www.thethings.com

20 of the Most Hilarious Pokestops in Existence

The most important thing to do when you first download the game (other than pressuring your friends into forming a Pokégang), is to locate your closest Pokéstop. Because you’re going to need one when you’ve wasted 6000 Pokéballs trying to catch a sneaky Jigglypuff.

Pokéstops give out items like Pokéballs, eggs, revives, and potions. But those aren’t the only gifts you’ll find – because the best things about the game are the people you’re going to meet. And they’ll all gather at Pokéstops – especially when there’s a Lure Module in place.

Niantic (the company behind Pokémon GO – and no, it's not Nintendo who created it!) are best known for a game called Ingress – an augmented-reality location-based MMO game where players had to capture portals at specific locations like landmarks, public artworks and monuments for whatever team they were on. Sound familiar? The portals in Ingress are in the same locations as Pokéstops in Pokémon GO.

Many locations in both Ingress (and, as a result, Pokémon GO) were initially pulled from the Historical Marker Database but after that, Ingress players could submit markers to Niantic directly. Because some portals could be user-submitted, they could be of almost anything and have any description. Which is why there are so many weird ones out there.

We’ve found 15 of the funniest Pokéstops the world has to offer – enjoy!

Continue scrolling to keep reading

Click the button below to start this article in quick view

Start Now

20 A big black… chicken

You know what they say about black roosters… they have bigger…

Nothing. (What? This isn’t the gutter.)

This is a children’s game! Most of the children playing it are over 30, but still. Imagine an 8-year-old running home to tell his Mom that he caught Lickitung at the Big Black Cock. It doesn’t seem like they have a moderator for these things, which is great for our amusement; not so great for parents of curious children.

According to Ingress guides, portals could be found at places of cultural significance. If this is the most culturally important spot in this town, they’re going to find it difficult to catch anything more significant than a Pidgey. We’d love to tell you where this Pokéstop can be found – if only for the creative hashtags that would come out of it – but we’re not crazy enough to search for ‘Big Black Cock.’ That’s the wrong kind of Poking-Men.

19 The weirdest looking chicken to ever chicken

We’re pretty sure that’s not a chicken. At least not in this universe. We’re hoping that whoever submitted this Pokéstop was being funny because if they really did thought this was a chicken, I 100% guarantee they’ll be voting for Trump.

Pokéstop trivia: The higher your level in Pokémon GO, the better the items at Pokéstops will be. Some users have suggested that more important locations will have rarer items, but this hasn’t been confirmed, and it seems like the items you get are random.

Once you get past the ridiculous description, you’ll have so many questions (We do!). What is a social spot – is this the only place in the area that you’re allowed to be on Facebook? Where did he rent that tux? Why is he so angry at that ice cream?  Why is he wearing pants, but no shirt? Why is he wearing stripper heels? Do gorillas chickens have belly buttons?

18 If they’ve never used a pay phone, they’re too young for you bro

There are many things to enjoy about Pokémon GO: Being able to say, ‘Pikachu, I choose you!’ and not have everyone think you’ve gone crazy; Pokéwalks with your friends; meeting new people, and actually enjoying exercise are a few of those things. And it’s not just the items that you receive from a Pokéstop that make it exciting to go out and find new ones, you’ll also learn interesting things about the history of that area.

For example: Once upon a time, phones had cables. And the only time you could call a phone ‘mobile’ was when the home phone fell off the wall. Just kidding. If you’re playing Pokémon, you’re old enough to remember how to place a collect phone call from a pay phone. Or you’re old enough to remember shouting at your kids for placing collect calls to you. Either way, whoever submitted this Pokéstop has it right: This is a relic. And to anyone younger than 20, it’s ancient history.

17 A useful statue

When Ingress players submitted portal requests, they had to provide a photo of the location. It would’ve been impossible to check each submission for accuracy so whatever was sent was used. Normally, statues of people are a) boring, and b) boring, but the ones you’ll find in Ingress (and Pokémon GO) have been upgraded for your amusement.

How someone managed to get a traffic cone on this guy’s head is anyone’s guess, but it’s an improvement on those bizarre hats worn by men back in 16hundred-nobodycares.

TIP: It’s something (almost) everyone will attempt in college, but taking a traffic cone is considered stealing and you could be fined if you’re caught. Even worse, if you take a cone and it causes a danger to road users, you could spend a few years in jail. We’re pretty sure the types of Pokémon you’ll find in jail aren’t the kind you want to keep in any kind of ball./endlecture

16 The cheerful story of a how to use a Piñata

Here’s another example of the creative power of an Ingress player. If this description ruins any childhood memories you might have… well, we can’t help you. Because once you think of it this way, you can’t un-think it.

The Pokémon equivalent of a Piñata would be a Ponyta. Which you wouldn’t string up and beat with a stick because, you know, its hair is made of fire. That's right: Ponyta is so ginger that its hair will actually burn you. As threatening as that may seem, Ponyta doesn’t even register on a list of the most powerful Pokémon attacks. In battle, the most powerful normal move is Psycho Cut – an attack from either Kadabra or Alakazam. The strongest special attack is Body Slam and its available to Snorlax, Growlithe, Nidoran, Ratatta, Clefable, Vulpix, Clefairy, Poliwhirl and Jigglypuff.

The current version of the game doesn’t let you teach a Pokémon new moves or replace the ones it has, but hopefully that will be something they’ll change down the line.

15 A mouthful of what?

You’re excused if your mind went to a sketchy place when you saw this photo. It’s not even a little bit subtle. And this time, it’s not an Ingress player’s fault because this mural exists. It’s a strange thing to nominate for a Pokéstop, but whoever painted this mural is the one with the dirty creative mind.

While Niantic shut down the ability to request new Pokéstops and gyms (at least for now), there is a support form where you can request the removal of a Pokéstops like this one. If you’ve noticed a stop that’s in a dangerous area, if you feel it’s inappropriate, or if it’s on your personal property and you’re tired of 30-somethings hanging out on your sidewalk, you can let Niantic know. You can also use this page to report problems with the game. Considering the size of Pokémon GO, you’d think that Niantic was a massive global company, but it’s actually a small gaming company (Nintendo only shares content and owns a stake in Niantic).

14 If you’re looking for MewTwo… ask Tom Cruise

There are so many theories about the Illuminati’s role in the founding of the United States and still more about how they might still be secretly controlling the world’s economy. Ironically, they were initially created to, “put an end to the machinations of the purveyors of injustice, to control them without dominating them.” Basically, they were the original trolls.

Speaking of paranoid, you probably have at least one friend who thinks that Pokémon GO is a conspiracy to mine all your data and track every move you make. Going by this Pokéstop, it looks like someone found the proof too. You know, if the Illuminati are amateur graffiti artists.

Spend some time in the shadowy corners of the Internet and you’ll find claims that Beyonce and Jay-Z are modern day members of the Illuminati. Whether that’s better than being a Scientologist or not depends on whether you like to sit on your couch or not.

BORING INTERESTING TRIVIA: The number 1776 refers to the year the Illuminati were founded.

13 The Flying Spaghetti Monster is … Mormon?

You can’t accuse Ingress players of not having a sense of humor. It may be an irreverent sense of humor – but it’s an equal opportunity kind of irreverence. Aside from wondering what that thing (sculpture?) is, you also have to ask whether it’s really a place of cultural significance.

If you'd like to find your town’s weird (or wonderful) equivalent of this Pokéstop but don’t want to download Ingress, you can install a Chrome or Firefox extension that will show you which of the Ingress portals are relevant to Pokémon GO. You can find instructions on the Pokémon Go subreddit. If Google Maps is more your speed, there is a map that is constantly being updated with Pokéstops and gyms around the world.

TIP: Pokéstops refresh every five minutes so it’s worth hanging out at one for a while before heading out into the wild (wild!) suburbs on a Pokéwalk. That way you’ll have as many Pokéballs as you need.

12 A Pokéstop that swings both ways…

Because it’s an actual swing. This is probably one of the portals that were user submitted, but if it wasn’t and it came from the Historical Marker Database (HMDB.org) instead, we’re not sure what role a set of swings could possibly have played in history.

While there are many annoying glitches in Pokémon GO, it’s amazing how complete the game is when it comes to Pokéstops and gyms. It doesn’t matter where you are (unless it’s rural Oklahoma maybe), you’ll find them. You can thank Ingress players for that. Over four years, they supplied enough location data to allow Niantic to release Pokémon GO with enough Pokéstops to make the game playable from the beginning.

TIP: There are maps that show you potential areas to find Pokémon, but you can use Ingress to find Pokéstops. If you download the game, you’ll see that it has a global map that displays portal locations.

11 Who knew Kermit could be sexy?

We’re pretty sure this is a frog relaxing, but maybe some gaming nerd can’t tell the difference. We can all be grateful that her (his?) legs are closed. Can you imagine what they would have called this Pokéstop if they weren’t?!

Here’s a piece of useless trivia for you: Poliwag is based is on a tadpole. Here’s a piece of gross trivia for you: The swirls on Poliwag – and it’s evolutionary descendants Poliwhirl and Poliwrath – are actually the intestines of a see-through tadpole. EW.

More gross trivia: A frog sheds it’s skin once a week. Then eats it. Thethings.com; bringing you amusement, some well needed procrastination fodder, AND an education.

Other Pokémon that are based on specific animal species include Caterpie, which is based on the Eastern Tiger Swallowtail Caterpillar; Magikarp, based on the Yellow Rockfish; Sandslash, based on a Pangolin, and Drowzee, based on a Malayan Tapir.

10 That’s not a very nice thing to say behind someone’s back

There are probably more inappropriately named Pokéstops than there are Pokémon. Niantic managed to filter out any swear words but didn’t build a filter for anything potentially offensive. Like this. If there were ever any proof needed that this was a game built by (and aimed at) teenage boys, this would be it. We’d just like you to picture coming home and saying to your Mom, “I found some eggs in Saint Teresa’s rear exit.”

A guide to items: At Pokéstops you’ll find Pokéballs, Potions, Super Potions, Hyper Potions, Max Potions, Revives, Razz Berries, Eggs, Incense, Great Pokéballs, Ultra Pokéballs, and Incubators.

You’ll only start getting Potions, Revives and Razz Berries when you get to Level 5 because that’s when you can join gyms and battle with your Pokémon. You can only get Super Potions at Level 10, Great Balls at Level 11 and Hyper Potions at Level 15. We’re not sure if Saint Teresa would provide you with better items than any other Pokéstop… but you could pray on it.

9 Keep your dog on a leash

If we were to take a vote for the most obvious Pokéstop in existence, this one would come in at the top (Although, by the amount of people out there who don’t clean up after their dogs, it’s clear that even the most obvious signs won’t stop lazy people from being lazy).

For people with dogs, Pokémon is a great excuse to take your dogs out for a walk. And if you don’t feel like taking the dog out, you could take the laziest way out ever: Attach your phone to your dog’s collar and let your puppy do the work for you. Hey, it might look like you’re slacker, but when a rare Pokémon hatches from that 10K egg, you won’t care.

At San Diego Comic Con, the CEO of Niantic – John Hanke – suggested that Pokéstops might be customizable in a future update. For example, a player would be able to buy an item that could turn a Pokéstop into a healing station. Imagine being able to heal your almost-dead Pokémon at this sh*tty (HA!) Pokéstop.

8 Accurate?

Not sure what to call your Pokéstop? Not worried about being irreverent? Just call it as you see it. No need to be descriptive or clever. Or even grammatically correct. Some people might take offense. Everyone else will be too busy stocking up on Pokéballs to notice. But if there are locations that are sensitive, Niantic is prepared to reconsider their placement.

There’s evidence of this already – Niantic has removed the Pokéstop that was at the World Trade Center Memorial. Management at the WTC weren’t the only ones to complain either. The Holocaust Museum in D.C. has complained that it’s disrespectful to play the game at the site and that Niantic should have been more careful about where stops and gyms were placed.

This was especially apparent when a user submitted a photo of a Pokémon she’d encountered in the Museum’s Helena Rubinstein Auditorium. The Pokémon she’d found? Koffing – a Pokémon that emits poisonous fumes. The place she found it? An area of the museum that displays stories from Jews who’d survived the gas chambers.

Now that there’s a way to report these inappropriate stops, we’re hoping these things won’t happen.

7 Why bother with facts, trivia or historical anecdotes?

One of the arguments we’ve heard kids use as a reason why they should be allowed to play Pokémon is that they’re learning about the world around them, and that Pokéstops educate them about the history and culture that surrounds them . While they might care about the art they encounter, the original Ingress players obviously didn’t. There was probably a description of this artwork at its site, but they didn’t bother to look. Actually, it doesn’t really matter what this was called or who the artist, we prefer this description.

There are other artworks with suspect Pokéstop names like: Big Dumb Red Art, Red Ugly, and Study of Phallus in Bronze. The best of all of them can be found in the small town of Cinderford in Gloucestershire in the UK. A stone sculpture called ‘Strata’ that is supposed to (very seriously) reflect the local geology can be found in Pokémon GO with a description reading, “Inbred attempt at modern art.”

6 That’s hilari-ass

Brayz Hamburgers is in Hazel Park Michigan and has been described on Yelp as, “the place drunk young adults crave and Taylor Swift writes songs about.” We’re not sure if the guy who wrote this review was one of those drunk young adults or Taylor Swift herself, but whoever thought of the description for this portal in Ingress is a genius. A very accurate genius.

Speaking of genius, Niantic spoke about the future of Pokémon at Comic Con and indicated that trading would be one of the biggest features of the game in the future, which is good news for anyone who wants a complete Pokémon collection. This means that people will be able to trade with players on other continents to get region locked Pokémon including Tauros (North America), Mr. Mime (Western Europe), Kangaskhan (Australia and New Zealand) and Farfetch’d (Asia). At the moment, the only way to get these Pokémon outside of those locations is to have one hatch from an egg.

5 His grandfather was a knight…

Named Sir Loin. (What? We're hilarious.)

This bull statue, located in Mercer Philadelphia, is an advertisement for the Mercer Livestock Auction. You know, in case someone has forgotten what you can buy at a place that sells livestock.

Another thing you need to know: Future versions of the game will give players the option to breed Pokémon. And this is only one of the things they have planned. According to the head honchos at Niantic, they’ve only included a 10th of the features they’ve imagined in the game so far.

Other exciting news about Pokémon GO coming out of San Diego Comic Con is the confirmation that very rare and legendary Pokémon (like MewTwo) will appear in the game during special events and game-related gatherings all over the world. They’ve held similar events for Ingress. They also discussed the Team Leaders – saying that players will be able to interact with the leaders as though they are characters in the game.

4 Fountain (noun)

This ‘Shoot Water In The Air Thingy’ – known to everyone else in the world as a water fountain – can be found outside the BMO Harris Bank in Thiensville, WI. Frankly, the most interesting thing about this location is the Pokéstop description.

More interesting is the confirmation that there are specific nicknames that a trainer can choose to control what an Eevee evolves into. You need to name your Eevee after the original Eevee brothers in the Pokémon cartoon. Name it Sparky and it will evolve into Jolteon, call it Rainer and it will become Vaporeon and if you name it Pyro, you’ll get a Flareon. While this is the only in-game rumor that Niantic officially confirmed, they did suggest that there were a number of other tricks and rumors that were true, but that they’d prefer players to discover them for themselves. Let’s hope that the first thing they focus on are their server issues.

3 Discovering new art

If there’s one thing Pokémon GO will achieve, it’s the discovery of weird places and weirder artworks. Like this one. We can’t think of any reason why anyone would be pulling a face like this – an agony face – unless this is the entrance to a circus. Or maybe this is the front gate of a pre-school and the face is a warning to everyone who enters. That’s not a joke.

Do you know what is a joke though? Pokémon GO. Or at least that’s what the digital rumor mill is saying. The story goes that, in April 2014, an April fool’s joke where someone placed an ad for a Pokémon Master that would explore a map and catch Pokémon. Since everyone over the age of 30 has been dreaming of a job as a Pokémon trainer since they were old enough to realize how disillusioning the real world is, the response to the ad was big enough to make it possible.

2 The first person to drop the mic

The way Kanye acts and talks, you’d think he was the Second Coming. Which would make you the second person to think so. After Kanye. But before Sleezy Yeezy, there was Jesus. And he was dropping mics all over the New Testament.

You could also argue that He was also the life of the party. After all, He did manage to turn water into wine. If you follow that logic, this Pokéstop is not that farfetched. The Pope might object to the idea of Jesus dropping the bass, but since he has following of about 2.2 billion people, we’re pretty sure the party he’d throw would rival even the size of Kanye’s ego.

2.2 billion is a big number. And not much less than what Apple stands to earn from Pokémon GO. Apple is in no way attached to the creation of the game, but because it can be found in the AppStore, they expect to make an estimated $3 billion from in-app transactions. In this instance, they’re kind of like the Kardashians: They’ll make a fortune by doing nothing.

1 That dolphin is such a smug SOB

While there are Pokémon based on many different real life animals, there aren’t any that look like whales or dolphins. (Yet.) Which is a pity, because everyone loves dolphins. And why wouldn’t you? They’re the friendliest creatures in the ocean, which is genuinely out to kill you 99% of the time. Just ask Mick Fanning.

But there’s always one weirdo in the school, and some wandering Ingress explorer found it and turned it into a portal/Pokéstop. Just look at that dolphin, with it’s judging eyes and condescending attitude. Who does he think he is? Why would anyone ever think that this is something you’d want to be friends with? There are sharks that are less threatening than this sign. This is the type of dolphin that your parents warn you about. This is the type of dolphin that grows up to be Trump.

/end sarcasm

Seriously, can we keep it?

More in Lifestyle