www.thethings.com

20 Unlockable PlayStation Characters That Are Totally Useless

After cruising through various levels, sniping bad guys, collecting lost gold, KOing attackers and defeating bosses - or whatever the challenge of the day might be - there's no feeling more satisfying than hearing the chiming on-screen announcement of new, unlockable characters.

These fresh faces can add a new dimension of gameplay to the experience, take the gamer of fascinating tangents, and even be used to unlock even more secret characters. That is, of course, unless they're a total, unquestionable waste of time, space and energy that should have never existed in the first place.

Think we're exaggerating? Well, if the fact that you can skate around in Tony Hawk as a raw piece of meat says anything, we're not. Let's check out some of the unlockable PlayStation characters that are totally useless, shall we?

Continue scrolling to keep reading

Click the button below to start this article in quick view

Start Now

20 Magus (Chrono Trigger)

via youtube

Throughout the Chrono Trigger timeline, despite Magus being a rather supposedly-important character to the story, he doesn't actually do much that's of any real use. Late in the game when the players meet him at the cliff, they can invite him to join their team or give him a little shove, neither of which make any significant difference.

19 Colonel Sanders (Phantasy Star Portable 2 Infinity)

via Eater

Finally, someone had the idea of making our favourite fast food mascot into a video game character! (sorry, Ronald McDonald). We all know who Colonel Sanders is, but what we don't know is why he made it into games like Phantasy Star Portable 2 Infinity. It might get a couple of laughs but at the end of the day, he's pretty darn useless.

18 Shuhei Yoshida (Super Time Force)

via flickr

If you have never heard of the name Shuhei Yoshida, here's a 5-second rundown: he's current top dog at Sony Worldwide Studios, meaning that he's a pretty important dude in the world of gaming. Why he was included as a playable character in Super Time Force though, we'll never understand.

17 Tofu (Resident Evil 2)

via fandom

Resident Evil 2 has its pros and cons, as most games do. However, something we are still yet to wrap our heads around is one of the novelty, unlockable characters. Tofu isn't a codename - it represents exactly what you think: a piece of sentient tofu. We've seen some strange ones so far, but this probably takes the (vegan) cake.

16 J. Jonah Jameson (LEGO Marvel Super Heroes)

via youtube

Even though there's a wild amount of playable characters in LEGO Marvel Super Heroes, it's pretty a pretty strange choice to include J. Jonah Jameson, and here's why: the game is called LEGO Marvel Super Heroes and, simply put, he's not a hero - he's a villain. It sort of goes against the logic, wouldn't you say?

15 Javik (Mass Effect 3)

via youtube

There is one glaring problem with including Javik, a Prothean, as DLC in Mass Effect 3. Any guesses? Well, the Prothean race is extinct, and that fact is often referenced back to. So it really doesn't make any sense how a player can bring something back from extinction. This one certainly needed a rethink

14 Gray Knight (Castle Crashers)

via YouTube

We have no shortage of players to choose from in Castle Crashers, that's for sure. With now 30+, combined of originals and DLC, we're spoiled for choice. So, it makes little, considering all the options we have, that we would go ahead and choose the Gray Knight - he's just nothing special.

13 Ryu (Monster Hunter World)

via gamerantc

We all love a good old fashioned crossover, don't we? Well, our boy Ryu was actually the first crossover to appear in Monster Hunter World, closely resembling his Street Fighter appearance. However, his showing in Monster Hunter World goes against his character - he's a combat fighter, not a weapon wielder. It just doesn't seem right.

12 Christel (Valkyria Chronicles 4)

via Valkyria Chronicles 4 - Sega

For our next questionable character appearance, say hello to Christel Ward, an officer in the rival squad in Valkyria Chronicles 4. Here's the thing we have a bit of an issue with, however: after she's destroyed in battle, there's a strange optional sequence to revive her, which makes the first part entirely unnecessary.

11 Hideo Kojima (Metal Gear Solid V)

via GameSpot

Just like the aforementioned Shuhei Yoshida (Sony boss) made an apperance in an odd video game, Hideo Kojima threw himself into the final installment of the Metal Gear Solid franchise - and fair enough, because he was the creator, producer, and director of the whole thing. However, while you can unlock him, you can't play as him, which makes no sense whatsoever.

10 Alucard (Super Bomberman R)

via youtube

When Super Bomberman R first hit the shelves it's fair to say that it was a pretty big deal - it was the first edition released since almost 10 years prior. While it did originally debut on the Switch, it was given a re-release on the PS4, offering the only and only Alucard from the Castlevania franchise. The question is... why?

9 Base Goku (Dragon Ball FighterZ)

via youtube

As one of the most impressive fighter games of the last couple of years, Dragon Ball FighterZ definitely turned a few heads. One thing that many hardcore fans had an issue with, however, was the excessive amount of Gokus on the roster (four in total). A slight rethink was needed here, it appears.

8 Mary Jane (Spider-Man 2)

via YouTube

When the game adaptation of Spider-Man 2 hit the shelves, people were generally impressed - c'mon, who doesn't love slingin' from building to building in a Spidey suit? However, some fans were perplexed when they discovered the Mary Jane costume. It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense that she'd be able to swing from wall to wall. Stay in your lane, MJ.

7 Meat (Tony Hawk Pro Skater)

via YouTube

Compared to all the questionable unlockable characters we've seen thus far, this one really takes it to the next level. In the infamous Tony Hawk skater franchise, you can obtain a character that is nothing more than a massive, uncooked steak. And until now, we thought Colonel Sanders was an odd inclusion.

 

6 T-Rex (Need for Speed 2)

via YouTube

As much an unlocking, say, a school bus or an Evil Knievel motorcycle in a car racing game might be a touch odd, at least they both still have fully-functioning engines and at least a couple of wheels. A T-rex on the other hand - how on Earth does that belong in a racing game? At least it makes more sense than the meat.

5 Burger King Mascot (Fight Night Round 3)

via IQ Marketing - WordPress.com

What the heck is the deal with unlockable PlayStation characters and fast food mascots? We've had Colonel Sanders and now we've got the one and only Burger King mascot appearing as a secret character in a boxing game. Forget it, we're heading over to McDonald's from now on.

4 Alien's Cocoon (Tobal 2)

via youtube

Okay, seriously, how the heck can you even call this a 'character'? It's nothing more than a bunch of colourful, floating shapes. Although the pointed edges of the triangles do look like they could do a fair amount of damage, there's simply no way of justifying the use of this awkward alien cocoon.

3 Battle Emu (Tobal 2)

via youtube

This isn't the first strange, pretty useless character we've seen in Tobal 2 and it certainly won't be the last. Say hello to the Battle Emu. Firstly and most importantly, fighting against animals, no matter which sort of species - big, small, feathered or scaly, just seems wrong. Secondly, they don't really have arms, so that might be a bit of an issue.

2 Patrol drone

via youtube

As the final confusing, unnecessary Tobal 2 character, give a warm welcome to the good old Patrol Drone. There are enough characters on the roster to choose from without creating more from strange objects, so not only is this one a waste of time, but it doesn't really make any logical sense.

1 Doughnut Drake (Uncharted)

via PlayStation LifeStyle

Even though, technically Doughnut Drake is more of a costume that a character, since it's a skin designed for Nathan Drake, that doesn't mean that it's any more useful. All the skin does is make the Uncharted character put on a few extra pounds, gain a deeper voice, and breath heavier when running. Waste. Of. Time.

More in Games