As perfectionists, we can't stand it when things aren't—surprise, surprise—perfect. A place for everything and everything in its place, that's the way we roll. We vacuum on a daily basis to get rid of dust and dander, we have all of our books, CDs and movies organized alphabetically and by genre, so all of our collections are easy to sort through. We're also very neat when it comes to our appearance, never allowing a hair to move out of place.
*Checks to make sure our mom isn't reading this* Okay, looks like the coast is clear. So all that stuff about us being perfectionists? It's total nonsense. We just put on that act in case our mom happened to be reading this. We've got her tricked into thinking we're functional adults, not lazy slobs who pile their laundry up on a chair and don't do the dishes for days on end. Alright, so maybe we're not as clean and tidy as we said before, but that doesn't mean we like it when everything is in disarray. That reminds us, anybody got a paper bag we can breathe into? We're not the most fastidious of people, but these 20 pictures are so discomforting, we're hyperventilating.
20 Make it stahp!
If forced to choose between running around in the mud with socks on or running around in the mud with our bare feet, we'd pick the latter every time. There's just something extra icky about having wet, dirty socks. It adds a whole new layer of blech to the whole "running through some mud" experience, and we'd just rather not go there.
When mud gets on feet, it dries out, turns into dirt and can be brushed off. But something about that squishy feeling of wet earth on socks is so unappetizing and unappealing, we want to take a shower just looking at this image.
What? No! Who did this? That is NOT how bagels are supposed to be sliced, people! It's horizontal or not at all. There is no vertical slicing of those doughnut shaped baked goods. That delicate, bready Cheerio form must stay intact, otherwise, there's nothing that separates us members of society from the barbarians.
We didn't deserve this and more importantly, bagels didn't deserve this. No delicious bakes good should have to endure this kind of abuse. To be so flippantly sliced, as if it were a tomato or an onion, not some warm breakfast delight, is an insult and a degradation. We won't stand for it!
18 *Eye twitches*
The sight of these rubber boots that are, as anyone can see, the same size, but the incorrect length, is enough to make even the least of the perfectionistic of person's blood boil. The quality control here is non-existent, and that's unacceptable.
Still, these rubber boots are better than those muddy socks.
If these were the only footwear standing between us and a sock full of ooey, gooey glop, then we would wear them without question. These may not be pretty, but at least they wouldn't feel yucky, and that's worth something. But still, if we did wear them, we wouldn't be happy about it.
17 Grrrr! Is this some kind of joke?!
Panda lollipop, we so wanted to love you. Here we were, ready to open up our hearts to you, and then you have the nerve to just go and stab us right in the feels. That hurts, panda lollipop—or should we say panda fraudlipop?! For thou art a pants-on-fire-liar if ever we saw one!
By not having a panda head printed onto its surface, this panda sucker has let us down. Ha! And everyone wonders why we have trust issues! Maybe if our candies told us the truth for once, we wouldn't be so suspicious of everyone and everything, ever think of that?!
16 Nope nope nopity nope nope
Looking at this brick building makes us want to hire an instructor to give the Big Bad Wolf's breathing exercises. We need that son of a gun to up his game and boost his lung capacity because we will not rest until this brick house has been huffed and puffed and blown to the ground.
That third little piggy is one sadistic porker.
Sure, the other two pigs built their homes out of shoddy materials, but at least they didn't try to make us hyperventilate with this kind of imperfection. How are we supposed to move on from this kind of flaw? It's too much!
The perfect hot dog situation is when the hot dog sticks out about a half inch on both sides of the bun, however, we're perfectly willing to accept a hot dog that fits just inside the bun.
We're totally flexible on this non-issue, but that's the thing, isn't it? This should be a non-issue, yet some people—looking at you, cafeteria workers who had the sheer audacity to make this not dog—insist on creating problems where there are none. This is not how we do hot dogs, not in this society. Get this sub-par sausage out of our sight at once. We said at once, sir!
14 Why does this always happen?!
We don't know who decided the best material for people to dry their hands with is tissue paper, but could we call time on this ridiculous notion ASAP, please? Because we're getting really sick of wiping our hands on our jeans after we wash them.
Bring us the Brawny, or get out.
No more of these paper towels that have been shaved down to the width of an atom. We want something that absorbs residual moisture, and we want it right now. Don't make us write a catchy slogan on a poster board and protest this nonsense, 'cause we'll do it. Don't think we won't.
13 *Breathes aggressively into paper bag*
Somebody has got a lot of nerve making a tile floor as imperfect as this. We're not in the flooring business, we don't know what all is involved in laying tile and making fancy designs. But, hey, we know what we like, and this ain't it.
Wherever this faulty flooring resides, whether it's on a college campus or in a community building in some tiny town in the middle of nowhere, we hope the owners got a discount because of this. It's the least the floor installer could do. This thing is a disgrace to the very name of durable, easy to clean flooring.
12 That's not how you do it!
Uh...no? Wrong? Lady, what the heck do you think you're doing? You can't just back out of your parking space at the front of the convenience store straight up to the gas pump like some kind of heathen! You have to pull around and up beside the pump because...well, because...
Alright, so we don't have a good reason, but just do it, okay?
We get it, we get it. Some rules are stupid and should be broken. But pulling up beside the gas pump instead of backing up to it is one of those long-held traditions that we're all better off sticking to.
11 *Bangs head on table*
Alright! Which one of you pimply faced teenagers working at Papa John's over the summer thought it would be hilarious to slice the pizza all wonky like this? We want a name and an address right now because it's obvious you need someone to come down there and teach you a lesson.
Pizza, much like bagels, is a good, delicious food. Pizza does no harm, it only heals and satisfies, so why this dastardly behavior? We don't know if this is some kind of cruel, sick joke, or somebody has got some serious hand-eye coordination problems. Either way, this issue needs to be resolved.
10 Wut hev u dun
Son of a—more tile imperfection?! Did you people learn nothing from the other misaligned tiles? And, sure, we get that this scenario is a little bit different, but come on! You're the floor putter inners, you're the experts, you should know how to avoid this kind of mistake.
We don't know how that tile got there. We don't want to know how that tile got there.
We assume somebody did this deliberately just to make us hyperventilate and need to breathe into a paper bag. Well, consider your self-appointed mission accomplished, because we're so mad right now, we can't even feel our face. So congratulations.
9 Get thee gone from us, foul demon!
Sorry, guys. We wish we could type up one of these clever little blurbs for you, but after we looked at this picture once, our blood pressure soared to an unhealthy level. Our doctor says if we look at this image even one more time, we could keel over and it'd be goodnight, Irene for us, so...yeah.
But, rest assured if we were looking at that irksome, highly vexatious PB&J sammich, we would scream into the abyss, we would be so filled with rage. After yelling ourselves hoarse, we would then proceed to curse the day the person who had the indecency to do such a thing was born.
8 If these are our buttons, then you've pushed all of them
Gee whiz. Calm down already, you big light switch glutton. How many of those things do you need? If each one of these switches operates a different light fixture, then this homeowner's living room must be pandemonium.
Which one of these things does what?
Never mind why a person might need to have so many light switches, how the heck would anyone possibly be able to keep track of them? We hope that in addition to a seeming superfluous surplus (say that ten times fast) of light switches, this person also has a label maker. It looks like they're going to be needing it.
Tea time is the best time. Well, aside from breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. And all of the different non-tea related snack times in between those meals. Alright, so anytime there's food and drink and delicious delicacies, that's the best time. Are we all clear? Okay, good.
What's a cup of tea without a biscuit, eh? We'll tell you what it is, it's boring. It's blah. It's a major let down. But what's even worse than tea with no biscuits is tea with a biscuit that was dunked in the hot liquid for too long a time, causing it to break off in a pool of Earl Grey.
Look, having to use a public toilet is bad enough as it is, the least these plumbers can do is make sure the toilet seats are aligned in such a way that our inner neat freak doesn't spaz out the minute we step inside the stall.
We're just trying to take care of business, not have a panic attack.
We don't like to be "that person" but if we walked in a Target or a Walmart or someplace like that and saw this, we would ask to speak to the manager. We won't demand these retailers honor expired coupons or meet other unreasonable demands, but y'all's toilet seats better be up to snuff.
5 *Rage faints*
Usually, upon seeing these incredibly discomforting images, we get the instant urge to punch a hole in the wall or to put on a pair of gloves and go a couple rounds with a punching bag. But when we saw this picture, we became so enraged, we blacked out. That can't be healthy.
We don't know what, if anything, we did during our fugue state, but since cutting cakes in this haphazard fashion can cause such extreme symptoms in the average perfectionist, maybe it's best if society as a whole abandons this diagonal cake-cutting technique once and for all. Better safe than sorry.
Oh, hey, sorry. We got distracted for a second there. Growing up, our dad liked to tell us that we were useless, so we just texted him this image so he finally understands what useless really looks like. How do you like us now, eh, Pops?
If you ever feel like a dud, remember this picture.
We all feel down on ourselves at times. It's only natural, unfortunately. But the next time you find yourself down in the dumps, take a step back, close your eyes and remember this image. No matter how much you goof up, you'll never be worse at your job than this eraser that can't erase.
3 Curse you, Mother Nature!
When life gives you lemons, then fam, you had better cross your fingers and hope they don't all look like this when you slice them open. Seriously, Mother Nature, we know that you can be a cruel mistress sometimes, but cut us some slack already. Dang.
We hope this person wasn't trying to make lemonade, 'cause there's barely enough fruit here to do anything with, save shake your head and mutter under your breath. This is gonna make for a hecka lame garnish to our spiked Sprite. We've got half a mind to write the tree that grew this sorry excuse for fruit an angry letter.
2 We're seconds away from a breakdown right now
Remember back a few minutes ago when we thought all of those light switches were a bad dream come true? We were so cute and naive. We knew nothing back then. We hadn't a clue as to what heckish storm was brewing up ahead.
Turn the lights off. If we need to see, we'll just use the light form our phone.
Seriously, somebody hit the switch. Go flip the breaker and turn these lights off for good because we can't stand looking at them. If y'all are gonna act like you don't know how to act, then we'll just use a headlamp or something. We don't have to put up with this.
1 *Closes laptop*
Who. Did. This? Somebody deliberately built those stairs in front of that wall knowing full well that the steps led to nowhere. They took the time and effort, the put the blood, sweat and tears into this project knowing all of the while that it was fruitless. And for what? Just so they could make us hyperventilate? That's sick, man.
Plus, look at the bannister. It's made of concrete. We may not be able to get anywhere with this staircase, but they could've made the railing slideable. If this thing is going to insist on being purposeless, it could at least be fun. We mean, meet us halfway, would ya?