Cards Against Humanity is a hilarious example of getting some power and money under your belt and just running wild with it. Not just in the craziness of their notoriously raunchy cards, but more so in the ways they’ve concocted to spend the money people are so willing to give them. Whoever is making those decisions should clearly have the ear of an eccentric billionaire… Or maybe that was the reason they created this game in the first place?
As part of Black Friday, they had a 99% off sale to shine a little satire light on the insanely popular "holiday." The co-founders of Cards Against Humanity have not been quiet about their disdain for Black Friday, so to have some laughs, they literally went all out. Seriously, they "sold" cars, dollar bills, and personal saunas for cheaper than a Big Mac.
10. When They Sold Money
To be honest, this is is just a very good deal and further proof that when Cards Against Humanity says they’ll do something, they really do.
They’re not joking around... And they’re definitely losing money over their sense of humor. It’s admirable unless you’re a hardcore businessman. You don’t need to have a degree in finance (or almost any understanding of finance) to know that a 20-dollar bill purchased for the cost of two dimes is objectively a good investment. But more importantly than the $19.80 buyers gained, this little bill is indicative of all the crazy stuff about to come your way (for very, very cheap).
9. A TV For Less Than A Mani-Pedi
Cards Against Humanity makes their fortune on outrageous person-to-person party games, but they’re in the business of all things entertainment with this one. Can we talk about how nice a television that costs thousands of dollars (plural: thousands) must be? At full price, that TV should play Cards Against Humanity with you. This flat-screen television is a ridiculous bargain; there’s almost certainly no actual electronics store with any deal comparable. If they do, that TV is probably haunted. They can’t possibly be worried a TV will run them out of business because every buyer absolutely has money left over after this purchase.
8. One Less Thing To Worry About With A Cheap Coffin
If your loved one had the misfortune to die around Black Friday, I am 1. very sorry for your loss and 2. relieved to show you this amazing deal. I hope they at least got to celebrate one last Thanksgiving with you. Then again, it’s too late for this specific deal but the burial industry is notoriously predatory, so at least Cards Against Humanity has your back. Ugh, this game really should get into the casket business; the price of funerals would go down a ton as long as they found a way to make it comical for them.
7. One Less Road Block To Getting Married
Cards Against Humanity has never tried to sell itself as anything useful or, I don’t know, life-changing to its buyers. But a lot of these items are serious investments that could jumpstart someone’s life. Money should never stop you from pursuing love, but the cold reality is there’s a price tag on a lot of life’s greatest moments. So sure, it’s very funny that someone could purchase a diamond ring for the price of a nice lunch for two (let’s assume there was an appetizer), but it would also be really nice if it went to someone who really values it. Or someone who sold it and kept the money afterward.
6. And One Less Barrier In General
I'm not sure why this one sold out before some of the historical replicas, or even how it works entirely (although the site features a video showing you how to use it… it’s what you’d think it is), but this is apparently an invention that pre-existed and was worth almost $10 to someone. It’s really just an elaborate trash bag, so nine cents feels much more fitting for what you're getting. What’s really fun about this one is seeing a man in that weird, red morph suit. And by the way, that morph suit was being sold, too. Gently used, unfortunately.
5. An Easy Way To Feed A Family For A While
Okay, can we talk about if these gift cards got in the right hands and if a loving family just had a burden taken off them? If not, then can we at least talk about how the Applebees site crashed because so many people bought these ridiculous gift cards. I mean, it’s hilarious and amazing at the same time. If you buy one, you can either eat at Applebees for a solid five weeks or treat everyone you’ve ever met to a meal. At the very least, that’s unlimited apps for at least a few weeks? But for the cost of a single app, you can enjoy apps all day. Okay, I'll stop talking about appetizers now... But they’re so delicious!
4. A Fast Route To Starting Your Own Museum
Woah, selling a Picasso for the price of a dress at some stores? This is incredible! I’ve wasted money on puzzle rooms for more money than this actual Picasso. Sure, it’s a sketch but who do you know has a Picasso? No, but who? The woman who bought it couldn’t believe she had even purchased a Picasso because who wakes up (besides millionaires) and is like, "Yup I’m going to buy a Picasso for my non-existent art collection. I’m going to get lunch and then buy a scrap of the Constitution!" No one says that unless their family came over on the Mayflower because when else would you have that opportunity?
3. Any Kind Of Museum You Want
Want a piece of film history for less than some dinners cost? Here you go! Courtesy of Cards Against Humanity! Do you want to dress up in it? Well even if it doesn’t fit, you probably have the cash to tailor it to your specific body type considering how cheap it was. Can you even buy a jumpsuit that wasn’t used in a hugely popular movie for this price? This sale is so ridiculous it doesn’t even sound like it could exist if not for the proof. Is it redundant to even point out one more time that no other company would do this? Yes? Okay.
2. Enjoy Some Quality Time Alone
Wow, most of these products are definitely amplified by the red dude being around, but none more so than this. Want to do a little crab shuffle while in a sauna? Okay, I guess you can do that if you really feel the need. The main point of a sauna is that your facial pores open but that’s not the point in this product... The point is needing to sweat while you’re on the go. Can you operate a car while wearing this? Well, drop the barely two dollars and you tell me.
No, please tell me — I need to know.
1. Alone With Your Cheese
It’s not just that you can buy cheese for four dollars — it’s that some fourth graders weigh less than this block of cheese. There are many, many dogs that weigh nothing compared to this wheel of cheese. It’s a wheel of cheese that could actually propel a car. I can’t tell you what it’s like to own this much Pecorino cheese in a lifetime, let alone a single sitting, but I think it means you just eat pasta for the rest of your life. And why not? You for sure have the money left over.
Has anyone ever stretched their back by using this big of a wheel of cheese as a yoga ball? No? Okay, bye.