Your wedding is supposed to be one of the best days of your life. Nothing really sounds better than a party with all of your closest friends and family in attendance to celebrate your love. Especially if the drinks are flowing, the music’s good and you have a brand-new, totally gorgeous dress on. Choosing your outfit for the biggest party of your life seems like a totally overwhelming task, and it probably is, but it becomes even more overwhelming when you realize the bridal gown industry is a HUGE one and the selection is almost unlimited. Of course, some dresses are better than others, and while we’d prefer to wear a dress of Kate Middleton caliber, we prefer looking at disastrous wedding gowns. So we’ve rounded up 15 of the worst wedding dresses of all time to share with you. Hopefully you get just as much of a kick out of them as we did!
15. The balloon dress
We’re all for dresses made out of alternative materials here at TheThings (like the bridal lines that are full of dresses made out of completely recycled materials), but this dress seems to be taking that concept a little too far. We’re sure this bride probably felt like she was floating on air on her wedding day, but having a dress that’s literally made of sacks of air doesn’t seem like the best way to express that sentiment. Never mind the fact that she’d have to worry about pieces of it popping every time she sat down or hugged a guest or busted a move on the dance floor. This gown is definitely more fit for a 4-year-old’s circus-themed birthday party than for a wedding.
14. The cupcake stand
We get wanting to look delicious on your wedding day—after all, your wedding is the one day of your life where literally everything can be all about you. But this is a super extreme way of getting that done. Not to mention the insane logistics that come with having your gown double as your dessert stand. Like, how does this bride go to the bathroom? And how many cupcakes did she lose as she was heading down the aisle? We just have so many questions. And you know those barbie doll cakes every popular girl had at their birthday parties in elementary? Those ones where the doll is in the center, surrounded by a ballgown skirt made of cake and frosting? Those are the exact vibes we’re getting from this look—not super wedding-y if we’re being honest.
13. The cheer dress
Having hobbies and passions is such a good thing. It definitely makes you a more interesting and well-rounded person, and (for many people at least) may help you introduce you to your future spouse. So we love the idea of highlighting the things that brought the two of you together at your wedding ceremony. But maybe those nods to the things you love and have shared passions for should stay more in the décor arena than in the wedding attire arena. Otherwise, you might end up with a wedding dress that’s actually a white and silver cheer uniform with “BRIDE” emblazoned across the chest. We’re sure these two thought this sounded like such a great idea at the time, but we guarantee that they’re going to look back in 10 years and wish they’d chosen something a little more normal. Because this is horrible.
12. The romance novel dress
Who knows if this dress ever actually made it out of the library and down the aisle or not. But either way, it definitely gives a whole new meaning to the “romantic look.” And while it may be a book lover’s dream, this dress made of romance novel covers and pages certainly is one of the more interesting wedding dresses we’ve ever come across. We can only imagine the conniption fit your mother would have if she realized some of the suggestive things your dress was suggesting to all of the party guests. Can you imagine walking down the aisle while your train read, “he tasted of brandy and sin”? We sure can’t. Some guilty pleasures are best kept that way—and not incorporated into the biggest outfit of your life.
11. The trash bag
This dress literally looks like a trash bag that’s been wrapped around a model and brought in with a couple of twist-ties for a more “fitted” look. Wrinkles and all. But also it’s fitted in all of the wrong places—how is that bride supposed to move anywhere with her legs kept so tightly together like that? And what are those things on her arms? Mini trash bags with the bottoms cut off? Basically, this is exactly the dress for you if you’re looking to create a grungy, trash bag-themed wedding where you also can’t move very freely. But if you’re looking for something a little more polished or classical then you should probably look elsewhere. You’re not going to find it in this dress.
10. The ‘Gone with the Wind’
If you feel certain that you’ve been born into the wrong century—say, that you were more fitted for life in the 1860s—then we’ve found your perfect wedding dress. Granted, it’s a little immodest for the 1860s (it shows an entire shin and both shoulders), but the hat and the frills are peak 1860s. So if your wedding is setting the stage for you to be totally dependent on your husband for the rest of your life, to spend a couple of hours each day instructing your servants on how to run your house and the rest of your time working on needlepoint and practicing your piano forte, then you should definitely be running down to your local bridal shop and placing this dress on order right now (but only after your future husband gives you the cash for it, of course!).
9. The showgirl dress
Have you ever considered a career as a Vegas showgirl, only to be deterred by the fact that you’d have no idea what to get married in after a lifetime of wearing that particular fashion every day? Well, we have the answer for you. This atrocity is perfect for those whose personal style have been greatly influenced by their chorus line work wear. The ornate collar (that honestly probably weighs close to 50 lbs.) is decked to the hilt with feathers and gaudy jewels, the train is trimmed in fur and the whole ensemble even includes white satin elbow-length gloves and a dazzlingly awful headpiece. The bejeweled scepter is the crowning touch of the look, and ensures that all of your guests will have no trouble distinguishing you as the guest of honor.
8. The most patriotic of all dresses
This horrible wedding dress is the perfect thing if a) you’re really dedicated to your 4th of July/Americana wedding reception theme or b) if your love for your country is the only thing that rivals your love for your future spouse. Because there’s nothing like walking down the aisle toward your happily ever after looking like an overdressed Statue of Liberty wannabe to really set the tone for your big day. We do appreciate that this gown isn’t completely covered in stars and stripes. Props, we guess, to the designer who ensured that a little bit of bridal white was worked into the finished product. Otherwise this might have just been too gaudy and cheesy to even consider wearing on your big day. Evening gloves and all.
7. The barely there dress
Look, we get it. One of the highlights of getting married is consummating your relationship. Even if you weren’t waiting for those “I do’s” to begin a physical bond, there’s something different and special about doing it with your spouse. But, that’s also a really personal and private component of your partnership, and your excitement over it is probably not something you want to be shouting from the rooftop, so to speak, as you walk down the aisle. This wedding dress literally screams, “I’m so excited to get into the honeymoon suite tonight,” which we’re guessing is not a sentiment that you want to be sharing with your grandma and other elderly family members. So this wedding dress disaster gets a hard pass from us, and probably should be getting one from you, too. For the sake of all of your guests.
6. The knitted disaster dress
You know that great aunt you have? The one who always makes you a knitted sweater with your initial on it for Christmas every year, a là Mrs. Weasly? Well this would be the exact wedding dress you’d end up with if you asked her to make you the perfect outfit for your big day. Except this is not a dress someone’s great aunt made, but rather a high end designer dress that would cost an arm an a leg to purchase straight off the runway. Aside from the fact that the dress is crazy knitted and decked out with a handful of random bows, it also resembles the end of a cotton swab and literally does nothing for your figure. Unless your figure is tubular. Then this is definitely the dress for you.
5. The under the sea dress
We have never looked at a wedding dress and said “you know what this needs? Octopus legs.” But apparently someone has because this monstrosity exists in the world. We’re not really sure what kind of bride this was designed for—the dolphin trainer bride? the save our oceans bride? The bride who could really use another set of arms just to get everything done?—but this model’s face mirrors our exact thoughts: WTF is going on?! And not only does it have the highly realistic legs attached to the skirt, but there is also a second octopus made out of glitter and jewels on the bodice. So really it’s two octopuses for the price of one. Which is the only positive for this wedding gown.
4. The cake topper dress
You know those classic bride and groom toppers that sit on top of every wedding cake ever? Well, this is just happens to be the exact dress that the little plastic bride is wearing. The silk is a little off-color, the skirt seems immovable and the detailing (while great in theory) looks a little too over-the-top in reality. There’s something about that criss-cross ribbon pattern, the dozens and dozens of appliqué flowers and the model’s plastic expression that has us wishing we could check and see if this woman tastes like fondant instead of wishing we could see her walk down the aisle in this get up. The only bride that should ever wear this gown is the one made completely out of plastic (AKA the one sitting on top of your dessert).
3. The almost finished dress
We’re really not sure who’s out here designing all of these wedding dresses, but whoever is behind them really needs to reevaluate their life choices. Especially when they start sending what we can only assume to be partially finished gowns down the runway. This dress literally looks like someone got halfway through their design, had a total panic when they realized their deadline was two weeks earlier than they thought and then just said “f*** it, I’ll just present what I have.” And instead of a full skirt, we got a few dangling ribbons and some super cold knees. In fact, the only part of this whole design that actually looks complete is the headpiece, and that’s not really giving us a lot of confidence in what this could have looked like if it had had the opportunity to be finished.
2. The Wild, Wild West dress
This wedding gown gives a whole new meaning to “sexy cowgirl.” With a slit that literally goes from toe to armpit on either side, this dress leaves very little to the imagination (thank goodness for the fringed underwear or else guests would be probably be getting an eyeful anytime the bride took a step) . This definitely isn’t a gown you’d want your grandmother to be seeing you in. Especially because the thigh-high, platform cowboy boots actually cover close to the same amount of skin as the dress itself. But to add a little more craziness to her weirdly revealing dress choice, the bride topped off her look with a veil covered, feather bedecked, white cowboy hat—the strangest (and most underrepresented) of all bridal headwear options.
1. The painted on dress
And finally, we have this. Every single outfit in this picture just screams “worst wedding outfit ever.” First of all, yes. Every dress (and suit) is painted on. Which means that other than the underwear that keeps everyone modest, and the tulle that makes up the skirts, every single horrible detail was hand-painted. Second of all, the middle woman actually has a hand-painted body suit with tufts of tulle around her knees as a wedding dress (even if the dress was made out of cloth instead of paint we’d hate it). And finally, what kind of bizarro triple wedding is this group having? Does it provide an explanation for these atrocities? We hope so. Otherwise, these wedding dresses are leaving us depressed about the state of weddings in general—and hoping we don’t get invited to any in the near future.
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