As a proud Englishman, I think it’s important that I address the big old Union Jack-emblazoned elephant in the room first: England and Scotland, historically, haven’t been the closest of buddies.
If anyone has ever delved into the history of this teeny, rainy island of ours, they’ve probably noticed that. You can’t really get away from the fact. For centuries, the two countries have engaged in bitter conflict, rivalries, and war after war after dang war. Much of this has been about England throwing its weight around, demanding Scotland’s lunch money as the bigger and rowdier of the two nations.
Needless to say, the proud and patriotic people of Scotland were having absolutely zero of that kind of crapola; fighting to the end for their rights, their independence and their identity.
Even today, a little of that bitterness lingers on. Just watch what happens when the two countries play each other in sports games, for instance. As for me, I may be English, but I staunchly support our Scottish neighbours in everything they do. Why? Because they’re just so darn hilarious.
Scotland owns Twitter, and the rest of the world needs to just accept that. Take a look at these completely priceless (occasionally unintelligible) tweets, and you’ll understand why.
23 When Scotland Doesn’t Want To Leave The EU, And You Can’t Make Them
Wit if Scotland just refuses to leave the eu? Like aw just say naw n tell England "wit ye gonny Dae phone the polis?"— Connor Magill (@ronnoclligam) June 24, 2016
Speaking of Scottish independence, that’s an ongoing issue for certain. If you’ve ever watched Mel Gibson riding around fabulously on a horse in that flowing wig in Braveheart, you might have thought that was the end of it. Heck no, though.
The real-life events that the movie was loosely based on (loosely enough to drop right off and roll under the kitchen table, in some scenes, but let’s not get pernickety about that), William Wallace’s actions during the First War of Scottish Independence, are just part of Scotland’s ongoing struggle to get their darn voices heard. As you probably know, the United Kingdom is… well, united. That’s the whole idea behind it, you see. The tough part there is, sometimes, the bigger, richer member of the alliance wants to just take control entirely, and that’s not cool.
So what of this recent business with leaving the EU? Did anybody ask the people of Scotland or are they just along for the ride? To hear some of them tell it, they had zero input in the whole thing. Not being people to meekly kowtow to authority, they’re not impressed by the whole thing either.
What if they do just sit down on the carpet and say no like a rebellious toddler? What then?
22 When Your Baby Is (Apparently) Getting Totally Ripped On Those Protein Shakes
You know, I can’t help but feel all kinds of different ways at once about this one. Let’s try and break it down.
Firstly, though, I’ve probably got to translate it for you. As I say, I’m English, not Scottish, but that’s close enough to give me at least a beginner’s understanding of Scot slang. Essentially, the tweet is asking why people ask babies and children rhetorical questions like haven’t you grown?
He’s got a point, after all. What answer are they expecting? "Of course I have, grandma. I’m only two. That’s kind of what I do."
That’s a little cleaner than the tweeter’s own snarkily-proposed answer: “as if the child’s going to be, like, 'yes, Moira, you’re exactly right. I’m on the protein.'”
Now that we all understand each other, here’s why this one unsettles me so much. Having been mentally scarred for life by the Child’s Play movies, I just cannot condone any idea of a child who is far, far more articulate than they should be. Especially one who’s been drinking protein shakes. A teeny, violent child with enhanced upper body strength sounds like my worst nightmare come true.
On the other hand, this tweet perfectly showcases the main strength of Scottish humour: making the most routine, everyday things completely hilarious.
21 When Your Mom Tries To Get Thrifty With The Toilet Paper
Come on now, Scottish moms. Or any moms, for that matter. Stop this.
We totally get that you aren’t made of money. That it doesn’t grow on trees. That times are darn harder than ever in 2018, and all of those things. We get it. We’re totally on board. Now that we’re out there fending for ourselves, buying our own darn groceries, we get that more than ever. Being money conscious is vital.
Having said all of that, however, there are some things that you really don’t want to be skimping on.
A lot of us, after all, are lucky enough to have become accustomed to the finer things.
High speed Internet, comfy couches, being able to use a decent amount of toilet paper without harsh mom-enforced regulations attached to it…
As with all opportunities to save money, you’ve got to weigh up the amount you’re saving against the benefit you’re getting from such. If you find a brand of cereal that’s fifty cents cheaper than your usual one, but it’s gross tasting and you dislike every moment of eating it, that’s really not the way forward. By the same token, if you’re walking around all poopy so that mom can slash a little off of the household toilet paper expenses, that’s worth a rethink.
20 When You Are NOT The Guy Who Copies Babies
baby coughin on a bus right as a needed tae cough so a nearly exploded hawdin it in cos a didny wanty look like the guy who copies babies— Butsay (@Butsay_) October 23, 2016
Now, I might have said that I’ve got a reasonable grasp of the Scottish language, but I’m starting to doubt even that now. This one took a good 10 minutes of pondering, soul searching, and Google translating to try and decipher.
In my defense, though, this isn’t just a Scot-speaking thing. It’s not only what’s being said, but what in heckola what’s being said actually means.
So, you were on the bus, and a baby coughed just as you were about to cough. You nearly exploded trying to hold your cough in, because you didn’t want to be the guy who copies babies. Perfect. Gotcha. I understand. But… copying babies?
According to Reddit, it’s a thing (in some places) to imitate somebody who has coughed. You know, sort of mocking them. This isn’t something I’ve ever heard of in my life, that’s for darn certain, but there it is. Is it one of those curious Scottish-isms that didn’t quite cross the border? Maybe so.
The interesting thing is, as we’ve already seen, Scots sometimes don’t drop the standard Scottish word for baby/child, which is wean. Or sometimes bairn. Either way. They’ve got two darn words, and will sometimes not use either of them. They’re out to confuse us for sport, I’m sure of it.
19 When The Police Hear About Your Amazing Cycling Dogs
the police came tae ma door and told me my dugs were chasing people on bikes ma dugs don't even have bikes— sugar wraith🦅 (@junderr) April 9, 2018
It’s curious, isn’t it? Some people are just naturally inclined to be talented at a specific thing. Painters, writers, dancers, singers… whichever walk of life you care to mention, it tends to come much more easily to some than others.
Of course, much of the time, this comes as the result of training. Education. Practise. Experience. However you hone your craft, you’re going to need to put in the effort if you want to really excel. Usually, anyway.
Sometimes, though, there are people who just seem to be born with these sorts of talents. Whatever kind of nature versus nurture witchcraft is at work here, it just comes effortlessly to them. These people are super, super lucky, and anyone who has slogged their heart and souls out to be great at what they do is not amused.
As an example of this, is this tweet. Scottish people seem to have been born with the unquestioned ability to be darn funny. In anybody else’s hands, the joke ‘the police came to my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes, but my dogs don’t even have bikes’ is little more than a dad joke, really. Scottish it up a little, though, and it’s suddenly comic brilliance. I don’t know how they do it, I really don’t.
18 When The Person At The Drive-Thru Doesn't Understand That You're Not An Octopus
Following on from that last point, here’s further proof of the natural inbuilt hilariousness of the Scottish people.
Now, think about social media. Think about the trillions of tweets, posts, statuses, selfies, memes, emojis, and snaps that get sent around the world every day. If they were visible as they shot across cyberspace, imagine what that’d look like. It’d be an amazing lightshow, one that made the whole world’s New Year's fireworks combined look like a gnat lighting its fart.
So, yes. Consider all those social media updates. All those people, relentlessly bombarding us with all the teeny minutiae of their lives. Only a fraction of all of this is actually super-crucial information that the world needs to hear about.
On to a similar, superpower of Scottish people, then: making all of these teeny insignificant details of their lives just completely priceless. For anybody else, this wouldn’t even register as an experience. You brought four drinks and were asked if you wanted a cupholder, what of it? This is hardly the stuff that great novels are made of.
In the hands of a Scot, however, this is just riveting, brilliant stuff. Can we please get this person to just start live-tweeting their entire life? Every second of it? I would be all the way down for that.
17 When You Just Know Those Shady Dentists Are Up To Something
Now, like a good percentage of the world’s population, I’m really not a fan of dentists. I don’t have a serious phobia like some people, but the whole experience definitely leaves me feeling some kind of way.
I’m lucky enough to have never needed any major dental work, but I had a lot of cavities as a child, and fillings were more than traumatic enough for me. My parents haven’t had much luck, tooth-wise, and I witnessed some things happening to them in that chair that changed my entire outlook on life, let me tell you.
But yes, as I say, I definitely do not have a crippling phobia of the dentist. I trust these kindly health professionals completely, and the singing dentist does not freak me right out with those dancing eyebrows of his. Nope. Nope nope nopeity.
Now that we’ve established all of that, it’s safe to say that I can definitely empathize with our next Scottish tweeter. I’ve often wondered just what exactly they’re talking about, with all those befuddling code words and numbers.
What dark, frightening teeth-based secrets are these people privy to? What do they know? I’ve heard stories about people going missing after getting too close to dentists (no I haven’t).
16 When Your Asthmatic Sister And Trick-Birthday Cake Candles Do NOT Mix
I’m always totally torn on the subject of pranks. On the one hand, a little snarky jokery never hurt anybody, and that’s something I’m always totally on board with. That is to say, I would be if it stopped there.
Sadly, of course, it never does. It’s a common thing online, the ever-crueler prank war, and there’s always somebody who takes it just far too far. Much as is the case with The Simpsons (as some fans will tell you), you really do need to stop before things get totally ridiculous.
Back in the day, we’d see things like Dennis the Menace’s harmless pranks. It was an innocent, wholesome time, when putting ink on somebody’s binocular lenses was considered the height of rebellion. Sadly, now, we live in an age of Tide pods and such, so pranks have had to become horrific to keep up with.
There is still a line, though, friends. There really is. It’s become a little blurred, though, so you might need a little help with that. And what’s too far, you ask? Pulling the old birthday candles you can’t blow out trick with your enthusiastic, asthmatic sister. That’s too far.
On the plus side, kudos to this guy for going full Scottish with the spelling in this tweet, but still keeping it just about understandable. You’ve got to appreciate that.
15 When True Hatred Takes Time, Dedication, And The Ultimate Pettiness
As my mom always told me, hatred is a waste of an emotion. It’s exhausting and destructive, and it really doesn’t get anybody anywhere at all. Yoda said much the same thing in The Phantom Menace (“Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering”). With great prophets of wisdom like my mom and Yoda on board, then, I’m definitely onto something here.
The fact is, hatred is a super strong word. Much more so in my eyes than any swear word. Even that one. It’s the harsh finality to it. Hatred never did anybody any good, and just tends to lead to people becoming super villains in Marvel movies. That is not something the world needs.
I tend to avoid the world, but there’s no doubt that there are people I dislike.
There are a whole range of people on our you-know-what lists, for a whole range of reasons. Some of them, you’re going to be feeling more strongly about than others.
Just about all of them, however, will irritate you with most things they do. Even the most mundane activities. Look at that guy I don’t like over there, eating that croissant like he owns the place. I can’t stand him, or his crescent-shaped puff pastry treat.
14 When People From Glasgow Take Their Pizzas Darn Seriously
Speaking of croissants... As any world traveller knows, every country and city you may visit has their own speciality foods. Boston is famous for its beans, Italy for pasta and pizza, Scotland for haggis, all of these sorts of things. If you want to get an authentic taste of wherever you happen to be visiting, you’ve got to jump right on in there and experience the local cuisine.
Where I come from, our good old fashioned British fish and chips is world-renowned. English cooking isn’t exactly right up there on the world stage, but fish and chips we can do darn well. Eating it right on the coast by the sea… you just can’t beat that.
As I say, then, Italy is often seen as the home of pizza. I’m heading over to Rome on my vacation this year, and you’d better believe I’m getting myself a pizza while I’m there.
Glasgow, meanwhile, is not a city known for pizza connoisseurs. It’s Scotland’s largest, and one of the biggest in the United Kingdom. Pizza is not one of their claims to fame, but apparently everybody’s super picky when it comes to Italian food over there.
There’s something beautifully poignant about this. A true Scot, taking issue with something and not giving a single ounce of a crapola about showing it.
13 When Glasses Are The Only Insomnia Cure You'll Ever Need
You know, this one really resonates with me. I feel lifted. Enlightened. I have been touched on a whole new spiritual level I didn’t even know I had.
Now, I’ve been a glasses-wearer for about 15 years now. In the grand scheme of things, that isn’t all that long. Nevertheless, I feel that it’s long enough for me to have gotten a good handle on the whole glasses-wearing experience. The pain they are to clean, the constant fear of breaking them, the super cool special lenses you can get, which react to the light and ‘become’ sunglasses when necessary, all of those things.
I have paid my dues when it comes to spectacles.
Suddenly, though, a humble Scottish tweeter comes along, hitting you with the kind of revelation that you did not see coming. In my 15 years living the glasses life, this never occurred to me. At all.
Firstly, let me translate for anybody who might be struggling: it’s great wearing glasses. As soon as you take your glasses off at night, you fall straight to sleep. As simple as it may be, I never made this connection.
Think about it, though. Is there any more definitive act than taking your glasses off and putting them on the table beside you at night? That’s your entire body saying, right, this day is freaking over now. Don’t try and say anything else, brain, it’s over until tomorrow.
You want what? Sorry, no can do. THE GLASSES ARE ON THE NIGHTSTAND.
12 When The Bus Driver Has Zero Time To Wait For You To Sit Down
I’ve always thought of myself as a super lucky person, being in a position to work from home. Lots of people think that it’s a super cushy gig, but it does come with a whole range of stresses that commuters never have to face. At the same time, it’s darn convenient, and I wouldn’t change it for anything.
This fact has, however, contributed to my decision not to learn to drive. This isn’t the biggest problem either, when you consider the state of the roads around here (I live in London, and driving around here is not fun for anybody). As a non-driver, then, I often find myself relying on public transport.
This, of course, is not all that fun for a whole range of reasons. Firstly, let’s not forget about the average passenger, the one with the vicious sounding cough. They will sit right behind you, and they will apparently try to cough directly into your eardrum.
Much more importantly than flu season sniffles, however, there are the drivers. As the old meme with Severus Snape falling back in shock will tell you, these guys are in a hurry. They don’t care if you’re a 95-year-old arthritic great grandma, they have no time to let you sit down before they speed away.
If you’re struggling a little with the tweet, just know that they mean clothesline, the wrestling move. I hope that clears things up.
11 When You Need Help Understanding These Newfangled ‘Pull’ Doors
when you push a pull door and the person behind says "you need to pull" aye cheers lad next plan was to start lifting from the bottom— Pieguy (@Pieguy) December 28, 2017
Now, I like to think that I’m not all that easily embarrassed. I’m not too sure it’s entirely true, but still. It makes me feel a little better to think so. This is mostly because, when you do as many unwise, clumsy things as I tend to, you build up a little resistance to it.
Now, class, your word of the day is mithridatism. This is the practise of taking small, controlled doses of a poison, in the hopes of developing an immunity to it over time. It’s derived from the name of Mithridates, a king in the ancient world who was so scared of being poisoned (it being such a super common way to deal with rivals at the time) that he took extreme measures to try and protect himself.
That, friends, is what I’ve done, only with embarrassing incidents instead of poison.
I know the sheer pain of trying to push a pull door, or vice versa, because I’ve been there too dang many times. Through a carefully-regimented program of humiliating myself on a regular basis, I’ve become all but immune.
I remember, though. I remember the sadness and despair of failing to open a door in public. Particularly with witnesses right behind you, prepping their snarky comments.
10 When Your Brother’s A Genius, And You’re Just Sitting There Eating Dog Biscuits
my brother just got his 4th unconditional for uni and av just eaten a dog biscuit thinkin it was chocolate— zaK (@ClickyByro) January 28, 2016
Oh. Oh very dear.
Now, buckle up, friends, because I’m about to hit you with another Grade A anecdote. I have a friend from back in my school days, who has since become quite the hotshot DJ. And not just in their own mind, either. Every other day, this person is dropping photos and updates from some glorious sun-kissed resort or another, as they jet all around the world to perform.
Am I jealous of them? Oh, heck yes. And that’s exactly the problem, you see. That’s the problem that this unfortunate Scottish tweeter has as well. Comparing your life to somebody else’s should always be a big no, no.
Are you looking at your own life in a positive light? Comparing yourself to an ex’s new partner and considering yourself better? Then you’re kind of a D-bag... Are you taking the other route, and feeling all kinds of inferior because you aren’t as successful/intelligent/hairy as somebody else? Well, you don’t want to be doing that either.
So your brother’s some kind of super-genius in the making, and you’re accidentally eating dog biscuits. What of it? Life is all about being the best darn you that you can possibly be. You can’t be anybody else, they’re already taken.
9 When You're At The Drive-Thru But You Don't Want Food To Go (Apparently)
There’s a darn good reason why drive-thrus exist. Mainly, it’s about convenience. You know, those times when fast food could just do with being a little faster. Get dressed? Head on over there? Park up? Go inside? Actually pick up your order? Sit down? I do not think so. Try again, friend. As the classic meme goes, ain’t nobody got time for 'dat.
As such, if you’re there at the window, it’s pretty darn safe to assume that you are not going to be eating in today. That’s what the darn car’s for. Having said all of that, let’s just ease up on the snark for a moment here.
Here in Britain, a new rule was implemented a few years back. It means that stores charge you five-p (good old British pennies) for a grocery bag.
A standard plastic one, that is, not one of those fancy-schmancy premium reusable ones. Whenever I go to any shop here in England, then, I’m always asked if I want a bag, however blatantly obvious it might be that I don’t have/need one.
That’s just the policy, I guess. It’s firmly implanted in your mind, and you’ve got to ask anyway. Logic doesn’t make this tweet any less priceless, though.
8 When You Didn’t Have One Of Those New Dry Showers And Now The Darn Bathroom’s Wet
See when yer maw complains about the bathroom bein "soakin" when yer just out the shower 😑 sorry al go for wan ae they dry wans next time— Lee McLean (@theleemclean) February 23, 2016
We’ve all been there, haven’t we? We’ve become obsessed with some new band, TV show, movie franchise, actor/actress, or something else. We’ve covered our walls in posters of them, made countless memes dedicated to them, used one of those paper dealies with the flaps you lift with your hands to see whether they’re going to marry us or not (oh yes, I’ve definitely been there) — all of those things.
It’s all harmless enough, until mom takes issue with our fandom... She questions it. Whereupon, so many of us have delivered the immortal line about how lucky they are, and that it could be drugs or alcohol instead.
The fact is, some parents are just never happy. As you can see from this tweet (if you can decipher it (I’ll help you in a moment), sometimes you’re just innocently taking a shower. You emerge, all bright, shiny, new, and Loreal-y, and (if your parents exaggerate as much as mine do) they’ll see a few errant drippy puddles on the floor. Whereupon, they’ll act as though an actual freaking tidal wave has passed through the bathroom.
Having said that, when you’re actually adulting for yourself, you develop a real appreciation for the time that they spent mopping and generally cleaning up after us.
7 When You’re Not About That Brexit Life
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman went to a bar.— Jordan Tracey (@JordanTracey17) June 26, 2016
They all had to leave because the Englishman wanted to go.
Now, we’ve already touched on the fact that England and Scotland have always felt some kind of way about each other. That’s just the way history has panned out for the two countries. Wars have been fought, snarky names have been called… it’s not been a picnic around here, in short.
With that said, then, there’s always going to be somewhat of a rift there.
Today, we’re all buddy buddy together here on our little island, but England is the biggest player on the team. It doesn’t want anybody else to forget it, either.
Take the much-ballyhooed Brexit vote. As we know, the UK opted to leave the European Union in the end, but it was a contentious issue. It still is, as the Brexit drama continues to unfold.
By a majority, the people of Scotland voted to remain in the EU. As did the people of Northern Ireland. That wasn’t the way it worked out though, and certain people here in the UK are totally aggrieved about the whole situation, which makes perfect sense, of course.
If there’s a silver lining to be had here, it’s that this was a prime opportunity for a classic ‘an Englishman, Irish, and a Scotsman walk into a pub’ joke.
6 When It’s All About Those Sweet, Sweet Fajitas
Now we’re talking.
Earlier in this rundown, we touched on different cuisines and food preferences around the world. I used to be a picky eater, but I’ve learned to broaden my horizons on that score. Much of this is thanks to my ability to just jump right on in there at a world buffet.
At first, Chinese food, pasta, and French fries on the same plate was completely unthinkable to me. You might as well have put a sad kitten with a limp on my plate. I’ve come a long darn way since then, though, and now I’ll happily go with just about anything.
If I had to pick a favourite, however, I’d definitely go with Mexican. I adore spicy food. Further, I fully support all of their pioneering work in the field of putting vegetables, meat, and spices into a wheat or corn parcel. This is a life, friends, that I am 100% about.
As I’ve said before, if there’s any food stuff that the Scottish are famous for, it’d have to be haggis. I did not know that they were pizza nuts, and I sure as heckola didn’t know that fajitas were a big deal around here. Still, as I say, I can empathise. You’re talking my language here.
5 When Your Tweet Is, Sadly, Super Relatable
im at the age where people are askin "so what you doin with ur life" n im like mate am genuinely jus here for a laff— ˗ˏˋ burger @ momo ˊˎ˗ (@burgerjpeg) December 12, 2017
Ah, yes. Now doesn’t this just neatly define early adulthood in a nutshell?
We’re all totally familiar with this feeling, I’m sure. You either fondly remember that stage, or you’re still right slap bang in the middle of it.
Why are our milestone birthdays, our 18th, 21st, 30th and such, as big a deal as they are? Because of all the pressure from darn society, that’s why.
At family occasions, I used to be constantly swamped by a chorus of so do you have a girlfriend yet? That’s a whole darn barrel of fun, let me tell you. Now that I do, and we’re engaged, everybody changed tactics at the speed of light. The hot topic now is, so when are you two having children? The answer to that one, as I’m sure it is for a lot of you, is when we’re darn ready. Back off, Aunt Doreen.
Enough of this talk already. Life doesn’t work to a schedule like that. We can’t keep putting pressure on others. This sort of thing is the reason why people dye their hair jet black and buy a Harley when they hit 45.
Let’s just chill with all of this pressure, this expectation, these demands to know your grand plan.
4 When You Go Full Petty On Them, And It’s Hilarious
"You canny hate someone forever" aye a can watch me— Ali Bali x (@alissaguthriexx) July 5, 2016
So, yes. I’ve already shared my feelings about hatred, and how it’s a completely self-destructive emotion. I’m a firm believer in the old school, hate is way too strong a word way of thinking, and that’s probably a healthier way to look at it.
Hate really doesn’t do anybody any good, unless they happen to be The Punisher or someone. And even then, it’s only because a comic book about him happily skipping around the neighbourhood, being nice and friendly to everybody, would be a little dull.
The fact about hatred is, people don’t usually mean it. Not really. Maybe you stopped your teenager from eating Ben & Jerry’s for breakfast, or told them to wash the car, and suddenly they disliked you. You know they don’t really, and so do they. It’s just a strong word they use to get a reaction, like a swear word.
Over in Scotland, however, none of these rules seem to apply. They do not do things by halves over there. If they want to hate, they’re going to darn well do it, and nobody’s going to stop them. You think they can’t maintain such a strong emotion for very long? Well, that’s where you’re wrong. They’re going to hate forever, just because they can.
3 When Your Tan Is On Point, But Your Driving Sure Isn’t
Driving instructor says u just back fae Tenerife n a went no just the sun beds, n he went no cos ur on the wrong side ae the road 😂— Matty (@matty_grayyy) January 10, 2017
So here we are, winding down our little Twitter tour of Scotland. Just a few more entries to go. I hope it’s been enlightening. Well, of course it has. You’ve laughed, you’ve cried, it’s changed your whole outlook on life forever, hasn’t it? These tweets are just that darn funny.
If you’re lucky, you might even have picked up enough of the Scottish language (supposedly English) to understand what they’re talking about. You’ve probably learned a thing or two about the people, as well.
One thing you’ve certainly picked up on is their brilliant, unrelenting fierceness.
Over here in England, the driving instructor would probably say something like, "I say, old chap, hast thou noticed thou art on the wrong side of the road? We shalt both meet grisly ends,” before waving a crumpet in the air and singing "God Save the Queen." As a proud Scot, the instructor wasn’t going to take that route. No sir.
Being the fearless renegade he is, the Scottish instructor actually took the time to compose a snarky little joke on the fly. You’ve got to appreciate that, in a time of crisis. Just another example of the unstoppable hilarity of the Scottish people. How do they do it? How?
2 When Your BFF Starts A New Relationship, And You’re Not Quite Sure You Can Allow It
When ur pal starts seeing someone new and ur not quite sure if u approve pic.twitter.com/rgfyCfAs0g— Liam Hearn (@FutureLiaaam) April 13, 2017
Now, to be honest, I’m not sure whether this is a personal thing or whether my BFFs just aren’t BFFs enough. To hear the movies (and certain people on social media) tell it, when you embark on a new relationship, you need to run in by your bestie first. In a new relationship, as with some new jobs, there’s a probationary period first. A time when you just can’t quite be sure if they’re going to take off with the office Nintendo Switch fund, and they need to be monitored.
I don’t subscribe to this at all. I don’t like anybody having too much of an influence on my love life. If there’s a genuine gripe about a partner, then sure, hit me with it, but otherwise… stop that.
Others see things differently, of course, and that’s totally fine. Parents, for one thing, have an uncanny radar for people that are terrible for you, and will realise it long before you do in a lot of cases. That kind of darn crystal ball can save you a lot of wasted time and heartache.
As I say, different strokes for different folks. It’s really not a serious as all of that, though, because we’re just here to enjoy another darn funny Scottish tweet. It’s just me reading too much into things.
1 When Ice Cube Is Actually 48 Now
Mental that ice cube's 46 years old n he's still no melted— Kid A (@circusofants) April 16, 2017
Maybe I’ve just read too many of these things in the course of writing this article, but I think this is just priceless.
As I’ve said before, there’s something oddly magical about Scottish tweets. If anybody else had written this, it would’ve had dad joke written all over it, but because it was written by a Scot, another Twitter legend was born.
It’s curious, isn’t it? I’m not quite sure what we can attribute this phenomenon to. The late great Irish comedian Frank Carson was famous for the catchphrase, “It’s the way I tell ‘em,” and maybe that concept is what’s important here. It’s all about that brilliant, baffling spelling, and grammar that the Scottish people use so deftly. That’s what makes the joke.
That, and their uncanny way of cutting right through all of the crapola, hitting us with things that other people would miss. Who would even think of this? I surely wouldn’t.
I don’t know about you, but Ice Cube hasn’t even crossed my mind for about a decade. Is he still making music?
Did he actually melt in that hot summer we had a couple of years back? Who really knows? The casual observer may even get him mixed up with fellow ice-based rapper, Vanilla Ice.