20 Cooking Attempts That Have Martha Stewart Clutching Her Pearl Onions

I'm more of a person that eats stuff rather than cooks stuff. Most of my cooking attempts are probably canned food and rice, to be honest. Sometimes I try to make poached eggs but the egg whites often end up cooking instantly or disappearing entirely. *insert sad face* I always have friends who tell me to put vinegar in or stir the water in a circle but it just never pans out. Anyway, I'll admit I'm not the best at cooking so I never take pictures or anything like that. There's people out there who are a little delusional about their cooking skills - sometimes believing just isn't enough. Other times, people try their best and end up with hilarious results anyway.

Here are 20 attempts at cooking that didn't quite hit the spot!

20 Extra well done

We all know that raw chicken is no joke, so I understand overcooking it by accident to make sure that no one is going to perish of food poisoning. We don't joke around with rare chicken! This does NOT count as overcooking it by just a little. It looks like this person left it in the oven for 2 days instead of 2 hours, geez. This is something I'd quietly slide into the trash when no one is looking. Not only does burnt stuff taste awful, but i'm pretty sure that it's also not good for anyone. Especially when every inch of the chicken itself is charred to a crisp.

How does one cook a chicken and not notice that it's burning? Did they just slam it into the oven and forget about it? I wouldn't doubt that that chicken was on fire at some point.

If I were going to be showing something to Gordon Ramsay, it had better be the best thing I've ever made in my life. I can pretty much imagine the response this person got. They would have been thoroughly roasted by Ramsay himself. Maybe even more roasted than the chicken itself.

19 This takes the cake

Via reddit

Oh my god. They're right. It does look like Jigsaw from Saw. Not to nitpick, but aren't pandas supposed to have dark patches around their eyes and on their ears? And maybe a cute smile instead of a demented one? I'm not saying that I could do any better with any certainty but I think I could at least make the cake look less creepy.

If that wasn't bad enough, they unfortunately burned the cake too. Good on them though, I couldn't even tell that it was burned! I guess we can cover up a lot of mistakes with enough frosting. I wish that applied for things other than baking.  I guess frosting on top of burnt hot dogs would be gross though. Never mind on the whole correcting of these mistakes with frosting idea. Just start again from scratch!

This was a really sweet idea, but the execution just wasn't good at all. Maybe baking just isn't their thing. I'm sure that their Significant other  would appreciate a different kind of meal. Maybe one that was ordered for delivery. Or maybe some mac and cheese? I hear that's hard to mess up. Anyhow, once we get past the creepy factor, it's actually kind of funny.

18 Does this even count as a sandwich?

Via Reddit

Yes your eyes are not deceiving you. That is a white bread, mayonnaise and Cheeto sandwich. This isn't even a half baked attempt, there wasn't even a stove or oven involved! I guess he could have microwaved it but man, lukewarm mayonnaise sounds unappetizing... Actually are you supposed to eat mayonnaise cold? I don't really eat mayonnaise so I wouldn't know. I'm not one to hate on mayonnaise but it kind of looks like this guy laid it on a little too thick. It's probably even worse when you combine it with Cheetos.

I'm not one for Cheetos in the first place but they look even worse when they're paired with mayonnaise.

I would rather just eat the bread by itself, if I'm being honest. It looks like he used Wonder Bread - I think the last time I ate that stuff was when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade? I don't think I liked it that much but it would still be an improvement over a nasty mayonnaise and Cheeto mix. Maybe this guy's just broke, though. I feel that, being a person is expensive. Food is expensive! But I'm pretty sure even instant noodles are cheaper than a jar of mayonnaise and Cheetos. Either way love yourself! Don't eat sandwiches that are 40% bread and 60% nasty!

17 That's one hot potato

How on Earth is that a potato? Better yet - how could an oven make a potato look like it came from the depths of a volcano? I'm surprised that the towel they set it on hasn't caught on fire yet. Heck, I'm surprised that they didn't set their whole house on fire in the process of cooking the potato. I'm sure the fire department would have a field day if that happened.

They apparently did all the right steps in making a baked potato like poking a bunch holes in it and rotating it but as soon as they turned their back, it literally set on fire. So maybe, just maybe, the problem is with the oven. But what kind of defect would allow an oven to turn a potato into a molten rock?

It's certainly really cool to look at but absolutely not edible. Even after it cools. Like I'm pretty sure once it cools, it'll be an actual rock. On the other hand, it'll be the closest you'll ever be to eating lava. No, I'm totally not encouraging people to eat molten potatoes OR lava. Maybe they can pass it down as a family heirloom - it would make for a great story.

16 A little prickly about your cake, are we?

Listen, if I were 6 years old and I saw that cake, I'd start crying too. It's pretty much the stuff of nightmares for a kid. Also, why is it pink? I think the hedgehog cake being pink just adds another dimension of unsettling when you consider that hedgehogs are normally brown. Did she flip the hedgehog inside out? What on Earth happened? Dear Isabella/Isabelle or whoever this cake was made for, I'm sorry your cake might have been a traumatizing experience. The quills aren't so bad, I think they're just about the only thing I like about this hedgehog. They're also the least unsettling thing.

Can we talk about the lips and teeth, though?

Why do they look so similar to a person's teeth? I had to google this but hedgehog teeth look nothing like human teeth. They're a lot pointier. You can thank me later for saving you a google. I actually think the whole reason this cake is a flop is because of the teeth. There's just something about out of place human teeth that are freaky. It probably tastes fine but I'm not so sure a kid would want to eat what looks to be an inside out hedgehog with a sinister human like grin. Heck, even an adult would be a little wary.

15 Cheese does not solve everything

That front cheese slice looks like it has more wrinkles than one of my shirts on the floor. Did they even take the plastic off? I'm not an expert on cheese since I'm lactose intolerant but I'm pretty sure you're supposed to melt cheese when you put it on top of things, not just lay it on whatever it is you're making straight out of the package. Now I have my doubts about the hash browns.

Did they come straight out of the freezer? I also can't really tell if the hash browns and eggs are lying in a puddle of solidified cheese or if that's just the colour of the plate. You know you have a problem when your cheese is just about the same colour as your neon yellow plate.

The scrambled eggs don't look awful but again, it's hard to tell when they're on a neon yellow background. I don't think I've ever eaten scrambled eggs in my life so I'm probably not the best judge for those. Not going to lie, if I actually liked cheese, this might be something I'd make for myself to eat at 3 a.m. But to serve it to another person? Absolutely not.

14 Nothing fishy here

I'm struggling to recognize what the bright carrot coloured sushi pieces in the center are. Is it actually carrot? Some poor mangled fish? We're never going to know. The roe sushi aren't looking too hot either. None of the things on the plate are looking too great, actually. Why would you order chunks of plain rice wrapped in sushi? You could make that at home for pretty much a fraction of the price you'd pay for ordering that outside. That can be said for anything but you can even copy how these sushi pieces look from home with pretty much no experience.

I've never had sushi before but I'm almost certain they're not supposed to be this lumpy and misshapen.

Is any food supposed to be purposely lumpy and misshapen? I can't think of anything right now. Is the chef okay? Did they just give up for the night? I sure hope full price wasn't paid for these - they look like something a beginner cook could churn out. I suppose it might be a weird special they have where they basically serve you left over bits and pieces for a reduced price but if I were going out for food, I'd rather order stuff that isn't left overs. Sushi is already expensive enough as is!

13 Spaghetti No's

Come on now. Why would you ruin perfectly good spaghetti and freeze it in ice cube molds. I get that the States get pretty hot sometimes. But that's not an excuse to serve spaghetti cold. Or any pasta for that matter. Have you ever tried eating left over cold pasta? It's all gross and congealed with a slimy texture.  Also think about when those frozen spaghetti cubes are going to melt. They're just going to be cold, gross and soggy. What a bad combination. This is a crime against all noodles. Maybe even a crime against humanity.

Maybe this is a way to make instant spaghetti and soup? I guess you could put the cubes in hot water, but the spaghetti would still be soggy and mushy and gross. Just cook spaghetti like a normal person, dammit! It only takes, like, what? 10 minutes? All you have to do is add jar sauce after and you're done! Any spaghetti would be better than what's going on here at this point.

I should find a Texan to ask what the heck is going on in this picture. I can only hope it's not as bad as I think it is.

12 You had ONE job

The only thing you had to add to these instant noodles were water! Surprisingly, I don't think people forgetting to add water to their instant noodles is a rare occurrence. Maybe a little sad since there are no other steps other than pressing how long to heat it for in the microwave. Side note: I like heating mine for 3 minutes, there's nothing worse than overcooked, mushy noodles. Then again, a charred noodle brick isn't much more appetizing than mushy noodles.

In fact, it might be even less appetizing.

I might prefer eating the slab of plain noodles without the charred leftovers if I had to choose an unorthodox way to eat instant noodles. I'm pretty sure any dehydrated vegetables that were in there have been microwaved to a crisp. There goes my only reason to pretend instant noodles aren't absolutely terrible for you. In my defense, I don't drink the soup! Instant noodle soup just doesn't do it for me - it's like ultra salty water. I'm already salty enough without the soup! At least this wasn't an expensive mistake. And now you'll always remember to add water to your noodles. At least for the next week before you forget again.

11 At least you tried

Let me start by explaining that this person was cooking prepackaged dough from a Pilsbury can. I was under the assumption that no one could mess those up. You just take the dough out of the package and follow whatever instructions are on the can, right? Well. I guess I was wrong. There's some assembly required. Like you have to roll the dough into the right shape so that it'll actually bake into a croissant shape. I guess they had trouble with that and I don't blame them. There's at least 5 steps and that's too many when you're hungry.

I guess this is how you can tell I'm lazy - I'd rather buy pre-made croissants than bake some from a bin. Baking time is time spent being hungry and I'm not about that life. That's probably also why I'm broke. I tend to spend a lot of money on food.

For real though, they don't look burnt and they probably taste fine. I'd eat these for breakfast but I'd not enter them into any food beauty pageants. Do those even exist? I sure hope not. Presentation is important but taste is more important in the long run. It's all going to be mush in your stomach anyway!

10 You don't want a pizza this

I mourn for how good this pizza could have been. It had so much potential. Unfortunately, it seems that forgetfulness is a big source of our cooking downfalls. I can understand that though, I'll often microwave something to eat and go to do something else. And inevitably I forget about the food in the microwave and I have to reheat it again. At least a microwave turns itself off within a reasonable amount of time. Unless you hit too many zeros.

Anyways, I actually thought that ovens only ran on a timer, but I guess maybe older models keep on baking until they're manually shut off.

Wouldn't you smell that pizza burning before it got to the point of being a blackened crisp? Maybe I'm overestimating our sense of smell but burning food is pretty hard to ignore. Oh well. Maybe you can scrape off the black parts and try eating it - that's what I do when I've mildly burnt something. Of course this doesn't really qualify as mildly burnt, but pizza is pizza. I can't even call this one an attempt at cooking. It's more like an over baked cooking attempt. I'm sorry, but I'll be showing myself out now.

9 What a spill

Via Instagram

Either this congee was so bad that it decided to jump itself out of the bowl, or this guy heated it up so much that it spilled out. Did he actually just missed the bowl entirely in the first place and decided to heat it up that way? Or did he spill it trying to take it out of the microwave because he forgot how hot things get in microwaves? We'll never know!

I wonder what instructions this guy was following, anyhow. Are there special instructions for reheating congee? I'm pretty sure you'd reheat it the same way you would with any other food. Is reheating cooking? If we're going to be really technical, yes because you're preparing the thing to be eaten. The point is, I'm just not sure why there's congee splattered all over the microwave platform. Not going to lie, I'd probably scrape it back in the bowl if the platform was clean. Kind of gross, yeah but no one has to know.

Maybe next time they should reheat it on a stove. At least that way you have to keep an eye on it and as an added bonus, you can eat right out of the pot and minimize spillage risk! Just try not to burn yourself.

8 No substitutions allowed

I'd actually low key try cooking cake mix pancakes. They might not turn out to be the prettiest pancakes in the world but I bet they taste really good because of the cake mix. Bonus is they probably don't need maple syrup from how sweet they are already. Visually, they're honestly not the worse thing we've seen on this list, but they're still kind of a mess. Like in the bottom right of the image. What happened there? Did the mix just happen to separate? I also think I see some burnt bits floating around in there.

Maybe they put too many in the same pan at once?

This is actually a really good idea but like some of the ideas before, it had poor execution. If all else fails you can use the cake mix and just have cake for breakfast instead. The only difference is that you have to wait longer because baking isn't as instantaneous as frying something in a pan. Now I'm curious - what exactly differentiates pancakes and normal cakes? Is it just what they're cooked in? I guess it doesn't really matter either way if yu're going to be eating them first thing in the morning.

7 Saddest buns in the world

Via Reddit

As one comment put it, I thought these were raw chicken wings at first. Sadly, they are in fact cinnamon buns. I don't think I've ever seen food be more sad looking than this. It kind of looks like these buns have curled up and chosen this as their final resting place.  Are these even baked all the way yet? Also I hardly even see any cinnamon in these. You can't call these cinnamon buns if you don't even have any cinnamon in them! I'm also not sure why this person put the buns on their sides to make. If they were lying down flat, maybe they would have expanded -like they're usually supposed to- into beautiful cinnamon buns.

I've never really bought into the whole cinnamon bun craze. My high school was apparently supposed to have famous cinnamon buns but honestly? They were okay from what I remember. Tasty, but not enough to lose your mind over. I think I actually preferred the chocolate pudding cups they sold for $2 that were for sale for who knows how long.  I have an insatiable sweet tooth so I feel like my assessment is pretty fair here. Totally not biased, I promise!

6 Keep on trying

Via Instagram

I thought these were really bad chicken nuggets when I first set eyes on that picture. And if they were, I'd probably still eat them. I honestly have no standards for chicken nuggets as long as they taste good. Anyway. It was unfortunate enough that this person's ravioli dough didn't work out - you would think that maybe she'd have better luck after that. As you can see for yourself, attempts to salvage her ravioli filling into gnocchi didn't work out so well. I had to google what gnocchi even was.

Whatever is on the plate here is at least 3 times as large has a normal gnocchi.

As you can see by this image, bigger isn't always better. People say there's beauty in imperfections but I'm just not seeing it here. Maybe if I squint really hard I can still pretend these are chicken nuggets. Good on them for trying not to waste food but sometimes it's just a lost cause no matter what you try. I guess if it's edible, then you can manage to choke it down somehow. Gnocchi look pretty hard to make so maybe just normal sized dumplings would be easier to make and a little more visually appealing.

5 It's raw!

Did they even try to cook the ribs here? They look absolutely raw. Surprisingly, the potato wedges look fully cooked and actually pretty good in comparison. Except for the sauce on top. It looks way too goopy. Is it mayonnaise? You should never put that much mayonnaise on anything. I think Ramsay went a little easy on him here, asking if his friend was still in the hospital. I sincerely hope that they didn't actually eat these ribs raw. I get that people sometimes like their meat rare, but those ribs look like they've never seen any warmth in their existence.

Heck, you shouldn't even eat the potato wedges because they were touching the raw ribs. Wedges are good, sure, but not worth risking food poisoning over. The only thing safe to consume in this picture might be the coffee in the corner. I don't even like coffee but when your only other options are uncooked meat and contaminated wedges, I'll gladly have coffee. Of course it'd be coffee full of milk and sugar but it's better than nothing! Maybe you should gift your mate a stove, seems like he really needs one to use if he's eating raw ribs for tea.

4 Kind of a crappy cake

As one comment eloquently put it, it looks like a turd at sunset. A really nice sunset, mind you, but no matter how nice it is, you can't change the fact it looks like there's a giant turd in the center of this cake. I feel like that particular choice of brown made the turkey look especially crappy. I hope the cake didn't taste like crap but unfortunately the poster didn't say how the taste turned out so I can only hope. It's also not helping that the rest of the cake is also brown. I love chocolate and the poop emoji, but not together!

That's just disgusting.

I had to google what a turkey actually looks like. Upon finishing my research, I can say for sure that they're not that brown. I think they're more grey than brown. Other than the turkey, the rest of the cake doesn't look too bad. I think writing 'Happy Thanksgiving' the next time they make a cake like this might be a better choice than trying to do an animal design. Or maybe they can try making a cooked turkey design instead? Either way, it would be an improvement over this cake for sure.

3 Really, Ikea?

I had to search up what the heck this stuff was. Even the 'good' version on the box doesn't really tell me. It's apparently multigrain bread mix. If even the properly made version looks like a dry plank of lumber sawed in half, I don't have high hopes for the version you could make at home. I'm just going to come out and say it.

It looks like lumpy dried up dung. It looks so drier than a desert. I would not want to eat that stuff - there's nothing worse than taking a bite of something and having it instantly suck up all the moisture from your mouth. I already get dry mouth from falling asleep with my mouth open, I don't need food to give that to me too!

I'd be wary about breaking my teeth on that stuff. I'm sure it's really healthy and all, but I'd like to not chip my teeth just yet. I wonder if this person just forgot to add enough water? I didn't even know that you could buy bread mix -is it really that much more convenient than making your own bread? I actually didn't even know that Ikea had pre-made food mix for sale. I think I'd stick with buying just furniture there. And maybe some of their meatballs.

2 I'm disappointed, Applebee's

Via Reddit

This looks like 3 a.m. half asleep late night munchies kind of food. Not food that you should be served in a restaurant! I'm not even sure what I'm looking at. A hollowed out potato with 2 slices of plastic-y cheese and a pinch of bacon bits? Where did the rest of the potato go? Why isn't the cheese melted? So many questions, so few answers. I've had to google a lot of the items on the list and this one is no exception. These are apparently supposed to be potato skins.

You could get a kilogram of potatoes, a package of cheese and a package of bacon for $10 and some change.

At least you'd get a lot more food than they're serving you here. And the cheese would actually be melted. And there would be more bacon bits. With food like that, I'm not surprised that Applebee's is declining. If their food looks like something I could make myself (in taste and appearance), you can bet that I definitely won't be impressed. Like I said, I'm pretty bad at cooking so you know things are taking a turn for the worse when even I say I could replicate it.

1 Butter get ready for this

I thought that was soup in desperate need of having the fat skimmed off of the top. It's not. I can't believe it is butter! I guess she failed to even start making whatever she needed that butter for - I guess that's still failing at cooking somewhat since she didn't even make anything. I had no idea that butter could even turn that colour! Not so surprising though, I guess everything turns a dark brown/black when its burnt. At least you can't set butter on fire... Right? Don't try that. I take no responsibility for any attempts to set butter on fire.

I've never really understood the hype behind butter. We're more of an oil household.Typically, the only time where I eat butter is at hotels but it really doesn't make the bread taste like anything. And it's not very good for you. If I'm going to be unhealthy, I'd rather whatever it is I'm eating actually have a distinguishable flavor.

Anyway, maybe try not putting your butter in the microwave for however long it was that you left it in this time. Maybe, just maybe, your butter won't be burnt and greasy looking.

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