It seems like just yesterday all of us Bachelorette fans were clutching to our wine glasses, patiently waiting to find out which one of the two ex-athletes with perfectly parted hair would ultimately win over JoJo Fletcher’s heart.
Now, just weeks after JoJo and Jordan left us behind to continue their love story off camera, the rest of us have definitely been feeling the loss. Luckily, there’s a new guilty pleasure to keep us and our Merlot bottles company on Monday nights: Bachelor in Paradise.
Sure, there’s only been a few episodes so far, but trust me, this is one train wreck you don’t want to miss.
In fact, here are 15 tweets that sum up how we’re all feeling about Bachelor In Paradise.
15 Where are the parents?
Admit it, you’ve imagined what it would be like to frolic around a tropical paradise with a bunch of hot singles. I know I have. Of course, this would take place in some distant universe where I was 10 years younger and not so married. But that’s neither here nor there. The point is, is that if I were ever to appear on a show like Bachelor In Paradise, I’m not sure how I’d ever show my face the next time my conservative Cuban grandmother hosted a Sunday family dinner. Where would I even begin to explain the skinny dipping, multiple make-out sessions and the inevitable drunken meltdown in the bathroom?
Or even worse, what if I ended up being the house villain?
Imagine being a fly on the wall when this season’s most controversial housemate, Chad, told his mom about being sent packing on the very first episode. Ouch.
14 Um, what's her name again?
Phew! Before seeing this tweet I wasn't quite sure if I was the only one who was still mega confused when it came to telling apart twins Haley and Emily. Come to think of it, I’m not entirely sure I can identify everyone on the show based on their name. Yeah, yeah, I know we've seen all these people before, so technically, we should be able to tell the difference between Jared, the restaurant manager from Kaitlyn's Bristowe's season, and Daniel, the Canadian from JoJo's season, but there's just something about an island that makes people look different. Maybe it's all the tank tops and board shorts. Or maybe it's the humidity. Whatever it is, I'm still hella confused. And to think, new people are coming on every week. How will we ever keep up?
13 More wine, NOW!
There is literally not enough wine in the world to handle all the drama that is Bachelor In Paradise this season. Between Hurricane Chad (yes, that’s what Chris Harrison is actually calling him) getting voted off the island, to Lace and Grant's awkward flirtation, not to mention the ridiculously creepy clown (we all saw that, right?), this show started giving me heart palpitations as soon as the intro music started rolling. It was like watching a train wreck for an entire hour. Geez, and this was only episode one! I don't know if I can handle any more drama. This show astounds, bothers, and confuses me all at the same time. Still, I can't get enough. So pour me another glass and let's get the next episode started.
12 Oh, Grant
Who’s totally over Chad and wants to start talking about the other guys on the show? Hmm, like perhaps cutie firefighter Grant? It looks like he and Lace have got some major, albeit awkward chemistry going on there. I’ll admit that it wasn’t initially a match I would have expected, but I must say I’m kind of feeling it. I think I’d like to see more of them. Also on my list of Bachelor In Paradise I have my fingers crossed for: Vinny, the barber; single mom Ashley; and, of course, the twins.
11 Hold up, when did we start watching a Disney movie?
I knew these three together looked familiar! Glad someone else in the Twitterverse pointed out the striking resemblance between Hailey, Emily, and Ashley, and the three single towns ladies who were drooling over Gaston in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. In these three’s defense though, I’d certainly be gushing over all that man candy on Bachelor In Paradise as well. I mean, Nick, Grant, and Vinny all under the same roof? Sign me up. Hope there are enough sparks flying and these ladies don’t catch themselves fighting over the same guy. Or wait, maybe we do want that …
10 It's all too cray
We've all been there. You know, when your infatuation for someone drives you to do things that are, perhaps, out of character. And let's face it, sometimes we don't even like these people all that much! The thrill of the chase is a real thing, and that's why I can sometimes, just for a second, sympathize with poor Ashley. After all, isn't true love what we are all so desperately searching for in the end, anyway? I'm rooting for you, Ashley. You will find love. Maybe not in Paradise. Okay, let's be real... definitely not in paradise. But some day.
9 The TV-watching struggle is too real
Getting your boyfriend to watch bachelor in paradise is not unlike trying to pet a stray cat. A lot of quiet patience; don't wanna spook 'em— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) August 17, 2016
If I had a dollar for every time I tried to get my husband to watch any show under The Bachelor franchise. "Look, they're playing football," I'd say extra loud from the living room. "Hey, isn't that guy's brother in the NFL?" I'd text from the other side of the couch. Nothing has worked yet, especially not when I'm watching Bachelor In Paradise. When it comes to this guilty pleasure, I'm definitely navigating these waters alone. I often wonder how many other ladies share in this TV-watching struggle. Probably way more than I would ever imagine. It's okay, girls. We've got each other.
8 Why, Amanda?
I want to love Amanda on #BachelorInParadise, but it's so hard when she's into Josh, who is clearly a raging sociopath.— Andy Herren (@AndyHerren) August 17, 2016
I don't know about you, but I loved Amanda from the moment she first appeared on Ben's season. She's sweet. Her daughters were sweet. She seems like she really wants to find love, am I right? I'm Team Amanda, I really am. But Josh? Come on, girl. You can do so much better. Okay, okay. Josh has mega charm. I was swooning over him as much as the next girl when he appeared on Andi's season and the two totally hit it off. But by the end of it all (even though he won), the shady meter was through the roof.
7 No, seriously. Why, Amanda?
The sparks between Amanda and Josh just got real. Really, really quickly. Watching these two get hot and heavy makes me feel like I'm back in high school, watching a couple declare their love in a totally inappropriate make-out sesh in the cafeteria, without a care in the world as to who might be watching. I can't watch. But I also can't look away. Hurry up, camera man. Pan out to something else!! This is just too much to handle. Especially when we are clearly aware of the inevitable. Poor Amanda is going to get her heart broken. Yet again.
6 That Caila with a C
Did anyone else totally forget about Caila with a C until she suddenly reappeared in Paradise? It's strange because, if I'm not mistaken, she made it pretty far on Ben's season. I'm still trying to block out the totally awkward make-out sessions that happened all over her father's toy factory. Anyway, I wasn't sure what I thought about her before, and I'm still not so sure. Is Caila with a C really looking for love? Is she, as they would say, "there for the right reasons"? Did she really unintentionally break someone's heart? I'm not sure.
5 Paradise isn't all that perfect
I'm not watching "Bachelor in Paradise" bc I can't stand the thought of being in an un-air-conditioned environment, like those poor fools.— Jennifer Weiner (@jenniferweiner) August 16, 2016
OMG, yes! I mean, I love the beach as much as the next girl but I think there's only so much salt water, heat and humidity I'd be able to handle. Especially with so many other people around. Yuck. Let's talk about all the crabs, sand, and mosquitoes that are probably all over that mansion. Come to think of it, is there even air-conditioning in that house? With all the indoor/outdoor living space, it seems unlikely. Someone, please send over some SPF, too. The entire thing is just a bad sunburn waiting to happen. Anyone else think they should head to the ski slopes at least for a couple of days?
4 I love everyone. I hate everyone.
These are my thoughts on probably every single person on this show. Ashley, Amanda, Evan, Grant, Nick, Caila... Chris Harrison... Everyone! Sometimes I totally want to be their BFF. Other times, I wish they'd just go into the ocean and never come out. Okay, okay, I know things are edited to make people look crazier, stranger and far more entertaining than they probably are in real life. I also know that every situation is probably not exactly real. One thing is for sure, though. No other show on TV knows how to play with our emotions quite as effectively. Touché, ABC.
3 This game is insane
My favorite Olympic event is Bachelor in Paradise.— 🌎Joshua Malina🌎 (@JoshMalina) August 16, 2016
The harsh weather conditions. The drama. The heartache. The pressure to be "on" for the cameras. Sounds like the pressures faced by any Olympic athlete. We can all agree that competing for love on Paradise is certainly rough. You go in there, give it your all and there still isn't a guarantee you're coming out a winner. What's even worse? Your triumphs and failures are taped for all eternity. Your future children can relive the moments with you, even if they're moments that you'd rather forget. There will be memes and GIFs made about you But, if you win, it may all be worth it.
2 Daniel is oh so frisky
Perhaps Daniel's frisky behavior in Paradise shouldn't come as all that of a surprise. After all, he was the one who jumped into the pool fully clothed, just moments into the first cocktail party on JoJo's season. He also spends a lot of time without a shirt. Maybe he's embracing the warm weather while he's outside of Canada. But, I'm going to guess Daniel (whose occupation appears as "Canadian" by the way) is just as frisky as he looks. But hey, I can't even say I'm mad at him. Daniel is looking for love like everyone else. Do your thing, Canadian bacon.
1 The best kind of trainwreck
The beautiful thing about #BachelorInParadise is that everything is unbearably awkward and difficult to even watch but I can't look away— elan gale (@theyearofelan) August 16, 2016
If there's one thing all of us, Bachelor In Paradise fans, can agree with it has to be our love/hate relationship with this show. Yes, the drama is sort of ridiculous. Yes, the romance is often super awkward. Yes, we know that most of these couples won't last a week after the show is over. But still, we watch. Because as strange and frustrating and downright cringeworthy it all is, we love it. We secretly root for people. We secretly hope none of it is the result of heavy editing and cleverly manipulative producers. We believe in the fairytale and are willing to walk through the wreckage in hopes of finding it.