Everything people ever say about pregnancy is positive – The pregnancy glow, and how amazing it is that you are growing a life inside you... Even pregnant ladies themselves only talk about how wonderful it is. I agree pregnancy is pretty amazing, but they always manage to conveniently leave out all the horrifying side effects of pregnancy, which, trust me, are plenty.
Here are some memes that accurately describe being pregnant.
16 Please, Just Get Out of Me.
When you first get pregnant – or even when it is public knowledge that you are trying to conceive – "been-there-done-that" moms suddenly feel the urge to share how amazing pregnancy is, and what a wonderful time it is in any woman's life.
What these ladies fail to admit is the fact that once enter your third trimester, your due date simply cannot come fast enough. A part of you knows that it is obviously better for the baby to keep cooking inside your ginormous and unmanageable belly for a while longer, but another part of you – a slightly selfish one – is ready to get that baby out.
In all fairness, that selfish part that wants the baby out before its time is also the part that farts in public places, pees a little every time you laugh, cries for no reason whatsoever, and insists your feet are actually made of tiny sausages.
15 I Feel Pretty, oh so Pretty!
Even though no one will admit it, it is totally a lie when people tell a pregnant woman that she has never looked better. Seriously? I must be really ugly when I'm not pregnant then, because if this puffy, imply, bloated, swollen, tired face is the best I have ever looked, then I have more issues than I realized.
The thing is, human beings tend to block out the bad things that happen in their life, especially when they end up having a good outcome – you know, like a cute little baby that seems to do no harm until they start waking you up screaming every couple of hours. So, we really remember our pregnancies as a wonderful time when we looked amazing. We do not really look amazing – or feel physically amazing, for that matter – but the end result is so good that it makes us feel like Wonder Woman.
14 Bye Bye, Parties
It's not that you are not allowed to go to parties, and it is not the lack of alcohol either, thank you very much. It is the fact that once that clock hits 7 PM, you simply cannot stay awake.
And, honestly, it is perfectly understandable, considering the lack of sleep actually starts during pregnancy, and not after. If you are lucky enough that insomnia does not hit you, then you are simply too uncomfortable, or too hot to sleep, and if you manage to actually fall asleep, it only lasts for a couple of hours before you have to hit the bathroom to avoid a very embarrassing accident.
So, yeah, even though parties usually sound like a great idea, when you simply do not get enough sleep, Netflix and chill – including snacks, obvs. – sounds way better.
13 The Word "Craving" is an Understatement
I have to admit, I used to be one of those childless women who thought that cravings were more of a myth, even though I witnessed my very pregnant mom eating scrambled eggs with peanut butter and beans in the same plate. I thought it was more of a cliché than an actual thing. Then, my first pregnancy happened, and since I did not crave much, other than Mexican pan dulce, I held firm on my beliefs that those women who made their partners go out at 1 AM to get them Cheetos were simply faking it.
And then, I got pregnant again. While I haven't craved anything as weird as what my mom used to eat, let's just say my husband has made more than one afterhours trip to more food places than I care to admit.
12 Hey, Could Somebody Help Me?
I was raised to be an independent person – as I am sure most women in this day and age are. I was taught to take care of myself, and to try to ask for as little help as possible, because there was nothing that I could not do by myself.
Then, I hit my third trimester and that whole "I am an independent woman" thing went down the drain. The thing is, there is simply no way in hell that I was able to tie my shoes, carry my groceries, take my squirming toddler out of the bathtub when he refuses to simply walk out of it and/or shave my lady parts. I am wearing flip flops and still looking for a good waxer, if you happen to know one.
11 Due Dates Are a Joke
The due date is that dumb day that your doctor puts in your head to give you an approximate idea of when your baby might come. In reality, babies rarely arrive on the due date.
Considering only about 5% of babies are born exactly on their due date, I think we can all stop considering it the probable date on which the baby will be born. That goes to you, extended family! Believe me, you will know when the baby is here which, of course, can be at any time during pregnancy, but particularly between 2 weeks before, and 2 weeks after, your alleged "due date." So, don't plan on doing anything particularly exciting for at least a month, because you won't know when the baby will be arriving... which is why we still hear so many cases of babies being born on their way to the hospital.
10 Nobody Ever Tells the Truth
Glowing? What glowing? Unless you're referring to the incredibly oily skin that comes with those adorable pregnancy hormones.
Seriously, though, people hardly ever tell things the way they actually happen. They insist on vaginal births being "wonderful," and on cesarean sections as being "amazing." But, I think that any procedure – natural or otherwise – where you tear yourself open, or where you need more than a couple of stitches, and after which you bleed like someone stabbed your lady parts for more than a month, simply cannot be wonderful or amazing.
Yes, I agree with the fact that the child that you get afterwards is all sorts of wonderful, but that does not make the pregnancy any better. So stop lying, people! We, pregnant ladies, are all onto you!
9 Pregnancy Hormones Make You Go Cuckoo
If women are already hormonal, being pregnant is just like lighting up a cigarette near a gas station... where all the gas had leaked all over the concrete floor.
But, being pregnant and hormonal might not necessarily be a bad thing. While it might mess up your entire life if you are not careful – like when you decided you really hate your boss and they must know about it – it will also give you unlimited power over those that actually love you, no matter what. Nobody messes with the pregnant lady... and lives to tell the probably hilarious story.
So, instead of mourning the death of your rationality, rejoice while you scream at all the people who you're usually too polite to scream at.
8 It's Not Twins – it's Mainly Hamburgers
Ugh, people are so obnoxious these days. There is always that one stranger who thinks that it's totally appropriate to comment on a woman's weight and figure – especially when you are obviously pregnant. Yes, I am looking at you, stranger, who asked if I were having twins.
Well, excuse me for having such a big belly, but unless I were that woman on Friends who gave up her twins to Chandler and Monica, and my doctor was incredibly stupid, I think I would know if I were having twins.
And, FYI, chances are, the answer is not going to be, "Yes, it's twins! How did you know, Uncle Howard?" so do everyone a favor and keep comments to yourself... Uncle Howard.
7 Sleepless Nights Start Way Before You Imagine
Another sort of lie that "been-there-done-that" parents tell pregnant women is to "sleep before the baby gets here, while you still can."
While that sounds like a perfectly acceptable piece of advice, it is very likely that these people either do not remember their pregnancy experience, or have never been pregnant. As soon as those pregnancy hormones hit you, your nights become completely sleepless. And, even when you are exhausted because you haven't been able to sleep for two months straight, eventually, your belly and your sphincter will start getting in the way of your sleep. So, the advice should really be given to women who are not pregnant at all.
But hey, not everything is as bad as it sounds! You will be able to sleep eventually... in like, 50 years... but better late than never!
6 Don't Judge the Pregnant Woman
It does not matter if you really just saw us eat our third ice cream sandwich of the afternoon, or if we were just snacking on a family-sized bag of Cheetos while grocery shopping. Since we are basically creating a new human being inside us, we are allowed to do anything we want! No matter how obnoxious it might be.
Whenever you encounter a pregnant woman doing something that you simply do not like, just remember it could be way worse. She could stop trying to control her farts, and I can assure you there are very few things smellier than a pregnant woman's fart!
5 You Don't Look Pregnant, Just Fat
Everyone carries their pregnancy belly differently – and by "carry" I do not mean like, literally carrying them around with a crane or something (although, that would be nice). What I mean is that pregnancy bellies have different shapes and sizes.
If you are skinny, it's likely that you will start showing earlier, and you will actually look pregnant, as opposed to just incredibly fat. But for those of us with a little more fluff, it might take a while to catch on.
The worst thing is that the problem is not only how you look, but also what to wear. What should you be wearing to cover that half belly, half bloating, that is going on your mid-section?
The first few weeks are definitely the worst. You don't look pregnant (except for your humungous boobs), but your old clothes don't fit. Don't worry, leggings are pants for pregnant women! It says so on the label.
4 You'll Be Compared to Every Single Animal
From penguins, to whales, to walruses, from hippos, to rhinos, to elephants, you will be compared to literally any animal that is huge, and have trouble walking.
It's okay. Try not to worry too much about it, because, even though you might be waddling a little – or a lot, as you approach that stupid due date – and you might be fatter than a pregnant whale, your pregnancy – and every bad thing that comes with it – will end eventually. But the stupidity of those around you, will unfortunately stay with you forever. That is the actual sad part here.
If ever you feel like they're bothering you too much, then simply tell them you are hungry, and don't hesitate to eat them if they don't keep their pie hole shut!
3 Insensitive Partners Might Make You Cry
You need to be prepared for this pregnancy reality. As understanding and compassionate as your partner might be, they are not pregnant, so it is physically impossible for them to know exactly what you are going through.
If you add that to your hormonal cocktail – one that, sadly, does not involve alcohol – then you basically have a recipe for disaster. So, you and your partner will have to be very careful not to create a hostile environment around the house.
I mean, you will cry... there is no avoiding that... because that's what pregnant women do, but you'll also find everything your partner, lover, and/or significant other says to be incredibly offensive.
So, just be careful there, and try talking to them so both of you can be a little more tolerant, and not jump at each others' throats after the first misunderstanding. Otherwise, it will be a very loooooong 40 weeks.
2 Quick, Give Me Your Hand!
You are always the lucky one who gets to feel the baby kicking, and honestly, it feels amazing! It is one of the few joys of pregnancy, and it is only fair that the person putting on all the weight and dealing with the insanity, and the stretch marks, get to feel it first, and more than anyone else. But babies can be very sneaky, and as soon as you tell someone who wants to feel the baby move, they will suddenly stop moving. It is like they are already the masters of hide-and-go-seek.
But hey, there will be plenty of time for everyone around you to see the baby move! Remind them of all those times they insisted on touching your belly to "feel the baby" when they refuse to babysit, while you go out for a night with friends. I mean, it's only fair!