Relationships are hard, and they vary from individual to individual. They come in all forms, too. Between different genders, contrasting ages, differing races, and between two different people from any walk of life. And despite this variety in relationships, there are some problems that transcend these differences. There are some problems that seem to pop up in every relationship, because they’re universal experiences that any of us can relate to when we love someone.
And then there are other things that aren’t problems at all — but positive things we all feel in relationships. Whatever the issue, there are some things that are just going to keep popping up from time to time, and these posts sum them up. The good thing is at least I know I’m not alone here…
15 If I'm Not Mean To You, Be Worried
I relate to this on an extreme level. If I’m really nice to you all the time, and I don’t say anything mean, ever — there’s a problem. Either I’m really uncomfortable around you or I just don’t like you. No matter which way you look at it, it all comes down to I'm just not comfortable around you to be myself — and that's no bueno.
But if I’m forever making fun of you, looking for anything I can tease you about, or generally just constantly at your throat – albeit in a light-hearted-ish way – then it’s because I’m really fond of you. It seems backwards, right? But apparently I’m not the only one. This seems to be a really common thing. Of course, there’s such a thing as taking it too far and I’ve definitely been guilty of that, but the intention is totally there, and it’s a good one. It’s how I show affection, get used to it, or get out.
14 All I Want...
Is this not the ultimate sign of love? Not just showing it through romantic gestures and other grand things, but letting someone put their cold feet on you when they’re in bed because it’ll warm them up.
Seriously. The little things are so underrated until someone is in a relationship and realizes how kind it is of the other person not to get seriously annoyed by this. The small sacrifices that are made in relationships are exactly what makes the entire relationship itself. I definitely found myself being more grateful for the smaller things in relationships, than I ever was with the bigger gestures. Not that cold feet on skin is a "small thing," because to be honest, in an otherwise cozy bed, that is uncomfortable if you're the one with cold feet on your back. But at the end of the day, it's all in the name of love, right?
13 You're Never TOTALLY Secure...
Being in a relationship means consulting friends for advice. Doesn’t everyone have a group chat that they run back to, particularly in the early stages? The crush in question is asking about dates, interests, and just trying to engage with where this relationship is going — all while someone in the group chat is asking for screenshots of the conversation.
Sure. It makes the answers a little less authentic, but I’ve definitely done this before. Sometimes in the early stages of dating, it can be hard to reveal your true self – right? If you're anything like me, you'd reveal craftily constructed replies from friends because honestly, those are what’s going to make the relationship progress until it becomes more secure.
Still, sometimes I do think I’ll still be consulting a group chat of my friends at my own wedding. That chat has been helpful beyond words and has never failed me.
12 Having To Apologize Is The Worst
As the person in my relationship who absolutely takes teasing too far and often becomes downright offensive to my partner, I’ve done this a million times. I think it’s still funny. They were laughing a minute ago, so surely it’s still hilarious, right? No. I cross the line into being offensive and don’t notice. And it’s hard to apologize because I was still the said insult as a joke. So I end up having to apologize for being hilarious and making everyone laugh – because it was at the other person’s expense.
It’s honestly nice to see that I’m not alone on this, because it makes me feel less like a terrible girlfriend. I definitely agree with this guy in that it’s something I often spend my relationship doing; apologizing for being hilarious. Or determinedly not apologizing. Regardless, that’s clearly something a few of us need to work on…
11 Suddenly These Habits Are Not Too Cute Any More...
This is a real place I’ve been in past relationships (though thankfully not my current… yet). When you start crushing on someone and then start dating them, they have habits that you think are absolutely adorable. They’re addicted to certain video games, or they use a fork and knife really oddly, or there are certain foods they have to eat a certain way — it all seems so damn adorable!
When does it become ‘not cute’ any more? Probably when you pass the honeymoon stage. Suddenly there are things they do that are just downright annoying and — wait, what? Wasn’t that what I found so cute a few months ago? Sometimes this happens surprisingly quickly too, and it’s off-putting! Any relationship that can survive this stage is worth fighting for.
10 It's Easier To Pass The Blame
It’s wrong to use your partner as a scapegoat. It’s unsound to break something and blame it on them. It’s faulty to do something bad and not be able to accept responsibility for it.
But… sh*t happens.
Look. I’m not proud of it, but I’ve definitely stained something with food and then blamed it on my ex-partner – though we’re long since broken up, so hopefully they never found out... But sometimes it’s just easier to point the finger. And honestly, it works out better for the relationship in the long-run – right?! I wasn’t as hard on him as he would have been on me because I knew I actually did it, so there was less of a fight over it than there probably would have been the other way around. Get it?
9 Where Do You Want To Eat?
I hate this question, and I think I’m able to vote this in as a relationship problem, because of my situation. I’m a vegetarian. My partner is not. He’s allergic to gluten. I am not. So think of your relationship when you can’t agree on a place to eat, multiply it by ten, and you have our relationship every time he says, “Where do you want to go eat?”
Honestly, I’ve had to be a bit less fussy, but it kills me. He’s also had to take one for the team and eat more vegetarian food. And it must be really difficult for people who are both stubborn and unwilling to compromise, because this is a definite problem in a relationship. Especially when one person says they don’t mind when they actually do mind, and then they end up in a bad mood because they couldn’t eat much of their meal.
8 Finish Him!
Self-control is hard in a fight, and it’s hard to stay in the moment and focus on the issue at hand. There’s been so many times when an argument has escalated to something it didn't need to be, all because of something that didn't even start the fight in the first place. It's like, you start off arguing about bills, and end the argument with why you hate their mother. It's a downward spiral.
Sure. This isn’t the adult, mature thing to do. The issue at hand should be talked out so we can both move on. But sometimes, something is said that brings a past issue to light and I just can’t help but bring it up. It’s nice to see this post and recognize that it’s not just me who holds grudges like that, and it seems to be a pretty common thing…
The Kermit memes are surprisingly very good at calling everyone out on bad behavior.
7 Isn't My Company Enough?
Another slight incompatibility between people that I’ve definitely experienced — I’m a night owl. As I’m writing this, it’s 2am. I stay up really late and I’m most productive in the middle of the night — it’s when I do my best work. That’s just fact. But it's because of this that even when I don’t have work to do, I’m up late at night and often, my partner does not want to be up as late as I am. But what happens when I’m finished work, and I want to chat or watch a movie? It’s rude to go to sleep if you haven’t seen me in a few hours! I am definitely one of those people who will shamelessly hover over them and wake them up for my own selfishness.
Sorry. But not sorry enough to stop. It just means I want to spend time together!
6 Sometimes You Just Need Them...
Look! There’s actually a sweet one in here!
Amongst all the relationship problems that are universal, there’s one thing we all have in common that’s actually a positive thing: we’re with them because we do actually love them and want to spend time with them. So yes, if I’ve had a rough time—assuming the rough time is nothing to specifically do with him—there’s very little that will make me feel better and influence my mood into a better one than my partner. Especially since we don’t see each other every day. Like I said, though, this is definitely contingent on the bad mood being nothing to do with them, specifically. Though to be honest, even if it is, they can probably make that better too.
5 Don't Touch Me When My Show Is On
"Netflix and Chill" has become a famous term that doesn’t mean what it actually says. If someone is suggesting that you watch Netflix and chill, they don’t actually mean lie down and watch a TV show or movie – usually. What they mean is put Netflix on and have it as background noise while the two of you do certain kinds of... stuff
But those of us in relationships know very well that sometimes, we don’t want this. Sometimes there is genuinely a show on Netflix that I’d really love to binge, and navigating those waters is tricky. It’s hard not to be offensive and tell a partner I’d rather be watching this movie than doing anything else, but sometimes these shows really are that engaging. As a relationship goes on and the initial excitement fades, well, it happens. But guess what? Netflix will always be there.
4 Hearing The Same Joke Over And Over
See, this is one of the problems with a long-term relationship. Stories start to be repeated, because any new ones are experiences that the two people have shared together. Things settle into a routine, and new experiences have to be actively sought out because when people move in and settle down together, they’re with each other all the damn time.
But real love is when people don’t let this affect their relationship. If your lover is telling the same joke over and over—to the point where it’s painfully unfunny—and your still laughing at it– well, that’s definitely true love right there. Because when someone is telling me a joke over and over, I definitely feel like snapping "Oh my God, you've already said this!"
Still. It’s inevitable that this will happen in a long-term relationship – it just means this person's a keeper if it doesn’t annoy the hell out of you!
3 Surely This Is More Than 10% For Most Of Us
Honestly… I feel like 10% is a generous percentage. For me, eating my partner’s food is definitely more like 60%.
But this person definitely gets it. In a long-term relationship, things aren’t as exciting as they were in the beginning, and that’s totally fine. No one needs to be running around having adventures every day – it’s exhausting. As something progresses, it’s great to just be comfortable and sit around watching TV shows and falling asleep in someone’s lap. Actually, when falling more and more in love with the person, this becomes way better than going out every night and making wild things happen.
The making out at commercial breaks is absolutely dependent on whether Netflix is being used or not though, because Netflix doesn’t break and hey, shows are important!
2 Guessing The Wifi Password To Someone's Heart
This is such a beautifully modern analogy and it's so true. Guessing the WiFi password to someone’s heart is opening up a whole new world, where everything is better and more comfortable. Hopefully, when “I love you,” is said, the relationship moves to a whole new level, because it has hit peak feelings as long as those are returned. As nothing is more important to me than WiFi (except maybe my cat and my partner), I totally relate to this and think this is a wonderful way to describe it.
The best thing about this situation is that the password doesn’t even have to be guessed – it’s already known, it just takes courage to say it. But the feeling of saying it for the first time is definitely a high.
1 Knowing Your Priorities Is Important
The thing about a relationship is that compromises have to be made. Two people with completely separate lifestyles are coming together, and that means that those lifestyles have to become "one" at some point. As annoying as it can be, this is totally unavoidable. Boooo!
However! Anyone in a great relationship will know that this relationship didn’t negatively affect their life. Any compromises made were neutral or even positive, and if someone is making bad compromises and giving up a lot of the things they enjoyed, they’ll know it wasn’t right.
The amazing relationships know what to prioritize, and when to prioritize it. If someone doesn’t fit into the important things in your life, don’t keep them around – because someone will come along who does, and for those of us who’ve found them, it’s the best.