You'd think Twitter's 140 character limit would be a fatal flaw. But, no. The word limit works in Twitter's favor. See, nobody wants to read a long, drawn-out rant on Facebook. No one wants to spend half an hour reading about how your day went. They want small quips and witticisms. Twitter forces people to cut to the chase, and that's exactly why the site is so popular.
Originally, Twitter was perceived as a site for young people. You know, the whole #Swag #YOLO crowd. And that's great, because idiots need a place to congregate. But, over time, lots of people signed up. And, of all of the users on the site, the parents are always the funniest.
Ask any mom or dad on Twitter, and they'll tell you—being a parent is hard AF. But it's also rewarding, and adventurous, and, well, it's just so many things! Check out these 20 tweets that perfectly sum up what it's like to be a parent.
20 Kids tend to blow things out of proportion
Approaching a child with a comb is a lot like approaching someone with a chainsaw.— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) April 5, 2016
We read once that the reason why kids cry all the time when they're babies is because literally every inconvenience they encounter is the worst thing they've ever experienced. That makes sense. Think about it. After nine months in the comfortable seclusion of the womb, it must feel like hell to need your diaper changed, or to have to wait for a bottle of formula. So there may be some truth to that statement. But, whatever the psychology behind it might be, the fact remains, kids have a tendency to blow things way out of proportion.
When you become a parent, tasks like putting shoes on and combing the tangles out of hair go from simple to nearly impossible. On a good day, your kids will do these chores on their own. But, on most days, you'll have to get your spouse to help you hold them down so that you can make them presentable. Being a parent is fun!
19 They can be a little embarrassing
In case you were wondering, the loudest sound in the world is my kid screaming, "Are you pooping?!?" in a public restroom.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 19, 2016
Once you've wrestled your kid into their going out clothes, you're going to feel the urge to pat yourself on the back. And you should. Getting kids dressed is no picnic. It takes skill, strength, and perseverance. You should totally chalk one up for yourself in the win column. Just be aware that even though you won that battle, the war is still ongoing.
Here's a fun fact about kids: they have big mouths. They will say anything, anytime, any place. From obvious statements to embarrassing remarks, as soon as your kids figure out how to run their mouths, they will never stop gabbing. And that's going to get you in some trouble.
If you're new to the parenting business, and you think it's going to be all butterfly kisses and new baby smell, think again. That child's gonna grow up and embarrass the sh*t out of you. Just you wait.
18 They have so much to teach us
My kids teach me something new every day.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 7, 2016
Today they taught me they can get so mad they throw up.
Nobody warned me about rage vomit.
Nobody knows everything (unless there's some guy out there named Nobody, who really does know everything, in which case, we stand corrected. But, really, what are the odds of that being the case?). It's impossible to have all of the answers. No matter how many times you feel like you have got it all figured out, something will happen that proves you wrong. This is especially true when you're a parent.
Kids haven't been on this earth as long as us adults. They're innocent, and pure, and way, way less salty. But they're not stupid. Kids are actually pretty smart. Maybe it's because the world hasn't gotten to them yet. We don't know. Regardless, we adults have a lot to learn from kids. They teach us to take pleasure in the little moments, and to not stress so much. Oh, yeah, and they teach us about rage vomit, too.
17 But there's a ton parents need to teach them
My 14yo made fun of me this morning because I had to go to work while he had a snow day, so I changed the wifi password.— Covfefe Rock🇺🇸 (@TheMichaelRock) February 9, 2016
Now, we aren't back-tracking, here. We stand by our original statement that parents have a lot to learn from their kids. But we're going to expound on that remark. The parent-child relationship is a two-way street. Parents can learn from their kids, and, by the same token, kids can learn from their parents. Kids are our future, so the quality of their upbringing is paramount. While it's important that moms and dads pay attention to the little lessons their kids can share, it's just as important to impart all of the things they've learned to their kids.
Kids are great. We can't give you any real examples at the moment, but take our word on this one. However, kids can also be little sh*ts. They need the wise counsel of a caring adult to guide them. They need discipline and morals. And, sometimes, they need their dad to change the Wifi password.
16 Sometimes, kids make good points
Kids are like tiny Spocks. They're innocent, inexperienced little brains are overly literal. They see the world from an outsider's standpoint because everything is so new. You have to explain why things are the way they are because they don't know why they are that way—are you picking up what we're putting down? Since everything is so foreign to these little cinnamon rolls, we have to give them a legitimate reason as to why we do things the way we do. Because, if we don't have a legitimate reason, they will call our bluff and mutiny, and then we'll all be in trouble. The last thing we need is a world ruled by a bunch of snot-nosed kids.
But, we have to hand it to those little twerps. Sometimes, they make good observations. Their minds may be young and malleable, but they are also astute. Little kid logic is often irrefutable.
15 They can be scary
My 4yo says he wants to slide paper on all the bad guys to give them paper cuts so look out bad guys a new sheriff is in town.— The Dad (@thedad) September 13, 2016
With their vivid imaginations, kids are always coming up with fantastical new ways of doing things. That's wonderful. This world needs their flair and originality to keep things interesting. But, not going to lie to you, guys. Kids can be intimidating at times. Like, it was cute when the neighbor's five-year-old daughter thought that pine cones were tiny Christmas trees. Adorable! That's the kind of sweet notion that we expect from children. You know what we were not prepared for? Ruthless ideas like this one.
Ouch, kiddo! Thank goodness this little guy doesn't want to give ordinary citizens paper cuts, or we would have a super villain on our hands. We are willing to concede that paper cuts would be a great way to control crime rates. But, sheesh! That's a pretty merciless idea, coming from a four-year-old. We thought toddlers were all cute, but it turns out that they're actually pretty scary.
14 They give gifts that they will love
[opening xmas presents]— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) December 17, 2015
ME: What’s this?
KIDS: We got you a karaoke machine!
ME: *lips right on the mic* I wanted a camera you little shits
One of the little pleasures that parents have to look forward to with their kids is holidays. Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays—there are plenty of opportunities for your spawn to give you gifts. Just think about all of the chances that they'll have to serve you breakfast in bed, and to give you finger-paintings and macaroni art. With any luck, your spouse will purchase a heated foot spa from Bed, Bath, and Beyond to give to you on their behalf. Yes, when you become a mom or dad, you will have a ton of gifts to look forward to.
Sadly, because kids are so inexperienced, they have no idea how to give good gifts. Without the guidance of an adult, kids tend to get gifts that they will enjoy, not ones that you would enjoy. So, if you were looking forward to getting a digital camera, expect to receive a karaoke machine, instead.
13 Sometimes, they have to learn the hard way
wife: 9 got a ninja costume. Pretend you can't see him— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 12, 2015
9 [standing in front of the fridge] *giggles*
me *hits him in the face with the door*
The world is a tough place. It's brutal, dark, and unfeeling. We have to shelter kids from this harsh reality for as long as we can. We must also strive to teach them to be a light in that darkness. We have to instill in our kids the importance of being a beacon in the storm. Parents need to show their kids the meaning of kindness, the importance of charity, and the value of hard work, if we want them to grow up to make the world a better place.
But, no matter how hard you try to protect them from it, at some point, your kids will be exposed to this world. They'll see it for what it is, and they'll make mistakes. Everything in you will compel you to help them, but you must restrain yourself. There are just some things that your kids have to learn the hard way.
12 They are itty bitty pack rats
Just vacuumed my couch and found 16 bobby pins, 84 cents, 3 kinds of cereal, a spoon and a live hedgehog.— ❄Sardonic Tart❄ (@SardonicTart) September 10, 2016
About to become a parent? Well, congratulations! And, also, better you than us. We don't mean to rain on your parade, fam. After all, somebody has to perpetuate the species. You took the burden and hoisted it right up on your shoulders so that all of us peace-loving, money-having peeps could continue to not have children. You the real MVP, bro. We applaud you.
Kids have their strong points. For instance, they have, uh. Um. Well, they're kind of cute sometimes, if you look at them in the right light. And, occasionally, they do sweet things, like bring you flowers that they picked in the yard. But, mostly, kids are just hella messy. We peered into the window of a hoarder's house, and then we took a peak inside a couple with a toddler's house. The interiors were depressingly similar. So, if you're planning on having kids, get ready to wave goodbye to cleanliness.
11 As a parent, you don't need a gym membership
If you mean getting my 3yo to change out of her Elsa dress into regular clothes everyday, then yes I do participate in extreme sports.— AussieAnnie (@MummaCrazy) June 21, 2015
When you have kids, getting them to do even the simplest of chores is a major struggle. Not always, but most of the time. And with all of that wrestling, there's really no need to sign up for a gym membership.
When you become a mom or dad, you will initially lament that you "never have time to go to the gym, anymore." But it won't matter. Trust us on this one. You will be so worn out from chasing your kids around the park, holding them down to get them to take their medicine, and getting them to change from their Princess Elsa costumes into their regular clothes that you won't have time to miss running a mile on the treadmill every morning. You will be so ripped just by trying to keep the kids in line that you'll wonder why you ever paid a personal trainer.
10 Having kids allows you to learn things about yourself
Made it to that level of mom where I'd rather lick my toddler's fingers than let her get ketchup on my only clean shirt.— Ash (an female) (@adult_mom) August 26, 2016
Think about this, all of you peeps with no kids: There is a whole side of you that you are completely out of touch with. There is a part of you that you don't even know exists. It's a piece of your personality that lies dormant inside of you, but the minute that you hold your baby in your arms for the first time, it awakens. That part of you is what makes you a mom or a dad.
Once this parent gene is activated, your life changes. You start thinking about things differently. One year, you wouldn't dream of licking ketchup off of anybody's fingers, let alone those of a germ-ridden child. But, when you become a parent, in just a few short years, you wouldn't think anything of licking Heinz off your child's thumb if it means keeping your blouse tidy. The struggle is real for moms and dads.
9 Having a kid is not like having a pet (sadly)
Parenting tip: Putting a towel over your child's head does not yield same result as putting a blanket over a birdcage. Subject still loud.— The Nerd (@drunknerdpro) September 15, 2016
For first time parents, the arrival of a baby is exciting. These newbies are super pumped about welcoming their spawn into the world, and they often reflect on all of the wonderful things that they plan on doing with their kid. It's good that people get this excited about babies, because if they knew the reality of the situation, they probably wouldn't be so amped. But, that's another subject for another day.
One misconception that a lot of new parents operate under is that having kids is just like having a dog. This is not the case. Having a baby is not like having a puppy. It's not like having a kitten, or a bird, or any other kind of pet. Which means you can't give your newborn a pig ear to chew on, or leave it in a kennel while you go grocery shopping. You can't even throw a towel over it and expect it to go to sleep. What a rip off.
8 They put things into perspective
Facebook: "My kids are perfect."— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 24, 2016
Instagram: "My kids are beautiful."
Twitter: "My kids are why I drink."
We may tease kids and parents, but the truth is that kids help put it all in perspective. They have a way of showing us what's really important. We may grumble and grouse about how hyper they are, and how messy they are, but make no mistake—life would be a lot less colorful without a bunch of tiny humans running around,
mucking everything up making it all worthwhile.
Kids teach us the real value of things. They make us reconsider our choices. We willingly give up our own opportunities in order to make our kids happy. Kids unwittingly enable us to prioritize.
When you have kids, you start to see the world the way it really is. You learn that Facebook is where you go to talk about how perfect your kids are, and Instagram is for showing how pretty they are. But Twitter? It's for telling people why your kids make you drink.
7 They bring excitement into your life
"Spill my coffee again, I'll chop your hands off and feed them to passing pigeons" and other sweet nothings I whisper to my kids before 9am.— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 12, 2015
Yep, being a parent changes you. For the better, of course. Haha, it certainly doesn't make you grumpy and short-tempered, if that's what you're thinking, haha! That's ridiculous(ly accurate)! Kids make life a lot more exciting. You never know what kind of mischief that they're going to get into. As you can imagine, this kind of unpredictability keeps you on your toes.
You can't be an effective control freak when you have kids because they don't respect schedules. Your detailed plan for the day may allow time for folding the laundry and getting the kids to bed on time, but it doesn't allow for small side trips. A tight schedule doesn't fit in with your child's spontaneous need to touch all of the rocks on the playground, or their spur of the moment desire to watch a snail climb a gutter. Kids don't do "planning," and that makes life more exciting.
6 They make sure there's never a dull moment
It's good that I have two kids because who DOESN'T hate silence and cleanliness and money and free time?— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 4, 2016
Okay, yeah. Having kids is going to make you miss the sound of silence (and we're not just talking about the Simon and Garfunkel song). Kids will also make you pine for the days when your house was neat and tidy. Plus, having even just one child is definitely going to make a dent in your annual income. And, free time? Ha! You'll never have to deal with something like that ever again!
Kids are loud. They're messy, too, like tiny tornadoes tearing through your living room. Kids are expensive, and time-consuming, and major pains in the neck. But, you know something? When you become a parent, none of that will really bother you. When you have a baby, you magically manage to put all of those seemingly negative things aside because they don't matter. Kids make life chaotic, that's for sure. But they also make it a lot better.
5 They make you see things in a new light
Having a 3yo whisper "the sun is up" when I'm in a dead sleep makes me feel nostalgic about waking up to actual alarm clocks.— Meredith (@PerfectPending) October 18, 2015
Not only will kids make your life more exciting, but they will also enable you to see things in a new light. Mundane, everyday things will take on a whole new meaning. Much like this Twitter user, when your kids start waking you up everyday, you'll reach a point that you never even knew you could reach. That's right. You'll actually miss being jarred into consciousness by your stupid alarm clock. What's worse is that kids don't have snooze buttons. Yikes.
We would also like to briefly touch on how creepy this is. Waking up to a toddler whispering, "The sun is up," right in your ear? That's horror movie stuff, right there. And, technically, that means that having kids is almost like living in a horror movie. Who the heck thought that that was a good selling point for having kids?
4 They're pretty easy to keep track of
Whenever I can't find my kid, I sit on the toilet.— liVsy. (@liv_thatsme) September 16, 2016
Every parent has that story about the time they lost their kid at the mall/grocery store/wherever parents take their kids. They were walking along, minding their own business. Then, they got distracted. Maybe they were talking to a sample lady, or a sales associate at the Gap. For some reason, they took their eyes off of their kid for two, three seconds tops, and BAM! Their kid was gone.
They contacted mall security. They had the cashier at the front call out their kid's name on the intercom. They searched high and low for their young, their mind racing, thinking about all of the horrible things that might have happened to their baby, when all along their kid had been tearing open packages of M&Ms in the candy aisle.
Wow. What noobs. Don't they know that if you really want to find your kid, all you have to do is sit on the toilet?
3 They bring something new to everything they touch
Once a child figures out how to work the tv, the remote will forever feel like it's been covered in honey and rolled in sand.— Downtime Dad (@DowntimeDad) September 14, 2016
Kids are full of fresh ideas and new perspectives. They bring an original spin to every aspect of life. It's really quite amazing. It's also a double-edged sword.
For instance, your child might propose that you put crumbled up potato chips in your chocolate chip cookies. At first, you probably thought that was a weird idea. But, because you wanted to humor your child, you complied with her strange demand. Much to your surprise, those were the best cookies that you ever baked. Your kid added something to baking and made the experience more enjoyable.
But, consider this worst case scenario to the whole, "kids bring something new to everything they touch" statement—your three-year-old son has just figured out how to use the remote. Your son also has sticky little kid hands. Consequently, your remote feels disgusting all of the time. He has added something to watching TV, and made it much, much worse.
See? Like we said, double-edged sword.
2 They're full of innovative ideas
"Write this down! This is important!" demanded my son, while dictating instructions for throwing people into volcanos.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) April 8, 2016
Kids may be young and inexperienced. But don't let their youth fool you into thinking that they are mindless or stupid. Oh, no. Kids are just bursting with new, innovative ideas. Sure, sure. Some of them are crap—like the time our little cousin wanted to replace his toes with grapes. But kids can come up with some stuff that's pretty sophisticated. They've got a lot of impressive ideas that will make you wonder why you never thought about them before.
For instance, this Twitter user's little boy had some excellent pointers to give on the subject of how to throw people into volcanoes. Granted, the Twitter user didn't mention what those excellent pointers were, but we have no doubt that they were fantastic, and worth writing down. As soon as we finish up our list of people we want to annihilate, we'll be contacting this boy about people throwing into volcano techniques.
1 They grow up so fast
Me: Why are you pouting?— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 9, 2016
4-year-old: Everything that's fun gets me in trouble.
She's finally an adult.
What's the first thing that people tell you when you have kids? No, not, "You're going to regret it." Would you guys be serious for once!?! Gosh!
When your child is born, every parent will come up and tell you, "They grow up so fast." At first, you dismiss it. Or, you make the mistake of hoping that they're right, because you are getting sick of waking up in the middle of the night to change diapers and heat up bottles. But, before you know it, your newborn is a toddler. Suddenly, your toddler is a kid. Then your kid is a grown up. That's when you realize that all of those people knew what they were talking about.
Kids come into your life and turn everything upside down. They shift your paradigm, but always for the better. You may dread the chaos now, but soon your kids will have families of their own. Then, you'll truly appreciate all of these busy moments.