep, Lancel takes a step forward to escort her when the Mountain blocks his path to her. Lancel then orders her to tell him to step aside or there would be violence. That’s when you can see her saying, “I wish a bitch would” in her head and she speaks the trademark line, “I choose violence.” Yaaaas, queen!

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