Baby showers are a celebration of life. Women gather together to shower the mother-to-be with gifts. The group plays a few silly baby-related games. They watch the expectant mother open presents, including cute outfits, diapers and baby care items. And, of course, they eat cake. Usually, the cake is decorated in blue or pink, if the mom knows the baby’s gender. Otherwise, it might be a more neutral yellow or green. It might say “congratulations” across the top or feature a picture of a stork.
The cake is the centerpiece of the event and it is important for the host to get it just right. But what happens when they don’t and everything goes seriously wrong? We’re not just being dramatic here. These cakes are straight out of your nightmares. See for yourself…if you dare.
17. The straight out of the womb cake
Expectant moms want to think about their babies just like you see them on the movies. Sure, childbirth is hard work. The mom might sweat a little and yell a little more. But when the child comes out, he or she is perfection. The baby will cry, of course, but it will be neat and clean.
The doctor will place the child on the mother’s chest and they will bond. Any mother-to-be holds tightly to that picture. And then she walks into her baby shower…and sees this cake? It’s hard enough to sleep when you’re pregnant, now she has to sleep with the picture of this messy baby in her mind. Is this what her child will look like? Her dreams are shattered and her nightmares come alive.
16. Bake the baby in the cake
No new mother will feel as if she knows what she is doing. There’s a learning curve to the parenting thing. The baby will cry and mom won’t know how to stop it. The baby will ruin clothing, blow out diapers, throw up milk and exasperate mom to no end. But moms are hearty individuals and no matter what that baby does…she isn’t going to want to bake it into a cake.
So what does she think when she sees that someone has done just that? Someone has baked a life-like doll into a cake. And now she is expected to eat it, smile, and be happy about it. There’s no way she isn’t going to sleep tonight with visions of baking babies in her head.
15. Scary c-section cake
When you’re pregnant enough for someone to have a baby shower for you, you definitely know where babies come from. There are no illusions that some way or another, you are going to have to give birth to this child. With any luck, you can do it the natural way because you’ve heard the recovery is easier. But set all that aside, enjoy the baby shower, open the presents and make cute noises over the adorable clothing and other baby items.
But wait, what’s that? A cake that looks like your pregnant body…with a full-blown toddler being pulled from the belly?! Every woman’s C-section nightmare is laying at the front of the room for all to see. And the baby born from the belly is creepy as all get out!
14. Have a bite of uterus
We took health class in school. We all know where the baby hangs out and how the whole baby-making process works. We might even agree that compared to a man, the female anatomy is somewhat beautiful. But does that mean we want to see it in cake form?
Who thought this would make a delicious cake? Please, come to the baby shower. You can give the mom-to-be a gift! You can play games! You can eat what looks like her uterus! Complete with a cookie-shaped baby! Um, no thanks. With any luck there’s fruit on the table as well, but even just seeing this cake can make anyone lose their appetite and have nightmares for weeks instead. Hopefully, the mom-to-be wasn’t hungry. She’s pregnant, so she often is, you know.
13. The in-your-face birthing cake
You may have heard the phrase, “it’s not what the cake looks like, it’s what it tastes like.” In almost every other case, we might agree. Even when it comes to baby shower cakes. It’s nice when it’s cute and fits the theme, but as long as it tastes good, all’s well that ends well.
In this case, it most certainly does matter what the cake looks like because it is such a nightmare that we can only hope we are dreaming right now and will wake up very soon. Chocolate sprinkles to show pubic hair? Gross! Strawberries? Disgusting! The baby itself would be cute in any other location, but… step right up to the table and have a bite of the birth process. Every woman in attendance was scared for life.
12. The pregnant female form…in a bikini…
The pregnant female body is beautiful, many people would agree. And while we recognize what a woman’s body does in creating and birthing a child is miraculous, that does not mean we want to see her body in this manner. Women who wear tight shirts during pregnancy are fine. Women who flaunt bikinis at baby showers? Not so much.
The appearance is bad enough, but who’s going to take a breast piece? A belly piece? Or even a thigh piece? It’s awkward! We can only hope that the cake didn’t really look anything like the pregnant woman in question. With any luck, it wasn’t supposed to resemble her because chances are, she would be offended. Would you want to bare all on the table in front of all your female friends and family members?
11. The alien baby
We get that not every person at the baby shower necessarily likes the mother-to-be. Family members have to attend! They were invited and it would be weird if they didn’t show up. But surely, the person throwing the shower likes the new mom, at least a little bit, right? Apparently not in this case. The host decided it would be a good idea to make a cake depicting the mom as having an alien baby. It’s not exactly a friendly thought to put into everyone’s mind.
And then, the host expects absolutely everyone at the party to eat the cake. Want a little blood with your stomach piece? Who gets the alien? And who, in their right mind, will ever sleep again? None of us, that’s for sure!
10. Reality takes a leap off the wrong end
Most of the women attending a baby shower will know what a baby is supposed to look like in the womb. Ideally, the baby will be headed down towards the end of the pregnancy. That is good preparation for the coming delivery. But in what way is it a good thing to have the child actually press his arms and legs through the mother’s skin out into the world in this manner? None! And it’s makes for a nightmare-inducing cake as well!
When you think about how this cake was put together, it gets even worse. Either there’s a headless doll baked inside the cake, which is bad enough, or someone dismembered a doll, removed its arms and legs, and stabbed them into the cake later. Either way isn’t very appetizing.
9. TMI alert
There are some things you see that you just can’t un-see. You see them when you look away. You see them when you sleep. You see them everywhere. This cake is a good description of such a thing. We saw it and now we can’t NOT see it. It happened to us and we didn’t want to be alone in our misery so we’re sharing it with you.
As women, we get it. This is where babies come from. Do we really want a reminder of that fact at our baby shower? No! We really don’t! Before you choose just the right doll and tell the cake baker to make it come from a cake-like vagina in the most realistic way possible, remember this cake. You can’t NOT remember its horror.
8. The water birth cake
There are a variety of different ways women can choose to give birth these days. Water birth is something you may have heard of or something you may even want to try. After you see this cake, you may change your mind. First of all, couldn’t the woman have kept her shirt on? We’re seeing enough of her already in cake-form, do we really need to see her chest as well?
Second of all, did she just birth a cake? Not that we want to see the baby coming out of unmentionable areas, but it’s weird that she’s working so hard just to produce a cake, right? This confusing cake fail is going to be one that arises in our dreams often. And we’ll never quite know what to make of it.
7. Old man baby
When you’re pregnant, you like to imagine what your coming child will look like. Will he have your eyes? Will he have dark hair? Will he have dimples? There are plenty of options. You probably never wondered, “will he look like an old man?” But in the case of this creepy, nightmarish cake, the answer is most definitely yes.
Any woman who has a baby that looks like an old man in baby form is in for years of nightmares. Since it’s not likely to happen, we suppose this cake was supposed to be funny. In the end, it’s just plain scary. We almost expect the man to wake up and laugh at us, which would only spur more bad dreams, thank you very much.
6. The beauty of pregnancy
Anyone who said a pregnant woman’s body is beautiful hasn’t seen this cake. Sure, women often look glow-y when they are pregnant. Their hair is shiny, their facial skin has never been softer. They have a lot of advantages in the looks department. And, of course, what their body is actually doing is beautiful. They’re creating an actual human being!
On the other side, there’s a lot of not-so-pretty parts of pregnancy and no mom-to-be enjoys highlighting those things at her baby shower. Stretch marks? Check! Hospital gadgets? Check! Yep, you have to give birth soon! But now before you eat this atrocious, hideous excuse for a cake! It might be nicer to let the new mom dream about her child and forget about what the child is doing to her body…
5. Baby shower or bachelor party?
If you’re ever in charge of a baby shower, it’s important that the cake looks like it belongs at a baby shower. There should be no question that the cake was destined for a mother-to-be. In this case, it looks dangerously close to a cake you might see at a bachelor party.
The black boxes prohibit you from seeing too much, but we can guess that it’s pretty graphic. There’s probably a child coming from the nether regions. But take that doll away and you have a bonafied naked woman. Sure, she’s robust, but that just means more cake for the guys! When in doubt, always put clothes on the mom-cake. You want to make sure everyone knows this is a baby shower, not a bachelor party.
4. The baby in a bubble
This cake is so realistic, you might almost think the blue dress is blue. And then you get to the baby part. Is that amniotic fluid? The bubble baby is too small to survive outside the womb, but at least he looks happy in his bubble. If you’re going to do a cake of a pregnant woman, you might as well go the whole way and cover the baby. It’s okay with us! Actually, we prefer not to have nightmares about children in bubble tummies.
The only way this cake could get worse was if the cake decorator tried to get more realistic where the baby was concerned. We know you can’t see the baby through the woman’s tummy, but at least since you can, he’s a happy little guy. Reality would be even worse.
3. Cannibalism, anyone?
Perhaps this cake seemed like a good idea at first. It might have even been cute lying on the table, acting as a centerpiece for the day’s celebration of life. But isn’t the point of cake to eat it? And eventually, the invited guests did just that. And that’s when the nightmares begin.
They probably started with his legs and rear to be polite, after all, it is a cake of a realistic-looking baby. But after that, they simply had to move on. The guests were hungry! They wanted their cake! And that meant slicing through his neck and into his head. Okay, it’s bad, really bad. We have to look away now. Scroll down…please! And don’t try to sleep for at least 12 hours, okay?
2. Another bachelor cake mix-up?
When you attend a baby shower, you expect a sweet reminder of little ones. Perhaps, a cake with a cute lamb on it or maybe one with white puffy clouds and a stork. Have you ever expected this? Rather large knockers and a baby waiting to feed on them? Breastfeeding is a beautiful experience and a wonderful way to give babies the nourishment they need to grow into healthy toddlers. But does it need to be prominently displayed on a cake?
We have to wonder if the cake decorator put two parties together here. Obviously, it’s for a baby shower because there IS a baby on the cake. But the well-endowed woman, complete with visible nipples? Doesn’t that seem more fitting for a bachelor party?
1. Beyond gross
One of the things that is common knowledge about babies is that they use a lot of diapers. We all remember scenes from movies where someone tries to change a diaper and reacts in utter disgust. That is daily life for any new mother. We all know it’s coming. We know we won’t enjoy it. But it’ll be so worth it, right?
So who’s idea was it to take the one part of motherhood that no mother looks forward to and literally splash it on the cake? Was the host trying to make the cake as unappetizing as possible so there would be more for her to take home to her own children? We’ll never know for sure, but after seeing this cake and all of the others, we’re pretty sure we want to be blindfolded at the next baby shower we attend…just in case.
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