We don't think that we'll ever be able to get over the fact that something that was designed to make things so fast and convenient for us came packaged with something else that ends up making it anything but. We're talking of course about texting and autocorrect. When it comes to chit-chatting with our friends and loved ones, typing messages has got to be our preferred method. Not having to talk or go through the rigmarole of face-to-face contact makes life a lot easier. But because of the thorn in our side that is autocorrect, we're this close to reneging on our original statement.
It's amazing how something as seemingly small and inconsequential as autocorrect could throw such a huge wrench into any of our text-based phone conversation plans, and yet, that little bit of spell checking software never ceases to amaze and disappoint. From switching out our aunt's nickname, "Tante Addie" to "apple turnover", to changing out the completely sensible statement of "be there in ten" to "beware intended", we've had about enough of autocorrect's antics, and we think it's time we call it our for the little nuisance that it is. Therefore, we present for review these 20 times autocorrect was so far out of line.
20 Autocorrect has once again gone a'rye
We don't know what it's like to be a pumperknickel person, but we're to bet they're the kind of people who are always going against the grain. Yes sir, they're the real breadwinners of our society. They never loaf around, they're just always on a roll, and why? Because they're the uppercrust of humanity, that's why?
Alright, let's see. Checking...and...yes! It looks like we managed to fit all of our bread-related puns in there—at yeast the ones that really matter (see what we did there)? We're sorry to spew so much wordplay, but autocorrect is the real one to blame in this situation, not us.
19 Good day and amen
Well, we sure hope the person autocorrect just thwarted wasn't texting a crush when this happened. We don't know how anyone could possibly walk it back from there. It's hard not to sound desperate to someone when they've been bombarded with a "Hallelujah" the minute they send a text.
Hallelujah's a nice word, it's great for celebrations and happy occasions, but it's not the kind of thing we would want to throw out at someone when we were just trying to play it cool. This is not how one should respond to another person when they're trying to act casual. Thanks for tripping this person up, autocorrect.
18 Sure thing! Wait...what?
Wow. We never thought we would see the day when we came face to face with a text conversation that had been so badly botched, it made a simple "there/their/they're" autocorrect switch up look good. In fact, now that we have seen it, we kind of wish we hadn't.
Most autocorrects are embarrassing. This one doesn't even make sense.
What the heck is this person trying to say? "Data center reef", "show cheese please", "egg nor that". Autocorrect hit 'em hard this round. Took 'em to the mat and K.O.'d them before they even knew what hit them. They never even had a chance.
17 An autocorrect catastrophe of Sesame Street proportions
Hmm. You do have a point there, autocorrect. If we were forced to choose one Sesame Street character to be for the rest of our lives, we, too, would like to be Mr. Snuffleupagus—in other words, we would like to spend everyday Snuggleupagus.
Most of the time, we get annoyed at autocorrect for making us look like a big bunch of dunces, but maybe autocorrect just wants to share its ideas with us, after all, this is a pretty good point, yeah? No, no. You're right. It's dumb, we just let our visions of Snuffleupagus grandeur get in our way of common sense. Again.
16 Tomatos: the fruit of true love
Gasp! He gave you a tomato?! *Holds back of hand to forehead, swoons* Oh! How absolutely, positively romantic! You know, some people think that chocolate covered strawberries and those Edible Arrangement things are the most romantic kinds of fruit, but we couldn't disagree more.
What could possibly be more romantic than a tomato, we ask you?
Tomatoes symbolize the versatility of true love. Just as tomatoes can be made into delicious foods that satisfy the taste buds, like ketchup for french fries, sauces for pasta, or salsa for tortilla chips, so, too, can true love satisfy the hunger in your soul. Ah, so deep.
15 Rodents can be pretty cool, too
Alright, look. We've kept our mouths closed about this for as long as we possibly could, but we're just sick of it. This is the straw that broke the camel's back, as far as we're concerned. Prepare to get an earful, courtesy of us.
We are so. FREAKING. Sick of this notion that hamsters cannot be cool. Oh, you mean to tell us that you've got it going on? That you're all that and a bag of chips? Well maybe those fluffy little fur-balls can be popular and amazing too, did you ever think about that? No, of course not, because you only think of yourself.
14 Air children are a delicacy
Ooh! Yes! We second this person's bagel order. Some people hear about using little oxygen kids as a topping for breakfast toast and things like that and immediately wig out, calling it gross, but we say don't knock it 'til you've tried it.
Autocorrect, would you stop fooling around?
The best part about consuming little oxygen children is people definitely don't look at you funny when you talk about it in public. Gaw lee, autocorrect, it was one thing when you made us look like buffoons, you didn't have to go and make us look like heartless barbarians. Our name isn't Hannibal Lecter, you know.
13 Ballet auditions are more complicated than we thought
We were in ballet when we were five, but our career ended bitterly when we twisted our ankle during a plie. It's never been the same. We've had years to come to terms with the fact that we'll never be able to dance professionally.
We took the news hard when it happened. Got pretty messed up on Animal Crackers and Capri Sun. It was weeks before our parents stepped in and put us through detox. But, we got through it, and now, reading about these newfangled ballets the kids are being "auctioned" for these days doesn't even bother us! Nope *crumples up a piece of paper* Not. At. All.
12 Do the Igor Dork!
Like we said, we can't dance anymore on account of our ballet accident. But our life-changing, career-ending injury doesn't have to hinder you guys! There's nothing stopping you from stepping out onto the dancefloor and tearing it up by doing the Igor Dork!
All the Igor Dork takes is a herp-derp here, and a herp-derp there.
It really could not be simpler. You don't have to be super coordinated to pull this dance off, and you'll always look super...um...not cool, exactly. In fact, you won't look cool at all. You'll look really dumb. Know what? Forget about the Igor Dork. It's not worth it.
11 No! Bad dad! Barking's for outside!
Pfft! LOL. Did you see what this silly goose did? They actually forgot to proofread their text, so they ended up telling someone that their dad barks during thunderstorms. Ha ha! Oh, man, isn't that too ridiculous? We mean, a dad that barks during thunderstorms? Get real!
*Sweats nervously* Yeah, this is super funny because our dad definitely doesn't bark during thunderstorms. He definitely doesn't get nervous because of all the wind and the rain, and he totally doesn't have to be put in his kennel and covered with a blanket to calm down. *Clears throat, tugs at shirt collar* No, that doesn't happen.
10 "Fruit Foot" the new single by The Doors
Not sure when we as a society started measuring strips of fruit leather by the foot. Not sure what the band The Doors had to do with that decision. Not sure what to make of any of it, to be quite honest.
There's something fishy going on here.
We don't know what this is all about, but however deep this tangled web goes, we just know that autocorrect is at the root of it all. You can run, for now, autocorrect. You might even be able to hide for a while. But in the end, the truth will be revealed, and when it is...we'll be there.
9 Aunts are a real pest
We stayed up a little too late last week binge-watching TV and indulging in some sweet treats. Went to bed at two in the morning, so we didn't realize until the next day that we'd left part of a slice of cake on the coffee table.
When we walked into our living room, it was covered in aunts. There was an Aunt Bertha, an Aunt Emma, an Aunt Edith. By the time the exterminator arrived to spray, the aunts had pinched our cheeks until they were red and stuffed a total of $53 dollars in our pants pocket. Our face was covered in lipstick stains. It was a mess.
8 Yeah, we got nothin'
Oh, great. Yet another text conversation in which autocorrect made someone not only look like a pathetic clown but also made it impossible for the recipient (or anyone else, for that matter) to figure out just what the heck they were trying to say.
We would have called it quits at "Dlowdasleldlediqoa".
If this sort of thing had happened to us, we wouldn't have taken it so far. When autocorrect tried to hit us with that nonsense, we would've just given up right then and there and called the other person. There's only so much of autocorrect's ridiculousness that you can take before texting is no longer the most convenient option.
7 We didn't know autocorrect was a Supernatural fan
You know, it's just so strange that autocorrect would go out of its way to make a fandom reference like this. It's totally random! Completely uncalled for! So very odd! In fact, we guess you could say this autocorrect mishap is a little bit...Supernatural.
Gaw lee, autocorrect, we know that we Supernatural fans have a tendency to wig out when it comes to our fandom, but we're not quite so in love with the show that we have to slip references into every single one of our conversations. We do know how to engage in normal person talk, okay? Quit actin' like such an idjit.
6 A-tisket, a-tasket, they tripped over a casket
It's often the case that autocorrects mistakes lead to more questions than answers, so we're used to scratching our heads after reading these weird conversations. But, this time...we're not just confused, we're feeling a little unsettled. Caskets are for one thing and one thing only.
And, we're sorry to say it, but it's not a good thing.
It's not like people are out there filling up people-sized wooden boxes with candy and Beanie Babies. If somebody's tripping over caskets in their room, it's probably not for a good reason. Chances are, they're a mad scientist, and the second-coming of Frankenstein's Monster is nigh.
5 The story of the real Spice Girls
Around the same time we suffered our ballet injury, we lived next door to these people who had, like, seven kids, and they were all named after plants. We forget all their names, but there was a Basil and a Rosemary. A Lavender, a Sage and we think there was a Ginger, too.
For all we know, they may very well have had a daughter named Oregano, and, again, for all we know, that might have been one of her parent's name, too. Not sure how a network created a whole show on one couple's plant-based child naming preferences, but we've seen worse stuff on TV.
4 Autocorrect wants to be a filmmaker
We don't know about you guys, but we are *so* excited that they're making a trilogy of Mad Max movie for kids. We can't wait to take our nieces and nephews to the theater to check out an action series, especially when the antagonist is Baby Bane, AKA Bany. It's going to be amazing.
Mad Max is such a kid-friendly franchise, anyway.
Children can't get enough of action-packed dystopian films, so we just know this new series of films will appeal to kiddos everywhere. Thank goodness, honestly, that autocorrect made this slip-up, otherwise, filmmakers might never have found the inspiration for this project.
3 *Lights match*
No need to worry. This babysitter isn't about to turn into a pyromaniac on the job, or at any other time, for that matter. We think we know what's really going on here. This person's obviously been hired to babysit a group of siblings who also happen to be the children of circus performers.
That's right. Each one of them is training for a different strange skill. There's a sword-swallower, a knife thrower, a puppy juggler and, of course, a fire co-exister who, instead of fighting fire, simply stays on fire without being harmed by it. Sure, we made all that up, but still, pretty cool, huh?
2 Sherlock Holmes and the mystery of what's going on here
Autocorrect has torn this text conversation to pieces. It flipped on the shredder and shoved this thing it. It pureed it like a blender, ran it through a wood chipper and handed us the pieces.
Problem is, we can't make heads or tales of this.
We get the "Sherlock and muffins" bit. Somebody's obviously asking their bestie if they're ready for a Sherlock marathon and some delicious baked breakfast items. But they repeated "CPUs" so many times that when they chimed in with "couscous", we're still not sure if that's what they really meant, or if autocorrect once again swooped in and made a mess of things.
1 Pig robots are the future
Much like little oxygen children, bacon bots are delicious. But, perhaps even better than little oxygen children, which must be harvested in the early mornings and late evenings of the spring months, bacon bots are grown in a lab by robot farmers, and can be harvested year round!
Once you get past the WD-40 aftertaste and the many bits of wiring that tend to get stuck in your teeth, bacon bots really are so much better tasting than real bacon, if you can believe it. And the heartburn caused by wayward battery acid is just one of the many benefits of consuming bacon bots over the real thing!