In her new Apple TV+ documentary titled Billie Eilish: The World’s A Little Blurry, the Grammy-award-winning artist opens up about her past mental health struggles.
“I look into the crowd and I see every single person in there is going through something…and I have the same problem,” she says.
The “Bad Guy” singer also revealed that she was completely “miserable” from the age of 13 to 16. She admitted to having suicidal thoughts and to having engaged in self-harm. “I never thought I’d make it to this age,” she said. “I’m never happy.”
One reason she cited for this feeling more recently was her relationship and subsequent breakup with Brandon Adams. The documentary gives a glimpse into her relationship Adams, who she referred to as Q, and the reason behind their split.
"I just wasn't happy. I didn't want the same things he wanted and I don't think that's fair for him. I don't think you should be in a relationship super excited about things that the other person couldn't care less about," Eilish said.
"I don't think that's fair to you. I don't think that's fair to him. There was just a lack of effort,” she continued. “I was literally like, 'Dude, you don't have enough love to love yourself so you can't love me, dude. And you don't. [laughs] You think you do.'"
"I do love him though, which made it harder. I'm not over him, I didn't find someone else," she added. "I didn't stop having love for him. I just spent time away from him for a little bit and I was like, 'Wow I'm missing so much because I'm worried about you all the time and I don't want what you want and you don't want what I want.' I don't want to fix him. I can't fix him. I tried."
The film showed scenes of moments when Eilish grew frustrated with Q’s behavior while they were together. For instance, she talked about how Q didn’t get her a gift for Valentine’s Day.
When someone asked how they celebrated the romantic holiday, she simply replied, "Haven't gotten anything. And the night before, he'd been really weird and distant and sh*t.”
Of course, the highly anticipated documentary from one of Gen Z's favorite artists also touches on other elements of Eilish's life, such as her other struggles with mental health and her love for music.
Billie Eilish: The World's a Little Blurry is out and available to stream now on Apple TV+.