Wherever you live these days, Uber has probably made its way into your life and into your daily routine. What started out as mainly a fringe service in major cities, has since branched into a basic staple of everyday life. And, or course, with Uber comes Uber drivers. Uber drivers are just regular people. So, like regular people, sometimes they are super nice, and sometimes they are just basically inclined to mind their own business.
Sometimes, however, they are completely extra and have decided that zero effs is the amount of effs they give, thank you very much. And, considering the era of constantly recording everything, when Uber riders encounter that sort of Uber driver, they tend to get vocal about it. That’s how I came upon these 15 instances of Uber drivers who have gotten to a point in their lives where there are absolutely zero f*cks given.
15 Classic Ben
As a person who is working for a company based on rates and comments, don't you think you'd want to be a little discreet about your personal life, and just give the best service possible, so that you can keep your job? I mean, that's what a logical thinking person would do. But good ole Ben here had other ideas: he wanted some advice in the love department. And he also thought it was fair to call the women he was after "b******," because that's how all women want to be treated, right Ben? RIGHT!?
Here’s hint number one, bucko: maybe don’t accost women in your Uber, and maybe don’t go so hard on the “b*tches” thing if you’re trying to relate to women and not to female dogs. Seriously, bro. Come on.
14 Does He Look Like A Snitch, Uber?
Remember how the guy in the previous post (Ben) was obnoxious and misogynistic without giving a damn? Well, this instance is more along the lines of "no shame in my game," and it's actually kind of heartwarming and amazing.
This guy’s Uber driver was obviously a working mom on her grind, and sometimes childcare is hard to come by, so her little kid came with her on her Uber shift. Her rider, being cool and decent as a human being, thought that was funny, and posted about it on Twitter. Uber went serious snitch mode and decided that it “wasn’t okay” (come on Uber, what’s your problem, man?), but the rider, in solidarity and out of basic decency, was like, “nah, I’m not gunna get this lady in trouble for getting her business done and providing for her kid, sorry not sorry.” Snitches DO get stitches, and this Uber driver (and her rider) threw convention to the wind, and I love it. You go, girl. (And guy.)
13 Joe Knows What's Up
Okay, I know that this is a fairly contentious opinion, but I am going to be honest with y’all right now and tell you that I absolutely love the “cash me outside, how bout dah” girl. In my personal opinion, she absolutely schooled Dr. Phil and brought joy into our lives. I don’t care what the haters say: she is an inspiration to us all.
This Uber driver seems to share my love for the queen of not giving a f*ck, and expressed himself accordingly. If my Uber driver came at me with a “cash me outside, how bout dah,” I would be seriously thrilled, and that’s seriously an instant five-star rating right there with the Danielle Bregoli love. While some may not share my enthusiasm and may think this sort of text from an Uber driver is, perhaps, a little bit extra, I do not share that opinion.
"Cash me outside, how bout dah" forever.
12 Sass City
You may remember this exchange from when it went viral a while back, but I couldn’t not include it, because what better example is there of an Uber Driver not giving a f*ck than this guy who’s driving right into sass city.
Apparently this woman was visiting a friend at a hospital and decided she was hungry, so it was time to order a burger. Her Uber Eats driver, however, was serving up his own dish, and that dish was sass. You really have to have gotten to the place of no return with not giving a damn when you go from zero to super sarcasm in T-minus 10 seconds like that.
I have to say, as a fan of sass, I can’t really fault him, but wow, maybe you want to consider toning it down if you want to keep your rating up? Just a thought...
11 Five Stars For Days
Okay, buckle in folks, because this absolute abandonment of the rules and customs of Uber driving is an epic story, and a joyful one to behold. To be honest, this Uber driver may be the greatest Uber driver of all time., and here’s why. After a late night out drinking, his rider received a text saying that their driver is at Taco Bell and will be there in five minutes...at which point the driver offered to pick the dude up a taco. The rider was obviously like, “WTF, really?” The driver, however, was absolutely not playing, because when the rider said he’d love some Doritos Locos Tacos with Fire Sauce, the driver ACTUALLY PULLED THROUGH WITH THE ORDER. Not only did he show up to take the rider home, but he showed up with LITERAL TACOS….which they proceeded to chow on before getting on their way. This is absolute madness, of the best caliber.
10 Party Time
Apparently, Uber drivers being extra and throwing the rule book out the window is not a phenomenon that is unique to the U.S., because there is at least one entire BuzzFeed article about Uber drivers doing exactly that in The Philippines.
One example is pictured here, with a driver who was basically like, “You know what we need? More karaoke on our rides!”, and then absolutely made it so.
The driver, who is apparently named Edwin, hosts tiny Karaoke parties for his riders, and has made it clear that when you’re riding with him, you’re riding with someone who threw all cares to the wind ages ago, because hot damn, it's KARAOKE TIME! This would be especially hilarious if you were getting in all tired after a long day, and Edwin was like, NOPE, TIME TO SING! I would personally be into it, I don’t know about y’all.
9 Proof Positive
Okay, we have all been in situations where we get into an Uber, and there’s a vibe about the Uber driver that’s, shall we say, on the shady side. It happens, and it’s manageable, and we basically just keep our head down. There's almost like a mutual agreement that the shadiness, while acknowledged, is tacit rather than explicit, and will not be spoken of.
Well, this Uber driver decided to get pretty damn extra with his shadiness, as live-tweeted by his rider. The driver admits there’s obviously a suspicion that maybe the driver was on coke, but then there’s the fact that the driver went ahead and announced—in a pretty off-topic conversation—that he “hustles” sometimes and “has weight” on him (ie, you know, drugs). That’s...a lot, don’t you think? I mean, live your truth, Uber driver, but damn. There is no subtlety in that game at ALL.
8 No Thanks
This dude Jeffery has apparently decided that the way he wants to spend his time is by harassing women in his Uber while driving his gross misogynistic a** all over the city. The lack of awareness, like this kind, just wants to make me scream, “WHY ARE MEN LIKE THIS?!” Seriously, his game plan is that he’s going to try and coerce this woman, who’s phone number he only has because she called an Uber one time and had the misfortune of being assigned his car, into a date with a free Uber ride? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I feel like any lady would need a whole lot more than one Uber ride to endure a date with a creep like this.
Also, can we just go back to the thing where he is using her phone number—which he got in a client-customer interaction—to bother her for dates? Unprofessional much? While I support other Uber riders not snitching, this might be the time to snitch….
7 To Be Fair, Pigeons Suck
6 Nature Calls?
Folks, I understand that biology is in some instances kind of out of our hands, and that the natural needs of human bodies sometimes call at inopportune times. I am speaking, of course, of poop, and this Uber driver felt the call of nature completely overwhelm his ability to care about pretty much anything else. How do I know? Well, according to a text exchange from the man who was his rider at the time, the guy said his Uber driver physically pulled the car over mid-drive, ran into the bushes, and took a poop right there—before glory and God—just out in the open. I can’t say I definitely blame him: bowels do as they do, after all, and it’s better than having an unfortunate accent (for both the driver and the rider, I assume)...but damn, dude. That’s pretty bold.
Better luck holding it in next time, I guess?
5 No Time For Breaks
Okay, so now that we’ve discussed Mister Poop-In-A-Bush Uber driver (and now that we have acknowledged that sometimes nature calls at inopportune moments and you have to take care of it), this Uber driver is NEXT LEVEL not giving a sh*t (or, rather, a piss).
Seriously, bro? Entire bottles full of what pretty much has to be human urine? Pee is sterile, so it’s not so much of a health hazard, but it is really, really gross, not to mention unnecessary. Does this guy just lack the ability to leave his car? How are his pee bottles just laying around, super casual, without him having thought about maybe emptying them or throwing them away at some point? Is he keeping them around for some specific and super gross purpose I can’t even think of? In any case, I must ask, what in the actual hell is going on here?
4 Seems Legit
If I’m being entirely honest, I have to say that I am very fond of the extraness of this guy’s move here. Seriously, why not have a cat in your Uber? I mean...besides for the fact that people might be allergic to cats, but let’s pretend that’s not a thing for a second. I bet that his bold “hey I am just going to straight up bring my cat to work” move actually pays off for him. If I got into an Uber and there was an adorable cat there for me to pet and play with on my journey, I would be smashing that five star like button faster than you can even imagine. What if he actually got the cat just to garner favor with his customers and get all that sweet five star swagger? That’s one option, or he just loves his cat and is like, screw it, she’s hanging out with me at work from now on. Either way, bravo sir.
3 Well, That's One Way To Network...
Okay, so, as we saw in entry number six on this list, there is some decidedly bold behavior going on when it comes to some Uber drivers just not giving a f*ck about concealing the fact that they also happen to be drug dealers. In that instance, the guy merely acted like he was on coke, and then went on to mention that he actually sometimes is packing drugs.
This Uber driver went one step further in the “I absolutely don’t care if this person knows I am a drug dealer” department, and actually GAVE THEM HIS CONTACT INFO for the express purpose of making the rider into one of his customers. That’s right, this rider got to hit two birds with one stone by both getting the rider to their destination and getting a hook up for illicit substances. This is all thanks to the complete lack of a damn the Uber driver had about, you know, being a drug dealer.
2 Honesty: Always The Best Policy?
I honestly can not decide whether or not I think this guy is unprofessional or if I am actually in love with him for his radical honesty. Like, the whole idea of this profession, as with most, is to sell yourself as experienced and/or the best person for the job, right? But this Uber driver has thrown all of that straight out of the window in favor of getting brutally real with his passenger. Honestly, as much as that tactic might not work for most people, the idea that I know what I’m getting into when I get into the car is kind of really endearing to me? I at least totally admire the level of not giving a damn that goes into an admission like this. Like, we’re all human, right? Why not get down and dirty with our limitation and face them like adults? I’m kind of feeling like I’m ready to rep for this Uber driver for president, 2020.
1 Boy's Gotta Eat
Picture this: It’s been a long night out on the town—or perhaps up late at the office working—and you decide that it’s finally time to head home and call it a day. You decide that you’re trying to get home as quickly and conveniently as possible, so you get out your phone and you call an Uber. You’re given an estimated time of arrival, wait for the Uber to show up, and finally get on your way. But then, it seems like the Uber driver is slowing down. “What’s going on?” you might ask yourself. You aren’t at your house yet. And then you realize that you’re parked outside of a Chinese restaurant...and then your Uber driver actually exits the car, with you still in it, and goes on his merry way for some Chicken Lo Mein.
I have to say, that does take some audacity on the Uber driver’s part. I guess hunger knows no bounds...