Ben Affleck is currently taking a lot of flake for his comments about his divorce from Jennifer Garner. According to both Ben and the man who got him to speak about his divorce, Howard Stern, the comments were taken out of context. The day after the interview, Howard went on-air and discussed just how inspirationally open Ben was during his Stern Show debut. There's no doubt that Ben was insanely transparent about his life, even if this is something the press scrutinized him for. Aside from his relationship with his ex, as well as the complications in his early career, Ben also discussed his relationship with his parents. Specifically, the extremely wealthy Ben shed light on what really went down between him and his father as he was growing up.
In his revealing interview with Howard, Ben described his father as a "strong, angry guy". A man who was deep into his alcohol addiction and barely present in his life when he was a kid. There was a large amount of resentment there because of this. And his relationship with his father impacted his life in a very negative way while he was growing up. But does this mean that Ben actually learned to hate him? Here's what he had to say about his relationship with his father...
Ben Affleck's Dad Was Absent And An Alcoholic
The topic of Ben's relationship with his father came up in his December 14th interview with Howard Stern as he was promoting his new movie, The Tender Bar. As both Ben and Howard pointed out, the George Clooney-directed film has a lot of similarities to Ben's own life. This includes his struggle with alcoholism, which is something that he has in common with his father, Timothy Byers Affleck.
"When you get the script, do you say, 'What the f***, this is so my life?'" Howard asked.
"Ah... yeah...," Ben said. "My father was both Uncle Charlie [the character he plays in the movie] and his father."
Ben went on to say that his dad was present in his life in a similar way as his character in the movie is to Ty Sheridan's character. Unlike Ben's mother, Christopher Anne "Chris" Boldt, who was a Harvard grad, his father encapsulated the working class of Boston. Ben described him as a man with a "chip on his shoulder" who didn't think his sons needed a "fancy education". The community Timothy hung out in was rough and they were drinkers. Still, Ben's dad was a good writer and a well-read guy, which added to his disdain for a formal education even more. The relationship the two had while Ben was growing up was extremely toxic, but most of the time his dad was gone, struggling with his alcoholism and drugs.
"Were you able to go to him and say, 'Dad, do you hate me? Were you disgusted with me? I'm this cute little boy, what is it about me' --- because kids blame themselves -- 'Why are you not in my life?' Or was that just too difficult for you to do?" Howard asked Ben.
After a very long pause Ben said, "Yes, that's hard for children to do. You know, I don't really understand. It's very difficult to understand, as a child, you are kind of programmed to [believe] your parents are right."
Even though Ben claimed that he didn't feel "particularly well-liked" as a kid by his father, he still wanted to defend him. He said that this is typical of children of alcoholics. They want to make them a hero, even when they're not. And coming to terms with the reality of that was brutal for Ben.
Ben Is Hurt By What His Dad Did But He Certainly Understands The Struggles He Went Through
Ben's relationship with his father changed after he got sober. For the past 30 years, Timothy has been off the drink. But, as Ben said to Howard, that "doesn't change the reality of what happened to me and that doesn't mean that I have to forgive that." Over time, Ben really came to appreciate why his father had the issues that he did and why he took them out on him, his brother, Casey, and their mother.
"My father, when I look at his life, two years before he got married, his mother killed herself. Then the next year, his brother killed himself. His father beat him up his whole life. He had an incredibly traumatic life. How he even recovered from that to the degree he has, is really remarkable. And I just want to say that. Because I don't want to go off on a whole thing beating on my father because," Ben admitted. "I also understand that alcohol had a lot to do with it. I also understand that it was hurtful to me."
Ben did end up having the chance to tell his father how much he had hurt him. While this is something he couldn't do until he was a grown man, it helped them build some sort of connection in their later years.
"It's kinder to show forgiveness and love."