Okay, here's what we want to know. How come people love to tell you "Life is full of surprises," but they never mean it in a good way, huh? The only time we've ever heard somebody say that is when something goes awry, and some pessimistic person steps out of the shadows with that little quip, saying it all sarcastic like. We were under the impression that the surprises would be good, like surprise birthday parties. Sadly, this has not been the case. Most of life's surprises are curve balls that come at us out of nowhere, and we have no idea how to deal with them.
The lucky people that you're about to see have learned a life skill that most of us have yet to pick up. No, they haven't learned how to win in every situation, nor have they figured out how not to embarrass themselves. What they have mastered is the ability to not really care, and once you reach a certain age and a specific level of "I've had enough" with life, you'll realize that's an invaluable ability. So check out these 20 people who never sweat the small stuff. The only downside here is that this time, they probably should have.
20 This makes us "Phil" a little angry
The people who work at Starbucks are notorious for not caring. But, see, they don't just not care. It's almost like they deliberately take pains not to care. If you really, truly want to not care, you'll always do the bare minimum and you won't give a swear words about what other people think of you. But after seeing this Phil/Feel name spelling mistake, we're finally certain that Starbucks employees are actively, albeit passive aggressively, mocking their customers. We can see where they're coming from. When that name writing Sharpie's in your hands, you wield untold power. But as tempting as it is, you mustn't allow yourself to abuse it.
We hope we're not being too critical, because we do "feel" for anyone who makes drinks at Starbucks, or any other coffee shop, really. Can you imagine standing behind a counter and trying to please customers by perfecting their 25-step orders? One hipster kid walks into your place of employment, and a sense of dread must wash over you. We bet the mental anguish is more than most people could bear! So we don't blame this person for getting a little snarky for the sake of preserving their sanity. Still, maybe they should, you know. Not do this.
19 Can't be bad at your job if you don't do your job, right?
Congratulations, Starbucks employees who don't give a crap! This guy just made you people look like eager beaver employees of the year. Hey, look, dude. We know we said Starbucks employees can become a little ambivalent when it comes to their job, but at least they do their job. We've been on the wrong end of some of those baristas' cruel passive aggressive jabs, but we've never been disappointed with the product or even the service, despite the fact that we sometimes leave that place crying because of all of the name-calling.
The best part is, that guy will need his hands to get up off the floor, and since this looks like a Subway, there's no way he'll wash them before making this customer's sandwich.
You know, for all of his faults and laziness, we actually admire this fella. He doesn't want to work, he makes to bones about the fact that he doesn't want to work, but he doesn't want to be super obvious about it. It's called tact, people, come on! So he just hid himself in plain sight until he got caught, because, let's face it, all of that "Going above and beyond for the customer," garbage is for the birds.
18 Privacy, schmivacy, put a toilet in the conference room
If you look a little closer at this picture, you'll see that all of the chairs in this room seem to be facing a desk at the left side of the image sort of in front of that wall, but if you just give this image a quick glance, it appears that everyone in this conference room is facing the throne. The porcelain throne. It's like those seats are for the members of the royal court, and they're all facing their sovereign, the King or Queen of Crap.
Now, we don't want to speak for you guys. Whatever boats your tote, or whatever goats your float, or however that saying goes, that's what we always attempt to say. But the last thing we want to do is take care of business in front of a large group of people—or anyone at all, for that matter. We're of the mind that going number one, number two and any variation thereof is something that one should attend to all by their lonesome. If you're headed for the toilet, that's a journey that's best to go alone. The last thing you want is to be seated in front of a work conference while you "go".
17 There is such a thing as being a little too into "Shrek"
Uh...okay. We're confused. Why would this be a thing that could conceivably happen? Did we miss something? We feel like we're not getting all of the info, here. The way this person talks about finding a Lord Farquaad doll (knowing that character, he'd probably want to be described as an "action figure" but we're not giving that little pipsqueak the satisfaction) out of their purse at a bank is a reasonable, indeed, even normal occurrence. Maybe we're just small minded, but we're having a hard time believing that. There's no reason to have this thing in your bag—no good reason, anyway.
Our only hope is that this person has kids and one of them snuck this into their purse when they weren't paying attention.
This is weird. Hecka weird. But imagine how the bank teller felt when they called the next person in line up to the window, and said customer reached into their bag for their wallet so they could cash that check, or whatever it is they were going to do, only instead of handing you money or a small piece of paper, they give you the tiny villain from a movie that came out 17 years ago. That's got to be a strange sensation.
16 Great job keeping his name under wraps
It's stupid mistakes like this one that are the reason we still subscribe to our local newspaper. Sadly, we've never caught such a glorious error as this one in our small town rag, but still, we're more than happy to laugh at this blunder.
We'd love to see the rest of this article. It probably reads like, "Tom McEldroon, who asked to remain anonymous, is planning a local vacation, saying he would rather not venture too far from his home, which is located at 1989 Oakridge Lane, Madeupville, Whateverstate. Tom—who, again, wished not to be named—told The Newspaper he has a collection of rare gemstones and precious metals worth a small fortune that he keeps in a safe in his basement (the combination for which is right 4, left 9, left 7, right 2), and that he was worried his absence from his home from 7:00 A.M. on June 22 to at or around 10:00 P.M. on June 29, would encourage local burglars. But after leaving his house keys with a neighbor, the trusting and gullible Geoffrey Bettis, who lives directly across the street and has the lawn flamingos in his yard, you can't miss it, Tom, our anonymous interviewee, says he feels confident enough to enjoy his holiday."
15 It's official: teenagers have no souls
One time, we were seriously considering having kids, but then we remembered that they eventually stop being kids because they turn into teenagers, and that's when we decided we would rather end up alone and unloved. For as adorable as those kiddos are, what with their trademark Childlike Innocence ™, they sure do a quick 180 when they hit puberty. Maybe you guys are brave enough to deal with all of that, but we're not. We've got enough problems on our hands as it is, thank you kindly. The last thing that we need is an angel turned demon to take care of.
Kids go from cute and sweet to a "Call an exorcist, we've got a problem," level of scary once they reach their teen years.
The thing about teens is they're in the middle. They're not quite kids anymore, but they're not quite grownups yet, so they feel completely justified when it comes to mocking both of those age groups. As insecure young adults, that thought is worrisome. But, don't get us wrong, teens are no less brutal to their own kind. Here, we see one teen casually breaking another teen's heart while eating Cheetos. Well, time, tide and hunger wait for no breakup, we s'pose.
14 Surely this could have been prevented
Boy, it sure is a good thing they warn you ahead of time never to judge a book by its cover because when we saw this novel's jacket, we were this close to judging the heck out of it. Whew! You talk about a close call! Glad they told us not to do that, we almost couldn't stop ourselves. This is one book we've never read, we've kind of got a huge reading list at the moment. According to our calculations, we should be done thirty years and five days from now, but as soon as we're finished, we'll give this one a read.
In the meantime, we suggest that this book's publishers work a little bit harder on the cover. Yes, yes, we know. It's wrong to be critical of a story when you have no idea what it's about and you're basing your analysis of it on the artwork and illustrations. We're not saying this is a bad book, we're just saying an aesthetically pleasing, significantly less petrifying cover is more enticing. A good cover isn't what makes a book, but it can be the thing that makes someone pick up your book for the first time. First impressions count, people, and this just ain't cuttin' it.
13 This line shouldn't have been crossed
'Remember back a few minutes ago when we said that life is full of surprises? Yeah? Well, you want to know something else that life is full of? Chores. Man, they're everywhere! When you're a kid, you can't wait to become an adult because you think that's when the vicious cycle of "take out the trash-do the laundry-clean the house-mow the lawn-wash the car" will finally end, but, pfft! That's a laugh because as you get older, that perpetual string of chores only gets more perpetualer, and so the circle of life marches on.
When you're a kid with no real responsibilities, you can spend your free time however you want. When you're an adult, even your free time is spent doing things that you don't want to do. How is that fair?
Can't say we agree with this person's decision to use their vehicle manufacturer's logo as a dinner plate, but we do get where they're coming from. Washing the dishes is a pain in the neck, everybody knows it. But when you're using dirty, greasy, covered in debris from the roadway pieces of your car to eat off of, it might be time to wash the dishes. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but that's the truth.
12 Brave or too confident? You decide
Ever since the day you're born, you're constantly advised to put safety first, and we're not complaining about that. Personally, we think that's a good idea, and we do our utmost to be safe in every situation, as you all would be well advised to do, too. But as often as that mantra has been drilled into our heads, some people still insist on acting like they haven't gotten the memo. "Safety? What's safety? Never mind, you can tell me more about it later. Now, hand me that blow torch and that box of explosive. I have to go put gas in my car."
You wouldn't think it, but some people actually seem to have a personal vendetta against safety. They're willing to do more work to make things unsafe and hazardous when they would save themselves more time and save themselves from bodily harm by doing things the easy way. Take this guy. He'd've been better off standing on that railing he's placed his ladder against to change out that bulb, but no. He just had to do it the dangerous way. Well, don't come crying to us when you fall from there and break every bone in your body, mister, do you hear us?
11 Bros before photos, people
I was doing a photoshoot and my brother starting choking on his fries. pic.twitter.com/066LHSuH4R— ABDI (@Abshoots) January 22, 2018
Over the course of your life, it's important never to sweat the small stuff. The question is, what qualifies as "small stuff"? We've created a short list of things that are stuff that is small and, therefore, should not be sweated over: 1) Forgetting to dust your shelf of collectibles one time. 2) Forgetting to turn your computer off one night. 3) Forgetting to buy an extra box of cereal at the store, but it's cool because you already have more than enough at home.
Some things should never be sweated over. Other things? Uh, yeah. Feel free to break a sweat about them. They're kind of important.
When we created that short list of small stuff scenarios, we were just trying to give you guys a basic idea of things you shouldn't sweat. We didn't think that you would need us to tell you about the things that you should sweat! We figured that you all instinctively knew that when taking pictures of your little brother, you should stop immediately when you notice him choking on his fries, even if it turns out that he's okay and he very smoothly and suavely flashes a gang sign for the camera. Come on, people, get with the program!
10 The saddest one person birthday party in the history of the world
Some people would call having to buy yourself a birthday cookie because your friends forgot about your special day completely and neglected to get a cake, while simultaneously being forced to use a green bean as a candle because, again, your friends didn't arrange anything special for you and you had to do this all last minute, a non-small stuff situation that's definitely worth crying over, if not sweating. And we would agree with that, but this person, apparently, would not. Or, would they?
See, this person says their friend sent them this picture of the birthday cookie, complete with veggie candle, as though they got the impression said friend was proud of themselves for this accomplishment. But upon reflection, we're wondering if that was this person's friend's true intent. It seems to us the friend sent this person this picture in an attempt to make them feel bad for not trying harder to make their special day special. This isn't a "LOL! Look what I got for me for my birthday," kind of thing. This is a, "Well, looks like I'm eating this because no one loves me enough to get me a real cake, I guess," situation. This is sad any which way you look at it.
9 This is a pretty crappy picture
We love dogs. Everybody loves dogs, in fact, so it only makes sense that we all love to see dogs. For the most part, anyway. There is actually one instance in which we don't care so much about seeing dogs, and that is when they're doing their business. Call us crazy, but we just don't enjoy seeing canines relieve themselves. You stick a ton of puppies in a basket and place them lovingly in a field of daisies, you go ahead and give us a call, fam. We are so down for that. But if you take a pic of a dog going potty, count us out.
Sure, this wife was just texting her significant other about a dresser and a nightstand, and she does have a point. They look a little dated, but they would be great for repurposing. A new coat of paint, maybe some new drawer pulls and these babies would look incredible! This lady was just trying to keep her eyes peeled for a bargain, and she did a great job. What she didn't keep her eyes peeled for was crapping dogs, and as a result, we've all been made to suffer by being forced to view this picture. Wonderful.
8 This could get out of hand real quick
Maybe you think this isn't such a big deal, and we can see your point. After all, the person who works at the pizza place probably just made a simple mistake. Folding the boxes inside out could hardly be called a threat to national security, so why are we making such a big deal about it? We know you're skeptical about our claims on this one, so just stay with us for a minute and we'll explain.
Because these boxes have been improperly folded, now onlookers will never know they're full of "HOT TASTY PIZZA", and while you may laugh that off, it could be a real problem.
What happens when the government officials who are staking out the house of the guy who ordered these pizzas see the delivery guy drive up with these two unmarked boxes? Sure, they're shaped like pizza boxes, but when you're a government official looking for anything that might help you bring a delinquent to justice, à la Al Capone's tax evasion, those pizza boxes stop being a small stuff thing and start being your ticket to a promotion from the boss for raiding said suspect's house by calling the unmarked boxes "suspicious". See how easily this could be misconstrued?
7 Ah, the wonders of public transportation
When you get on public transportation, whether it's a bus or a subway or a bullet train, it's like stepping into another dimension. For one thing, it's a little trippy, getting on at one location and getting off at another without ever really seeing what's passing by or how you got there. Maybe that's just us. Anyway, for another thing, it seems like people on public transportation are constantly doing weird stuff just for the sake of doing weird stuff, and after a while, that gets super annoying. Our fuse is short enough as it is, we don't need you people testing our patience.
We've seen things on public transport. Irritating things. Astonishing things. Things we would rather forget. One time, we sat next to a lady who was straight up brushing her teeth on the bus. Disgusting. A friend of ours told us that on a train in to work one day, this older guy took his dental bridge out of his mouth, tucked it into his pocket protector and then wiped his hands on his pants like it was no big deal. Frankly, at this point, as annoying as this person's vegetable peeling antics are, we're just glad they're not fiddling with their teeth.
6 Senior citizens are a gift to social media, but a curse to technology
Our stance when it comes to older people and technology remains firm but fair. If you ask us—and let's face it, you're probably itching to know what we think. Everyone is—we believe that seniors who don't have a good grasp on computers, cellphones, tablets and the wide and wild world of emojis, should be prohibited from using said items unless and until they prove that they are proficient in each. It sounds unfair, but this is for their own safety.
Considering the rate at which senior citizens make mistakes when it comes to technology, we think it only prudent to stop them from using it altogether.
But, actually, that's the thing. We don't want to stop old people from using technology altogether. And, yeah, we know that is literally what we just said that we wanted, but it's early, okay? We couldn't think of a better segue into this conversation. Anyway, we think old people should have to complete a basic technology course. If they want to take part in social media, texting and all that jazz, they should have to pass a test and get a license, just like in driving. It's the only way we see of preventing this kind of embarrassing mistake.
5 Good thinking
There are few things in this world that we hate more than having to stop to get gas. Ugh! It is such a drag, man, especially when you stop and think about how advanced we are. We can use a tiny rectangle to communicate with people halfway across the world. We can type a certain sequence of words into a hunk of folding metal filled with microchips, and in an hour, food will show up at our house. We can launch satellites into space to take close up pictures of planets, for Pete's sake! We can do all of this cool stuff, yet we still don't have unlimited energy for our vehicles? SMH. Unbelievable.
The struggle of having to stop for gas is real, especially when you can't remember which side the fuel intake is on. It's a huge pain, so we understand where this guy is coming from by refusing to back up and try again. Props to him for his ingenuity, too. Rolling down the windows was a clever move most people'd never think of. But, uh, what happens if there's a leak in the gas hose? A couple droplets of gasoline and the interior of his car is going to smell forever more.
We guess finding an old USB drive with this and only this on it might not be enough to send some people over the edge, but we're sitting over here and we're freaking. Out. Why? Why did somebody take this picture of a baby chick from this angle that make it look like the chick just declared itself overlord of everything in what looks like an unfinished office in a new business park? We have more questions than we know what to do with, and the more we consider the possibilities, the fewer answers we find.
This chick looks like it was in the middle of taking a selfie when, all of a sudden, its mother hen walked in the coop and asked it what the cluck it thought it was doing.
Not only should the person who found this USB be sweating the "small stuff" that is trying to figure out how this entire situation came to be, but the person who took this picture should also be sweating the small stuff A) because they think it's a good idea to spend their spare time taking random shots of baby chickens, and B) because they have apparently mislaid their USB feature a random shot of a baby chicken.
3 Well, shoot
"Well, it's true. Those pamphlets could save somebody's life. The information printed on them is so vital, there's no doubt that it would be a really handy thing to have around, especially in the event of an emergency. I even placed the pamphlet holder right there out on the front desk, where everyone is sure to see them and, hopefully, take one. Well, would ya lookie here? It appears people really have been taking them! That's great. 'Course, now the thing's empty. I guess fill it back up with even more life-saving pieces of paper. Hmm...nah! I'll get to that later. Other people's lives can wait for now because my lunch break ain't gonna take itself, you know!"
You lead us on with you claims that the pamphlets contain life saving info, and then when we go to grab one so that we, too, might be able to save our own lives when the time comes, you can't deliver on your promise. What good is your word if you have zero intention of following through, we ask you? Honestly, you can't trust anyone to do what they say they're going to do these days, not even your own doctor. What is the world coming to?
2 Yeah, you're good
A lot of people drive, which means a lot of people park, so given the frequency at which the human race is guiding their vehicles into predesignated places, it doesn't really seem like it should be a big deal. We mean, people park their cars every day at work, at the grocery store, at home. They do it all of the time, so why are we making such a fuss over such a commonplace activity? Aha! Well, we're glad we asked, us, because we've got an answer for ourselves that we're sure we'll be delighted to hear!
Parking may seem like a humdrum, run-of-the-mill activity, but a lot of people out there still don't understand it, leading to laughable blunders like this.
Among that portion of society that is legally allowed to drive, we would say the vast majority of them know how to park. Or, at least, the vast majority of them know how they should park, but do they always choose to live by those rules? No. Nope, they sure don't, and as a result, sadly, it's not at all uncommon to see Hummer limousines sticking out of a parking space meant for one normal size vehicle. Ah, other drivers, you never cease to amaze and disappoint.
1 Beauty is pain
*Pounds gavel on podium* Alright, everyone, settle down please. The meeting of the Society for the Calling Out of People Who Should Probably Sometimes, But Not Always, Sweat the Small Stuff is now in session. Today, we would like to open the meeting with this picture. First of all, we would like to point out that hilarious baking analogy the original poster of this image was clever enough to think up and polite enough to share with us. For such a funny metaphor, we administer copious props to them.
Now, secondly. We think it only wise to point out that the person wearing these high heels should, indeed, must take their foot health more seriously. It's only a matter of time before they develop near crippling blisters, and we think plantar faciitis is inevitable at this point. Though we're adamant proponents of not sweating the small stuff, we ask that this person, just this once, sweat the small stuff. Furthermore, we would suggest to you all that wearing shoes three sizes too small isn't "small stuff". It's big stuff. Besides, she looks like a wicked stepsister trying to cram her giant foot into Cinderella's glass slipper. Cut the shenaniganry and just size up already. This meeting is adjourned.