Weddings certainly bring out the absolute worst in people. If you are not married, just you wait. At your future wedding, your dad will surely embarrass you during his toast. Your mom will definitely get way too drunk and tear up the dance floor until she passes out. And your creepy (and way too touchy) uncle is most likely going to hit on one, or all, of your bridesmaids. He may even pinch one of their behinds. But, this is all somewhat normal, bad wedding behavior. The follow stories show us that weddings can be so insane, dramatic and outrageous, it will make you question if you ever want to get married. Here are 15 wedding horror stories so bad, you'll never want to get married.
15 The way-too-long wedding
A Reddit user named Tinycowz wrote, “The bride had 14 attendants, each of them got their own song to walk down the aisle to. The church was overpacked by 100 people in July in 90 degree weather. The ceremony was almost 3 hours long because so many people wanted to recite poems or sing songs and the groom’s brother gave the wedding speech and turned it into a 'remember when we did this' blow by blow of their entire childhood. At 8:30 p.m. the bride fainted from lack of food, this was after another 2-1/2 hours of cousins and aunts and uncles giving speeches, reciting poems and singing songs one after another...”
Look, keep it quick and get to the free food and booze, okay? No one should have 14 bridesmaids, the ceremony should be 30 minutes (at most) and the songs and poems should be reserved for the rehearsal dinner. This isn't a share circle. No one cares about how you met the bride in preschool when you shared your peanut butter and jelly sandwich with her at lunch. We promise.
14 Wedding cake woes
Another Reddit user named Scrappy_Larue shared their wedding horror story:
“Friends of mine had a small wedding with the reception in a private area of a restaurant...After the meal, our server came through the doors with the 3-tier wedding cake in her arms. When she got front and center, she slipped and hit the floor like a rock, face first into the cake. The initial laughter stopped quickly when it seemed like she might be hurt because she wasn't moving. She got up...crying as hard as I've ever seen. Hysterically apologizing over and over. Fast forward a couple hours, and thankfully she was physically okay. But even better, she was serving drunk New Yorkers who had money who felt terrible for her. I don't know what the hosting couple tipped her, but I'm certain she picked up another $5000 from the guests on the side. I threw her a $100, and I'm cheap."
This is probably what she's known for—she is the waitress who drops the wedding cake to cause a big scene and rake in big tips. It's a smart business move if you ask us. She's just lucky she wasn't dealing with a bridezilla, though.
13 Who farted?
Another Reddit user, Stink_pizza wrote, “I was one of 9 groomsmen in my friends wedding. When we stood on the stage during the ceremony the last groomsman in the line (the bride’s brother) was a good 30 feet from where the bride and groom were standing. Anyways, before we walked out the bride’s brother said to me 'man I gotta fart so badly!' Thinking he was joking, I told him to let 'er rip. About 10 minutes into the 45-minute long ceremony, he did indeed let 'er rip, but silently so. Due to the air-conditioning in the church being on, it took a bit for the stench to hit me. It was like a low hanging fog. Over the course of the next couple minutes, I observed this putrificiant cloud overtake each groomsmen one by one until hitting first the groom’s nostrils, then the priest and finally the bride who started gagging.”
Ruining a wedding ceremony with your own fart? That is pretty impressive. This is just another reason why men can not be trusted at fancy events, even if it is their own sister's wedding.
12 Is this a wedding or a rave?
A user named huffingtoncoast recalls an interesting wedding: “We had a real DJ at our wedding, spinning records and playing weird electronic dance music. Not exactly traditional, but it was still fun until… my brother got lit on all of the free booze and apparently took a bunch of pills. He then proceeded to give the DJ tons of pills. Not a great mix it turns out. Our DJ then went on a 45-minute set of original music and was the definition of sh*tfaced. When we tried to leave and say our proper goodbyes to everyone on the microphone, he told us that he was almost done and that we could have the microphone in like 10-15 minutes when he finished up. My brother puked in front of everyone after we left."
A rave/wedding is not a bad concept. We can see it now: glowsticks, lollipops and candy necklaces. Admit it—you would love to see your Aunt Martha in raver wear.
11 Poop on the dress
“I was at a friend's wedding reception and we're having a good time dancing. A friend's kid (maybe 5 or 6 years old) was hiding under a table while his parents were getting wasted and ignoring him. The kid then starts running and laughing through the dance floor and I see him wipe something that looks like chocolate on the BRIDE'S dress. She's mortified and everybody stops dancing. It was poop. He had pooped into his hand and was wiping it on people...The groomsmen pretty much told the parents that they should leave and they did. The bride swapped into a different dress and 30 minutes later, was back rocking the dance floor. I was amazed that she could roll with it like that and not let it ruin her reception. We all partied into the early morning, so it all worked out!”
We bet poop was not on this bride's list of concerns when she was planning the big day. This is so gross, but it goes to show that this bride is one calm and patient person (as she didn't completely lose it). - brujahbattalion
10 The flaky bride
"My brothers fiancée showed up really late to her own wedding...She showed up an hour late to her own wedding shower, so that wasn't a giant surprise that she was late to the wedding, but still it was really rude... The odd thing was this. Her limo showed up in the parking lot (it was an outside event) and sat there for a bit. We all saw her and then the limo peeled out and drove away. She came back like nothing happened and everything went as planned. We learned less than a year later that she had been sleeping with someone else during that time, and they got a divorce when the baby was born and wasn't my brother's."
Wow. First, she pulled a Mr. Big and almost bailed on marrying him. Then, she went through with it and got pregnant with someone else's child? She sounds like a real piece of work. She really shouldn't have come back. - FuffyKitty
9 A flash flooding wedding
Sweat-It-Out tells the tale of their own wedding: “My wedding was set for September 1st. I checked every weather report for the area going back five years. It had not rained on that date for all five of those years. But just in case, I decided to have my wedding at a golf course inside the ballroom. We had a bouncy house planned for the kids...we were going to have a sword ceremony as we ran out to our car for our honeymoon...It all went to sh*t when it began to rain...we are halfway through dinner when it begins to hail. Hail the size of golf balls...brought everyone on the patio inside. We were in the middle of cutting the cake when the cops came into the venue and had to evacuate our wedding because there were flash floods...Oh, and to top it all off, my ex showed up to crash my wedding and slept with one of my bridemaids in the venue bathroom...Cheers to the most memorable wedding ever. Mine.”
This sounds like the most dangerous wedding for sure. We can't help but wonder how they recovered from this. Did they even have another ceremony, or did this event just scar them for life?
8 A destructive reception
“A friend of mine had her wedding at a really lovely park, under a large pavilion. The weather forecast called for rain, so they had canvas panels covering the sides of the pavilion just in case...About 10 minutes into the cocktail hour, there was a huge clap of thunder and the sky just opened up and poured. Sheets of rain and...wind gusts up to 50 mph. Those canvas panels were held in place by flimsy little pieces of twine and every single one of those ties snapped when the wind hit. Imagine, if you will, huge 20-foot-tall canvas sheets, propelled by wind and rain, whipping through a carefully arranged reception area. Vases smashed on the ground, tablecloths blown away, flowers scattered, complete and total destruction...Everyone was drenched...Once the rain stopped (it didn't last long), they realized they hadn't taken photos yet...Two years later, as the divorce was being finalized, she told me she should have taken that disaster as a sign and run for the hills much earlier.” - bluesmurf721
They say rain at a wedding is good luck, right? Wrong. Very, very wrong! Not only did the rain completely ruin their wedding, but their marriage didn't even last very long. It probably was a sign, a very big one at that.
7 An escape and a song
“My friend was about to get married and when the priest said 'Speak now or forever hold your peace,' some girl, who I can only assume was one of the groom's old girlfriends, emerged from out of the curtains. I should mention that she wasn't even invited, and I can see why now. She started singing a song about how he shouldn't say yes and instead run away with her. WELL HE AGREED! AND IN SONG AS WELL!...The poor bride just sat there and cried. I felt absolutely terrible for her.” - Jerlko
Look, we don't want to blame the bride, but, learning a song to sing about escaping and running away with an ex takes time and practice. She wasn't suspicious when he was humming the tune around the house, practicing dance moves or spending time away from home rehearsing? She didn't think it was strange that he suddenly took up singing as a hobby? But in her defense, this is the strangest way to run away from a wedding we have ever heard about.
6 Talk about cold feet
User jurassic_snark shared, “My entire fourth grade class was in attendance at our teacher's wedding where she was left at the altar...My teacher was the bride and was about 3/4 down the aisle when the groom decided he couldn't do it. He walked off to the side...There was about a minute of really solid confusion (last minute cold feet? bathroom emergency?) before everyone realized what was going on. My teacher was whisked out of the church and an announcement was made that there was not going to be a wedding. This happened the second or third week of June; she didn't come back for the last week of school.”
How can someone wimp out of a wedding last minute? Can't you do it before? Before everyone gets ready and travels all the way to celebrate you? Before the bride does her hair and makeup for hours and hours and hours...and hours? Before the deposit is put down? If you're not ready, didn't you already know that you're not ready before the day of the actual wedding?
5 Cricket chaos
User cricketchaos was an angry groom at his wedding. He wrote, “My new wife's uncle and his son threw 200 live crickets into the front seat of our car as we got in it to leave the reception. 200 live crickets. They thought it was hilarious. My groomsmen had to drag me into the reception hall to keep me from going after them or have a meltdown on camera. My wife was covered in crickets...Took weeks to get the smell out of the car. We had to take her parent's car to the airport for the honeymoon and leave it with them to get detailed. Still found crickets coming out of the air vents when we returned from the honeymoon a week later."
We would murder, see red, and lose our minds if this happened to us. It's bad that it's crickets (of all things). Like, why couldn't they throw flowers or even gummy worms? But, what makes it worse is that both the bride and groom were probably dressed nicely and the crickets were stuck in their car for so long, making it smelly.
4 The dead man debacle
“My husband and I attended an outdoor wedding at a public park in town. When we arrived the police and coroner’s van were there, surrounded by the wedding guests. Apparently a homeless man had sought shelter behind the lattice surrounding the bottom of the gazebo floor and had DIED several days before…they proceed to move the wedding to a field on the OTHER side of the park, and although everyone was shaken up they decided to proceed. As if that wasn’t enough. The preacher was in the middle of the vows and one of the groomsmen interrupted and said, ‘John, I’m sorry but you can’t marry Sherilynn. I love her and she’s pregnant with my baby.’ Wow. Then the groom proceeds to yell at his bride (not)-to-be that she was a cheap whore. Then one of the guests STANDS UP and yells at the groom, ‘Serves you right, you bastard! You’ve been screwing my sister for a year!’ Yep." - nevergettingmarried
If the dead homeless guy wasn't a bad enough omen, then they really nailed it in with the whole pregnant with my baby, screwing my sister talk. It's good that this all happened before they got married, right? But, it's too bad it had to happen on their wedding day, in front of a bunch of guests.
3 Talk about a runaway
Kate Walters said, “There were about 100 guests at the wedding reception and we were patiently waiting for the bride, whom no one had actually seen since she and the groom had left the church. After about an hour, people started to leave thinking this may not be happening even though the poor groom assured them 'she’d be right back.' It wasn’t until two days later I found out the bride had asked her new husband for the car keys, saying she needed something, got in the car and took off in her bridal gown, stopped and picked up a former boyfriend, and left for Mexico, taking all of the gift money with her...”
Okay, you escape off to Mexico with an ex and then what? You have to come home to every single important person in your life, both friends and family, hating you from then on. It doesn't really seem worth it, does it?
2 Baby mama drama
“One of the groom’s baby mamas somehow got the location of the wedding and ran inside the reception screaming, ‘I SLEPT WITH HIM LAST NIGHT, HE WAS IN MY BED!’ while swinging a baseball bat around. A baseball bat. At a wedding. It was absolutely insane. Several of the groomsmen ended up tackling her outside of the ceremony until the cops came...The poor bride was in absolute shock. To make matters worse, she was about eight months pregnant and so stressed out... She was beyond embarrassed and so were her parents...” - amykc119
Did she really need to bring it home by swinging a baseball bat? You're not Beyoncé in a music video. What were you planning to do with the bat? We get it, lady. Leave the 8-month-pregnant bride alone, okay?
1 Still in shock
DCRogue recalled her sister's wedding day: “My father went into anaphylactic shock just before the rehearsal dinner of my sister's wedding. He was stung by a bee while we were setting up...He lived. Attended the wedding no problem.”
Number one rule at a wedding: No one is allowed to die, you hear? It probably added so much more stress to this family (especially the bride and groom) that a loved one had an emergency on the day of a wedding. Thankfully, he was okay in the end (but not before his wife freaked out over the phone when she heard the news). This will be a day that this family remembers for the rest of their lives, and for more reasons than one.
*Stories have been edited for length and clarity