Seriously, can we even imagine a world without make up? I can't. I'm looking in the mirror right now, horrified at the lines, circles and age spots staring back at me. Thank the heavens for concealer, foundation and mascara because without it, the universe, and my face, would make for a very scary place.
I'll admit, I am no savant when it comes to makeup application. Contouring perplexes me, so I can never get a Kylie Jenner pouty lip going. There was a good decade of life where I looked like I had no eyebrows at all, thanks to my brow lining ignorance. Even with my makeup pitfalls, the little that I do know about seems to go a long way.
After looking at these 15 painted faces, it seems that I am not the only one who relies on makeup to transform, yet also isn't exactly an artist. God bless these folks for trying, but they need a few more YouTube videos before they pick up an eye liner pencil again.
16 Brow we see it, Brow we don't
Hmmmm, this is a pretty enough girl, but it seems that something is a little bit off with her face...quite literally. Oh yes, it's her eyebrows! Where on earth did they go? This girl is likely a victim of a good old overplucking, mixed in with a heaping load of disillusion in regards to the mighty rules of eyebrow care. So, for those of us who aren't aware, there are actually lots of rules for building the absolute best brow in the land; in fact, there are fourteen of them.
If we are feeling slightly ill educated in the eyebrow maintenance arena, we are not alone. I thought I was doing a great job just plucking strays and trying not to resemble Sasquatch. Clearly, I still have a lot to learn about brow sculpting, but maybe not as much as this lady does. She might want to let those puppies grow in and then consult Harper's Bazaar before attempting to ever pick a pair of tweezers up again. Even better, she might want to consider leaving this tedious task to the brow professionals so that she never has to look in the mirror again and realize that there is a good half mile in between her eyebrows.
15 Show me fierce
This gal was trying to look fierce, but clearly has failed miserably. Everything about this face is sad, desperate and terrifying, but I love it because this is so something I can relate to in this. There is so much that we could talk about on this picture, but for time's sake, let's just focus on the eyes. A cat eye is a hard thing to master. No matter how hard I try, I can never get both eyes to look the same. One will look amazing and the other will look like a seizing, blind man painted it on me. The cat eye tutorials on the internet are endless and if my practice says anything about their magic, pointless.
These videos are a sea of not-so-helpful hints, tricks and tools that claim to provide you with everything you would need to give your eyeballs a red-carpet ready appearance. Block out entire afternoons and give these tutorials a whirl, but prepare to be disappointed. How can something that looks so simple be so darn hard? The cat eye trend needs to pass on like yesterday because it is causing common folk anxiety and frankly, it's making our streets a tad bit uglier. That being said, I'll probably still attempt this stupid thing each and every Saturday night.
14 Lady, the lips!
What woman doesn't yearn for a set of full luscious lips to parade around town? Like Jennifer Lopez made the apple bottom bootie a trend that everyone tried to emulate, Ms. Kylie Jenner has made giant-sized smackers the newest "it" accessory. Teens everywhere are resorting to all sorts of levels of dumb to try and capture her pouty look. Check out these Kylie Jenner lip challenge fails, they are pretty amazing. At 20 years old, the kid has literally created a cosmetic empire surrounding her trademarked look that probably cost her more money than my house did to achieve. This Kylie-wanna-be took it way too far with her lip lumping techniques, and ended up looking more like a Muppet than a model. As if her giant, cartoon-esque lips weren't frightening enough though she made a major makeup boo boo when she lined those puppies in a dark hue and filled them in with a frosty pink. This never, ever looks anything but trash-tastic. If it was attention she was shooting for, she'll definitely get it. The problem is she won't be getting the positive kind.
13 Doe-eyed dope
Occasionally when browsing the internet looking for the best beauty hacks available, you will find a quick and easy trick that promises to change your appearance with a few swift flicks of a makeup brush. The old white eyeliner hack is one women use to make their eyes look large and doe-like in appearance. Sometimes it works wonders, like here. Other times it makes women look crazed and clown like, like in the above image.
Not only did this gem go way overboard with the white enlargement hack, but she added a little, or a lot rather, of everything else as well.
There are lashes upon lashed glued to this girl. How is she even opening and closing her eyes with all of that going on? Judging from the expression on her face, perhaps she can't. Then we have a smoky eye gone very, very wrong. This right here is why I never mess with the dark gray eyeshadows. I know my limits when it comes to makeup and my hard line in the sand seems to be dark shadows. This girl has no limits though. She took her makeup madness all the way up to the eyebrows. Filling in brows is great, painting them into thin lines though...not so great.
I love myself a nice, warm glow. No one feels pretty with dry, pasty winter skin, right? Once that sun warms our faces and tans our cheeks, we instantly feel brighter, dewier and magnificent. Of course the sun can cause all sorts of damaging effects to skin overtime and while it feels fantastic, it isn't the best thing for you. Hmmmm, so how might we capture that tropical shine on our faces without giving ourselves lines, spots and cancer? Well, hello bronzer and fake tanning! These days you can step into a spray tan or cheaper yet do it in your bathroom with a lotion or aerosol can.
Slap on a bit of bronzing powder and you are good to go! The problem here is like the smoky eye, some women don't seem to know their limits when it comes to creating a tanned look effect. Yes, there IS such a thing as looking too tan. The key is to make your sun-kissed bod look natural, like you just vacationed in Bora Bora, not like you just partied with the cast of Jersey Shore. If you want to create a good faux tan, spring for a professional spray tan or a decent makeup artist that will brighten up your look but not turn you into a piece of fruit.
11 Rainbow Bright
Wowzers. OK, Little Ms. Rainbow Bright really has to tone it down here with the neon makeup palate. Adding a pop of color to your lips is a magnificent idea, but typically if the lips are bright, then the rest of your face is supposed to be subdued. The same goes for the eyes. If you are going to jazz them up, then lay off of your lips. The only people who can pull this amount of facial color off are circus clowns, drag queens and teens of the eighties. Everybody else has to abide by the laws of face painting. Blush is definitely a staple of the eighties look and this magenta cheek brightener screams Dancing in the Streets and Flash Dance. It also screams, "Please clean me. Sincerely, your face" and "Soap desperately needed." The eye makeup here is pretty turned up as well. While the cheeks scream eighties these eyes scream rainbow nightmare. This layering of color on the lids is not acceptable no matter the decade. Unless this girl is about to rock some Drag Queen cabaret, she needs to retreat into the bathroom and wipe this slate clean, never returning to this look again.
If Ronald McDonald and the red man himself had a daughter...well, this is what she might look like. This isn't just a bad makeup job, this is the kind of thing you see and then have nightmares over for several weeks. While this girl tried to use an entire bottle of too-light foundation to smooth out her skin, she missed the mark on fabulous and ended up looking like something that popped out of a grave. This is what I would envision for a zombie prom. Her skin makeup only looks more washed out and powdery thanks to the way too dark lip and eye makeup that she has gone to town with. Red lips just don't work on some people, and really don't work when you end up painting half of your lower face red, too. The eyeliner is a tough one to judge because while it looks horrendous here, I can sympathize with her attempt to just keep on drawing until it someone resembles a lines. Eyeliner take a steady hand and tons of practice. I cannot justify the eyebrows, however. My children draw better eyebrows onto their school creations than this grown chick managed to draw on her own face.
9 Twice the no
Well, what could possibly be worse than one giant make up fail? TWIN make up fails, of course! Guys, this is just not what the universe needs. What is truly sad is that these girls are probably real natural beauties who think that by making their hair and faces appear to glow, they will be even more beautiful. Nothing could be further from the truth, though.
Their failed attempts at glam makes them look like electric Glow Worms from the top of their bleached out, fried hair, down to their likely neon-painted toe nails.
There isn't a single natural aspect of this duo's glammed-out Barbie disaster. Their teeth are blinding and their eye shadow is confusing. Isn't the point of makeup to enhance what you already have? Someone clue these two into the fact that light and bright is not necessarily the way to go. Sadly, if these two keep up such an intense chemical processing job on their manes, they will probably be bald by the time they are fifty. If there ever were two wayward beauties who needed to tone it down and tap into their natural resources, it would be Frick and Frack here.
8 Double vision
I'm really struggling to understand the thought process behind this artistic makeup job here. Let's just put this out there: no one needs two sets of eyebrows...ever. Unless you are going for an extra-terrestrial look, please refrain from creating a second set of furry lines on your forehead folks. There is literally no point to this, at least not that I can think of. Maybe she can a bad case of double vision. I know, I'm really grasping at straws. Truly though, I'm so perplexed at some of these new makeup trend that keep popping up and I gotta say, eyebrow trends are the worst.
Honestly the only one I can even remotely get behind is the braided one. This double brow didn't make the list and let's hope it doesn't catch on and find its way onto any trend setting lists in 2018. Guys, if I ever decide to turn my eyebrows into a Christmas tree, you have my permission to shave them off completely so that I am never again tempted into doing something so whack.
7 Really bad replacement brows
I can't stop staring at this one. It's so bad, it's almost good. Not only did this chick remove her natural brows, but then she repainted them way up on top of her forehead. They are practically up in her hair line! What if it rains? I bet that is a sight to see. Sadly her brows are one shaky hand away from connecting and creating the World's Worst Unibrow. I wonder if the scowl on her face has anything to do with the fact that she destroyed her eyebrows.
You know those things are never going to grow back in correctly.
What would possess a human being to get rid of their mighty brow? I mean, I get sick of plucking them and filling them in just like the rest of the female world, but that doesn't give me the right to take a razor to those things. Also, eyeliners are not a one size fits all kind of makeup tool. You can't use them for lining your eyes, (badly might I add), and then throw some up on your eyebrows and also try to line your lips with it. This girl is officially grounded from all lining tools. Someone needs to keep them out of her hands completely.
6 National treasure
Well, hellllllo there! The lovely Latina in the above image is sporting her country's flag on her face and rocking that red, white and green like a boss. How is THAT for country pride! She has managed to show her love for her country on her eyelids and her lips. I don't care what national holiday is taking place, painting your face all patriotic is never going to be in fashion. I'm confident in saying that this will always be a giant fail.
Of course she finished her look off with the black eyeliner, but in a bonus, she used it to line her lips, too. I have to be honest; I am sure she is going for hottie here, but she turned hot mess real fast. If I bumped into this girl in a dark alley, I would turn and run away as fast as I could. She looks like she could dole out a good beating in the name of her country. You can love your country and you can love your eye makeup, but you should never combine the two to create a masterpiece like this.
5 Are those your real lashes?
Apparently, you need no upper lip when you are this good-looking. Seriously, though, where did the little lip bow go? Is it painted over or cosmetically removed? Please bring it back. Without it, we can't take you seriously. The pencil thin eyebrows are nightmarish as expected. Maybe we can pass a new universal law that says all women must have their eyebrows professionally done or all women must take a course on doing those brows right before ever being allowed near brow liners and razors.
Just throwing ideas out there and maybe they are a bit outlandish, but so is the brow disaster that is currently taking place in our country.
We have to put or bad-browed heads together and find a way to stop women from destroying the furry windows to the soul altogether. Fake lashes can add a pop of va-va-voom to a lady's look, but these lashes literally look like they should be in a cage and not on a face. Way too much lash, way too much upper lip and way too much makeup madness taking place here. She certainly failed in the aesthetics department, but she looks happy as a clam so at least she has the good personality thing in check.
4 Glittery Goddess
Hey look! It's the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland's girlfriend! Can we just put an end to all things glittery right now. It has no place on your face, in your food or really on this planet. No matter how amazing you have convinced yourself you look, this glittery look gone wrong will result in three things only: mess that will never leave, pain that will bring you to your knees and a lifetime of embarrassment. If you have kids, daughters specifically, then you know what I am talking about. Once glitter enters your home in any capacity, it lives there for all of eternity. There is no getting rid of it, try as you might. You'll find it in the most random places years after using it, like on your nose while meeting with your boss. Glitter is also painful! If you have ever been unfortunate enough to catch a fleck of this stuff in your eye, you can feel me on the level of burning pain it will evoke. It's unbelievable how evil glitter really is. Why would you ever put that hellish stuff on your face. This is a big heck no.
3 The one place animal print shouldn't go
Meow. Animal print sure can be a fun was to accessorize your look, just keep the leopard on your feet or your ears or even around your neck by using a fun scarf, not on your lips. Even if this did look good, how would it ever stay on for longer than a few minutes? Lips get a lot of action whether its from talking, eating, drinking or smooching. No way is this not going to look like a mess in a heartbeat.
I'll give her points for creativity, but this look needs to never leave the house.
Colored eyeliner is another fad that can permanently end now. Sure purple and blue eyeliner rocks the fashion runways, but it never looks anything but jank on everyday people. Knowing that the rest of her face is suffering from fashion disaster we didn't assume that her eyebrows would be anything but. They do not disappoint. Not only is the shape of them totally off, but I think they might be outlined in white! This is not a thing, please makeup obsessors everywhere, do not help to make this a thing. Let's make 2018 the year we just lay off the brows and give them a rest.
2 Where makeup goes to end
Whoa geez, hold the phone. Every possible makeup trend gone wrong is going on right here. This is a makeup mecca of nope. We have the dreaded glitter than will haunt this girl for the rest of her days. We also have brows on steroids happening. The shape is surprisingly not horrible, but they are huge! They look like wolly caterpillars napping on her face, which is never a beauty look to aim for. The lips are outlined in a completely different color than they are filled in with, and half of the liner is on her actual skin. Her contouring here looks like dirt. This is precisely why I stay away from contouring. It always ends up looking like I've been working in the garden all day long. There maybe or may not be a smudged cat eye happening up in here, but it's hard to look past all of the other fashiony nightmares that are occurring to even assess. So many make up fails in such a small space. If only there was some white eyeliner happening or maybe some eyebrow bling rocking, that would really finish off this train wreck. What a Wizard of Disaster we have here!
1 Hot pink heck no!
Because eyebrows are getting a beat down by just about every girl who thinks that she is fashion forward, we had to round this list out with a hot pink, furry what-in-the-heck set of brows. We couldn't help ourselves, truly. Where do people even find things like this? In all of my shopping experiences, both in stores and on the internet, never have I seen brow accessories like these. I wore fake lashes once to a wedding and not only did they weigh my eyes down and make me do a strange twitchy thing all night long, but they started to hang off of my eye halfway through the event.
Fake lashes might help your eyes look sultry and smoking, but they can also make you look like you have a tic.
They are certainly not my favorite thing when it comes to makeup and accessorizing. That glue always scares me. What if I accidentally rip half my eyelids off? I can't be trusted with such a beauty responsibility. Anyways, it has to be a lot of work to be this extra of a human being. I'm good with being simply average when it comes to my make up application. Sometimes less really is more ladies.