20 Receipts That Secretly Dished Out Some Major Comedy Gold

When we go out into the world to make a purchase, we get a receipt. These pieces of paper will show us what we bought, how much it cost, and how much tax they charged us. And if we go to a restaurant or someplace where a tip is required, then these pieces of paper will have a place for you to write that down.

Even though a lot of us don’t really pay any attention to what’s on them, it could be nice to have them around just in case we want to have a tangible record of our transactions. They also come in handy if anyone ever wants to return something. Sometimes we buy something, and at that moment, we think it’s the best purchase in the world, but when we get away from the store and really think about it, we realize that we’ve just wasted a bunch of money on something that’s pretty much worthless. In these instances, we’ll want to have our receipt around if we plan on getting money back for our unfortunate lapse in judgement.

Nine times out of 10, there’s nothing special about receipts, but every once in a while, we’ll actually find one that’ll put a smile on your face.

20 Boredom

Most of my life is spent in a state of boredom. It takes a lot for me to feel excited. Most of things that bring other people joy won’t do it for me. But because being bored sucks, I often try to figure out ways to make my mediocre and dreary existence seem less monotonous.

So I’ll leave my flat and go and explore a new part of the city that I’ve never been to before. I’ll head down to the museum and try and learn some new information that might spark my interest. When I’m hungry, I might go to a restaurant I’ve never been to before and eat something that’s different. And if I can’t bring myself to go outside, then I’ll just stay in and watch something that I’ve never watched before.

Most of the times, these things don’t end up doing anything spectacular for me. They’re just ways to fill my day so that I don’t have to just sit in my room and stare at the peeling white paint. And even though I make a genuine effort to find an interesting activity, most of the time I could save myself the trouble of having to search for a novel idea by just keeping it simple and reading my receipts. I’ll have just about as much as fun as I would doing anything else, and this way I might actually come across one that might make me smirk.

19 Good Parenting

After a long day of adulting, sometimes you just want to unwind by going to one of your favorite restaurants. Eating a good meal can make a bad day seem not as bad. The second you take a bite into your tasty meal, it’s as though all of your trouble suddenly melt away. And if you add a nice ambience to it, then that can help to make your mood even better.

One of the best places I’ve been to eat is C&O Trattoria. Not only do they have the best garlic knots around, but the setting is also idyllic. It may be small, but it’s outdoors, which makes you feel at one with the outside world. And if you go at night, then it’s particularly picturesque because they have stringed lights hanging up above. I’ve never had a bad experience there, and part of that reason is probably because there have never been any kids there to ruin it. When children who are all over the place come into an eating establishment, it can really have a negative effect on a person’s time. When they’re well-behaved it’s not a problem. That’s why this server chose to reward these parents for good parenting.

18 Happy 4/20

As a California native, 4/20 has always been big. Even when weed was illegal for recreational use, people still celebrated. When I got to college, practically everyone there would celebrate. They would just have to be sneaky about it. Since the other students were cool with you destressing in your room, you wouldn’t have to worry about them ratting you out. You just had to make sure that the RA didn’t’ figure out what you were doing. You may have been risking getting kicked out, but that was a chance you were willing to take. And your odds of getting away with it were much better in the dorm rooms than they were at home.

When you were under your parent’s roof, the smell was a lot closer to them, which means they could tell if you were engaging in extra-curricular activities. Since there could be an entire building separating you from you and your RA, you probably never got caught.

This holiday has become even better now that Mary Jane is legal.

Now, no one has to hide out. They can smoke and eat edibles from the confines of their home without having to worry about getting arrested for having a good time. You can just head on down to your local marijuana shop, tell them that you want some of their strongest stuff, and walk out of there a happy camper. You don’t even need a medical marijuana card anymore!

17 You Picked Wrong

Via: BuzzFeed

As someone who has worked in the food service industry before, I know how incredibly difficult it is to put a smile on your face and be cordial to the customers. There’s only so much superficial smiling you can do before you go insane. And you’ll get there even quicker if you happen to encounter a rude customer. These people can take a bad day and make it a million times worse. But you smile through it, and just hope that your encounter with them won’t last very long. Then once they leave, you just shake it off and you get to your next customer. And sometimes shaking it off works out in your favor.

This person was a good server, and their customers decided to give them an extra tip as a bonus. Their bill was only $56.74, and yet they gave Matt $70.00. And they were willing to give him $100. It’s rare when someone gives you that much money. Usually if someone thinks that you’ve done really well, they’ll tip 20% of your bill, but they’ll hardly ever give you more than how much they actually paid for their food. I’m sure that this extra dough made his day!

16 Ninjas

I enjoy pizza. Since cheese is my favorite food on the face of the earth, I’ll eat anything with it (as long as it isn’t spicy). And of course it tastes even better when it’s melted. It’s like that gooey texture makes it taste superb. And when I get a pizza, I also get to add other food that I like on top of it. If it was just the cheese by itself then It’d be great, but the fact that I get to put meat, veggies, and or fruit (yes, I but pineapple on it), makes it that much tastier.

As much as I dig the stuff, I don’t think I would put my life on the line for it though.

I mean clearly this is a joke, but if it wasn’t then that would mean that I would have to go into the parking lot and fight off ninjas to get my food. I’m a pretty fit person, but there’s no way I’d be able to successfully defend myself against ninjas. These people are the best of the best, and if I was able to make it to my car with just a few broken bones then that would be a miracle in and of itself.

15 Agree to Disagree

Some of my favorite things to eat are smelly.

When I used to work at the concession stand at my school, I would always make myself garlic fries to eat. But they weren’t just ordinary garlic fries. The ones that we would make for the customers had a little bit of garlic and some parmesan cheese. Mine, however, were epic. I would put a boat load of garlic in them and mix that together with parmesan cheese, onions, and a bit of nacho cheese.

For anyone who doesn’t like these stinky items, my concoction will probably sound pretty gross, but just thinking about those bad boys, makes my mouth water. Now, as much as I liked chowing down on them, I also knew that my breath would smell after I finished eating them. That’s why I always had a mint or two handy that I could pop after I finished eating. I didn’t want to scare away anyone by having a garlicy smell radiating from my body. And even though I like the taste of garlic, that doesn’t mean that I like the smell of it on myself or other people. Eating it is good, but I can’t say the same thing about smelling it.

14 Hidden Fees

As someone who shops at Tescos multiple times a week, this seriously worries me. After I get all of my groceries, I head on over to the self-checkout line and start scanning my items. I never pay attention to what actually goes on the receipt. I just assume that the only things that are on there are the things that I actually purchase. If I buy some yogurt, I assume that I’m only going to be charged for that and not for a refrigerator that I didn’t buy. But since I don’t check it, I don’t know if they’ve been overcharging me this entire time. I can’t even go back and check my receipts because I throw them away in the little basket underneath the register before I gather my bags and leave the store.

Since 99% of what I purchase is edible, I don’t ever need to keep that piece of paper because I’m never going to exchange anything. But after seeing this, I just might have to start keeping them.

Or at the very least, I need to pay attention to what goes on them because I’m definitely not a fan of paying for things that I didn’t purchase.

13 Your English Teacher Would Be Proud

You probably remember learning about haikus during some point in your education. As far as poems were concerned, it was one of the easier ones to come up with because it was short, sweet, and to the point. It’s only three lines. The first line has five syllables. There are seven syllables in the next one. And the third and final line has five syllables. If you had problems figuring out how to figure out how many syllables there are in a word (just put your hand under your jaw and count how many times your chin hits it, and that’s you answer) then it might’ve been a headache for you, but once you got that down, then the rest was easy sailing.

One of the best parts about this form of poetry that originated in Japan is that you don’t have to rhyme the words. You would just pick a topic and then from there you would come up with three lines that talked about it. This person wanted to show how easy this form of poetry is, so they took the time to add one to the bottom of a customer’s receipt. They also wanted to demonstrate that sometimes they don’t’ make sense, and so they ended it with a kitchen appliance.

12 Me Either

Everybody had things that they weren’t good at in school. For some, English was a struggle and for others, I was math. I didn’t have problems with the difficult levels of math. I ended up taking AP calculus during my senior year in high school, and was one of the only people in my class who got an A. And even though I didn’t need it in college, I took it again because I figured that it would be easier than learning something new. And even though, integrals, derivatives, and antiderivatives never scared me, the basic stuff did.

It’s still hard for me to add, subtract, multiply, and divide. But the thing about living in this age is that, we’re lucky enough to have calculators.

When I was taking calculus, I had a Texas Instrument 84 plus (I called him TI for short), but I rarely used it for the “difficult” stuff. Whenever I pulled it out it was usually to calculate something that a fourth grader could do in their head. And it’s not that I couldn’t do it. It was just so much easier to have my calculator do it for me. And when I’m at a restaurant and have to figure out how much I have to tip the server, I just pull out my phone and do the calculations. Isn’t technology grand!

11 You Too Could Be A Winner

I never win anything. When I hear about a competition or sweepstakes, I will enter my name in there as much as I can and I still won’t win. But if I tell other people about it, chances are that one of them will win instead of me.

About a couple of years ago I saw that The Walking Dead was having its premier at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. I got really excited about it because I thought that I had an actual chance of being able to go to a taping of the show. Since the cemetery is huge, I figured that the odds were in my favor. They were giving out way more tickets than they normally did, so I believed that I could be one of the lucky ones. I told my sister about it too, so that she could enter her name. So we entered every day until the deadline. And of course, I didn’t win. My sister did however!

In this case, the fact that I lost was fine because I still got to go to the premier, but it still was a little bit annoying that I was the one who discovered the contest and I didn’t even get the tickets.

10 Guilty Conscience

When you get into a relationship, there are some things that you will only do with your partner. That’s why watching Netflix without your partner is a villainous thing. When you and bae find something new that you want to watch, you are officially committed to watching it only with that person. If you watch it every night at 8pm, and one night they happen to be busy, you can’t just look at it without them without facing any repercussions.

That’s why if you do decide to see it alone, you had better not get caught otherwise you will have to face their wrath.

This duo may or may not have to worry about cheating on each other when it comes to the shows that they watch, but pizza cheating is clearly a problem they have to deal with. And the worst part about this is that the cheater didn’t even choose a high quality pizza place to cheat at. Dominos is just okay, and this is the place that they picked. They didn’t even think enough of their partner to do it at some place that’s good. If they never forgave this traitor for this act of disloyalty I wouldn’t blame them!

9 Truth

So like I said earlier, when I go to Tesco, there’s no need for me to get a receipt because I don’t ever expect to return something that I purchase. When it comes to anything food related, it really is just a waste. This fact is even more relevant at someplace like a donut shop. When you get a donut, you probably won’t make it to the car before you eat it all, so at that point there really isn’t a reason for you to get a receipt. You’re just wasting ink and paper.

And another thing, everyone should probably switch to digital receipts anyway. Our planet is slowly dying, and giving people waste that they’re not going to bother to recycle is only adding to the problem. It’d be different if people were actually going to throw them away where they belong, but since a good number of shoppers out there aren’t going to do that, everybody might as well go for the digital alternative. I think that we’re slowly reaching a day and age when the only type of receipts we’ll be able to get are electronic. I just wish that it would come along sooner rather than later.

8 Deal with the Devil

As someone who’s been watching Supernatural since it first came out in 2005, I really appreciate this receipt. In the show, when people would want to sell their soul, they would summon a crossroads demon. And when the demon appeared the human would tell it what they wanted and then the creature would tell them how many years they would have left on earth. It was usually 10 years, but even if they were given less time than that (Dean), the one thing that always remained constant was that the Hell Hounds would come and collect.

On the agreed upon date, the invisible creatures would find the person that sold their soul and they would tear them apart until they died.

As I watched these characters die a sickening and painful death, I often wondered if there was anything I would ever be willing to sell my soul for. The answer is nothing. First, off getting ripped to pieces by a vicious animal doesn’t sound like a good way to go. And to top it all off, there’s no way I would want to spend eternity if a fiery pit. I get uncomfortable if I don’t’ have something to drink after an hour. I couldn’t imagine being in that state forever.

7 Cheapskate

I’ve been out with people who don’t tip, and it drives me up a wall. That’s why seeing this is just ridiculous.

In America, tipping is required. Servers only make a few dollars an hour because the tips that they make are supposed to bring up their hourly total to at least the minimum wage. So when you don’t tip, they might not hit that minimum wage. And I get that some servers aren’t the greatest, but in these instances you should just give them the bare minimum. Everybody has an off day, but that doesn’t mean that their livelihood should have to suffer because of it.

And if you’re one of those people who can’t afford to tip then you shouldn’t be going out to eat at these types of places in the first place. There are plenty of eateries that you can go to where you don’t have to tip. If you want a burger, but can’t afford a sit down restaurant then go to McDonalds. You want Mexican food? Then go to Chipotle. Sure it’s not the same quality as what you would get at an establishment where you actually have to tip someone, but at least you’ll get to quench part of that craving.

6 Animal Lover

It’s no secret that I dislike spiders, so I’m not sure if I’d be able to follow all of the special instructions on this receipt. The first part is doable. I totally get that gates are temperamental. Not everyone can afford to get them fixed, so when this happens you just deal with it the best you can. You figure out little tricks that can help you to get it open, and you let anyone else who needs to get in there know that they have to do the same.

The second part of the receipt would be a no-go however.

If I knew that there was a spider there then I would try my hardest to not lay my eyes on it. Spiders are tiny, after all, so it’s completely within the realm of possibility that I could miss it. If I did see it then it would be game over for Frank. And at least this customer would be able to rest easy knowing that he didn’t suffer. It would be quick. I would see him and then I’d stomp on him in one fluid motion. He wouldn’t have even seen it coming, which would’ve meant that he wouldn’t have been scared.

5 Revenge

When you’re ordering food from a restaurant, you really should be careful how you treat the people who work there. When someone is handling your meal, you don’t want to make them angry. If you’re rude to them, you can almost guarantee that they’re going to do something to get some revenge.

Sometimes it might be a grand scheme where everyone in the back does something disgusting to it. If each person decided to spit in your drink, you would never know. It wouldn’t taste or look any different, but the workers would get the satisfaction of knowing that you were sharing their germs. If they wanted to try something a little less extreme then maybe the person who’s preparing the meal might just do so without wearing any gloves. They make such a huge deal about keeping gloves on when you’re making food (even though you wash them before putting them on), so going without them could be their way of sticking it to a rude customer. This is why it always pays to be nice. I know that stuff like this goes down all of the time, which is why I make sure to be pleasant towards the people who work in the eateries.

4 Low Standards

I never worked some place where upper management gave out rewards for employee of the month. And personally, if I ever do end up working somewhere where this is a thing, I wouldn’t care about winning it unless I got a bonus or some sort of valuable reward. A certificate and a picture on the wall isn’t enough of an incentive to be superior at a job I couldn’t care less about.

This Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robins hybrid has the award, but apparently they also have low standards.

Usually when you’re working at a place that has this, you have to go above and beyond in order to win, but Janet was able to get it just by doing the bare minimum. And I don’t blame her, I wouldn’t be trying to work extra hard at a shop that barely pays minimum wage. When you’re not making a lot, you don’t really get motivated to do anything but the required work. And to be honest, the reason she goes so slowly is probably because they’re not paying her enough to go fast. Maybe if her paycheck was a little bit bigger she might be motivated to pick up the pace a bit.

3 Discounts

Since this is the second discount item on this post, I’d just like to say that I didn’t even realize that this was a thing. If you bring in a coupon or if you have a discount code, then of course you can expect to not pay as much as you would if you didn’t have that with you. I didn’t know, however, that servers and cashiers could just hand them out for completely arbitrary reasons.

When I was working at the concession stand at my school, we didn’t give out discounts to people for looking attractive. Everyone in the general public would pay full price. Now, since my job was part of a bigger company that had various establishments across campus, those of us who worked for the company would give away food to other people who also worked for the company, but your average Joe couldn’t just expect to get charged less.

But now that I know that this is possible, I desperately want to find these places so that I can go there and be extra nice to the workers so that I won’t have to spend as much money. I’m a starving student after all, so every little bit helps!

2 Fake Name

When I’m ordering a drink or food somewhere, I’ll give the cashier my name because I don’t really care if they know it. If I give them a fake one then that’ll be too much work on my part because I’ll have to remember the alias I gave them and then pay extra close attention so that I don’t miss it being called. When it’s just my birth name, I automatically turn if I hear it, but if it’s fake then I have to focus to remember it. Other people don’t mind having to do this. They don’t want strangers knowing their name, so they give out a different one in order to avoid having their true identity learned.

I get it when the customers want do it, it’s less clear when a server does it.

The only reason I can think of is that they’re just trying to figure out a way to entertain themselves. Working in customer service is VERY boring, and sometimes you have to come up with creative ways just to stay awake. That’s probably why this cashier decided to say that their name was Meat Loaf. Even if the person who took the receipt never noticed, it was at least a way for them to change up the monotonous routine of their work day.

1 May the Force Be with You

There’s a couple of interesting things about this receipt. The first thing is that the cashier seems pretty upset that the customer has decided to shop at rue 21. I don’t personally shop there, but it seems kind of strange that someone who works there wouldn’t want anyone to come to the store. If no one comes there then the store won’t make any money, and if they don’t make any money then they’ll have to shut down. And if they have to shut down, then that means that this individual will be out of a job.

The second thing is that if they need to make an exchange then it says that they should do so within 30 lightsabers, which makes absolutely no sense.

You don’t have to be a Star Wars fan to know that the lightsabers are the glowing swords that they use in this universe. It’s not a period of time, which means that it’s not possible to return something within 30 lightsabers. If they wanted to use a Stars Wars reference then they should’ve mentioned the Galactic Standard Calendar. Since it’s pretty much similar to ours, the customer wouldn’t even half to do any math to figure out the last day they could exchange or return the item.

More in LOL