15 Sad Attempts At Pimping Out Pontiac Azteks

So you watched Breaking Bad and decided it's time to buy a Pontiac Aztek. After all, they're selling for pennies on Craigslist and they're more distinctive than any of the bland crossovers available from a dealer these days. Plus, there's a tent attachment for the rear end that's just perfect for outdoorsy adventures!

But of everything he did, driving a Pontiac Aztek may have been Walter White's worst decision. Ask any Aztek owner how their car is doing to get the full story. These cars were slow, sluggish, cheaply made, and ugly from the factory—so it's no wonder so many Aztek owners try to pimp out their sad rides.

But no matter how much custom work an Aztek may receive, it's still just an Aztek. Keep scrolling for 15 of the saddest attempts to make Azteks nice.

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15 Tribal

via Street Muscle Magazine

For some reason, tribal tattoo designs—like Mike Tyson's face tat—are all too popular additions to Pontiac Azteks. But of all the different ways to upgrade an otherwise sad car, this has got to be the strangest. The Aztek is all straight lines and angular edges—ugly, to be sure—so adding swooping curves only highlights the terribleness of the car's design.

14 Short Bus

via Anti-Rice

This Aztek has a new color scheme going, with purple and orange flames, some trim, chrome wheels, and a "Short Bus" sticker at the top of the windshield. At the very least, it seems like this Aztek's owner realizes exactly how silly their car looks, though the decision to have the flames coming out of the engine intakes on the hood seems highly suspect.

13 Lambo On Fire

via Imgur

Lamborghini has had some issues with their Aventadors and Venenos catching on fire, though it seems much more likely that a car with the shoddy build quality of the Pontiac Aztek would be a dangerous explosion waiting to happen. This Aztek has been extensively reworked and the most hilarious addition has to be the Lambo doors.

12 Champion

via Cardomain

Here is another view of the Aztek featuring purple and orange flames. As confusing as the original picture may have been, this one raises all kinds of new questions. Are there actually competitions for Pontiac Azteks? Did this one actually win one of those competitions? The automotive world can be strange but this is just downright mystifying.

11 So Ready

via Focus Fanatics

The Pontiac Aztek left the factory equipped with a V6 engine, a four-speed automatic slushbox for a transmission, and optional all-wheel drive. In some ways, it can be thought of as the progenitor for a whole succession of disappointing minivan-SUV crossovers. This one, though, has been lifted and modded with knobby tires, so it must be ready for rugged use.

10 Sad As Sad Can Be

via YouTube

The series of life choices that lead someone to the purchase of a Pontiac Aztek have to either be completely hilarious or horribly depressing. Just look at this sad sack of a car, painted in just about the most boring blue imaginable. At least the body cladding isn't grey plastic, though the black rims don't help to bring out the color of the window tint.

9 Lemon

via Roadkill

Somehow, yellow seems to be the most popular color for Pontiac Azteks. Maybe the brightness helps hide all the hideous design flaws that GM built into the little SUV and maybe it just proves that everyone knew the car was a joke from the get-go. This Aztek is competing in the 24 Hours of LeMons with its tent up for aerodynamics, which is just about the most perfect way to use an Aztek imaginable.

8 Futuristic

via Top Speed

If Pontiac and GM thought they were building the Aztek as an aggressive vision for what the future of automotive design could be, they were wrong—although, to be fair, there are some pretty bad crossovers out there today. But this Aztek has been fully modded to look straight out of a sci-fi movie. Spoiler alert: it's still ugly.

7 Supercar

via Deviant Art

The Aztek actually holds a special place in the hearts of gearheads around the world, like the ugly duckling that will never grow up into a beautiful creature. But everyone can dream, much as this artist dreamed up a supercar design based on the Aztek's exterior details. Could it ever get made in real life? Well, the original Aztek didn't look any worse...

6 Race Car

via Pinterest

Another concept design for a potentially pimped-out Aztek features more of its original shape, though the crossover has been lowered over huge wheels and received a bunch of aerodynamic goodies to help it stay glued to the road. These flights of fantasy, though they require plenty of photoshop skills, still don't look good.

5 Chromed Out

via CarDomain

Given how many ugly cars roll around with enormous chrome wheels, it seems like everyone would have gotten the message that big rims alone can't save a car from looking awful. And yet, plenty of people still try to get their cars looking pimped-out, like this Aztek, which has received some unusual decals and maybe even a set of spinners.

4 Ikea Upgrades

via Carscoops

This Aztek isn't too different from the ugly shape it left the factory in, though it has received some peculiar additions that look like they were made out of aluminum for use in an Ikea display kitchen. Nope, that roof rack and the door trim don't help the Aztek look any less bulky and angular.

3 Just Venting

via CarDomain

Anyone who owns an Aztek must get frustrated by how often they walk out to their car and realize that it's still a disappointing lump of metal that no one else would ever want to buy or drive. That emotion has to go somewhere, otherwise they'll just have to bottle it up and then vent to their significant others after a late night at the bowling alley. Luckily, this sad story isn't the case for this Aztek's owner, though, because this Aztek has fake vents!

2 Rimz

via CarGurus

One of the easiest ways to upgrade a car typically involves installing a set of aftermarket wheels and tires. But there's a disconnect between black rims and a Pontiac Aztek. This is an off-roading SUV from Pontiac, right? Oh wait, nope, it's probably a safer bet to stay on the tarmac. But these black rims don't help bring out the Aztek's ugly lines.

1 Transformer

via Pinterest

Imagine if GM had gone a different route and tried to get the Aztek into the Transformers movies instead of the Chevy Camaro. In reality, the Aztek is more of a Transformer than the Camaro, given its tent attachment, angular shape, and ambiguous form. But this one has received a terrible makeover that wouldn't look good next to Megan Fox—or even Shia LaBeouf.

Sources: Wikipedia, IMDb, and Car and Driver.

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