Let's be honest here; babies can be gross. Sure, they're little bundles of joy – they can bring you a lifetime of joy, and you'll get to watch them grow into brilliant human beings... but, they can still be very gross.
Here are 18 times parenting got grosser than expected. Major props to you, parents and future parents, for being able to stomach all this!
18 Sucking On Snot
Yeah, that’s right; You heard me correctly. I’ve been reliably informed that this is standard knowledge but I refuse to believe it. Mad respect for parents who can do this without gagging.
17 Helping Constipation Along
So, without getting too graphic, let’s just say that you’ll be putting your finger in before pulling out to get this one going.
16 Meconium Diaper
Now, this will only happen once, but trust me when I say it’ll be the first unpleasant moment of parenthood. I can’t really say what it is in detail, but basically, your newborn will poop a special kind of poop in the first few days of its infancy. If you're really curious, look it up... but we'll spare you the deets.
15 Cleaning Up After Another Human
You'll basically wiping someone’s bum round the clock. Something I would not choose to do willingly, so good for you, parents!
14 Stopping Vomit From Hitting Something Valuable
Do I want to clean vomit out of my shirt or the carpet? I’m going to go with shirt. I mean, I’d rather not have to clean vomit from anything, but sadly children don't give us many choices.
13 The Umbilical Stump Will Fall Off
This will happen when you’re not looking. One day your child will have an umbilical stump, and the next, he/she won’t. The real worry is whether or not you will be able to locate this missing stump. Did the dog eat it? Did it fall under the couch? GOOD LUCK.
12 Vomiting In Your Mouth
What could be more delightful than kissing a newborn baby? How about that baby deciding to take that exact moment to vomit? Straight. Into. Your. Mouth.
11 Coughing/Sneezing In Your Mouth
You don’t know disgust until you’ve had a child cough or sneeze straight into the back of your throat. It’s like taking a hit of cold or flu straight to the system.
10 Digging Out Ear Wax
Child unhappy with the high level of ear wax they’ve currently got in their ears? Yeah, that’s on you, mum.
9 Cradle Cap
Enough said here really. Look forward to picking at the cracked skin on your baby’s head in the future!
8 Eating A Child’s Leftovers
You won’t always have time to get a meal of your own sorted, so, it’s either don’t eat, or you pick through the stuff your child decided to spit out to find something worth eating.
7 Speaking Of Eating, You’ll Have To Stop Your Child Eating All Sorts of Weird Things
When I was about one, I ate a microphone clip. Cue my mum and dad freaking out and rushing me to A&E while I giggle at everyone being so silly. At least it was a microphone clip and not the cat litter?
6 Using Your Own Clothes To Clean Up
How many times did you think you’ll either have to wipe up poo in public, or wrap your jumper around a toddler’s little accident? Now times that by ten and you’re not even close.
5 You WILL Clean Poo From A Bath
Once again, do I have to go any further here? Your lovely baby will decide bath time is a great moment for toilet time.
4 Sometimes You'll Give To Birth To A Mini Yeti
Obviously we don't want to imply that body hair is anything to be disgusted by, but it isn't really something we often associate with infant children. The hair is called lanugo and there's nothing to be worried about, but it's fairly gross watching your baby start to shed.
3 Sometimes You Won’t Be Able To Find "The Smell"
Don’t you go thinking that your sense of smell is good enough to seek out that rotten something your little beauty decided to leave under the seat of your car. You will never find it.
2 They Will Sometimes Vomit Blood
Without getting into much detail here, it's not uncommon for children to unwittingly swallow blood while they're born. They will then vomit it out, after it has time to be partially digested, of course.
1 Who Remembers Head Lice?
Remember how you managed to dodge them as a child? Or, remember when your mother had to comb through your hair to remove the eggs? Look forward to having to dodge them again or being the mother in that scenario.