If it weren't for bad luck, we wouldn't have any luck at all. Our lifelong low-key feud with good luck began when we were five, and we played one of those claw machine games at the front of the local grocery store. We were aiming for a stuffed Care Bear, and we actually got it in our clutches. But at the very last second, just before it reached the opening in the corner, the machine cut off and the toy dropped. And it's all gone downhill from there.
In the fourth grade, our seat neighbor spilled some heavy duty art glue while we took a desk nap, so we ended up having to get an unflattering pixie/bowl cut. During our driver's test, a dog ran out in front of us, causing us to swerve and hit a mailbox, resulting in a tremendous loss of confidence and us not getting our driver's license until three years later. And just today, we found out the canned tamales we had for lunch were recalled, meaning food poisoning is imminent. But until we start vomiting profusely, we're going to dream big by imagining what it must be like to be these 20 people who are lucking out all over the place.
20 A good skin care regimen really pays off
Good hygiene is so important, not just because smelling bad and feeling gross is icky, but also because it has a direct impact on the skin. We mean, who wants pimples and blackheads cystic acne? Certainly not us, that's for sure. That's why we advocate a structured, consistent skin care regimen. A good cleanser, a refreshing toner, a nourishing moisturizer. That is where it's at, yo. Exfoliate a couple times a week on top of this stellar game plan, and nothing but good things are bound to happen.
A good skin care routine can help out in oh, so many ways. It helps clear away dry skin cells, it helps even out skin tone and rough patches, it also helps keep blemishes at bay. There's a lot to be gained here, but apparently, a good skin care strategy can pay off in more ways than one. Not only does regular cleansing keep skin, well, clean, when shoppers purchase enough bars of face soap, apparently they can occasionally come across bars with 20-dollar bills inside. We've never stumbled upon a situation like this yet, but now that we know it's a possibility, we're never giving up hope. Time to buy all the Neutrogena face soap from Target!
19 Not today
We had not known fried chicken until the day we ate our first sandwich from Chick-fil-A. Talk about turning a hum-drum meal into a piece of art. We don't mean to go full out food critic here, but, dang it all, Chick-fil-A makes one heck of a sammich. The warm bun toasted to buttery perfection, the crispy, crunchy, delightfully tangy dill chips and, of course, the beautifully fried chicken breast, the real headliner of this sold-out show. We still don't understand how such a simple meal as that could be so darn tasty. We figure it's 'cause each one is made with love, the secret ingredient other fast food joints have yet to include in their sandwiches.
We wish we had more time to daydream about the other items on the menu at Chick-fil-A, but instead of making ourselves drool all over our computer, let's talk about the employees of that fine establishment. They are so. Flipping. Friendly. There's no sass in those employees, not hide nor hair of snark. They're truly happy to fight the devil and help us all on our way to attaining good luck nirvana. They serve up delicious food with a smile on their face. Seriously, it's impossible not to love Chick-fil-A.
18 How come our career counselor never told us about this job option?!?!
Alright, hold up just a sec. Back when we were in high school, our career counselor made us take a test to tell us what we would be good at (and, yeah, our results indicated that, given our IQ and personality attributes, we were perfectly suited to scraping the chewed bubble gum off of the seats at movie theaters, but that's beside the point!), and yet, throughout the two week period in which she pulled us out of language arts class and gave us advice every afternoon, she never told us that "professional baby turtle assistant" was a job option that was on the table!
We've got lots of experience freaking out because of how cute baby animals are, and swimming, so we know we'd be a perfect fit for this job.
We're going to have to do some serious web research. This process could take a while. But, mark our words, we will find out where this place is. We will track down their number, we will demand a phone interview, and once we seal the deal on this, we are so going to work wherever this is. Our need to squee over baby sea turtles is innate. We will not be denied this privilege!
17 Our new heroes
One of the universal fantasies that every little kid considers at one point or another is what they would do if they were ever locked inside of a store at night. These highly flawed, completely unrealistic game plans usually consist of playing with the toys and video games and, of course, eating. We're going to assume that the store these kids got locked inside of wasn't a retail outlet like Walmart or Target, which offer toys as well as food, but rather that it was a local grocery store that carries only food. So, with toys and video games off the table completely, that left these two kiddos with only one option: eat.
Getting locked inside of a grocery store at night was only ever a pleasant mental scenario for us. It was just a game, but for these lucky children, it became reality. They got to eat to their hearts' content of all of the cereals, chips and snack cakes that we only ever dared to dream about stuffing our own faces with. And the fact that they probably washed it all down with full liters of their soda of choice doesn't make this any easier on us. Nope. Doesn't make this any easier at all.
16 A rare close call tree
Parking around trees is a two-way street. On one hand, shade. On two hand, tree maybe fall down. And if you're unlucky enough to have hand number two cast as your lot, then you're going to have a bad time—unless, of course, you're this person, who apparently has an uncanny knack for unconsciously finding and exploiting loopholes. This person got hand one and hand two in their personal parking by a tree scenario. They got the shade, sure, but the tree fell. But when the tree fell, did it damage their car beyond repair? No. No, not at all.
Don't get us wrong, we're happy this person escaped this situation unscathed, physically and financially. But we have to say, we envy their good luck.
We're not saying we wish that their good luck was our good luck in such a way that we would gain their good luck while they lost it. We just wish we could both have this kind of good fortune, is that really so selfish a thing to ask? Because right now, considering the state of our "luck", if we parked our car in the middle of a desert, a huge Sequoya could still pop out of nowhere and smash it to bits.
15 What kind of fairy tale school does she go to?
Yeah! What he said. Man, when we were in school, our teachers were never this cool. They didn't do nice things for us out of the goodness of their hearts. In fact, to this day, we're still 99-percent sure that they spent all of their free time a) deliberately misplacing our assignments so that they could accuse us of not turning our work in at all and, therefore, have an excuse flunk us, and b) petting a fluffy white cat while sitting in an overstuffed armchair, coming up with all sorts of villainous schemes to make our lives even more miserable.
If our teacher had dropped cocoa powder on us, she never would have bought us a new pair of shoes to make up for it. She would have said something snotty like, "Well, if you didn't want to be covered in brown stuff, maybe you should have been paying more attention to what I was saying, instead of drawing funny cat faces on your paper because this is literally the most boring class in the world." Who the heck is this little sister, and is there any way she can show us how we can have good luck, too? 'Cause we'd love to know her secret.
14 Oh, sweet, merciful frozen treats
If we didn't know that it was only a matter of time before those canned tamales we ate were going to be coming back up, we would be all over this right now. Heck, even in the semi-nauseous state that we're in right now isn't keeping us from drooling at the thought of finding an extra mini ice cream bar in our individually wrapped normal size ice cream bar. Good gravy, do we wish this had happened to us.
We would be willing to give up the prospect of lifelong good luck if only life gave us one lucky break like this.
We would happily trade one kind of luck for another, here. If given the choice between, say, having a tree fall near our car, but ultimately miss it thanks to a crook in the trunk, or finding some extra food in with our regular food? We know what we'd choose. Heck, that's not even a tough call! We would pick the food every time because the pleasure of finding extra yum in your package of snack-sized whatever treat tickles your fancy is a million times better than the frustration of finding out that reality has kicked you in the groin once again.
13 The smoothest of saves
That cake is iced to perfection. Those candles are currently on fire. The little boy who's carrying this birthday masterpiece is as clumsy as it gets when it comes to toting delicious, flammable baked goods. The odds were stacked against this man. This was a recipe from disaster from the minute that GIF starts to loop again. But in the end, none of that mattered at all. Why? Because luck was on this man's side, and when you've got luck backing you up, there's not a thing you can't do. Or at least, so we've been told because, again, we've never had good luck ourselves, so we wouldn't know.
This guy's one-handed save is cool enough as it is, but after a couple of replays, you'll soon notice that in his other hand, he's holding a fishing pole. The fact is this guy tried to grab that sliding cake knowing from the get-go that his other hand was not available for back up. We can't help but admire his coordination, but also his courage. And the fact that the whole thing was caught on camera for us to see? It adds a whole new layer of luck to this already fantastically lucky smooth save.
12 Could we have one of those?
Over the course of our twenty some odd years of being alive, we've spent what must be a total of a hundred hours scouring the ground for four-leaf clovers. Okay, so it's not we've been keeping a log specifying when, where and for how long we've searched for this cryptid leaves over the years *kicks four-leaf clover journal out of sight* but the fact remains, we've spent plenty of time trying to find one of these things, and we've never once been successful. So to see someone with not one, not two, but a handful of four-leaf clovers? Well, it just stings, is all.
No wonder we never have any good luck—this selfish weasel's been hogging all the good luck charms for themselves!
Where the heck are they finding all of these four leaf clovers, anyway? What, did the Lucky Charms mascot decide to go into plant hybridization? We guess gardening is a hobby for him, so when his royalty checks started coming in, he decided to spend all his free time on cultivating a variety of clover that produces only four-leaf clovers. Clearly, that's the only explanation as to what's going on, here, because nobody gets this lucky. Come on!
11 Take that, wax paper
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups don't get enough credit. Sure, they're not as fancy as Ferrero Rocher, but they're a timeless classic that everyone enjoys—save for people with peanut allergies. When you break it down to its base elements, the Reese's Peanut Butter cup is nothing more than milk chocolate, peanut butter, a sprinkling of sodium and a whole lot of sugar. And while that doesn't seem like much, it's got a wicked amazing taste that packs one heck of a punch.
Our one and only problem with the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup has nothing to do with the candy itself and everything to do with the way it's packaged. They stick them in these little wax paper things that look like cut off cupcake wrappers, and we guess they're placed in them in an effort to prevent the chocolate from sticking to the little cardboard deal the two Peanut Butter Cups sit on. The problem is, it never works out. Like, ever. No, seriously, we've eaten tons of these things, and we've never gotten one to peel off without leaving bits of chocolate behind. So seeing someone accomplish that feat is like watching a unicorn break dance. In other words, it's nothing short of astonishing.
10 Another amazing career opportunity
Ah, this is good. Wonderful. We're glad to see that we've got another possible career path that we can take, should the baby turtle assistant thing end up not working out. Don't mistake us, though, what we're not happy about is the fact that our career counselor back in high school let us down yet again, years after the fact. It seems to us if she had really cared about our future, as she said she did, she would have alerted us to the fact that "penguinologist" is a paid occupation that was totally on the table for us.
This guy graduated from college and immediately got to play with penguins at the zoo, meanwhile, we had to get a job as a temp working in one cubicle then another. How's that fair?
And to think, we were *this close* to majoring in penguin studies back when we were in college. But, no, we just had to let our parents talk us out of it. "Penguin studies? How are you gonna make a living on 'penguin studies'? There's no money in flightless birds!" Ugh! If only we had known we could've become penguinologists! Gosh, we just wish that we could turn back time.
9 Ten-inch fry is the best fry
When we dig into our bag of fast food to find that a couple of extra fries somehow made their way into the bag outside of the designated fry cup, we wig out. You would think that by now, we would just be used to this happening. It's one of life's simple pleasures, right? We agree, but when your luck is as crappy as ours is, you celebrate every victory, no matter how trivial and ultimately meaningless it may be. Those extra fries make our day every time. We wonder if they know how much sunshine they bring into our lives?
We get stoked about extra fries, but we can't imagine what we would do if we found this ten-inch french fry in without number one with extra cheese, extra pickles, hold the onion. Pretty sure we would swoon all "early 1800's ladies at a party where drama is going down and it's too much to deal with when you're cinched into a corset that's too tight for you to breathe properly" style. If such a thing happened to us then we, too, would snap a picture of it next to a ruler, like a humongous fish we just caught. That's a reasonable reaction.
8 When it comes to having good luck, this person nailed it
Cartoons have got it all wrong. Turns out falling anvils, wayward sticks of dynamite and, as comedian John Mulaney once noted, quicksand, do not pose the threat that we all thought they would in our day-to-day lives as adults. Sadly, such has not been the case. Indeed, it's far more likely that you'll get cut off by some idiot going 20 miles under the speed limit on the freeway, or that you'll wake up with a spider on your pillow and nearly get bit by it. It's also a lot more likely that you'll step on a nail.
If you work at a construction site, it's a good idea to stay on luck's good side. All it takes is one dose of misfortune to land you in a hospital bed.
This person just almost had a big problem on their hands—er, feet, we guess. But, because they have somehow managed to stay in luck's good books their whole lives, they seriously dodged a bullet on this one. They were seconds away from having to drive down to the local Walgreen's for a tetanus booster, and the last thing you wanna do after having a nail shoved through the sole of your foot is getting a shot.
7 That's why you always look both ways
Hey, look, we're not big fans of those annoying, overly preachy after-school specials either, but they do have a point. We couldn't see it at the time, being the young idiots that we were, but they've been right on target every time. We really shouldn't let the water run when we brush our teeth, and those nasty fruits and vegetables really are good for us. Much as we loathe to admit it, after-school specials taught us some valuable information we would be utterly lost without. And perhaps the most important lesson we learned from them is to always look both ways before crossing the street.
Look left, then look right, then look left again, people. It's not that difficult, we were able to grasp this concept by the age of three. We don't see the sense in pushing stupid rules, like "never eat raw cookie dough" and "don't wash your children in the dishwasher", but this is one thing we can get behind, because when it comes to safety, you should always put it first. This girl should consider herself lucky. Sure, she got thrown for a loop, but at least she didn't wind up in a hospital bed. Coulda been a lot worse.
6 That's one Wheatie that can't be beat(ie)
We have a confession to make. We don't even like those Frosted Mini Wheats, yet that's the only cereal we buy, and the reason is because we're determined that we will one day open up a bag of them to find this four square miracle Wheatie lying at the top. We're not trying to bring that cereal down, but let's face it. Nobody likes Wheaties. It's just wheat, for crying out loud! The only saving grace of that cereal is the icing, and some people (AKA us) will just eat the icing off and toss the rest of the Wheaties out.
Frosted Wheats aren't that great, but when you find a hunk of them all stuck together like this, it produces a natural high.
Look at how much more icing is on this set of Frosted Wheaties compared to the single pieces in the bowl below. There's a whole lot more there, and that icing is the only reason that the people who still eat Wheaties are sticking around. Take that stuff out of the equation, and Wheaties and all of the cereals like it would bite the dust, man. If Kellogg's promised one of these puppies per box, sales would skyrocket. We just know it.
5 This bread thrower's getting rave(n) reviews
Once you've got the crows doing your bidding without actually doing your bidding, that's when you can be certain that you've made it. You can't possibly go any higher in life, and besides that, you don't really need to at that point. What's the point in climbing the corporate ladder when your be-winged friends are bringing you 20-dollar bills by the truckload? And, we mean, yeah, who knows where they're getting that money from. They could be stealing it from an orphanage or a charity for all we know. But, hey, that's not your problem, that's just how the cookie crumbles sometimes.
And you know what else is great about having all those crow friends? Read the last word of that question. That's right. Friends. Friends are great—that's yet another thing that those after school specials like to tell you, and it's yet another reason why they're right. It gets lonely out there sometimes. Who would ever want to try to cope with all of this *gestures vaguely at everything* by themselves? It's too much for anyone to bear! Fortunately, by doing the crows a good turn, you'll gain their trust and their loyalty, meaning you'll never have to "wing" it alone ever again.
4 Nice save by luck
You know those suckers you get at candy shops that look like rainbow unicorn horns? We got one a few years back when we lost our temp job. Needed a quick pick-me-up in the form of some vibrantly colored, cavity-causing sugar. We're sure you know how it is. Well, we had some trouble taking that plastic they put over them off, so we had to stop in the middle of the sidewalk, take out our house keys and try to rip it open that way. It was only after we dropped both of them that we realized we'd been standing over a grate like this.
We only wish our keys had been the thing that fell through. But, no. It was the lollipop.
This person got lucky, and we guess we did, too, on that fateful day. But at that moment, we needed the insulin rush more than we needed to get back into our apartment. Tears were shed, we're not going to deceive you. Anyway...we're glad to see this person didn't wind up as badly off as we did when we stood in the middle of the street, sobbing, pathetic and candy-less. Looks like they've got a lot more luck than we have.
3 Now that was a good deed
Quizzes, tests and exams are, how do you say, "not good at all". We mean, we see why they're necessary. How else can you know if you know what you think you know until you know for sure by taking a test of some kind? There are some things you can't get through life without knowing, and there's no better way to ensure you've gleaned all of the necessary tidbits of information from your studies unless you take some kind of exam. And that's the sad, sorry truth of the matter.
But, hey, just because you and your classmates are forced to take quizzes doesn't mean you all have to go it alone. Why, heck! You could just make some crow friends and convince them to disguise themselves as you by standing on each other's winged shoulders and wearing a trench coat and taking the test for you! What a brilliant idea, we wish we'd thought of that when we were still in school! 'Course, there is another option, and that is that when you see someone else struggling, you go ahead and help a dude and/or dudette out. Luck had a lot to do with this, but so did kindness and charity.
2 When you fly alone, the whole plane's first class
We're afraid of flying. Not because we have a fear about heights or anything like that. In fact, if anything, this is less acrophobia and more agoraphobia. We just can't stand the thought of being crammed in a huge, glorified tin can with a bunch of icky, yucky people. The very thought is enough to send chills down our spine. Flying is exhausting enough as it is because traveling itself is hard, but people only add to that hardship making it nearly unbearable. All the crying babies. All the coughing and sneezing people who, for whatever reason, refuse to cover their mouths.
All the people who want to talk to you even though you've got headphones in, you're reading a book and you're wearing "I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU" shirt.
Flying with other people is the stuff bad dreams are made of. This girl made a mistake, but in the end, she wound up lucking out. That's a rare feat and something that you should really pause and think about in order to fully appreciate. And since she's got this whole flight to herself, we figure she's got plenty of time to do just that. Along with whatever the heck else she wants, thank you very much.
1 This perfection is mesmerizing
So much precision and so much skill went into this GIF. Do you know how hard it is to cut down a big tree like that and get it to land exactly where you want it to? Because that seems like something that should be easy enough, until you actually try to do it. We helped our neighbor cut down a tree a quarter of this tree's size in their backyard. Tied the rope to the top of it, pulled it with the back of his truck while he chainsawed it, like ya do. Thought we would be able to bring it down no sweat, right? Wrong. So, so wrong.
He started sawing, and before we knew it, the tree began leaning about twelve feet to the right of where we wanted it to land. As it started to fall, the back of the truck started to move, and right before it hit the ground, the ball hitch flew out of the slot, still attached to the rope, and launched like a slingshot right through the picture window on the back of his house. The tree landed where it wanted to, our influence was nonexistent despite some real effort. So, yeah. This? It's pretty dang impressive.