Guys can shy away from relationships for all sorts of reasons. Maybe they’ve just come out of something serious, maybe their family has a history of failed relationships, maybe they’re jaded, or maybe they don’t want to risk their freedom and independence! Some of the reasons are justifiable, while others can be pretty ridiculous.
The same can be said about their deal-breakers when it comes to dating! Some seem shallow or silly, while others make a whole lot of sense, and would be agreed to if the roles were reversed! While dating advice has evolved a bit and tells us that we simply need to be ourselves to catch the man for us, that advice doesn’t work so well if we’re prone to being introverted and bookish and the dude we’re pining for is an active, assertive, and extroverted type! We’re not saying that we need to change who we are, but that our personality may not be the right match – and thus, a deal-breaker presents itself (if only for that one particular person).
To save ourselves the guesswork of determining what it is that men want (since that changes based on the guy, the woman, and the time of day), we’ve compiled 20 of the most common deal-breakers held by most men. Hey, at least we’ll have a bit more insight as to why he ghosted or things fizzled!
20 She Loves Putting TMI On FB
We may live a lot of our lives on social media, but ideally we keep some things offline, especially if they’re more private or important to us. Over-sharing every little detail of our lives online is a major turn-off for a lot of guys.
Not only is it a platform for everyone to see everything that’s going on, but if we’re insisting that our SO take part in our Snapchat stories or IG posts, it can feel like he’s relinquishing his privacy, too – something he didn’t sign up for. It makes the entire relationship feel like a performance and a lot less genuine.
19 She's Got Lousy Manners
Manners go a long way and say a lot about how a person treats others. The way we treat a server or an Uber driver says a lot about how we view ourselves and what we value or consider important in life. Pulling out our phones on a first date or mouthing off to a barista is rude, period. It makes us seem entitled when we can’t even extend basic manners to other people, and is a huge deal-breaker for a lot of men.
Bad manners can cover a lot of ground, from table manners to social skills, which is why being on a first date means that we should be on our best behavior just in case.
18 She's Complaining Like It’s A Career
No one wants to be around someone who is constantly complaining all the time. It makes us feel like we can’t do anything right! Bringing that level of negativity into a relationship can a be a major deal-breaker for anyone, because it’s exhausting to be around that 24/7.
Some people like to complain for the sake of complaining, and this is a red flag for a lot of men. They’re usually the “fixer” type, and if they see a problem they look for a solution. Because of that, in can be extremely frustrating for them when someone would rather whine than change their situation.
17 Drama, Drama, Drama
Being overly dramatic in a relationship is a huge deal-breaker for a lot of men (and women). For example, we could be dealing with a lot of stuff behind the scenes – think family or professional trouble – and our guy just doesn’t have the stamina or willingness to deal with it.
Or – and perhaps the bigger deal-breaker – is a woman who brings drama everywhere she goes. She’s the one who likes to stir stuff up just to keep things interesting or “test” her man. Most quality dudes can see through that and will stay far away.
16 She Expects A Mind Reader
Many of us like the idea of someone knowing and understanding our needs without us having to get vulnerable and express them out loud. Simply put, we like a mind reader who can anticipate everything.
The thing is, guys aren’t so good with subtlety. In fact, they would rather be told directly when we want or need something instead of being forced to guess. Guys would rather be given the chance to apologize for whatever they’ve done wrong than try to determine the cause of our rapid mood swings. If we’re not giving our SO that opportunity, it could be a deal-breaker.
15 Talking To Her Is Like Talking To A Brick Wall
Guys get a bad rap for being only interested in the physical attributes a woman possesses, but a quality man knows that a good brain, solid conversation skills, and a great personality last a whole lot longer!
Needing mental stimulation and good conversation is paramount to building a solid relationship, so their importance cannot be underestimated. If we can’t keep up our end of the conversation, we fail to ask any questions, or we don’t get any of his references, it can be a clear sign that we’re lacking the chemistry and desire to take anything further. No one likes talking to a brick wall!
14 She's An Armchair Critic
Maybe we think there are some things our guy could do to improve things about himself, but should we really be telling him? No one wants to feel put down in a relationship. Receiving a constant litany of criticism (however well-intentioned) can feel that way.
We’ve been fed a lot of advice in the past that says we can – and should – change the men in our lives to better us both, but in most cases the one thing the dude will change is us! Love means bettering one another together, not nagging at someone until they cave.
13 She Lives Under A Storm Cloud
Like whining all the time, the girl who’s finding the glass half empty all the time can be a drag to be around. A good indicator of such negativity can often be found in online dating profiles, where men and women alike will list everything they DON’T want in a partner, despite not having all that much to offer themselves!
If we’re always the one complaining about being done wrong, it’s important to look at the fact that we’re the common denominator in these situations. Are we really the target of all this negativity, or are we creating it ourselves? Either way, negativity is a big deal-breaker for a lot of guys.
12 If She Only Had A Brain...
Contrary to what vintage teen magazines may have told us, quality men do not like stupid women. Intelligence is incredibly attractive, and a lack of it can be a big turn-off for men who prefer an educated partner. We may be easygoing and extremely kind, but if we only have straw between our ears, he might have zero interest in keeping things going!
A sharp mind can keep a relationship interesting for a lot longer, and it won’t embarrass the guy when he takes us out if we can string together more than a few words. Don’t hide your intellect, ladies!
11 She's On A Different Path
Sometimes we want different things in relationships. Maybe we’ve been dating for a while and our partner wants something more serious, but we’re not quite ready for that. As things get serious (and as we get older), talking about marriage and children becomes more of a common conversation topic, just to see where each person stands.
Sometimes life just takes us in different directions, and if our goals are vastly different from our SO's, that may be reason enough to end the relationship. Men agree, because big differences in values and goals can become a deal-breaker, since the plan is to build a life together, not to live two lives separately.
10 She Treats The Waitstaff Badly
Like having bad manners, being a generally rude person is a sign of how you treat everyone, not just those with whom you’re personally acquainted. So, while a guy may be treated like a king by his GF, if he sees her sassing some poor cashier or being rude towards a bartender for no reason, it says a lot about who she is – and not in a good way.
How someone treats those in the service industry says a lot about their character, many men agree. It’s not an attractive quality and – especially for those who worked in the same industry once upon a time – can be a deal-breaker.
9 Puff, Puff - And He'll Skip Her
As most people (and health professionals) will attest, smoking is a dangerous habit – and something that can be a big deal-breaker for a lot of guys!
As we’ve learned more about the effects of smoking, it has lost its appeal for many and is even considered a huge turn-off! From the stained fingers and nails to the smoke smell that clings to clothing and hair, to the probable long-term effects of smoking and the fact that it’s a waste of money, smoking is something many men prefer to steer clear of altogether! (No word yet on how they view e-cigarettes and vaping, however!)
8 Party Girls Need Not Apply
Like smoking, excessive partying is often a deal-breaker for guys who are in the market for a long-term relationship. (Younger men, and those seeking just casual relationships, seem to be relatively okay with a party girl.)
As we get older, though, the idea of settling down or staying in for the night gets a lot more appealing. If a woman prefers to spend her weekends getting lit and hitting the club scene, men may see her as unstable and irresponsible, with a whole host of other toxic baggage in tow. After a certain point, all that partying ends up seeming a little pathetic.
7 She's BFFs With The Green-Eyed Monster
A little bit of jealousy in a relationship is normal. It means we know that we have someone (and something) of value to lose. Relationships and love make us vulnerable! Jealousy becomes a deal-breaker, though, when it’s the result of endless, baseless suspicion. If a guy feels like he can’t ever speak to another woman or have female friends on social media, it’s going to be a deal-breaker.
That kind of behavior is controlling and manipulative, and if we wouldn’t put up with it, why should he have to? Keeping insecurities and jealousy in check is important to keep a relationship healthy.
6 She Never Laughs
Having a sense of humor is a must for so many men! Being able to laugh at yourself – and laugh in general – means that you don’t take life too seriously and can enjoy the little pleasures it has to offer.
According to the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, being humorless or not having a sense of humor was a deal-breaker for half the men surveyed! We’re not saying you have to have the exact same taste in what’s funny, but being able to crack a joke or smile is important! Learn to loosen up and enjoy the insanity that’s all around us!
5 She's A Needy Nancy
Unsurprisingly, a needy partner is a deal-breaker for a lot of dudes. While “neediness” is a relative term, it all points to insecurity – and in the same Bulletin, 57% of men say it would be a reason why they’d walk away.
Needing to be reminded of a relationship and constant reassurance speaks more to our own lack of confidence than the actual health of the relationship (even if we don’t see it that way). It’s exhausting for our SO to have to remind us over and over again that we’re good enough, pretty enough or worthy enough for them. Plus, if we ask too often, it may backfire and have him questioning if we really ARE all those things.
4 She's A Lazybones
Who doesn’t enjoy kicking back and relaxing every now and then? With the way jobs work now, we’re constantly reachable and “on the clock” even if we’ve left the office. It makes self-care that much more important! However, there’s taking time for oneself and there's being totally lazy.
In the above-mentioned Bulletin, 67% of men cited “laziness” as a deal-breaker when they’re dating, and it’s because it signifies a distinct lack of effort on the other person’s part. Laziness and a lack of ambition aren’t appealing qualities for most people, and if the other person is a go-getter or active type, it can be reason enough to call it quits.
3 Looking Like A Slob
An extension of laziness is looking like a slob. We’re talking the kind of look we rock when we’re not going anywhere or seeing anyone – think pajamas or sweats, a messy bun, and zero makeup. Being that low-maintenance is totally okay, except when it’s all the time and always out in public.
Looking like a slob means we have no desire to impress our SO – our relationship has become so comfortable and stagnant that any amount of effort is too much. Men want women who take care of themselves, in terms of health and appearance, and it’s fair to say that we want our partner to do the same!
2 Leaving Him In The Lurch
These days, everyone is glued to their phones. We use them for everything, so ghosting him or failing to respond for extended periods of time is considered unacceptable.
While we’re busy with work or other obligations, leaving a guy on “read” for more than a day will have him assuming that things are done between us. He doesn’t want to waste his time on someone who treats him as an inconvenience or, worse, forgets him altogether. We’d be sending ourselves into a tailspin of anxiety if the roles were reversed, wouldn’t we? Being unresponsive is just plain rude, and a deal-breaker for him.
1 Hi, Pinocchio!
Happy and healthy relationships require a great deal of trust to function, because they put us in a position of such vulnerability. That’s why dishonesty is easily the number one deal-breaker for men, in dating and relationships.
Dishonesty can mean a lot of things, but it boils down to him feeling like he can’t rely on us when he needs us the most. Telling little white lies, failing to disclose some info or something as extreme as stepping out on him all fall under the dishonesty umbrella. A few small lies can make him think we’re hiding something bigger, which increases the risk of him not wanting to be with us.
Source: Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin