Are you sitting down? Good. We have some bad news, and it will probably come as a shock to you. Do you think you can handle it? Are you sure? Okay. Don't say we didn't warn you. The fact of the matter, folks, is that people are stupid. Yes, yes. We know. That's a hard fact to have to come to terms with. But it's the truth, and the truth will set you free.
People are morons. Idiots. Nonsensical buffoons who have somehow managed to thrive in a world that is supposed to employ the theory of "survival of the fittest." And it's not like these people are just minding their own business. They're not benign. They're dangerous. Their startling, downright obscene stupidity is a threat to anybody who comes into contact with them. So, just what do these dumb morons look like? Well, they look a lot like these 18 people who need to be stopped.
20 Little miss "corn rolls"
No need to look so smug, little miss "corn rolls." Your hair might be on fleek, but your spelling skills are in the crapper. Sorry to have to break it to you, sweetheart.
We're not really the trendsetters and/or trend followers. We really don't care what you do with your hair, or you makeup, or your life. As long as you're not hurting anybody else, you are free to do you, as far as we're concerned. But this young lady is hurting people. She's hurting us, and anybody else who has even a modicum of common sense. With her careless spelling, and her wanton inability to know that it's corn rows and not corn rolls, she has pierced the grammatical soul of everyone who comes into contact with this fail of a Tweet. We mean, corn rolls? What the hell? That sounds like a spinoff of Totino's Pizza Rolls, not a hairstyle.
19 Well, sh*t
The evil bastard who pulled this rude stunt needs to be stopped. This isn't funny, dude. When someone goes into that bathroom to take care of business, they're going to have a rude awakening when they reach for the toilet paper and realize that they're SOL.
We've been thinking about this picture for awhile now, and we've come to the conclusion that this is actually worse than realizing that you don't have any toilet paper at all. At least, if you didn't have any toilet paper, you would be able to accept your fate. Running out of toilet paper is something that happens pretty often. It's not really surprising. But when you look over and see that some cruel toilet paper roll changer outer did this? You're doomed, fam. The toilet paper may as well be locked up in a cage, for all the good that it will do you.
18 It happened one night
This is not some kind of joke, people. This is legit. But it's not what you think it is. It's not a couple of dopes on Facebook who desperately need to be stopped. It's actually a promo shot for an unreleased movie that was based on a short story by Nicholas Sparks. The story, titled Dumpster of Love, was published by an online magazine, and it was one of Sparks' first stories. Unfortunately, it was really bad (you know, like all of the rest of his stories. Yeah, we went there.). It was incredibly sappy, and way, way over the top.
But Dumpster of Love wasn't so bad that some film student at an unaccredited university didn't want to make an independent movie based on it. The guy had a bunch of promotional stuff created, thanks to the AV club. He also had this Facebook post made up into posters. Sadly, the movie was never filmed.
17 Ore-oh, no you didn't!
If we opened one of the several dozen Oreo packages that we have stashed under our bed, and discovered that someone had licked the icing out of the cookies, we don't even like to think about what we would do. We would probably just turn into the Incredible Hulk, smash a bunch of stuff, and rip the heart out of the person who did this. Oh, who are we kidding? The person who did this doesn't have a heart. Well, regardless, we would still make them pay for their insolence.
As much as we despise the person who did this, and as much as we could go on about what a terrible person they are, we're going to address another point that this picture brings up, and that's this: Nabisco needs to sell the Oreo Icing in a tube or a container, like frosting. There, we said it. We'd say it again, if we had to.
16 Headed to da ER! LOL ♥
*Facepalms* Honeypot. This is why there is a negative stereotype for teenage girls. This is why everyone thinks that they are addicted to social media and their iPhones. It's because, when they're on their way to the hospital, they think it's time to take a selfie. Dang it, Kaylynn. What in the Sam Scratch were you thinking? It's too early in the day to be dealing with these kinds of shenanigans.
What's wrong with her? Well, no. We know what's wrong with her. She's a ninny who needs to be stopped for snapping a couple of selfies to post to Twitter before heading to the ER. But, we meant, why is she going to the ER? Gasp! Have doctors finally discovered the cure for terminal stupidity!?! Oh, merciful heavens! What wonderful news! Now we can purge the earth from ignorance!
What's that you say? They haven't discovered the cure for terminal stupidity? Oh. Darn.
We took a baking class last month. We don't want to brag or anything, but we're pretty much professional chefs, now. It won't be long before we get our own cooking show on the Food Network. Anyway, one of the first things that we learned was that you should never clip your toenails while you're making a cake. There are a million ways that it could go wrong. This unfortunate picture illustrates just one of those many ways.
We wonder what happened, here. We mean, clearly, this is the work of someone who needs to be stopped. But was this just a prank, and there is no toenail in that cake? Or, were they stirring together a Duncan Hines carrot cake mix when, all of a sudden, they realized that they hadn't clipped their toenails in awhile? We are all for DIY pedicures, but could you not do it while making desserts? Thnx.
14 The reason why Johnny has trust issues
[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Via: pinterest.com[/caption]
Johnny was smart. Johnny got all A's in school. Johnny had an answer for everything. Johnny was insufferable. Johnny needed to be stopped. Mother and all of the family relatives were terrified of Johnny's fearsome jackassery. They knew that something had to be done to restrain his pomposity, before it was too late. Daddy and sister were the only ones brave enough to sabotage Johnny, and so they teamed up to bring him down.
"I can throw this wooden block into that container behind me, even with my eyes closed!" Johnny bragged.
"Is that right?" said Johnny's father. "Why don't you go and prove it?"
It was now, or never. Daddy and sister had to act fast. Sister removed the container, Daddy replaced it with the shovel, and the two stood back and admired their work as they watched Johnny lose his sense of superiority in exchange for a lifetime of trust issues.
13 Overly literal man is overly literal
We have a lot of issues with this picture, and we're going to cover them in order. You might want to whip out a pen and some paper so you can write up some notes. First off, where in the world was this taken that people think it's okay to stick chewed gum in a urinal? What culture is so stupid that they need someone to tell them not to do that? Is there a race of indigenous morons living on an island called Dingbatistan? We wouldn't be surprised, tbh.
Now, here's our second point. Did the person who printed this sign up not realize that some wiseacre was going to come along and do exactly this? Come on. Don't be daft. There was no need to put a picture of a bin up on that sign. Everyone knows what a bin looks like. You were asking for it, dude.
12 2 SWAG 4 U #YOLO
His mouth may be full of silver, but his head is as empty as our bank account a week after payday. Oh, well. We won't have to deal with this guy's nonsense for too long. Spray paint is toxic, you know.
Is self-inflicted vandalism a crime? Don't worry. We won't be spray painting our teeth anytime soon, we were just curious. Because this man needs to be stopped. If he's willing to coat his teeth in poisonous paint for the sake of #SWAG, then it's obvious that there is no end to his dangerous foolishness. It's time for law enforcement to get involved, before somebody gets hurt by his behavior.
This is the kind of thing that you have to expect when two stupid morons get together. They both convince each other to do dumb sh*t until one of them ends up in the ER, having a nurse scrape all of the paint off of their teeth.
11 The word search of insanity
This is just diabolical. We don't know the monster who did this, but we bet if we cut their hair away while they were sleeping, we'd find the mark of the beast carved into their scalp. This isn't a prank. This is the work of a demonic entity.
The word search of insanity is a haunted object, much like Annabelle the doll. It's kept in a glass case, locked away from the world, and far out of the grasp of amateur word search hobbyists. This object is not to be taken lightly, and some people even attribute it to several local deaths. Once a year, on Halloween night, a priest comes in and attempts to solve this puzzle with a special pen, which has an ink cartridge filled with holy water. But no one has ever been able to find all of the words, and it's said that anyone who fails to solve it will be cursed.
10 She's nuts
This woman's name was Donna Milam, and she lived in an exotic land far, far away, called Pennsylvania. Born in 1950, Donna's parents knew that she was special from a very early age. When she was just eight months old, she convinced her family's cat, Sambo, to eat her mushy peas—and Donna appeared to persuade the feline to do so with telekinetic powers.
As she grew up, Donna convinced many animals to do her bidding. With her impressive gift of telekinesis, Donna persuaded the classroom gerbil to steal her rival's pretty new hair ribbons. In high school, Donna convinced a goat to burp the alphabet for a school talent show. When she graduated from college, Donna got a pigeon to crap on the dean's head, just because she could.
But, by far, Donna's most intimidating act was when she convinced a squirrel to drop his acorn, pick up a pocket knife, and stab her own husband.
9 Why, tho?
Two years ago, this picture would have caused us to have an OCD attack. After seeing this horribly misaligned manhole cover, we would have crumpled up into a heap and wept for our mothers. We would have gone into total meltdown. But, thanks to our therapist, we have learned how to cope with bothersome things like this. It's nothing we can't handle. Yep. This sort of imperfection doesn't bother us. Not one little bit. It doesn't make our skin crawl, or make us cringe, or cause us to hyperventilate. *Breathes into brown paper bag* Hahaha, no. Everything's fine. *Twitches*
If one of our employees did this, we would slap them upside the head before handing them a pink slip. This image proves that, not only does this person need to be stopped, but also that when they are assigned a task, they will only do the bare minimum. They make us sick.
8 Be jealous
Step aside, peasants. Half of the garden may be good enough for all you lowlifes. Heck, one-fourth of the garden is alright for most of you. But this girl? Naw, fam. She's going to all of garden. Yeah, you heard right. All of it. Why is she going to all of garden? Because she is the queen that you wish you could be. So, be jealous.
Remember when you were young, and you were so indignant because your parents wouldn't let you have a cell phone, let alone social media accounts? Well, now that you've seen this fail, you're probably coming to the realization that your parents are a couple of smart people. As it turns out, keeping the youths off of the internet is a smart move, after all. Another thing that would be great for the youths is teaching them vocabulary words, so they aren't forced to spell phonetically.
7 10 Speed Parking ONLY
How many times has this happened to you? You're driving your brand new 2016 Jaguar (which you had to sell your own grandmother just to pay for) around the parking lot of the medical plaza. You're running late for an appointment with a phlebotomist. You have to get a blood test done to see if your potassium levels are high enough to qualify for the First Annual International Human Banana Competition. If you win first place, you'll take home a trophy, a gold medal, and a lifetime supply of those little stickers that they put on produce. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you, and you're incredibly nervous. Frustrated, you ease your way through the parking lot, searching for a spot. At last, you see a break in the line of cars. You get into parking position, check your rear view mirror, and see this picture looking back at you.
6 Mmmm. This soap is delicious
*Channels inner Regina George* Is a bar of soap a carb?
The person who discovered this is the most diabolical trickster we have ever seen. We admire their pranking prowess. But, uh. How the heck did they figure this out? Because we legit cannot think of a single instance in which it would be necessary to microwave a bar of soap. Wait. Never mind, we figured it out. The person who microwaved a bar of soap was a mad scientist! It seems so obvious, now.
You know what the saddest part about this whole thing is? That if we had known about this when we were on our low-carb diet last year, we totally would've done it. Yes. We admit it. We are so addicted to bread that we would have microwaved a bar of soap just so we could have something light and fluffy to eat. Sorry, not sorry.
5 *Smooth Criminal plays in the distance*
[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Via: pinterest.com[/caption]
Man, we totally fell for this one. Now, we look like a bunch of rubes, because we were expecting him to jump through that hoop. Not gonna lie, we're a little disappointed that he didn't. You know who else is disappointed that he didn't jump through the hoop? The guy that got shoved into the water, that's who.
Okay, so, this guy needs to be stopped. Clearly. No one is saying that he doesn't. But, his happy dance is adorable, right? That's the little jig that we all do when we successfully punk our friends. We bet the guy that's dripping wet after being pushed into the deep end doesn't think it's so cute, though. That prank puller better sleep with one eye open, from now on. We bet that that other guy is going to make him pay for this. We just hope that we're around when it happens.
4 You're going to be there awhile
We're excited about Halloween, and Thanksgiving, and Christmas. This is our favorite time of the year, to be sure. But, this picture makes us wish that April Fool's Day was coming up on the calendar, just so we could pull this prank on everyone we know. Oh, well. We'll just tuck this one into our pranks file. The day will come when we can do this to someone. We just have to bide our time.
On second thought, maybe we won't be pulling this prank, because the person who pulled this prank originally clearly needed to be stopped. And, if we were to pull a stunt like this, that would mean that we would need to be stopped, too. And, well, we really don't want to be stopped, you know? We really like going. And, plus, if we were stopped, we wouldn't be able to make posts like this one, anymore. That would be a travesty.
3 Classy, sassy, and a bit dumbass-y
The bad news? Well, these four girls (and that one guy in the background who's photobombing their selfie) did not make it out of the school in time. Yes, that's right. They were still in the building when the bomb went off. We are sad to say it, but they were casualties of the explosion. Staff members thought that it was all a load of bunk, but it turned out that the bomb threat was real after all. Who knew?
Oh, but don't worry. They didn't die, or anything. The bomb went off, but it was just a stink bomb. They weren't injured, but they did smell like they all got sprayed by a skunk. They had to bathe in tomato juice for four weeks after this selfie was taken. Fortunately, these classy, sassy, and a bit dumbass-y girls have since been stopped, so there will be no more bomb threat selfies!
2 How could this possibly go wrong?
Okay, so. There are a couple of deductions that we can glean from this picture. The first one is that the person who decided that mixing bouncy balls and gumballs together in the gumball machine obviously did not have children. If they had, then they would have heard about the concept of "choking hazards." Second, the person behind this (and, let's face it, it was probably a man) needs to be stopped.
This was no accident. The guy who did this made a conscious decision to mix a semi-edible candy in with a rubber, esophagus clogging toy. We suspect that this is the work of the devil, but, at the very least, this was done by one of his minions. Course none of this matters when you give your kid a quarter for a gumball, and they come back with one of their back molars stuck in a bouncy ball.
1 Patience is a virtue
No. Who the hell do you think you are, you cardigan-wearing son of a b*tch? This is not how we do things in . . . wherever this picture was taken. This is a nation of laws! This is a society, and we are all supposed to act like the civilized people that we are. Or, at the very least, we should pretend that we have some dignity. Show some respect, man. Wait your turn!
Of all of the people in this post, this man is the person who needs to be stopped the most. This man, this despicable scofflaw, is solely responsible for plunging the world into a state of anarchy. This guy is why the sh*t is hitting the fan, right now. He's the reason why 2016 has sucked so badly. Yeah, okay. Maybe we're just bitter, and we're using him as a scapegoat. But the fact remains that this person needs to be stopped!