The sporty SUV is kind of a massive contradiction. SUVs are big, heavy, bulky cars that have lots of space and the ability – at least originally – to be able to take on a wide array of terrain.
Once commercialized though, nobody really used them for that kind of thing anyway. Car manufacturers caught onto this, and started making luxury SUVs, sporty SUVs, and all kinds of road going beasts that are terrible for the environment and completely unsustainable.
With that in mind, SUVs aren’t exactly the coolest vehicles to drive. Plus, in doing so, some owners are telling the world that they don't care about the greater good. That doesn't stop people from thinking they somehow look cool in them, though. Let's take a look at some sad attempts at looking cool in SUVs.
20 His Friend
While it's almost adorable how happy this little dude is with his Range Rover Sport, it's also kind of sad. He’s touching it almost the same way one would their own pet. Perhaps he’s posing with it in an effort to be cool, as if he expects everyone to appreciate his SUV that means so much to him.
19 Way Too Cool
Those shades and hat really make her seem pretty sporty, especially sitting in front of a Range Rover Sport. It’s not exactly the safest place to pose with a car either, right in front. Let's just hope no one tries to steal the car, or forget there's a girl posing in front of the bumper, completely out of sight.
18 Crazy Car
There's nothing like having enough money to help solve some problems in the world and then deciding to spend the money instead on a strange looking ultra-luxury SUV for nothing but personal benefit – just to make a statement about your lifestyle. Why not help out people who need it?
17 Ready To Zip Off
This girl really has no idea how uncool she must look, so excited to drive away in a pale pink SUV from Elizabeth Taylor. Her happiness is almost infectious, though, if only we could all be as happy as she is right at the moment this picture was taken.
16 Got Enough Money?
Air Drake, just what the world needs. A private jet that has a horrific carbon footprint, and by extension, uses up our carbon budget more rapidly than the majority of society. But who cares about their carbon footprint when they have so much money it's almost impossible to spend it all?
15 So Sporty, So Famous
I'm so blown away by how the Kardashian-Jenners look whenever they pose with cars. Here, they appear mysterious and vogue posing on their sporty luxury SUV, and won’t hesitate to flaunt their lifestyles (and cars) on social media. Selling this kind of lifestyle does more harm than good.
14 Way Too Cool, Way Too Sporty
The shades, the pose, the blacked out Merc SUV – it all adds up to one glaringly white and out of place pair of white shoes. I mean, it's not like the rims are white on the car, so why not match the shoes to rims? Her hair is contrast enough. If only she had realized that.
13 Not Sporty Enough
Sometimes, a sporty SUV just isn't sporty enough to handle what people throw at it. This car is beyond its capacity, and it looks like this owner wants to add even more luggage, if he can. It borders on coolness, actually, when you think about just how gutsy doing something like this is – just don't break an axle or your transmission.
12 Wow, So Sporty
Sporty SUV, sporty shoes, sporty leggings, spory shirt, sporty girl. Everything is just so sporty, it's almost too much to handle. It's like sportiness is a way of life, an ethos, a creed, a religion. Good for her, but it's hard to call that "cool.” Plus, the pink is a bit tacky with the orange. Just sayin’.
11 Oh So Stylish
Wow, so much style, I can't get enough of that scarf or the sunglasses. What a cool guy in every way, just leaning against that car, possibly even texting pranks on his phone. Who knows who he’s texting? What we do know is that there’s a lot to take issue with in this photo.
10 Kylie Looking So Cool
Nothing better than posing with almost a million dollars worth of cars that also happen to match. Talk about a statement of wealth. We get it. Rich people are rich and can afford expensive cars that match. What we don’t get is why they have to waste all their money just to show off.
9 On The Hood Of A Merc
This man is living his best life, so props for that one. He even chose a sensible luxury sporty SUV and didn't deck it out in preposterous ways like a lot of people choose to do. And while it's totally lame to pose with your car, he's owning it, and those flip flops looks so comfy and stylish.
8 She Even Matches...
Nothing like going all out to buy a several hundred thousand dollar SUV, just to buy a dress that likely costs thousands too because it matches the absurd color of the SUV. It's just what wealthy people do. Too much time and too much money. Not exactly the coolest thing to do.
7 So Excited About That Isuzu
This owner is standing in front of a reasonably interesting car, the rare Isuzu Vehicross. We have to admit, it’s a neat little SUV. Though while it's interesting, it's the owner’s enthusiasm that seems a little off. A double thumbs up might just be going a little too far and comes across rather uncool.
6 Sporty Off-Roader
Wow, a SUV that's actually not on the road. What a concept. But the girl driving it doesn't look all that expedition ready. She went with an interesting patterned shirt before embarking on an off-road journey. It’s just a little odd she’d pose with it and throw up a peace sign.
5 Gotta Sell That New Product, No Matter The Cost
It's uncool to push a product that no one really needs, especially when there are millions upon millions of running cars already in the world right now. Why do we need to aggressively market, create false demand, and push a product that single-handedly contributes a huge amount to our climate crisis? That's just not cool.
4 Stylish Pose, Or Not
The ultimate status Merc is a $200,000 luxury machine that is, handily enough, good at off-roading. But there's a lot of clashing going on here, and it's majorly uncool. While the owner's hat and shirt work together, it's the shoes that are a little off. That, and the red calipers, are just an assault on color coordination.
3 The Pink Is Just Too Cool
This man looks like he's had all of his life's dreams achieved: to drive a semi-luxurious SUV, to be in what looks like a secluded residence somewhere, to pose with his car, and to own a pink linen shirt. What more could a man want from life, really?
2 Too Cool For Off-Roading
A Jeep is pictured here that will likely never see anything but tarmac and pavement. And this girl looks way too happy to be owning one. Maybe it's her first car, a brand new one perhaps. There’s a reason Jeep stopped being that great of an off-roader and focused more on on-road drivability, as this appealed to owners more.
1 Is It Actually Hers?
Whether or not this decked out off-roader bronco belongs to her is a bit secondary to the lameness of the entire photo. First off, why sepia? Second off, why are you posing with a Bronco? Third off, why is the hood popped? Are you trying to tell a story about a breakdown? If so, totally uncool.
Sources: Ecosia, Peak PX & Car Scoops