We were about to say that we can't imagine what life would be like without technology, but that's not strictly true. See, last night as we were trying to fall asleep, we did attempt to imagine what our lives would be like without technology. What living in this day and age would feel like sans cellphones, computers and social media, to say nothing of the countless medical advancements society has made over the years, must be unsettling at the very least. About a minute in, we had to stop imagining because all of the scenarios that we were coming up with left us too afraid to continue.
Modern technology makes our lives a heck of a whole lot easier, but just because it's made lots of things simpler for us doesn't mean the technology itself isn't a trial at times. We're not members of Geek Squad, so when our gadgets wig out, which they're bound to do at some point along the line, we have no idea how to even begin to rectify that, resulting in us feeling a little dumb. But! The good news is, we've all been in that position before. Cue these 20 people whose experiences with technology, uh...didn't go too well.
20 Good job, Alexa
How long has Amazon's Alexa been around now? What's it been, three or four years? She can't be more than 5 years of age, that Alexa, but already, it looks like she's going to need to make a doctor appointment to get her hearing checked, because she's having deafness issues even at her young age.
Well, what Alexa says goes, unfortunately. Once that dictatorial electronic cylinder issues an order, we're duty bound by the laws of our technological overlords to follow through. Poor baby Timmy. Daddy just wanted to feed the kid his bottle, but it looks like he's going to need Timmy's unconditional surrender, first.
19 That got out of hand in the best way imaginable
Voice texting and parents go together like lemon bars and gasoline. Like a homemade lasagna supper with Dairy Queen Oreo Blizzard for dessert and a trip on the fastest, highest, most vomit-inducing roller coaster in the world. Like listening to country music, and having a good time. Voice texting and parents is just one of those things that don't and won't ever go together well.
While this mom's experience with voice texting didn't go too well, at least it ended in funny rather than a travesty. We hope that other driver stays in their lane. We wouldn't like to think this mom had to unleash her freak out on them.
18 She looks like a Greek myth
We took a Greek mythology course back in college, but we used that class as a napping period. As a result, when it comes to Greek gods and goddesses, we couldn't have less of an idea if we tried.
We can't prove it, but we're pretty sure this girl is a Greek monster.
One Greek mythological creature we do know of is Cerberus, Hades' three-headed dog. Given the average ancient Greek's stance on beings with multiple heads, we think the girl in this botched panoramic shot would be right up their alley. We could call her "korítsi pou fternízei sto pio ákampto chróno", which, roughly translated, means "girl who sneezes at the most inopportune of times".
17 Siri: phone assistant, joker
If you can't trust that little voice coming from your phone that has all the answers to your problems—at least when it can understand you well enough to search for what you actually want it to search for—then just who the heck can you trust?!
The problem with technology is that it sets the bar so high for itself and it never, ever lives up to it. 'Course, you could say the same thing about us, but we're not the ones in the hot seat, Siri, so don't try to deflect. You knew full well what you were doing, so don't expect us to accept your apology.
16 That's probably a good sign
We don't have to worry about any of those generic sci-fi stories where robots become sentient and takeover the world becoming our new reality. We mean, we have no doubt that robots will become more human-like, but there's no reason to shake in our boots just yet.
The robots may become sentient, but it'll be a double-edged sword.
We think this crystal ball is accurate, just not in terms of this person's fortune. We think it's predicted the fate of its own kind. Computers will gain human intelligence and emotion, but with those things come mental instabilities and frequent breakdowns, and that's clearly what this "crystal ball" is illustrating for us right now. We hope.
15 It's the spirit of the Sorting Hat
We love how the only button on this person's phone screen is "done". It's like the software knows that done is the only plausible response to finding out that there's a face in the sheets on your bed. You can't find out about that and still retain your ability to even. It's just not possible.
Well, much as we loathe to admit it, this facial recognition software does have a point. There's definitely a face in that fabric, and a familiar looking face at that. It looks like this person has been visited by the spirit of the Sorting Hat. We hope their name is Harry Potter.
14 Oh, Dad, you national treasure
"Son? You're young and tech-savvy, could I talk to you for a second? I printed this music video to show to this guy at work, but, I don't know, I guess I must've done something wrong because it's not showing up on the paper, no matter how many times I hit the play button."
Looks like this dad needs a new printer.
In fact, we all need new printers. We need magic printers. Maybe the spirit of the Sorting Hat from that previous image would be so kind as to sprinkle some fairy dust over the state of technology to make video printers a thing that exists. We'd be grateful.
13 -_- You had better be kidding right now, computer -_-
Alright, let's see what this says *reaches for the thing strap around our neck, puts on our elderly person-style half-moon reading glasses* "Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue" Sure, we can do that, if that'll solve the problem of not having a keyboard, we'll be happy to press those...hey, wait a minute!
The next time this computer decides to give anyone help, it might want to make sure that said help is actually, oh, we don't know, HELPFUL! Gosh, wouldn't we love to press those buttons, Mr. Computer, but you're the one who said there's no keyboard, so not sure what you want from us besides aggravation.
12 That'll help you sleep well at night
The problem with all of these voice-activated devices is that, because they haven't yet acquired sentience, they have no understanding of a little thing called "context". All you have to do is say their name, which sounds romantic, but it's not. It's a nuisance because sometimes, even when you're talking about them, you're only doing it in a "behind their back" sort of way.
These electronics are so nosy.
Just because you say your device's name, that doesn't mean you're speaking to them. Sadly, they don't realize this, which means unsettling scenarios like this quickly become the norm. And this? It's just the tip of the iceberg.
11 Of. Freaking. Course.
You're the only person out of about a hundred to have a broken screen on a flight and you say that's why you don't play the lottery? Of all of these people, you were the one who was chosen! And, sure, the thing you were chosen for was unlucky, but you were picked. Of course you should play the lottery!
And when this person wins the lottery, as we're sure they will considering the bad luck/good luck thing that they've got going on, they can use their monetary gains to buy their own private jet, ensuring this sort of thing never happens to them again.
10 Voice text, you never rest, do you?
When the mom from earlier on in the lineup tried to send her kid a voice text, it got a little out of hand on account of the fact that somebody had the nerve to try to cut her off in traffic. We could see why that situation happened. But this time? We're fumbling in the dark.
Anybody out there know how to translate Pap code?
We learned Morse code back when we thought that was going to be something we would ever need to know, but we never learned about this mysterious language. We know he's trying to say something, but...what?
9 We just wanted a pop
All this person did was stick a dollar bill into the soda machine so they could grab an orange cream soda to crack open during their break time, but NOooOoOOoo! Can't have that! Can't have NOTHIN' NICE because of this soda vending machine that is literally designed to vend soda, but is falling down on the job.
Well, we're sorry, anonymous person, but it looks like that half hour recess you got yourself is going to suck significantly sans soda. Hope you like the taste of city water from the fountain by the bathroom, 'cause this lazy piece of technology just can't be bothered today.
8 Adam the Internet Explorer
You've heard of Dora the Explorer, now get ready for...duh duh-duh DUH! Adam the Internet Explorer! With his frustratingly slow speed and his overall inadequacy in every respect, Adam's ready to explore the world wide web with you!
Join Adam on all of his Internet Explorer adventures!
Bang your head on your desk as you wait for Adam to complete a simple task with the lightning speed and agility of a century-old tortoise with an inner ear problem! Cry helplessly as Adam encounters a million windows popping up saying he's no longer working properly and needs to close! He's Adam the Explorer, and he's ready to botch this!
7 That's just mean
We used to think that parents had a poor grasp on technology, but after seeing so many mistakes like this, at this point, we're beginning to wonder if technology isn't tripping them up on purpose because it thinks it'll be funny.
And, we mean, yeah. It is funny. But it's a little, well...not nice, too, isn't it? Don't you think this might be just a little bit rude of you, technology? The least you could do is change up the colors of your chargers and adapters. All white cords aren't exactly a walk through the park to untangle, if you know what we mean.
6 *Side eyes Logitech*
Well, it's official. We really are getting ripped off with our gadgets. We mean, we always figured that this was the case, but now that we know for sure this sort of thing is happening? *Gazes out of window so you don't see us crying* It stings a little bit.
This isn't Barbie furniture, here. Could you please take this more seriously?
If you're going to send us cheap crap, then you had better lower the heck out of your prices to reflect that. Otherwise, you're not doing a good job, you're making us pay through the nose for stuff to fill our dumpsters up with.
5 Alexa's convenient, but she's also odd
It's only a matter of time before the Amazon Alex becomes the subject of a The Conjuring spinoff film. Look, electronics are hair-raising enough as it is. Things that have voices? You never know what they're going to say! That alone makes them prime spooky movie material.
Pretty sure these people have entered The Twilight Zone. We don't wish to alarm them, but we think we just heard Rod Serling lighting his cigarette and clearing his throat. It's only a matter of time before he begins his opening monologue. They need to ditch the talking technology now, before it's too late!
4 Get some rest, phone, you're talking nonsense
Ever work so hard and stay up so late, you start talking gibberish, not fully aware as to what you're saying or the potential consequences of what you're saying? Yeah, well, we think that's what's going on with this cellphone.
Although, it is a flip phone, so it's not totally wrong.
This phone is like us when somebody knocks on our door, but we're not in a "peopling" mood, so we pull the shades while making steady eye contact. We may be home, but that doesn't mean we're ready to be "on", know what we mean? Well, at least this cellphone understands us, even if no one else does.
3 *Spreads Miracle Whip in paper tray*
"Mayonnaise low"? What do you mean "mayonnaise low"? What kind of printer is this? GASP! Is this a sandwich printer? Oh, yes, please! We've been low-key making fun of the people who buy those 3D printers (the nerds), but if we can 3D print food? You better believe we're down for that.
Just when you think science has hit a wall, they up and slam you with the news that they've figured out a way to replace expensive printer ink with affordable, flavorful household condiments. Hold on just a minute, printer. We've got a two-pack of Duke's mayonnaise we bought at Costco last week. HELP IS ON THE WAY!!!!!!
2 That's a good question, machine. A very good question
This machine has just asked us what we are, which means that the question is more important now than it ever has been before. That's right, people, we've dilly-dallied long enough. We finally have to make a decision. So, which is it?
Are we human? Or are we dancer?
Our sign is vital, but our hands are cold. Look, we're on our knees looking for the answer, people. You've got to let us—or, actually, this machine—know. And once we, as a society, have figured out just what we are, maybe then we'll be allowed to pick some noodles. Fingers crossed.
1 *Presses this button, runs behind counter*
We don't say it often enough, but we really love our microwave. Since our diet consists entirely of stolen leftovers from the fridge in the office break room as well as those frozen soft pretzels, without our microwave, our reality would crumble into nothingness.
We love our microwave...but we're also a little worried about it. See, it, too, has a chaos button, and we just don't know what that's all about. Will it reheat our tomato soup, or will it result in a nuclear blast? Who among us can say? We guess we could read the manual, but ain't nobody got time for that.
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