Ah, the fine art of passive-aggressiveness. Why do we ever bother to be direct and upfront when it comes to confrontation when instead, we can make snarky, sideways attempts to convey our annoyances through clever puns, outrageous signage and altogether absurd written notes? It may not be the most effective means by which to communicate and solve our problems, but it sure as hell has to be the most entertaining. For your viewing pleasure, here are the absolute most hilarious passive-aggressive notes you'll find on the web. And if this list isn't to your liking, please feel free to leave a passive-aggressive comment of your very own at the end. Enjoy!
18 Spoiled milk
Meet spoiled milk: the brattiest beverage this side of the orange juice. But hey, who can blame him? His mom is a real cow and his dad is always full of bull. With parents like that, you can't help but expect him to be a little bratty and self-centered. At least he's no rotten egg.
The artist of this creative passive-aggressive comeback has some pretty savvy art skills, if we may say so myself. Should his snarky office stunt cost him his job (unlikely, but hey, you never know who you're pissing off in the break room), he's got the potential for a full-fledged career in comics. The dimension and shading and proportion of his cute lactosian character? Quite impressive. This perfectly penciled illustration makes Mona Lisa look like the work of a three year old. Whoever authored this passive-aggressive retort definitely has a real future ahead of him in cartoons when this whole office thing fails to work out.
17 Date your cans
Poor guy, even with his best lines, he still can't even manage to pick up a Pepsi. Maybe he'd have better luck with an RC Cola or a Ginger Ale. We hear they're not very popular and a lot easier to pop the top of. And if that doesn't work out, don't worry. We bet the sincere author of the first note wouldn't mind sharing a drink or two after work one of these nights...
By the way, we can't help but wonder what exactly we are talking about when it comes to canned food left in the office fridge. The only edibles we can think of that come in a can are SPAM and cat food, and if anyone is leaving those around, we think there are bigger fish to fry than the missing dates and labels. Let's focus on the important issues here, people. Come on, you're not getting paid the big bucks for nothing!
16 Condiments in conversation
Breaking news! Dangerous criminal at large. An unidentified individual has been seen discarding of half-eaten hamburgers and super-sized French fry cartons in the newsroom on multiple occasions. Suspect is said to be armed and dangerous. Last seen during the 12 o'clock hour wearing navy slacks, a white button-up shirt and reading glasses taped on the bridge of the nose. In addition, he's said to omit a strange stale aroma that has been described to smell like a mix between an In-N-Out dumpster and a thrift store. Be on high alert until suspect has been apprehended. There is no telling what condimental crimes he is capable of.
Side note: Hey, at least whoever is behind this monstrosity of a crime says he's sorry.
15 Let's acknowledge our ridiculous passive-aggressive notes, shall we?
Remember when your life was infinitely more boring before this meme entered and interrupted your mindless, mundane report writing and document filing? Nah, we don't either. Enter the passive aggressive office note that was totally owned by the other passive aggressive office note shedding light to the fact that we all share a massive fear of confrontation. Soon enough, wars will be lost and one not by force, but by Post-It. The sworn oath of our presidents will be done via tiny yellow strips of paper and the bills that make their way through Congress will be signed and sealed on a sticky pad. Hell, we bet aliens will likely invade our planet and all we will do is leave a memo on their hovercraft saying, "It'd be pretty awesome if you guys didn't destroy Earth and totally anhialate all forms of life. THANKSOMUCH."
Oh, how our species has evolved over the many centuries. Welcome to the human race.
14 What would Jesus drink?
Stealing Diet Coke isn't just wrong, it's SACRILEGIOUS! Take one of these delicious, delectable, downright melt in your mouth amazing dark bubbly refreshing beverages and you shall be forever banished to the darkest depths of Hell. There is no repentance when it comes to cola.
On the bright side, at least we now know the answer to the age old coke debate once and for all. If ever there was any uncertainty pertaining to the superiority of sodas when it comes to Coke verses Pepsi, the lord himself has answered our prayers with the authoritative truth. Thank God - literally! And may we forever rejoice in the glory and goodness of the bubbly brown juice of the Gods...as long as it's yours.
Oh, and by the way, a brief note to the soda thief to whom this stunt was directed at. Consider this - What would Jesus do? WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?!
13 Please, no onions
Now this took some skill. Real onion artistry like this deserves mad props. Not everyone can manage to make their passive annoyance be known via vegetable. And with such fine finesse and penmanship! Bravo, dedicated diner, bravo!
We've decided that the restaurant that served this loyal patron his lunch should offer some sort of apologetic gesture for their error. After all, what if this customer was deathly allergic to the tart, tangy taste of these sautéed strands of flavor? What if he had DIED from ingesting said onion accoutrement? We believe it's only right that the eatery make amends for their mistake.
Our verdict? Free onion rings for life! Oh, wait...maybe that's not such a great idea after all. Can't say we didn't try!
12 So long, starving orphan!
Talk about effective marketing strategy. You've got to be a real soulless prick to toss the little starving boy from Africa into the trash with your gas bills, jury duty summons, and overdue parking violations. Come on, it only takes a dollar a day to give this little eleven-year-old enough food for a year. Is it that important for you to have Hulu, Netflix, Amazon Prime AND DirectTV subscriptions when this kid can't even get a decent Happy Meal once in a while? Imagine life without ever having tasted the sweet satisfaction of a McNugget in all its golden glory? Yeah, pretty scary a thought, is t it?
So come now! Have a heart! Don't trash the little tyke! Where's your holiday spirit?!
11 Passive-aggressive wifi
It's hard to decide what's worse, bad grammar or bad music? Nothing says sheer idiocy more than the use of "your" for "you're" or any instance in which "there" exists where "their" or "they're" should be. But then again, neighbors playing their poor music choices so that the entire block has to suffer through all three minutes and forty five seconds of Justin Bieber's "Baby" over and over and over again sounds like something straight out of a war prison camp. Why don't we just all call a big truce and come together to start stealing ubnt's unprotected internet connection to brush up on our first grade spelling skills and download illegally download a few tunes we can al agree upon. A little Wu Tang, anyone?
10 A hairy situation
This is just disgusting. Here at TheThings, we don't care how clever you think you are but the sheer fact that you took the time and energy to shape dirty, wet drain hair from who knows what parts of the body into an actual readable sentence is beyond gross. You probably feel quite confident in your smart, snarky comeback, but we highly doubt it is worth the multitude of infectious and incurable diseases that are now coursing through your bloodstream. Congratulations, you're wit has now won you a shorter lifespan and an odd rash in places we don't want to know about.
We wonder whose lovely chore it's going to be to clean up this hairy bathroom situation. After all, whoever wrote the little note did follow through and clean the drain...
9 The passive-aggressive craiglist post
We followed up with this loving husband and unfortunately, we weren't able to get a direct comment on his luck with finding a taker for his day off. We were able, however, able to get in touch with his divorce lawyer who informed us that he no longer has to worry about his soon-to-be-ex-wife's household chores anymore—once the papers are signed next month. I guess Mrs. Passive Aggressive didn't find her husband's Craigslist post as amusing as we did.
UPDATE: Following our first unsuccessful attempts to contact said Craigslist author above, we did manage to spot a follow-up post on the same forum. Bryan is no longer looking for someone to take his day off! He is, however, in need of a one-bedroom apartment.
8 To thine own neighbor be true
Now this is true dedication to the art of passive-aggressive note writing, and rightfully so. Any person that complains about their neighbor's poorly painted fence deserves this kind of epic retort. Come on, Bob, don't you have more important things to worry about than the appearance of this guy's shoddy fence? Like maybe the starving children in Africa from above? Quit nagging your neighbor about his fence and give little Billy or Joey from Number 12 a few minutes and measles dollars so he can get a McMuffin every now and again.
And let's not be forget to be grateful for the fact that at least there is something obscuring Bob's view into his neighbor's property, because with a fence like that, who knows what visual atrocities exist on the other side.
7 A rockin' comeback
Ah, nothing quite says wit and wisdom like a well-placed pun, especially when said pun includes a reference to '80s metal rock bands. Now if only there were some creative verbal plays on chapstick...
In all seriousness though, so many people leave their dirty, used hair ties around and it is truly disgusting. Come on, ladies, have a little common courtesy! Would Gene Simmons or any of the respectful members of Twisted Sister ever leave their grimy hair accessories lying around unclaimed? We don't think so! In fact, we are pretty certain said rockers are quite clean and well-organized when it comes to their hygiene tools and equipment. You can't expect to look like they do and lose things left and right. Be a boss, get your sh*t together!
6 Act like a man
Damn right it's my restroom and we will do what we want in it! Paper on the floor? You betcha! Seats left up? No doubt about it. Toilets left unflushed? Yes, sir! We will even throw in a clogged sink drain and an empty hand towel dispenser to boot. We don't want to risk any chance that someone might mistake our bathroom for the ladies' room, so we will mark our territory accordingly. We are MEN and our restrooms will look like such!
(insert bro-inspired body slam)
Oh, and don't even think about trying to clean it up or you'll contract Hepatitis A through Z and likely grow a set of webbed feet to match. When the wastebaskets started showing signs of alien life forms, this bathroom officially became a classified zone for the city hazmat department. Good luck and may the force be with you.
5 Comic sans NO MORE
THANK YOU. Comic Sans is NEVER an acceptable font choice. EVER. We don't care if you're an employee at a Fortune 500 company OR an eight-year-old selling lemonade. This font fell out of style faster than fanny packs, gigapets, and the act of planking. The sheer fact that there's an entire movement to ban the font proves just how ridiculous it is to ever use Comic Sans. No, just...no.
For all those interested in supporting the Comic Sans ban and putting an end once and for all to the worst thing ever to happen to today's typography, please visit www.bancomicsans.com. Maybe Donald Trump will finally focus on our nation's true important issues and outlaw the script. We can only hope.
4 Who You Calling FAT?
Ouch, that's got to hurt. An underhanded body slam in the form of a Post-It. Weren't we all for that whole body positive, embrace every size and shape thing in 2016? Oh, well. Maybe it's a kinder, more subtle way to address the obesity epidemic currently plaguing the office. Since the recent proposals for standing desks and fitness Fridays got shot down, at least someone's taking action. And considering the fact that a pack of Slim-Fasts shakes costs almost $20 a pop, this gesture doesn't come cheap. Cheers!
By the way, have you ever tried a SlimFast shake? We don't care how fat you may think you are, no one deserves to endure the disgust of those chalky chemical cocktails...ever.
3 Cat part problems
Don't you hate it when you can't find an appropriate space for your cat parts? We know we certainly do. It's pretty much a given fact we can all agree on that the sink isn't the best place for putting said parts, but it's time once and for all we all decided upon a common solution for cat part storage. Especially when we all are sharing common living quarters, proper cat part storage is critical. It's not just a matter of politeness and good manners; poorly disposed of cat parts is just flat out dangerous. Maybe this issue is best dealt with at a national level. We vote for a movement to Congress. Certainly Mr. Trump has some relevant opinions on the matter.
Oh yeah, and WTF?!
2 Spit in the salad dressing
Ah, a good old-fashioned battle of the backwash! This one's definitely a laugh out loud classic. The sad part is, now no one is going to be enjoying this lovely bottle of Kraft Light salad dressing. A perfectly good condiment gone to waste. Well, unless of course these two dueling employees took the high road and teamed up to exact some office revenge. Call a truce and give this lugee-laden cocktail to the resident Dwight Schrute of the company. No vinaigrette could ever taste as sweet as watching the boss's brown noser enjoy a lunch that's light on the calories but heavy on the humiliation. Take that, Mr. "My Nose Is Always Up The Manager's Ass," take that! And next time, let's try to use our saliva for good, not evil.
1 You go, grandma!
Even Grandma is getting in on the passive-aggressive note posting action these days! And what a way to do it! We'd be angry as all hell too if our kids were fighting over all that hard earned money while we were still alive and kicking. You tell them, granny! SHAME ON YOU! Thankfully, the fighting should be over now that her entire life-savings and inheritance is now in the form of full-color flyers. It really make you wonder how many she was able to get made from all that savings. We hope the Kinko's guys gave her a good deal.
Oh, and did anyone else catch the fact that she is "sick to death" of watching all her family members bicker over her money? Interesting choice of words. Does that mean she actually is dead? We may never know...