As children, we all longed to be the stars we saw in the original Disney movies. These Disney Princesses seemed strong, independent, beautiful, and always had a happy ending. They always landed the guy, they always fought their demons (and won), and always achieved any goal they set out to complete. They were amazing — so amazing that we ended up dressing as them every year for Halloween. However, all good things must come to an end. Now that we're a little older and a little wiser (we're just a little wiser, okay?), we notice different things when we re-watch our favorite Disney cartoons. Mainly how pathetic and dumb some of the thing these princesses and princes do. Why the hell didn't Ariel just write her name in the sand for Prince Eric? Why didn't Elsa just TELL Anna that she had powers? Why didn't Nala leave Pride Rock sooner? These are just some of the things that are driving us Disney lovers cray-cray.
Elsa is the talented princess from Disney's Frozen. Being born to the King and Queen of Arendelle, Elsa was the first princess before her younger sister Anna was born. While fans everywhere fell in love with Elsa's unique power and her relationship with her sister (when they were kids), I couldn't help but scream at the screen when I first saw the 2013 film.
For starters, Elsa does a lot of dumb stuff. Once she knew her powers could be dangerous (after the snowman scare), she did the right thing by wearing gloves and trying to conceal her powers. But when she thinks her powers make her too dangerous to be around others, she just HIDES OUT in her room for years and years, it breaks my heart. Her parents die and her only sister is dying for some kind of relationship or contact with her older sister. She has no idea why Elsa is isolating herself and it's hurtful. If Elsa simply sat Anna down and told her why she was hiding out, their rift would have never even happened. FIO, Elsa.
Disney's Tangled was a solid flick. We all love the childhood story of Rapunzel, so when Tangled hit screens in 2010, audiences everywhere fell in love with the story all over again. Plus Many Moore was the voice of Rapunzel, and we all love us some Mandy. But let's get back to why Rapunzel was dumb as balls.
Considering Rapunzel has never come in contact with anyone else but her "mother" since she was abducted, she actually grows into an educated and smart young lady. I know she has been told she's incapable of a lot, thanks to her rude as hell mother, but she was smart enough to know she could save herself. But no — she waited until a man came around to "save" her. She didn't need a man to come around for her to realize she was in a sad place, so why wait to be saved? (She also walks around everywhere barefoot which is infuriating because there is no way in hell she doesn't have a few scratches and sores from roaming the forest barefoot. Dumb move, home girl.)
Merida was a real game changer for Disney Princesses. She was a tomboy, liked to get dirty, and fought against arranged marriages. She was a young heroine worth looking up to. But that doesn't mean she didn't make any mistakes along the way.
Merida did turn her mom into a damn bear after all. I know her mom was forceful and quite rude to her when she hit the age of puberty, but going to a witch to actually cast a spell on your own momma is a dumb AF move. Couldn't she have just talked about her mom under her breath like other teenagers do? When her spell does come true, and her mom turns into a bear, Merida is then left covering her tracks and has to teach her mom how to take care of herself as a damn bear. C'mon, Merida. You're better than that.
I know what you're thinking, "Tiana doesn't do anything dumb in The Princess and the Frog." But it's my job to prove you wrong.
Tiana is one of the hardest working Disney Princesses we've ever seen. After discovering a love for cooking from her father at a young age, it was her dream to open her own restaurant. She took up two jobs and worked her tail off to earn enough money to just buy the actual building. The funny thing is, her best friend Charlotte came from a whole lot of money. We always assumed Tiana didn't ask Charlotte or her father for a loan because that would be taking the "easy way out." The only problem is...when a damn FROG tells her he'll give her all the money she needs to open her restaurant as long as she KISSES him, she goes ahead and does it! If that's not taking the "easy way out of it," then I don't know what is. She was better off just asking her childhood bestie for hell's sake.
I bet you didn't expect to see Princess Atta from A Bugs Life on here, did you!? Well she's here and she ain't leaving, because can be dumb AF at times. (Plus, don't judge me, but I literally thought her name was Anna for the past 19 years.)
Princess Atta was pretty much a queen in training throughout the film. And while she was trying her best to be a #GirlBoss and to take control, she came off as a scared little girl through the movie. She was constantly nervous, overthinking, and even lied to the entire colony about the circus of "warriors" that she hired. Like, girl, get it TOGETHER. How is an entire colony of ants supposed to have faith in her and their community if their future queen is freaking out all the time about their biggest enemy!? That's not very comforting. She didn't really gain any confidence until Flick convinced her. PLUS, her youngest sister, Dot, had more balls and confidence than Atta did. Don't get me wrong, I love her, but her behavior was infuriating at times.
Okay, I understand the comical part about Anna in Frozen was the fact that she fell in love with a dude she knew for a whole two minutes. The movie plays on this joke throughout the movie because it's essentially poking fun at Disney's long line of princesses who do the same thing. But regardless of the obvious irony, Anna did the dumbest sh*t. She legit leaves the castle's four walls for an afternoon and comes back with a fiancé. A fiancé she doesn't even know the last name of. A fiancé who just wanted to gain her trust so he could take over her kingdom, and she made his job pretty freaking easy if you ask me.
Girl, you are a princess to the throne. How are you that dumb to not see the red flags of some dude popping up out of nowhere and liking you right away? Didn't her parents ever warn her when she was younger that there were going to be some people who only liked her for her fortune? No? I guess not.
I understand Princess Jasmine from Aladdin just wanted to spread her wings and fly solo. She felt cooped up and needed to leave her palace's four walls to find herself. I get it. She had every right to get the hell out of there and explore the market by herself. But don't you think if she was leaving the palace for the first time alone that she would do so in the most low-key manner possible? Don't you think she would be like those Hollywood celebrities who wear wigs and disguises just to go about their day without any trouble? Jasmine pretty much did the opposite. She apparently was too entitled to understand that TAKING an apple from a market—that was not paid for—and giving it to a monkey was stealing. So she not only almost gets her arm chopped off, but she then pretends to be "not right" in the head to get out of the situation, and then runs off with a complete stranger to some abandoned hide out. Home girl was just asking for trouble with those dumb moves.
Belle, Belle, Belle, what am I going to do with you? I know you're educated, witty, and independent — you're one of the brightest Disney Princesses there are. But that doesn't mean you're excused from making some dumb choices. Yes, even the smartest people can make the dumbest mistakes.
Belle takes one for the team and takes her father's place as prisoner to a Beast. Okay, I kind of get it. She has a good heart and I can see why she did this. But after she learns the Beast never leaves his castle and has no respect for him, why didn't she just leave!? Tie those sheets together and climb out of the window! You had no loyalty to this Beast. At that moment in time, she had no idea that the Beast was actually a man around the same age as her who was just under a spell. SO why was she brave enough to take her father's place, but not brave enough to escape the castle?! C'mon Belle! (I obviously know everything worked out for her in the end, but still.)
Nala was such a badass. Scratch that, she still is a badass. She proved time and time again that she was just as good—if not better—than the boys. She was fierce, brave, and smart. So when Simba disappeared from her life, where did that ferocity go? Sure, she was sad that her bestie and future husband was presumed dead, but it was almost like once Simba left Pride Rock, Nala backed away from her badass self and became a hermit who obeyed orders from the evil Scar and his little minions. She was brave enough to go into an elephant graveyard — even brave enough to travel alone to find food, so why wasn't she brave enough to leave earlier on to find a change? I don't want to call Nala dumb because she was just a cub after all, and Scar and his buds are intimidating characters, but I just want to know where that fearless and unstoppable lion went after her male counterpart up and left to sing songs in a jungle with a warthog and meerkat.
Ugh, Mulan. God, I love her. She's so naive in the sweetest and kind-hearted of ways. I don't think she's dumb by taking her father's place in the military. I actually commend her for doing something so ballsy and dangerous. And while she makes a lot of dumb moves throughout the movie (like writing cheat notes on her arm, using a fake male voice, and not thinking about her damn "boy" name beforehand), there's one move that I cannot get out of my head.
It's the scene where Mulan decides to take a bath in that lake one night when she thought everyone was sleeping. Not only does she strip completely naked and dives head first into this lake, but she paddles far out and leaves all of her clothes far away on land. I understand she thought she was alone and just wanted a calming bath, but homegirl is UNDERCOVER in the MEN'S ARMY. She should not have been so trusting. Bad things can happen at any given moment. She should have taken a quick rinse in the lake before returning back to camp. She should have stayed close to where her clothes were or at least brought a cover-up with her mid bath incase of an intruder. C'mon Mulan, you're better than this.
I love the movie Sleeping Beauty. I think it's mostly because of the fairies and them taking one for the team to raise her alone for 16 years, but I couldn't help but notice some dumb as hell moves Aurora pulls off.
Not only does she meet a strange man in the forest, but she sings, dances, and snuggles with him moments after running into him! To make things worse, when the fairies tell her she can't see this mysterious man again (they also tell her that she's a damn princess), and what does she do?? She acts completely unfazed and CRIES on her bed ALONE because she can't see this dude again that she's known for a full five minutes. AURORA, YOU WERE JUST TOLD YOU WERE A PRINCESS AND HAVE BEEN UNDERCOVER HIDING FOR 16 YEARS FOR YOUR SAFETY, HOW DO YOU NOT CARE!?
Cinderella. Oof, this girl has been through the ringer. Not only did both of her parents die, but she's left to fend for herself in the castle that she grew up in with the step-family that treats her like dog sh*t. It was sad to see her treated so horribly. Things started to turn around for her when her fairy godmother made her gorgeous AF for the ball, but she did some pretty foolish things.
Not only was she way too trusting of her step-family (for thinking they would actually allow her to go to the ball with them), but once she was at the ball and got to dance with prince, she just up and left as soon as the clock almost struck midnight. She KNEW she had a limited amount of time at this ball. SO once she grabbed the prince's attention, why wouldn't she tell him where she lived immediately!? And I don't want to hear that "she didn't know she was worthy" crap. Cinderella knew she was good enough, that's why she always tried her best and made fun of her step-family to the animals. She knew they were cray-cray and that she was just being an angel.
My girl Poca did some serious sh*t to her people. She was single handedly the reason why the English found her colony. Sure, a few of her men found where the English were based and were later attacked by gun fire, but Pocha LEGIT told John Smith where her people usually are and about their way of life. In the Disney version, Pocahontas was viewed as this holy peace-maker who got her father to see that John wasn't just a white man, but a man all in the same. But when I think about it, she's the one who put him in danger. She's the one who played with fire and felt the need to go explore this different version of human beings. At the end of the day—though the movie ended peacefully—she had no one to blame but herself, if you ask me. I doubt the English would have found her colony if it wasn't for Pocahontas. Especially while being led by Governor John Ratcliffe. That guy was a rock pile.
2 Snow White
Snow White is so dumb that it's almost comical. Considering the movie came out in 1937 (!!), the movie was played very safe. Snow White was SUCH a naive girl, it was almost hard to watch. I also understand she was young AF, being just 14 years old, but she was so dramatic, entitled, and just did dumb things.
After almost being murdered in the forest, she freaks out and covers her face, just waiting for something bad to happen. When the supposed killer breaks down and says he "can't kill her" and that he was under "orders" to do it, he tells her to run away and to never come back (give or take). So she legit does just that. She runs deep into the forest with nothing but her red cape until she stumbles upon a cottage. One would think, after being told someone was out to kill her, she would hide from this cottage, but not Snow. Snow just WALKS RIGHT IN and decides to just make herself at home and then tell a group of grown men what to do. #SMH Snow White.
Finally, we've stumbled upon Ariel from Disney's The Little Mermaid. Ariel is so ballsy that she swims to the beat of her own drum. She is constantly doing things that make me question her state of mind. She puts her supposed "best friends" in danger ALL the time (poor Flounder trying to swim his chubby self away from the shark). She goes up to the surface on the regular to talk to a drunken seagull and to spy on fishermen (of all things). She runs away and lies to her dad — one of the most powerful mermen in the entire sea. And lastly, she signs away her life to a SEA WITCH (of ALL people) just to have a few days on land with a guy she's never met. Girl...what are you thinking!? Didn't her father ever tell her to read the terms and conditions of any contract she signs?
Also, once she saves Prince Eric's life, and watches him unconscious on the beach like a creep, he asks for her her name, and she just points to her throat....OKAY, SO YOU CAN SIGN YOUR NAME FOR THE SEA WITCH, BUT YOU CAN'T SPELL YOUR NAME OUT IN THE SAND? Mkay, Ariel, mkay.